Apparently, Trump
thought there was a home version of what he believed was just another reality
show. A home version that included extremely sensitive nuclear secrets.
Moving day at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., January 20, 2021; Trump once again breaking the law in broad daylight
For some
strange reason (do the name Hillary
Clinton ring a bell), in 2018 (less than a year into office) Donald Trump signed into
law a bill raising the penalty for mishandling government documents – you know,
like taking them out of the White House illegally and hiding them around an
illegal residence, say at a Florida resort.
Trump signing a law that with any luck will
soon be
coming back to bite him on his dumb ass
In part,
the law upgraded the seriousness of wrongly moving classified material, turning
it from a misdemeanor into a felony – and increasing the maximum sentence –
from one year in prison to five years.
We reached
out to Trumpworld to learn whether or not the ex-president and current indictment
collector believed that time machines were real and had planned to go back in
time to arrest Hillary Clinton under his new law. Trump’s representative could
not be reached for comment.
Just thought you might like to know.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
Trump chose option three. He built a
veritable wall around himself with the Fifth Amendment. The coward’s way.
Usually the guilty coward’s way. Trump invoked the Fifth Amendment against
self-incrimination four-hundred-and-forty times. That’s a shitload of self-incrimination.
Though it was sixty fewer times than his cretinous son Eric. At least Bill Clinton had the balls to lie under oath.
It seems that very stable genius Donald Trump has grown jealous of the candidate he endorsed for Senate from Georgia. As you may know, Herschel Walker who has been living in Texas for the past decade, is currently in a tight race with Raphael Warnock to represent the Peach State. Walker has shown himself to be deranged, dangerous, terrifyingly ignorant and whose stupidity is measured in light years. Never wanting to be outdone, Trump appears to be on track to out-dumb Walker.
The Real Herschel Walker
Raiders Of The Lost Dork
Poor old Donny. He just cannot figure out why his unceasing lawlessness, treason and in the end leading a full-blown insurrection, have garnered such negative attention. After learning the details of the FBI search of Mor-on-Lago, the inevitable whining began. His pathetic statement included the following:
“They even broke into my safe! What is the difference between this and Watergate, where operatives broke into the Democrat National Committee? Here, in reverse, Democrats broke into the home of the 45th President of the United States.”
Fun Fact
Hey, remember when perpetual-national-security-hazard Trump barred American press from his Oval
Office meeting with Russians, but allowed Russian press in? And during that
meeting, when Trump spilled very sensitive national security secrets to the
Russians? Well, do ya punk?
Someone should explain to shit-for-brains that
criminal operatives broke into the DNC headquarters in the Watergate in order
to engage in more illegal activity at the behest of the president. The government
operatives of the FBI legally entered the premises at Mor-on-Lago because a
federal judge ruled there was probable cause that a crime had been committed by
the president. So really, kind of the same thing, Donny Boy. Ratpublicans
behaving badly.
Trump is being backed up by every single Ratpublican in Congress – either by commission or by omission. By speaking out on Trump’s behalf, or by saying nothing.
If these twits…I mean tweets are too hard to read, it’s who-the-fuck’s-who of Ratpublicans throwing America under the bus to protect Trump*
Apparently, these brain-dead fuckwits forgot that current FBI Director Christopher Wray was appointed by their Lard and Savior Donald Trump. Trump himself went after Wray for executing the completely legal, extremely warranted warrant.
The brain-deadliest of them all, Kevin McQarthy, threatened Attorney General Merrick Garland tweeting, “Attorney General Garland: preserve your documents and clear your calendar,” adding a bunch of other shit with which I will not waste your time. I don't remember McQarthy worrying about preserving documents when we learned that Dumb Donald ate documents, shredded documents, burned documents, flushed them down various toilets and absconded with 15 boxes of documents - including many tippy-tippy-top secret documents. Knowing Trump – who just had his first wife buried at his golf course in order to get a tax break – it is best to assume he was planning to sell state secrets to the highest dictator/bidder.
It is well-known that Trump doled out a number top secret tidbits while in office. It is not known whether this was done for money, to show how important he was, because he was hell-bent on destroying America, or because he is too stupid to know what the fuck he was doing.
Naturally, Trump’s throng of traitorous, treacherous cretins are preparing to “lock and load” in order to show who’s boss. Get ready for civil war skirmishes as mobs of blind boneheads, who have no understanding of the law or reality, take out their flaccid, flatulent frustrations. They are angry, in large part, because they are stupid, wrong-headed and irrevocably self-assured. They are preparing to neither stand back or stand by. There will be nothing civil about the coming war.
The Stupid Is Strong In This One
In case anyone think Trump just got stupid (I know no one thinks that, it’s called literary irony), Peter Baker and Susan Glasser, in their new book The Divider: Trump in the White House, 2017-2021 reported on a stunning (stunningly stupid, that is; and also frightening) exchange between Trump and then-chief-of-staff Gen. John Kelly:
Trump: “You fucking generals, why can’t you be like the German generals?” Kelly: “Which generals?” Trump: “The German generals in World War II.” Kelly: “You do know that they tried to kill Hitler three times and almost pulled it off?” Trump: “No, no, no, they were totally loyal to him.”
Yeah, why couldn’t American generals have been more like Hitler’s generals during Trump’s Reich?
Making my little heart skip a beat, in their new book, Baker and Glasser described Trump as “an incurious moron with the IQ of a Big Mac.” I wish I had said that.
Fun Fact #2
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit has ruled that Trump must turn over his tax returns to the House Ways and Means Committee by a vote of 3 to 0. Given the fact that Trump has for eight years refused to let anyone get a look at his taxes, perhaps it is time for a search warrant be issued to get his taxes from the IRS. Wouldn’t it be nice.
____________________________________________________________ *To be fair, who knows how many of them might also be implicated if Trump’s truth sees the light of day.
No More Shopping Days Left Before Resignation
Day(s)
August 9, 2022
If there could be anything better than
impeaching someone like Richard Nixon (once) or Donald Turmp (twice), it would
be indicting someone like Donald Turmp. With Nixon, it was said that the
cover-up was worse than the crime. That might be true. After all, at least
according to Nixon – before everyone learned it was his idea – Watergate was
nothing more than a “third-rate burglary.” In the case of Turmp, there has, at
least not since the bombing of Ft. Sumpter, been anything worse than his
long-planned attempted coup. Sure, the cover-up is a veritable smorgasbord of
crimes, but the planning, inciting and attempted in-person leading of the
assault on the Capitol is tough to beat. However, even as I write this, we are
learning that all kinds of potential evidence was deleted from phones belonging
to members of the Secret Service, the Department of Homeland Security, and the
Department of Defense. It appears that all of these government agencies wiped
their text messages right after Turmp’s attempted coup.
I have heard some say it will be all but
impossible to Lock Him Up. This is due to the requirement for all living
presidents, ex or otherwise, twice-impeached or otherwise, anti-American or
otherwise, guilty as fucking hell of trying to overturn a legitimate election
or otherwise, to have round-the-clock Secret Service protection for life (with
or without parole). This would necessitate incarcerating some number of agents
along with their protectee. However, I have an idea. Let’s round up the SS
agents who deleted their text messages related to January 6 and post them with
the man they protected, and they can all do time together. This is why I get
the big bucks…or would, if I got any bucks at all.
Those Who Don’t Learn From History
Are Doomed To Fuck It Up For The Rest Of Us
Before we regale you – or perhaps gale you for
the first time – with this year’s brand-new verses of the old holiday favorite ‘Twas
The Night Before Resignation, on Day 2 of Resignation Day(s), here are a
few highlights from the ghost of Resignation Day(s) past.
Just a few more hops down
memory lane before the main event:
2013
Pardon me for not forgetting.
Pardon me for not letting it go after all these years. Pardon me for dragging
you into my obsession. I just can’t seem to quit the man who tarnished America,
no easy feat, and then quit rather than face the music. I don’t care if he’s
dead, I still want to impeach Nixon. It’s never too late for justice to be
done. I know it will never happen in this case, but that doesn’t make it right.
Those who do not learn the
lessons of history are doomed. Period. And that’s the way it is. Good night and
have a pleasant tomorrow.
2014
Thanks Ed, that was a treat as
always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for today’s holiday
season…
Once more it’s that season, now
Obama’s the one
New Impeachers are restless, and each has a gun.
They are angry and senseless, and each one is White
No need for good reason, they just want to fight.
So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues
As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs
All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
Keep it up silly Crackers, and to all a good-night!
2016
Tiny
hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest
2017
The
endless lies and insanity assaulting us all, By
Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall. So
I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight, More Impeachment to all,
and to all a good-night!
2018
Impeachment, resigning
once more fill the air,
Now dash away blob with your FAKE orange “hair”,
This Chrump works for Putin, and amplifies hate, He’s racist, he’s fascist; ain’t America great?
Though mostly Chrump’s
tweeting and golfing galore, He’s doing great damage,
let’s show him the door. Fake “hair”, phony
color, his face sphincter speaks, Let’s vote like we mean it and be rid of this freak.
Colluding, conspiring,
with Russia, oh no!
Won’t tell his own people what he said to our foe.
This treasonous cretin makes us all sick and tired,
Let’s pray the next Congress will tell him, “YOU’RE FIRED.”
2019
We heard from The
Mueller, in a manner of speaking
He said there were crimes, he said there was sneaking
He all but said, “Congress, it’s time to impeach,”
He said indicting and punishing was out of his reach.
Still helping the
Russians help him get re-elected, With his treason,
stealing children from their parents and torturing them, denying climate
crisis, treating international allies like dirt and generally threatening
global stability, we all are infected His crimes are
innumerable, his racism steady Impeach The Mother
Fucker Already!
2020
‘Twas the night before Resignation
So we had our
impeachment, if fell with a squish,
We thought he would go down, did not get our wish.
Chrump escaped, abetted by old Moscow Mitch, That dastardly, reptilian son-of-a-bitch.
Only one thing might stop
this walking crime ‘gainst humanity, This shit storm
perpetrated by this terrestrial manatee. A second Chrump term
will kill America, no doubt, So, on November the 3rd,
VOTE HIM THE FUCK OUT!
Before getting on
with this year’s verses, enjoy or scroll past last year’s offering…
‘Twas the night before Resignation (In 2021 it just gets verse)
Twice, there were Turmp crimes, and
all through the House,
There were cries for impeachment, “Get rid of this louse!”*
The crimes were all proved, beyond shadow of doubt,
Witnesses, videos. Throw the bum out.
The country was nestled and nervous
and scared,
Of the mad orange man, with the fake orange “hair.”
He bragged about crowd size and hands and whatever,
He promised to fight and stay president forever.
And despite all the evidence, and
all the convincing,
Still half the country’s all his, the other half wincing.
It was easy to see that this Turmp was a fascist,
Who put any against him on his miles-long blacklist.
They impeached him not once, they impeached
him then twice
The Senate stood by him, we never got to say, “Atsa nice.”
‘Cause he stayed on in office, swore he’d get re-elected,
But the voters said, “Fuck off! Go to hell! You’re rejected!”
The sorest of winners, could not
handle such losing,
So he riled up his MAGAts, to believe his delusing,
Go take over the Capitol, it need not make sense,
And while you are at it, try hanging Mike Pence.
Never cared ‘bout America,
repeatedly treasonous,
One can’t help but wonder just what the reason is,
Always siding with Putin, and threat’ning Ukraine
To get Hunter Biden? This fucker’s insane.
He whined and he moaned and incited
insurrection,
All because he’s psychotic, no one wants his erection.
Turmp still thinks he’s president, or will be reinstated,
His tiny brain and reality are for sure unrelated.
Can the Democrats somehow get
brains, spines and balls,
And stop the Turmp Party from having it all?
They unsuccessfully impeached him not once but twice,
There’s nothing left, but to impeach his ass thrice.
_____________________________________________________________ *Actually, the cries
were “Impeach The Mother Fucker Already!” which didn’t rhyme with house and
would have thrown off the rhythm completely.
As Trump goes kicking and
screaming into that good night, we will continue our appointed rounds, unfazed.
Well, maybe fazed, but undaunted.
So, without further ado, or a
don’t, or a maybe, Paying Attention™ brings you our 2022 installment of the
Resignation Day(s) festivities.
‘Twas the night before indictment,
and all oer the place
America on the precipice of wars civil and race.
When all of a sudden, we heard such a clatter,
When Merrick Garland said finally, “Something’s the matter.”
Though now Turmp is gone, well not
really but sorta
And at least we can’t feel his tiny hand on our aorta,
He is out of high office, the vote saw to that,
But Turmp just won’t accept it, his head is too fat.
He keeps whining and calling to get
the votes changed
Turmp can’t let it go, he’s a fascist, deranged.
He deserves a subpoena, or at least an indictment,
For his scheming and plotting and his violent incitement.
Actual photos of two toilets in which Trump flushed documents
For his eating, burning, shredding
and stealing of documents,
And even mixing some in with his voluminous excrements,
The White House plumber (not Nixon’s) needed always be near.
For Turmp’s flushing of documents, no punishment too severe.
On Rudy, on Hawley, McCarthy and
Gaetz,
On Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and oh how they hates.
They want a White nation of Christians, not Jews,
Their divorce from reality is surely not news.
Two impeachments, one term, there
has not been one worse,
And the cause of such angst, and such torturous verse.
Drag him off by his feet, or his “hair” or whatever,
Let him back in the White House? Oh fuck no! Oh fuck, NEVER!
I imagine having the
same sentiment when Turmp is finally gone
As if we needed anything more to celebrate, after the Inflation Reduction Act passing in the Senate, and the first day of Resignation Day(s), we have just learned that the FBI has executed
an unannounced raid pursuant to a search warrant on the residence of disgraced, twice-impeached, treasonous,
ex-one-term-president and failed blogger Donald Trump’s at Mor-on-Lago. Trump was not at Mor-on-Lago at the time of the raid, so unfortunately we will not get the
satisfaction of seeing him dragged out in his gold lame boxers.
If nothing else,
this event has resulted in Trump making the only known statement he has ever
made that does not contain at least one lie:
“These are dark times
for our Nation, as my beautiful home, Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Florida, is
currently under siege, raided, and occupied by a large group of FBI agents.
Nothing like this has ever happened to a President of the United States
before.”
Okay, so he called Mor-on-Lago
beautiful. That’s kind of a judgment call. And yes, he said he was “under siege”
and “occupied.” Technically, those are exaggerations. This one time, I’m
willing to cut fucker some slack. This is as close as he has ever come. And yes,
“Nothing like this has ever
happened to a President of the United States before.” I wonder why. I hope they
searched the plumbing.
Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To
Regret It
August 8, 2022
Told you so
The favorite holiday of
everyone here at Paying Attention™ is upon us once again. Sure, many people
prefer Festivus, or some of the older, more mainstream holidays, but
Resignation Day(s) have long held a special place for everyone here since that
fateful night, August 8, 1974. We were enjoying a pleasant evening in the
Philadelphia suburbs watching the great Bonnie Raitt perform. A little after
nine o’clock, Bonnie stopped the show to announce that the war criminal, lying
crook, anti-Semite, and all-around vengeful, paranoid scallywag Dick Nixon had
announced that he would be resigning as of noon the very next day. Raitt played
Auld Lang Syne and then finished her planned set. We went home afterwards and
celebrated in style. Oh, frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Dick Nixon’s idiot henchmen got
caught breaking into the Watergate offices of the DNC by security guard Frank
Wills, whose life was ruined because he did his job by reporting the break-in. Nearly
47 years later, Donald Trump’s idiot henchmen got caught – though they made no
attempt to hide anything – breaking into the Capitol. It did not take a
security guard to uncover this break-in. Trump’s malignant minions were caught
in the act by everyone watching the whole thing on live tv.
A number of Ratpublicans have
suggested that Mike Pence, who aided and abetted Turmp for five years, was a
hero on that day and deserved a medal. Why? Because he, like Frank Wills, did
his job? Pence spent much of Jan 6 running away from his boss’ angry mob (a mob
Pence still hopes to woo for a presidential run). The same mob who wanted to
hang him by his neck. Pence eventually carried out his constitutional duty,
though beforehand Pence was hoping he could carry out Turmp’s wishes and
overturn the legitimate election that made it clear he and his boss had lost
bigly. Frank Wills died in abject poverty, unable to afford water or
electricity. Mike Pence thinks he is running for president…of an imagined
Christian nation where the Bible trumps the Constitution.
Can Things Possibly Get Any
Verse?
As we have done most years
since 2008 when a wonderful poem was rescued from obscurity we present those
now famous stanzas with new verses being added yearly.
Here is the original long-lost
text as presented in 2008…
I stumbled across a bit of this
very old, well-known verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone
at this special time of year.It’s an
age-old seasonal ditty and this being my favorite American holiday and
all.I’m not sure I remembered all of
the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and
I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t
exist at all.But, it’s full of holiday
magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read
it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.Now without further ado, in honor of August
8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured,
I bring you…
‘Twas the night before Resignation
‘Twas the night before Resignation, when all
through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.
The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.
So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.
It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.
A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!
"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
August 9, 1974 reimagined: Two
great tastes that taste great together: Nixon’s very victorious shameful resignation and Bush’s equally iconic/ironic MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We hope this helps get you in
the mood. Keep the party going while there remains any glimmer of hope for the
future. All the aforementioned crises are not going away any time soon. But we
can take these two days to reflect on the past, take a deep breath knowing that
the political career of Donald Trump is melting away like the Wicked Witch
after Dorothy doused her with a bucket of water (the same thing might be
literally possible with Trump – has anyone tried it?), and duct tape our fingers
crossed for the future.
In the meantime, enjoy Day One, but be sure to get some rest.
You’ll need all your strength to get through Resignation Day(s) Two.
It was 48 years ago today that headlines like the one below appeared
all across the United States and the world. The 37th president
seemed to be in a bit of hot water, but was determined to ride out the storm (as he said during his resignation speech, “I have never been a quitter.”*). Some
say it was the booze talking. The headlines were very different the next day.
New York Daily News
August 7, 1974
Spoiler Alert: Yes, he fucking did.
Tune in to Paying Attention™ as
we interrupt our thoughts on current traumatic events – from the Climate
Crisis, to the Ukraine Crisis, to the Trump Crisis, to the Fascism-in-America
Crisis, to the nascent China Crisis, to the oceans, white with foam (of some
sort) – to celebrate, commiserate and cogitate over the glorious,
one-step-ahead-of-the-sheriff resignation of Dick Nixon, who we here at Paying Attention™
insist on having to kick around some more. Sure, Nixon only faced the threat
of impeachment. And it was only that one time. We would never have anticipated
that the next president to face the threat of impeachment would actually be
impeached for getting a blow job. Many people still think this is crazy…depending
on what their definition of “is” is.
Even more shocking, who could
have imagined back then that something like Donald Trump would come along and
ride his racism, insults and authoritarian cult bullshit to an Electoral
College victory? But that’s a tale for another day. Many other days. Too many
other days.
For now, go make your
Resignation Day(s) preparations: pre-order your wings and pizza, get the
popcorn ready, stock your bar, clean out your vape, and break out your Nixon
bong one more time…for Auld Lang Syne.
_______________________________________________________________ * Oddly, thirty-some years
later, Republican mental defective Sarah Palin also said she was "not a quitter" during her resignation speech (more on her soon).
Ed Venture
(Barely) Managing Editor
BONUS TIP
In case you have not seen this movie,
it’s a favorite around here:
As
will come as absolutely no surprise, we are getting real death panels. And guess who is preparing to
roll them out. Good guess. It’s anti-choice Ratpublican sadists, who are
generally fine with women dying, but are being forced to maintain at least some
limits or at least a façade on their misogyny and death fetishism.
According
to Slate:
After
Roe's fall, ethics committees are taking on a new responsibility: determining
whether a pregnant patient suffering a medical emergency may lawfully obtain an
abortion. This task is actually a throwback to the 1960s and early 1970s, when
states required hospitals to use "abortion committees" that decided
when a pregnancy was dangerous enough to merit termination.
Abortion
committees my ass. These are real, live, fucking DEATH PANELS. They will be purposed
with deciding who is to die – the mother or the fetus. These committees…I mean
DEATH PANELS will determine if the mother is sufficiently at risk of death –
whatever the fuck that means – to terminate the pregnancy or elsewise, to watch
the mother either suffer-but-survive or die, if their Magic 8-Ball was
insufficiently clairvoyant to predict the mother’s demise.
This Just In…
Voters in Kansas surprised pundits with a massive turnout to decisively squash an attempt to completely illegalize abortion in
the Sunflower State. Hopefully this bodes well for the forces of freedom and
sanity in November’s midterms.
Fight the Stupid!
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught
For The Day.
We
recently learned that the Secret Service, Trump’s Secret Service it should be
said, “lost” an unknown number of potentially pertinent text messages.
Trump’s
Department of Homeland Security Inspector General Joseph Cuffari kept secret
the fact that his guys disappeared texts from January 5 and January 6, 2021.
Those dates might ring a bell. He simply, as was the raison d’etre of all Trump
appointees, ignored everything.
Actually,
that may not be entirely accurate. It is reported that in fact Cuffari actively
engaged in making sure this evidence would never again see the light of day by
putting a stop to planned recovery of the data. And the Secret Service houses
the premier
Trump’s
acting Department of Homeland Security (which oversees – overlooks? – the
Secret Service) Secretary Chad Wolf and acting deputy secretary Ken Cuccinelli –
both unlawfully appointed – also seem to have “lost” evidence in the form of
texts from the days leading up to January 6, 2021. Thank goodness they weren’t
emails. They blame their dog, or something to that effect.
All
three of these fuckers – Wolff, Cuccinelli and Cuffari – apparently took Trump’s
loyalty oath more seriously than the one they took to defend the Constitution from
all enemies foreign and domestic.
To
quote Jon Stewart, “If this is America First, then America is fucked.” I love
it when he speaks French.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Question
For The Day.
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