Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle
I’ll Believe The Future When I See It
Project Protect 2026
December 31,
2025
Anyone can put
together a look back at the year that was. Not that there’s anything wrong with
that. But it takes true courage, real spunk and a complete disregard for common sense to pretend to know what will happen in the year to come.
So, here it
is. The final installment of what to expect in 2026.
Donald Trump – the long COVID of presidents – still has us gnashing our teeth, fighting to keep food down, losing sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately prevail despite the unrelenting and seditious efforts of its arch enemies – Donald Trump, his Fascist Party, and the Supremely Partisan/Fascist Court. Hopefully, the final chapter of Trump's legacy will provide a degree of satisfaction for the rest of us. Sooner than later please.
Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor
September 24, 2026
No Peace For The Prize
Trump, who has spent years
whining about how he deserved a dozen Nobel Peace Prizes, goes on “Truth”
Social to go after the Nobel committee.
“Please do not nominate me for
your stupid, failing PEACE PRIZE. Obviously, you only give it to big losers. I
wouldn’t accept your prize if you begged me. I never wanted your very unpopular
prize. I already have the much more respected and bigger FAFO or FIFA or
whatever PEACE PRIZE. In fact now that I already have the most prestige trophy
– one that no one else has ever won, and probably never will – I am going to
start more wars than anyone. Even more than all the wars I stopped – without
getting your stupid prize. So far I got Venezuela, Nigeria, the Epstein Files,
and others very soon. Very good wars. The best wars. Wars for PEACE. I am the
PEACE PRIZE.”
November 3, 2026
Truth And Consequences
After nearly half of the Fascist/Trump Party House members
decided not to run for reelection, and Senators from that party could not raise
a dollar for their campaigns, Democrats ran the table. Despite the Supreme
Court’s efforts to erase the Constitution and all manner of standing law in
order to make America a kingdom and Trump the king, We The People finally said
enough is fucking enough. Most Democrats ran on affordable health care,
affordable food and protecting programs like SNAP, Social Security, Medicare
and Medicaid, they also ran on promising the American people that they would
not miss this time. They would, if given majorities in the House and Senate,
impeach the mother fucker again, and this time convict his ass out of the
Remains of The White House, and rebuild the East Wing, just like the French
rebuilt Notre Dame after it burned down.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court,
despite having no case before them, decides that there is nothing in the
Constitution requiring a president to be a living person. While they did not
declare that women were disqualified to serve as president (that being an unnecessary
edict since it will never happen), they did make it possible for Trump to
remain in office post-mortem if he merely declares his intent before his
long-overdue demise.
December 13, 2026
The Name That Sunk A
Thousand Ships
After affixing his
soon-to-be-outlawed name and Medusa-esque visage to Mount Rushmore (already an
abomination on sacred Indian land), Trump is finally thwarted in his endless
crusade to put his disgraced name on everything.
Somehow this classless pig was
previously permitted to change the name of, among other things, THE JOHN F. KENNEDY MEMORIAL CENTER
FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS to the utterly pathetic and even more ridiculous THE
DONALD J. TRUMP AND THE JOHN F. KENNEDY MEMORIAL CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS.
Just plain stupid, this does not work as a name, but to paraphrase the great
Forest Gump, “Pathetic is as pathetic does.”
As reported by Jim Acosta,
“Well here we are at the scene of yet another crime committed by Donald Trump.
He has vandalized The Kennedy Center by putting his name on it.”
Trump’s next attempt to plaster his undeserving name on something he had nothing to do with thankfully failed miserably.
Trump was also thwarted in his attempt to attach his horrible name to The Obama
Presidential Center.
December 25, 2026
Truly Shocking
After his monthly “annual routine physical” complete with MRI and cognitive exam, Donald Trump returned to the Remains of the White House. An unnamed physician told reporters, “We had to initiate strident measures with the president. Given his snowballing dementia, the unrelenting syphilis, combined with his lifelong toxic narcissism and rapacious lust for vengeance, we had no choice. We believe this treatment will now be part of his monthly ‘annual routine physical’. It’s unlikely he’ll notice we added this to his regimen.” Speaking from the “East Wing”, Trump addressed “reporters”
I had stock therapy, or Spock therapy. Something. I don’t know how or where they did it, but I know it wasn’t brain because I was told brain was perfect. Great cognitive. The best any doctor has ever seen. Hundreds, maybe thousands or dozens of excellent doctors, strong, powerful doctors, tears in their eyes, they all said, “Sir, that brain of yours is unbelievable. Then they all started sobbing, ran out of the room, never saw any of them again. A beautiful thing. Like my wonderful tariffs. And my wife, Ivanka. Beautiful lady, tears in her eyes all the time.
This Will Have Been The Year That Will Have Been
We are predicting that the year 2026 will come to an abrupt end, at
midnight or there abouts. We are simply not stupid enough to even consider
predicting how. There is a non-zero percent chance that we will once again be
relieved and very fortunate if we manage to wring out another year.
Out With (ano)The(r) Bad Year, In With The Completely
Unpredictable (With The Exception Of Our Predictions) And Potentially Fatal New
Year
The only good
thing about 2025 is that it ended before our democracy did (technically
speaking). And before we did.
In any event,
hope for the best, expect the worst. Remain vigilant. Sleep with one eye open.
The year 2026 is coming for you and is plotting to kill you if you’re not
prepared, perhaps even if you are.
And this is not
a prediction, this is a guarantee: the word of the year will be
Anyway, that’s it for Paying Attention™ in 2025 (unless Trump bombs Venezuela, or Yemen, or Somalia, or Minneapolis, Chicago, Los Angeles, or Canada, or the Remains of the White House) and now we all know what to expect in 2026 – or at least some of it. For now, just enjoy New Year’s Eve, think responsibly, and for now, forget the future ever happened.
Feel free to ignore all predictions except this one from the world’s foremost authority: “If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.”
From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff
and Shay King, and our research and legal teamS:
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