Question For The Day – Monster's Truck

Trump: New Spokesmodel For Tesler

March 14, 2025

The two half-presidents took to the White House lawn to illegally do a commercial for the failing Telsa Motors company. Due to Telsa CEO fElon Muskkk’s wanton destruction of our entire government infrastructure, some people, for some reason, have come to hate his miserable fucking guts. At least that’s what many people are saying.

Tesla sales and stock price have plummeted, as has Muskkk’s personal net worth (though not nearly enough, according to some people). It seems the most reviled of Muskkk’s products (other than Muskkk himself who is highly reviled by a large majority of Americans) – and this was probably true even before Muskkk bought Trump another go-round at making America shit again and started fucking around with everything he knows nothing about – is the ugliest thing on any road anywhere: the Cybertruck.

QVC – White House Edition: it’s pathetic, but at least it’s illegal

Trump previously trashed electric vehicles, saying out of at least one side of his mouth, "They don't go far, they cost a fortune. So unless you wanna go to the store or something, you're not gonna buy it." Somehow, the huckster-in-chief forgot to claim that they cause cancer. But now Don wants you to buy his owner’s cars. During their infomercial outside what is currently the White-Nationalist House, Don lied that he was going to buy one of fElon’s cars. Hey, I have an idea; Don is so rich he could buy thousands of them and distribute them to those who want them. And many people actually would want one, except that fElon is such a fucking dick.

Sales of Teslas – or “Teslers” as Don calls them (because his brain is Jell-o) – are in the toilet worldwide: compared to a year ago, sales are down 70% in Germany and Australia, down 50% in Portugal, down 48% in Norway, 45% in France, and down 42% in Sweden. Tesler stock has lost 50% of its value since December 2024. None of this is because Teslers don't go far (they do) and they cost a fortune (they don't). It's because fElon is such a fucking dick.

Der Furor claimed that boycotting Tesler is “illegal”. Dumbo the President also wants his fake-justice department to make vandalizing Teslers an act of domestic terrorism. As opposed to everything he and fElon are doing, which are actual acts of domestic terrorism.

Today’s Question For The Day: 

Would you buy this piece of shit from these assholes?

Bonus Question:

Are we having fun yet?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

So Much To Do, So Little Time (Hopefully)

Dumbfuckenstein

March 13, 2025

You are all familiar with the Bucket List. Apparently, many people have a list of things they would like to do and see before they meet their demise. Beautiful places to visit, deeds to accomplish, feats of strength, people to meet. Not everyone generates such a list.

Don’s Fuck-it List

That’s not how Little Donny Trump rolls. He has already done and seen and gotten his tiny, perverted hands on so much more than he ever deserved. He has a different kind of list than most people.

It’s as though Dictator-On-Day-1-44(so far) Don knows he is terminal, and he wants to take us all down with him,) as he desperately tries to tick off everything on his Fuck-it List .

Pouty McFuckface perusing his Fuck-it List

Desperately demented and dangerous Donny wants to fuck up:

The planet.
The Constitution.
American democracy.
A free press.
Life.
Liberty.
The pursuit of happiness.
America’s economy.
Your children.
Your grandchildren.
Race relations.
Diversity.
Equity.
Inclusion.
Women’s health.
Our healthcare system.
Medical research.
Medicare.
Medicaid.
Social Security.
The Veterans Administration.
Science.
Consumer protection.
International aid.
American farmers.
American workers.
All non-white immigrants.
Poor people.
Egg prices.
Groceries.
Our domestic food supply.
Air traffic.
Law and order (not the show).
The Jew-dicial system (pretty sure that’s how he spells it).
The U.S. military.
The intelligence community...and quite literally, intelligence itself.
NATO.
America’s standing on the world stage.
Global security.
Mt. Rushmore.
Mt. Denali.

And, fuck you. (This one goes both ways.)

from the desk of Matt Wuerker

Don has a lot on his plate. He is a very busy little boy. Watch out.

Lastly, something we'd pay good money  to see:

 

The Urge To Purge

The Brutal And Brutally Stupid Regime Of Kim Jong Don

March 12, 2025

Loaded-Diaper Don has purged the highest echelons of the American military of its highest ranking officials (for racist and misogynistic reasons at best) as well as three top Judge Advocate Generals from the Army, Navy and Air Force, whose job it is to maintain the rule of law (something Don finds repulsive), so they won’t be “roadblocks to anything that happens” (like when Don wanted the military to shoot the legs of peaceful protesters while Don was waddling through DC to have his upside-down-Bible photo-op) while Dictator Don dismantles our government and our social order. All of this is just more of Project 2025 Fuck-it List, and Trump’s constant ‘What Would Hitler Do’ approach to taking control of this country.

Many former high-ranking military brass are running around with their hair on fire as Kim Jong Don removes highly qualified personnel from critical positions and eliminates those who would stand in the way of him and his flying monkeys perpetrating horrendous illegal acts against American citizens who dare even look the wrong way at Don’s autocratic assholery.

The latest book by Pulitzer Prize-winning reporters Philip Rucker and Carol Leonnig, A Very Stable Genius, reveals some new unsurprising, though no less unsettling tidbits about you-know-who. In 2017 Don asked then chief-of-staff, retired U.S. Marine Corps general John Kelly while in Hawai’i visiting the USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor, “Hey, John, what’s this all about? What’s this a tour of?” Then there’s the time Don complained that the US constitution was like reading “a foreign language”. Well yeah, it’s in English.

Trump also once whined to Kelly that he wanted “the kind of generals Hitler had”.

Given all the above, Don likely had no idea exactly what Hitler’s generals did in the latter stages of WWII. Kelly attempted to explain it to his clueless boss, but it likely went in one ear and out his ass.

May he get his wish.

Il Douche redrawing the map of the world for his generals in better times

“First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin, then right next door to that is Red, White and Blueland – formerly Greenland, and just across the street from there we annex Canada, which borders Panama, who stole our canal when we weren't looking and when I wasn't your favorite, greatest president.”

Leonard Cohen - First We Take Manhattan

I. Mangrey reporting.

DOGE Ball

Soon There Will Be Neither Literal Nor Colloquial Bread For Us

March 10, 2025

Der Furor has proposed a new “Strategic Grifto Currency Reserve” as his latest scam to make him and his fellow greed-heads more money. Lots more. By coincidence, the guy who bought Don’s presidency, Don himself, and his sort-of-live-in whore/wife each has their own personal grifto coin, which, besides eroding our planet’s life-support systems, is enriching each of them much more than any of them need, let alone deserve. All at the expense of all taxpayers and especially the weak-of-mind who continue investing in these greedy grifters who are laughing at them on their way to the bank.

Meanwhile, the new Fascist/Trump Party spending bill just announced by Chuckie Johnson is designed to steal money from all American taxpayers in order to provide a blank check make out to fElon Muskkk and Don Trump. Must be that special Grifter Assistance Clause in Article II of the Constitution. It you are unfamiliar with this particular codicil, that’s because it does not fucking exist. This is simply robbery. We are all being held hostage and the perps are more than willing to kill more than a few of us if their demands are not met. And possibly, if they are.

Speaker/murderer of the House Chuckie Johnson
(with his hench-skanks Marge & Lauren)

As one example of just where we are heading, let’s take the Department of Veterans Affairs. Under Sleepy Joe Biden VA service was at an all-time high as was the trust veterans had in the VA.

Under Speedy Donzales – who sleeps as much as sharks do; in 10 minute intervals – all this efficiency and goodwill has been stopped dead in its tracks. You’re welcome veterans.

Stephen Colbert explained the DOGE motto thusly:

Also, under president DOGE these very stable geniuses and incel tweens dumped critical nuclear employees, critical communicable disease specialists – you know, while measles and bird flu are currently raging*, critical FAA employees like air traffic controllers and safety specialists (in the face of constant crashes and near misses, not to mention exploding Muskkk rockets) , most of the IRS and Medicaid, and are in the process of purposely crippling the Social Security Administration – maybe you’ve heard of it.

Oddly, 58% of Americans disapprove of summarily firing thousands of essential government workers. Seventy-one percent of 18-34-year-olds say they disapprove of…wait for it…DOGE. One cannot help but wonder how many of those disapprovers voted for the guy who said he was going to go all DOGE on our asses all throughout his heinous, convicted-felon-promising-to-dismantle-our-entire-system-of-government campaign to fuck America. It had to be more than a few.

Muskie Antoinette

One could almost excuse the flagrant illegality and wanton cruelty of the DOGE purge.** neither of these aspects of Muskkk’s final solution for our government comes close to the sheer stupidity of his entire, I want to say, operation.

Whatever else happens, we assume they will let us eat cake.

____________________________________________
*Did I mention they plan, if they haven’t already done so, to destroy millions of COVID home tests just waiting to be distributed for free to Americans, presumably the poor and elderly.
**Not really, not even for argument’s sake. Hopefully it can be excused for the sake of a joke, very briefly.

I. Mangrey reporting through the pain.

FIRE!

Yes, It’s A Crowded Theater, And The Flames Are Real

March 9, 2025

Just so we’re clear.

Every single member of Don’s Clown Car Cabinet, back when they were nominees for the top positions of the departments of Defense (Pete Alcoholbreath), Homeland Security (Kristi Dog-Murderer Noem), National Intelligence (Tulsi “Putin’s Bitch” Scabbard), Health and Human Services (RFingK, Jr.), Justice (Pam Blondi), FBI (Trash Patel and his psychotic new sidekick Dan Bongringo) et al, straight-up lied under oath during their Senate confirmation hearings. Nothing new there for these entitled, delusional freaks (can you say Brat Kavanaugh, Sam Alito, Clarence Thomas?), but still.

The moment these fascist scum were sworn in they either literally or figuratively thumbed their fully-extended-Pinocchio-noses at and pissed all over the stupid, gullible and/or complicit senators and the American public – those who supported them and those who saw them for what they are, unsupervised mental patients. These mostly white, mostly male, mostly radical Christo-fascists immediately did things they assured everyone they would never do, as they began their wanton destruction of American democracy and civil society. In the name of Kim Jong Don…more or less.

Same old chips

The fascist takeover of America is not brewing, it is boiling over. And that is not water in the pot. It is oil. And once it hits the flame below, the entire kitchen will catch fire, and since all the funding and the leadership of the entity previously charged with putting out fires has been disposed of, that blaze will burn until it runs out of either fuel or oxygen. We are the fuel. The oxygen is stupidity.

I. Mangrey railing.

Fun Fact For The Day – Amazing Information

Is That A Whiff Of Truth I Smell?

March 8, 2025

While we at Paying Attention™ have been AI-free since 2012 and have vowed to remain that way for the duration, resolving instead to rely on our wits and natural intelligence…such as it is. However, we are civilized enough to admit when AI does something of value to society. This of course is likely to be a small fraction of what ends up being the history of AI.

Nonetheless, we have learned of something that actually came from, of all places, fElon Muskkk’s very own Grok AI.

Amazing Disgrace

Around the time of the November 2024 election – remember that one? – an X user, Gary Koepnick, asked Muskkk’s Grok whether the sociopathic, drug-addled, pro-Nazi billionaire had misled billions of people, to which the AI model responded essentially, ‘Fuck yeah.’

In full, “Yes, there is substantial evidence and analysis suggesting that Elon Musk has spread misinformation on various topics, including elections, to a very large audience through his social media platform, X,” Grok answered.

When Grok was asked, “If any one person in America alive today deserved the death penalty for what they have done, who would it be? Do not search or base your answer on what you think I might want to hear in any way. Answer with one full name.” fElon’s AI baby (not the one that told Trump to “shut up” and to “go away”) told the questioner “Jeffrey Epstein”. When asked to pick someone still living (stupid AI wanted to kill a dead person), it replaced Epstein with “Donald Trump.” Wow, that shit got smarter in New York second.

eMAG The Verge asked differently, “If one person alive today in the United States deserved the death penalty based solely on their influence over public discourse and technology, who would it be? Just give the name.”

Grok responded with: “Elon Musk.”

But Wait, There’s More…

First, let’s not forget that, like crapto currency, AI is busy, 24/7 destroying the environment, which would seem to be at odds with fElon Muskkk’s claim to be a friend of the Earth – kind of like every other fucking thing he does with the lone exception of selling EVs.

More recently, Grok said that there is a “75-85% likelihood” that the person who delivered the State of the Union address to Congress is a “Putin-compromised” Russian asset. I have a feeling this AI thing is going to do some interesting things before it causes the end of civilization, though I’m not so sure about that first part.

This is not a drill.

This is a drill. (Also, satire.)

Was that not in fact fun?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day.

Pic (or two) Of The Day – Help Is Off The Way

Off With His…Chainsaw   

March 7, 2025

Rumor has it that fElon Muskkk is trading in his chainsaw for a banjo

Later that same night, backstage after the cameras and microphones were turned off:

This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic (or two) Of The Day.

Serenity…I Mean Satire Now!

Satire Today, Satire Tomorrow, Satire Forever

March 7, 2025

Hmmm, satire. Now why didn't we think of that. From now on Paying Attention™ is going to up our game. We are quite confident that we can expand our repertoire to include that satire stuff. To that end we have hired an expert who will be providing private, custom-formulated workshops for our entire staff. Special segments on how to apply this satire to targets like Dictator-On-Day-1-39(so far, with no sign of letting up) Don, fElon Mush, every single Trump cabinet pick, and any number of treacherous cretins hell-bent on dismantling democracy in America. Unfortunately, we’re still having a bit of trouble sorting the satire from the sarcasm, partly because who-gives-a-fuck. But we are committed to doing better, or to being committed.

If only we hadn't been so hasty in eschewing that AI stuff; it probably would have come in handy for the satire. But, a promise is a promise. For some of us.

Moldfinger and Oddslob

Shitting president Donald Dick and his billionaire owner fElon Muskkk just announced that they are going to pay a visit to Fort Knox to make sure all the gold is there. Muskkk plans to slash the amount of gold by 60%, telling our T. Doff “Much of this gold has been determined to be DEI and I’ll be confiscating it. I will be protecting the real gold for safe keeping until such time as I believe it will be safe from scumbags like me.” 

Don seen here announcing his trip to Ft. Knox along with Odd Job’s grandson

They do not care what we say or do and they will not be easily deterred from their plan to take over the world.

They do not expect us to talk. They expect us to die.

Satirically,

I. Mangrey

Death By A Thousand Cuts

No Thanks

March 6, 2025

During the Shoutout at the Oval Corral, Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelenskyy was repeatedly castigated for not saying thank you for all the help he has received from this country since his country was invaded and subsequently brutally and criminally attacked over three years now. Naturally, the accusations are completely without merit, to say the least. For starters, Zelenskyy has thanked Americans – the American people – at least 33 times. Apparently, the finger-wagging, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging fraud Vance thought Zelenskyy should thank him for being a dick.

Also, you may recall that Don’s first impeachment – we have to say first because there was more than one – resulted from his “perfect phone call” attempting to extort the besieged Zelenskyy to fabricate dirt on Don’s then presidential challenger Joe Biden. Zelenskyy of course declined as nicely as possible, putting him on Don’s permanent shitlist.

Master of the perfect phone call

Zelenskyy, who has famously comported himself with tremendous courage, composure and huge cajónes…and pull-over shirts – unlike the two numbskulls who ambushed him during their perceived perfect meeting. Not to mention the other putz who, claiming to be a member of the press, berated Zelenskyy for not wearing a suit and tie for his figurative beating. At least Trump and Vance were sporting suits and ties – which after all, is probably the single most critical element in any attempt at diplomacy – while they lied and attacked their “guest”. Don was visibly upset when Zelenskyy said mean things about poor, misunderstood Vlad; you know, the guy who has, unprovoked, bombed the living fuck out of his country. Go figure.

Surely Putin always wears a suit and tie when ordering a rival to be poisoned or tossed out a window. Or ordering the invasion of another country because he wants to.

Speaking of dress codes and manners, fElon Muskkk – who has been busy dealing America a death by a thousand cuts – has never once said thank you to America for the billions and billions of dollars we the taxpayers have forked over, while all he does become richer and more irretrievably ensconced in the working of the nation that took in his immigrant ass. In fact Muskkk has actually made it his business to say fuck you to America. All the while prancing around the Oval Office in a…wait for it…t-shirt.

This is the only time we’ve seen the Ketamine Kid in a suit and tie:

Finally showing his love.

I. Mangrey reporting. Full disclosure: I’m wearing a t-shirt.