EXTREMELY Broken News – Just Say No To Drunks

Murder* On The High Seas

December 2, 2025

“Pete Hegseth is a fucking douche.”
South Park, November 26, 2025

This is objectively true

Secretary of Defecation Defense Johnny Walker Red…I mean Pete Hegseth is in hot toddy…I mean hot water over what two whistleblowers with direct knowledge (something Hegseth only has about alcoholism and raging stupidity) of the operation – a double bombing of a small fishing boat in the Caribbean which may or may not have been carrying illegal drugs of some kind – have made public. No one will ever know if there were any drugs aboard, because TrumpCo obliterated this and a dozen or so other similar vessels without any evidence, approval of Congress, or reason beyond desperately trying to distract Americans from the EPSTEIN FILES. Oh, and let's not forget the racism, fascism and total lack of humanity of the creature in charge.

The psychotic, toxically testosteroned ex Fux News weekend back-bencher and current dry drunk/rageaholic is reported to have given a spoken directive ordering members of the Navy to “kill everyone” with a second strike on an already struck small boat. The U.S. military is supposed to rescue any survivors of military operations and attempt to keep them alive. Of course that was before the fascist Trump regime ended all manner of legal and moral standards (such as they were) previously in effect.

Beside the moral directive to minimize death, even of adversaries, it makes strategic sense to keep them alive for the sake of extracting intelligence. Unfortunately, Hegseth, like every other Trump appointee is a mortal enemy of intelligence in all its forms.

Pete “Kill Everyone” Hegseth yelling at military brass

If true, Hegseth’s orders to “kill everyone”, one imagines in order to eliminate any witnesses who could testify to the complete absence of any illicit drugs aboard the small fishing boat, which like all the others blasted out of the water by TrumpCo, could never have enough fuel to reach our shores, let alone carry enough cargo to make it worthwhile, would constitute war crimes.

This alleged war crime of course would trigger a vigorous and thorough investigation, a trial and possible prison time. Just kidding, what this would trigger if true, is a full and unconditional pardon from the criminal-in-chief, and rapidly deteriorating mound of flesh Donald Trump.

More Best People

Trump is so opposed to illegal drugs entering this country that he is poised to pardon former president of Honduras Juan Orlando Hernández, who moved hundreds of tons of cocaine into the U.S. and once bragged that he “would stuff the drugs up the gringo's noses” – his version of Hegseth's “kill everyone” one imagines. This lovely gentleman, who likely promised Trump oodles of blood money, was sentenced to 45 years in prison on drug trafficking and weapons charges. What, no sex trafficking of minors? Oh well, nobody's perfect. I guess it’s good to see old, old Donny boy broadening his horizons even as the Grim Reaper is breathing down his rotting neck.**

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*And very likely, if Trump continues to insist he is at war with Venezuela, war crimes.
**We must grab hope where we can find it.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled nausea.