December 10, 2025
Der Furor has ordered,
or had someone order, or was eventually told that someone ordered some as yet unknown
branch of the military to seize an oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela – who now
sits atop the largest oil reserves in the world.
It was reported that
it was a Coast Guard operation, though one military expert reported that boarding
team looked to him like Navy Seals.
We also have not
heard whether this was just a run-of-the-mill unprovoked act of war, or whether
are meant to believe that the oil tanker was actually filled with fentanyl, or
cocaine or both, like a giant fucking drug pinata.
It remains to be seen if any witnesses to this incursion will suffer the same fate as so-called “double-tap” elimination of the unfortunate crew (after all, it is entirely possible that if there were any drugs on their tiny boat, they were blackmailed into being drug mules) that Pete Kegseth blew up. The completely unqualified and unhinged defense secretary claims to be still reviewing the video of his war crime before deciding whether or not allow the American public – his bosses – to see the footage. Given how slow of brain the ex-Fux News flunky has shown to be, this could take a while.
And then this
happened…
Reporter: What happens to the oil on that ship?
Trump: Well, we keep in I guess.
Let's all guess. Stay tuned as more facts –
real or alternative – become available.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
fear and loathing.
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