Thursday, June 20, 2024

Broken News

The Snorer In Gomorrah

June 20, 2024

It’s game on.*

The Debate Of The Century Centenarians

One week from today two men will enter the debate stage (theoretically). No one knows how many will exit…under their own steam. We’re not saying these two white guys are old…alright, we are saying they’re old. They’re both pretty damn old. If either one of them were to throw a punch, there’s no telling which one would end up injured. One has lost a step, the other has one foot in the dementia pool and the other in a sand trap. One is White, the other is a white nationalist. One is a devoted father, the other is a devoted narcissist, misogynist, racist and vengeful psychopath. Tough choice, no? Fuck no.

One of them walks like Tim Conway’s old man:

The other has shown a penchant for nodding off and farting in public. The sleepy, farting candidate is also a repeatedly convicted criminal – phony charity, phony university, financial fraud, tax evasion, sexual assault, election interference. Not to mention two, count ‘em two, impeachments. And of course the stealing of classified documents, more election interference and of course, what Trump retrospective would be complete without mentioning that he attempted to lead a coup against the government of the United States. Also, he don't walk so good either.

The first presidential debate of the 2024 Electoral College cycle is scheduled for June 27, two weeks before one of the candidates is scheduled to be sentenced for 34 felony convictions on July 11, which is four days before the Fascist/Trump Party officially nominates this fart-napping, dementia-addled, rapey douchebag and  convicted felon as their party’s standard-bearer.

Vegas is currently booking odds on whether or not Convicted Felon Trump will actually show up. After all, he insisted he wanted to testify at his election interference trial (and others), but all he did was sleep, fart, whine and act out. Another bet is, if Trump does show up will he manage to stay awake for the duration. The final bet going so far is, since there will be no live audience, whether we might hear a Trump fart drop. It would have to be a good one since mics will be off when it is not a candidate’s turn to speak.

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*That is, until Trump figures out how to back out. My money’s on Trump shooting someone on Fifth Avenue in broad daylight on the day before, so he can get arrested, processed during the debate, and then violently sprung by cult members the next day.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled deprogramming.

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