Fool's Gold Card

What's In Your Rap Sheet...I Mean Wallet?

December 21, 2025

Fool’s-gold-plated goofball Don Trump used some of his limited time between naps to officially introduce his latest grift – the $1,000,000 Trump Gold Card. Besides the sheer vulgarity of the idea, how many more things can this pathetic, desperate little ego machine put his soon-to-be-reviled (by the rest of us) name on?

Is this AI, or is he actually awake?

For any idiot willing to cough up $1M (plus the $150,000 processing fee and likely some number of under-the-table bribes) can be fast-tracked to American citizenshit. Hey all you white foreigners dying to be part of a dying nation, your big chance is here at last. No muss, no fuss, just cough up a mil and you can be a real live God-fearing, Trump-worshiping American. Oh, did we mention you had better love our sundowning leader, or else? If not, you could lose your deposit. And much more.

The premise is that by having $1M to burn just to become part of the decimated democracy disguised as America, you will automatically be worthy of being a model citizen. Of course in Trump’s America, a model citizen is someone who only commits white collar crime…in white skin.

As everyone knows, amassing obscene wealth guarantees forthrightness. Having seven figures to toss away to get your hand stamped for entry into what was once the most powerful nation, now global pariah is a guarantee of getting only the best people. Rich people are smarter, nicer and never bother anyone. Just ask the likes of Jeffrey Epstein, Bernie Madoff, fElon Musk, Jeff Bezos, PeterThiel, Rupert Murdoch, Steve Bannon, Mohammad bin Salman, at least half of the reprobates in Trump’s cabinet and of course, convicted rapist and tax cheat, and insurrection leader Donald Trump himself. The best people. Who would never do anything to harm anyone.

We simply cannot have all those tired, poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free, who came here for 150-plus years and contributed to what had become a melting pot of diversity, progress, innovation and community. I say ‘had’ become because thanks to the grandson of one illegal immigrant the pot is melting and the country is running away from its legacy of welcoming strangers. Funny thing, welcoming strangers was an important act to the guy called Jesus. The guy these hypocrites claim to believe in.

Like every other idea Trump has, it will no doubt turn into something fantastic…to poop on.

I. Mangrey reporting.