Impeachment is For Sissies

HINT: Chrump Is a Sissy.

October 10, 2019

The House of Representatives shall choose their Speaker and
other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.
U.S. Constitution, Article I, Section 2, clause 5

The White House has put its little foot down, proclaiming in a letter to House Democrats that it will not cooperate with the impeachment inquiry of purported Sudafed addict Donald J. Chrump.  ChrumpCo claims the impeachment process is “illegitimate.”  Der Furor, who can barely spell ‘Constitution’ let alone read it, has called the Constitutionally mandated Congressional responsibility a “scam,” a “fix” and a “coup.” 

One of Chrump’s Fux-lawyer mouthpieces described the impeachment inquiry as “regicide” and called whistle-blowers “suicide bombers.”  Some might be interested to know that impeachment preceded their beloved Second Amendment, seeing as it shows up in Article I of the Constitution, so it is entirely possible that the Founding Fathers thought it was pretty damned important.

The White House counsel said of the impeachment inquiry, “…the President cannot allow your constitutionally illegitimate proceedings to distract him and those in the Executive Branch from their work on behalf of the American people.”  Because, you know, they are doing such a bang-up job.  You know, like throwing the Kurds under the bus and destroying America’s standing all across the globe, plus all the great golfing, tweeting and TV watching Chrump does.  The Orange Gas Cloud has promoted himself from “very stable genius” to “extremely stable genius” and told us how China respects his “very, very large uh-brain”; now he warns us not to question his “great, unmatched wisdom.”  I kid you not.  Apparently, the qresident’s brain spurs are flaring up again.

“You’re out of order. The Constitution is out of order. My brain is out of order.”

The American public is increasingly realizing that the Chrump presidency is illegitimate.  At best.  We now see 58 percent of the American public supporting the impeachment inquiry.  Fifty-one percent of registered voters now favor removing Putin’s puppet from the People’s House...according to a new Fux News poll.  Raise your hand if you think these numbers are going anywhere but up.

Only 34 percent approve of the way Chrump is handling his impeachment inquiry.  Does that mean only one Chrump child – Ivanka, Don, Jr. or Eric – agrees with their despicable dad?

Lindsey Graham, finger-wagging fuckwit

Chrump and team of legal contortionists are clearly trotting out the old “When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal” canard as their primary defense.  Nixon famously uttered those cringe-worthy, anti-democratic, borderline insane words to interviewer David Frost several years after he resigned in utter (albeit seemingly oblivious to) disgrace.  The main difference this time, beside the fact that Chrump is infinitely worse than Nixon, is that these legal masturbators masterminds are using Nixon’s shameful insult to the Constitution pre-emptively. 

In fact, Chrump’s Department of Justice is in essence trying to relitigate Nixon’s impeachment inquiry by by trying to persuade a judge that the decision to make Nixon turn over his gloriously incriminating tape recordings was incorrect.  To which the judge hearing this amazing legal lunacy replied, “Wow.  The Department [of Justice] is taking an extraordinary position in this case.”

“Am I talking to ME?”

I wonder why Chrump does not think that like trade wars, impeachments are “good and easy to win.”  He actually did think this until some one explained to him what an impeachment was.

I. Mangrey reporting.                                                                                           

                                                                             

Little Miss Dick

Voters of Wyoming, Unite! You Have Nothing to Lose But Your Cheneys

October 9, 2019

Lest we forget, Donald Chrump is not the only dimwitted ne’er-do-well running amok in our federal government.  The Republican’t party has a bevy of bozos like Jim Jordan, Louie Gohmert, Devin Nunes, Matt Gaetz, Steve King, Linsey Graham, Betsy DeVos to name a few.  We will ignore of the time being the more subdued schmucks like Mike Pence, Bill Barr, Mike Pompeo, Rick Perry and Ben Carson.  The subject of today’s brief respite from the top twit is one of the newest mindless misfits, one with a recognizable name, being the daughter of a well-known ex-second-in-command. 

Liz Cheney recently commented on a court battle that pitted a large coalition of Native American tribes against Chrump’s Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS).  The FWS wanted to make it easier to murder Grizzlies, because GUNS.  The court determined that the ability to murder endangered bears was not the best use of our natural resources.  And the massive Native alliance prevailed.  Dick’s little girl was not happy about the judge’s decision to continue to protect the Grizzly Bears around Yellowstone via the Endangered Species Act.  I am surprised that a Cheney would be in favor of hunting animals that were not pre-crippled.  She whined about “radical environmentalists” who were “intent on destroying our Western way of life.” 

Fun fact: those radical environmentalists happen to be a near-historic alliance of Native American tribes. 

Tom Rodgers, a senior adviser to the Rocky Mountain Tribal Leaders Council, had a response, “So, in striving to protect our culture, our religious and spiritual freedoms, our sovereignty and our treaty rights – all of which are encapsulated in the grizzly issue – we are ‘destroying’ Cheney’s idea of the ‘Western way of life’?  I would remind the Congresswoman that at the time of the Lewis and Clark Expedition an estimated 100,000 grizzly bears roamed from the Missouri River to the Pacific Coast.  That was all Indian Country.  Now there are fewer than 2,000 grizzly bears and our people live in Third World conditions on meager reservations in the poorest counties in the U.S.  Does she really want to talk about ‘destroying’ a ‘way of life’?”  Apparently, yes, she does.

Daddy’s little Dick
Which is which?  Their hands won’t give them away.

You might be interested, albeit nauseated, to know that word on the street is that Little Dick Cheney is running for president in 2024.  Our sources report that Cheney-the-younger has told potential sugar daddies that she “could shoot someone in the face, get them to apologize, and still not lose any supporters”…once she gets some.

I. Mangrey.  No apology.

 

Thought For The Day

Donald Chrump: The Un-president

October 8, 2019

“I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction of the Constitution.”
       Rep. Barbara Jordan (D-TX) July 25, 1974, Nixon’s 11^th hour

And Nancy Pelosi now has them in her possession…
be a shame if anything were to happen to them

The Un-president is known for grabbing the Senate by the pussy…

The Senate’s pussy – Linsey Graham

Pussy and Grabber

Chrump is undeniably, unwaveringly, unbelievably unsane.

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

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Thought For The Day

Zuck You Buddy

October 5, 2019

Elizabeth Warren has the Wall Street elite and their fellow travelers scrambling like a horde of smug cockroaches obliviously gorging themselves until the lights suddenly expose their uninvited feast.  Many have already threatened to withhold funding from Democrats should Warren be the party’s presidential nominee.  Though Oklahoma’s native daughter would never use such language – at least in public – her message is clear: Go fuck yourselves.  One of these pernicious pests recently told his minions of his plan to take on Warren’s proposed fling with fairness. 
F#$&book CEO Mark F#$kerberg weighed in on Elizabeth Warren’s plan to go after monopolies like F#$&book, as well as under-regulated, overpaid, under-responsible whiners.  The duplicitous, greedy little weasel, whose entire raison d'être is running roughshod over people’s privacy got a taste of his own poison/medicine. 

Not expecting his latest whimpering at his weekly Q&A with employees to leak to the public at large, here is what the Father of F#$&book told his “private” audience:

MARK F#$kerberg: I mean, if she gets elected president, then I would bet that we will have a legal challenge, and I would bet that we will win the legal challenge. And does that still suck for us? Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to have a major lawsuit against our own government. I mean, that’s not the position that you want to be in when you’re, you know, I mean…it’s like, we care about our country and want to work with our government and do good things. But look, at the end of the day, if someone’s going to try to threaten something that existential, you go to the mat and you fight.

Elizabeth Warren did not disappoint anyone except perhaps F#$kerberg with her response to the monopolistic little maggot:

Zuck you F#$kerberg

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It Hurt So Much I Laughed

America Worst

October 4, 2019

The psychotic pshit weasel we are forced to call president knows no depths too deep for him to burrow.  This is not surprising given the fact that he knows almost nothing about almost everything.  There is no law Chrump feels a need to obey.  Again, in his defense, he cannot read anything longer than 280 characters, and will not listen to anything anyone else says.  Even if he was capable of reading or listening, he would have no interest in understanding anything in the Constitution – it is not about him, with the exception of:

The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.
                                          Article II, Section 4

Or as Chrump called it, “a coup.”

America Fifth, or Maybe Sixth…or So

By now everyone knows what a riotous jokester Donald Chrump is.  One of his biggest jokes was his constant grunting of “America first.”  We know he was joking because he spends most of his time sucking up to or on just about every bad actor autocrat around the world – Putin, Kim, Xi, Duterte, bin Salman – the more murderous and horrific, the more Chrump respects and grovels.

Chrump stole money from his “beloved” military to build a wall or a moat or whatever at the southern border.  He illegally withheld funds approved by Congress (impeachable offense #531) for an ally’s military support in order to extort election interference (impeachable offense #532) – “Nice country you got there, shame if you didn’t have enough defensive weapons to keep something very bad from happening to it.”

“You know, they said we needed to triple the border patrol, where now they’re going to say we need to quadruple the border patrol, or they’ll want a higher fence.  Maybe they’ll need a moat.  Maybe they’ll want alligators in the moat.”
                           President Barack Obama, May 10, 2011

According to a recent New York Times article based on interviews with numerous White House and administration officials who had direct involvement in March 2019 meetings with Chrump:

Privately, the president had often talked about fortifying a border wall with a water-filled trench, stocked with snakes or alligators, prompting aides to seek a cost estimate. He wanted the wall electrified, with spikes on top that could pierce human flesh. After publicly suggesting that soldiers shoot migrants if they threw rocks, the president backed off when his staff told him that was illegal. But later in a meeting, aides recalled, he suggested that they shoot migrants in the legs to slow them down. That’s not allowed either, they told him.

Fortunately, all he was able to do was kidnap refugee children and accuse them and their parents of horrific criminal intent and/or activity.  Boy, that was a close call, though overall, we might have looked less disgraceful to the rest of the world, albeit much more cartoonish, with the snakes and alligators.

IMPEACHMENT UPDATE

At long last, the impeachment process is officially underway. (Please clap.)  The impeachment camel’s back was finally crushed beneath the weight of a straw fashioned out of Chrump’s extortion call to Ukraine President Zelensky.  Chrump withheld desperately needed defensive weapons in return for Zelensky digging up dirt on Joe Biden ahead of the 2020 election.  To be fair, it might have simply been a matter of Chrump softening up Ukraine to make it easier for Putin to take over the country he craves for his own.

China, if you’re listening…



Apparently, another thing Chrumpy the Clown does not understand is that what he is standing in is very deep shit.  Beautiful shit.  Perfect shit.  Chrump’s next move was to scream at reporters on the South Lawn of the White House for all to hear and see – on camera, in broad daylight, “Well, I would think that if they [Ukraine] were honest about it, they would start a major investigation into the Bidens.  It's a very simple answer. They should investigate the Bidens… And by the way, likewise, China should start an investigation into the Bidens.  Because what happened in China is just about as bad as what happened with Ukraine.” (actual quote and impeachable offense #533)  And as everyone in the reality-based community knows, nothing happened with the Bidens and Ukraine.  Pretty funny stuff from the boy who cried, “NO COLLUSION!”

 

Der Furor’s latest impeachment-worthy screech-fest prompted Federal Election Commission Chair Ellen Weintraub to issue the following statement: “It is illegal for any person to solicit, accept, or receive anything of value from a foreign national in connection with a U.S. election.”  One must wonder just how illegal this really is since this is Chrump's third public plea to foreign governments for help in going after his opponents and getting him elected.

When do we get to look into Moscow Mitch’s Russia connections and Mrs. Moscow Mitch’s China connections?  Inquiring minds want to know.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Tune in tomorrow for Chrump's impeachable offense du jour.

Paying Attention Exclusive Interview

We Said He Said What We Said He Said

October 3, 2019

While I am relieved that Nancy Pelosi has finally let the Impeachment Train out of the station, I am not particularly satisfied that she is insisting on a singular focus on Der Furor’s extortion-ridden phone call with the president of Ukraine.  There are so many other horrendous acts that should not be swept into the memory hole.  Unless the American memory hole is in fact a black hole, it must be overflowing, but that is no excuse to turn a dog-tired, itchy, burning, bloodshot, blind eye to the laundry list of impeachable-adjacent and outright impeachable offenses committed by the Conman-in-chief.  That being said, if this Ukraine-extortion/election-meddling-phone-call episode is sufficient to bring this criminal enterprise of a fake administration to a screeching halt, then I will take it.

Despite the obvious risks, Paying Attention decided to seek out the Offender-in-chief to delve into the inner workings of whatever it is that lurks beneath the off-color “hair” and burnt umbrage façade, that passes for Chrump’s “very, very large uh-brain.”  An emergency medical team and trained extraction force comprised of ex-Navy Seals stood by in case our reporter required immediate attention.

The qresident agreed to sit down with our Allyson Wunderland for an exclusive interview, but only if she promised to wear a short skirt, and if the interview could be held directly beneath the churning blades of Marine One, the president’s helicopter, and in close proximity to a McDonald’s.  There was no sitting, and it was not so much interview (Allyson never actually asked a question) as it was Chrump screaming over the chopper noise, which has become his signature communication style.  Here is what he shouted…

A very stable gasbag

“Excuse me, my phone calls with many very special people are very, very secret.  As you know, I love many of them very much, though not as much as they love me.  No one can know what I’m talking about.  Very secret.  I don’t even know what I’m talking about.  This is the way is has to be.  My advisors, most of who are me, never tell me what to say – since I know better than any of them, including me – and they never tell me what I said.  It doesn’t matter anyway.  I’ve said many things, the best things anyone has ever said.  I have so many beautiful phone calls that are so perfect no one can even believe how perfect my calls are.  I can’t let anyone know how I make such perfect calls before I get re-elected.  Excuse me, I’m talking.  Then I can let you in on my secrets, unless I decide to run again.”

At this point Chrump appeared to either swallow his tongue, or choke on a rogue shock of “hair” that had apparently had insufficient epoxy to keep it from succumbing to the turbulent air beneath the chopper.  Either way, once the almost shapeless executive was able to refocus, he unfortunately continued. 

“Many people don’t know that FDR – the very crippled and ugly president, Francis Eleanor Rosenfeld – served very many terms.  So many terms.  No one really knows how many.  Who knows, maybe I could do even more terms, maybe the most ever?  It could happen.  Plus, many of these calls are under audit, like my taxes.  That is why we had to hide all my calls illegally.  And what about Hillary Clinton?  What about her emails?  And her server?  Ukraine or Russia or Australia or Saudi Arabia or whoever, if you’re listening, I hope sure if you’re able to find Crooked Hillary’s missing emails, or her secret server, or Joe Biden’s son, or maybe Jimmy Hoffa’s body, or those Big Macs that went missing yesterday.  I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our crooked media.  We must find that server and unbleach it.” 

“As far as this impeach Chrump thing goes, they should probably impeach Rudy – it was all his idea.  And how about Mike Pence and his secret phone calls.  Does anyone even know who Mike Pounce is talking to?   I have no idea.  I don’t even know how he got in here.  Ever heard of ‘implausible deniability’?  That’s what I have, it means I can deny everything and no one can question it.  It’s all in the Constitution.  Maybe you should read it.  I read it every day right before I wake up.”   

Chrump making a perfect phone call perfectly

Finally, after covering a frightening array of unrelated topics, and for no apparent reason, Chrump turned his mouth to Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Up-Chrump’s Ass). 

“Would Lindsey Graham be golfing with me if I was such a bad person.  He was only pretending to hate my guts when he called me a “race-baiting, xenophobic religious bigot.”  He told me he was kidding when he said I was “generally a loser as a person and a candidate.”  No one took him seriously when he said, “I think he's a kook.  I think he's crazy.  I think he's unfit for office.”  He only says nice things about me now that he knows me better.  No pressure.  I did not have sexual relations with that man.  He loves Chrump of his own free will.  No pressure.  We have a perfect relationship.  Everyone loves Chrump.  Except the fake news losers.  I could have owned every McDonald’s you’ve ever seen if I wanted to.”

At this point, the qresident simply gazed off into the distance and wandered toward the McDonald’s.

“Out of my way underling.  I only eat the best food.”

Forget the whistleblower, this officer risked his life by standing between the Toxic Orange Gas Cloud and an unsuspecting McDonald’s.  Once the officer was dispatched, the Orange One scared off all the patrons within and inhaled all the “food,” most of which was uncooked.

I. Mangrey reporting.  Keep your hands away from his mouth.                            

                                                                                    

On Offense, or Simply Offensive?

The Long Arm (and Small Brain) of The Law

October 1, 2019

Forty-seven percent of Americans now approve of the impeachment and removal from office of Donald Chrump – up from 37 percent one week ago.  One. Week. Ago.  Those disapproving went from 57 percent down to 47 percent during the same period.  For some perspective, this early in the impeachment proceedings against Richard "Turns Out He Was a Crook" Nixon, only 19 percent of the nation was pro-impeachment.  Despite the preponderance of alternative facts and realities, as far as we can tell, 47 is still larger than 19.  Some close to Chrump fear their guy does not exactly understand what he is up against.  Chrump needs to sit down and have a serious talk with himself.  But will he listen?

Desperately attempting to distract himself (and us) from the impending implosion initiated by impeachment, Chrump has given new marching orders to Bill Barr’s Department of Injustice.  Der Furor has instructed his Roy Cohn to wrap up yet another investigation into Hillary Clinton’s damn emails with a guilty verdict, and after finally locking her up, move immediately to another, perhaps even more pressing matter.  Naturally, Chrump announced his latest assholery on Twitter:

     

The Idiot Bastard President also said to reporters of Nancy Pelosi, “…unfortunately, she's no longer the Speaker of the House.”  With statements like this, Chrump should not be allowed near a firearm or even sharp objects, let alone the nuclear codes. 

He then threatened the whistleblower, calling him (or her) a spy, and hinting that execution should be the punishment.  Naturally, Chrump wants to steamroll the legal protections against outing whistleblowers, saying he is “trying to find out” the whistleblower’s identity (impeachable offense #529), presumably to lock them up. 

Chrump also suggested that House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff be arrested for treason for seeing to it that Congress exercises its constitutionally authorized power of oversight.  Chrump also warned that if he was impeached the stock markets would crash and another Civil War would break out (impeachable offense #530).  Based on what we already know, all of this would seem to be well worth the risk.  It appears Chrump’s bone spurs have spread to his “brain.”

It might be large, but it’s nothing but hot air and mildew

I. Mangrey, on the case.  Just in case.

THIS JUST IN:

The House Intelligence Committee has subpoenaed Rudy Giuliani.  Giuliani?  Intelligence?  I wish them luck, but I cannot help but think they tilting at morons.

BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE:

According to the Wall Street Journal, Secretary of Shit Mike Pompeo was listening in on Chrump’s beautifully perfect Ukraine phone call, which he somehow failed to mention during his tour of the Sunday morning shows two days ago.  He probably just forgot that he witnessed his boss breaking the law.  Aiding and abetting anyone? 

Chrump and his (not our) Attorney General Roy Cohn William Barr have been pressing multiple foreign countries for information that would discredit the Mueller investigation.

BUT WAIT AGAIN…THERE’S STILL MORE, MUCH MORE…

We have no idea what that is yet, but are willing to bet the farm that there is much, much more just around the corner, and some of it might have emerged between the time this is posted and the time this is posted.  Stay tuned and well lubricated.

Wedding Announcement For The Day

And They Said It Would Never Happen

September 30, 2019

The happy couple has been seen here and there, teasing the papparazzi for years now.  Finally, it seems that the match many thought was made in heaven, or somewhere, but time after time after time defied all logic, will at long last materialize.  Forget the latest Hollywood hook-up.  Forget the latest Royal wedding.  This will be the couple everyone is talking about for many, many years to come.  Twitter will be all atwitter.  Thousands of people will be dancing in the streets.  This coupling will draw the biggest crowds in history, in any history. 

Introducing…

Consummation might have to wait a while, but it will be spectacular 

This has been your Paying Attention Wedding Announcement For The Day.

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Paying Attention's Daily Disaster

 

Making Donald Chrump Sweat Again

September 28, 2019

Donald Chrump is unraveling faster and faster as impeachment looms larger and larger.  Like an honest hair stylist bent on cropping the painfully-dyed weasel on Chrump’s head into a human-esque hair style, Chrump’s impeachment is as frightening a prospect as he has ever faced.  Chrump, who has been leaking national security secrets since the early days of his regime, has finally managed to step over the finish-line-in-the-sand.  Even Congress cannot ignore Chrump’s extortion of Ukraine, withholding military aid for assistance in fabricating dirt on Joe Biden, and of course, Hillary Clinton.

Sometimes tweeting on the toilet can get a bit messy

It is even rumored that some members of Congress will not be going on recess in order to expedite the impeachment inquiry.  Secretary of Shit Mike Pompeo has already been subpoenaed for documents.  In the subpoena wings are such highly placed dim lights as Mike Pence, Bill Barr, Rudy Giuliani, John Bolton and some unknown number of White House officials with likely knowledge of Chrump’s most recently scrutinized violation of his oath of office/threat to national security/flaunting of the Constitution.  Not to mention the Ukraine extortion, etc. whistleblower himself.

Stock up on popcorn.

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