Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part III

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

Still trying to bag the elusive Would-Be-Monarch Butthead Fly

I’ll Believe The Future When I See It
Project Protect 2026

December 31, 2025

Anyone can put together a look back at the year that was. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But it takes true courage, real spunk and a complete disregard for common sense to pretend to know what will happen in the year to come.

So, here it is. The final installment of what to expect in 2026.

Donald Trump – the long COVID of presidents – still has us gnashing our teeth, fighting to keep food down, losing sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately prevail despite the unrelenting and seditious efforts of its arch enemies – Donald Trump, his Fascist Party, and the Supremely Partisan/Fascist Court. Hopefully, the final chapter of Trump's legacy will provide a degree of satisfaction for the rest of us. Sooner than later please.

Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor

September 24, 2026

No Peace For The Prize

Trump, who has spent years whining about how he deserved a dozen Nobel Peace Prizes, goes on “Truth” Social to go after the Nobel committee.  

“Please do not nominate me for your stupid, failing PEACE PRIZE. Obviously, you only give it to big losers. I wouldn’t accept your prize if you begged me. I never wanted your very unpopular prize. I already have the much more respected and bigger FAFO or FIFA or whatever PEACE PRIZE. In fact now that I already have the most prestige trophy – one that no one else has ever won, and probably never will – I am going to start more wars than anyone. Even more than all the wars I stopped – without getting your stupid prize. So far I got Venezuela, Nigeria, the Epstein Files, and others very soon. Very good wars. The best wars. Wars for PEACE. I am the PEACE PRIZE.”

Is he awake or asleep? Who can even tell anymore?

November 3, 2026

Truth And Consequences

After nearly half of the Fascist/Trump Party House members decided not to run for reelection, and Senators from that party could not raise a dollar for their campaigns, Democrats ran the table. Despite the Supreme Court’s efforts to erase the Constitution and all manner of standing law in order to make America a kingdom and Trump the king, We The People finally said enough is fucking enough. Most Democrats ran on affordable health care, affordable food and protecting programs like SNAP, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, they also ran on promising the American people that they would not miss this time. They would, if given majorities in the House and Senate, impeach the mother fucker again, and this time convict his ass out of the Remains of The White House, and rebuild the East Wing, just like the French rebuilt Notre Dame after it burned down.

Meanwhile, the Supreme Court, despite having no case before them, decides that there is nothing in the Constitution requiring a president to be a living person. While they did not declare that women were disqualified to serve as president (that being an unnecessary edict since it will never happen), they did make it possible for Trump to remain in office post-mortem if he merely declares his intent before his long-overdue demise.

December 13, 2026

The Name That Sunk A Thousand Ships

After affixing his soon-to-be-outlawed name and Medusa-esque visage to Mount Rushmore (already an abomination on sacred Indian land), Trump is finally thwarted in his endless crusade to put his disgraced name on everything.

Somehow this classless pig was previously permitted to change the name of, among other things, THE JOHN F. KENNEDY MEMORIAL CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS to the utterly pathetic and even more ridiculous THE DONALD J. TRUMP AND THE JOHN F. KENNEDY MEMORIAL CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS. Just plain stupid, this does not work as a name, but to paraphrase the great Forest Gump, “Pathetic is as pathetic does.”

As reported by Jim Acosta, “Well here we are at the scene of yet another crime committed by Donald Trump. He has vandalized The Kennedy Center by putting his name on it.”

No class, no shame. No one worth a shit will play there anymore

Trump’s next attempt to plaster his undeserving name on something he had nothing to do with thankfully failed miserably. 

Trump was also thwarted in his attempt to attach his horrible name to The Obama Presidential Center.

December 25, 2026

Truly Shocking

Despite the total lack of meaningful brain activity, it’s worth a try

After his monthly “annual routine physical” complete with MRI and cognitive exam, Donald Trump returned to the Remains of the White House. An unnamed physician told reporters, “We had to initiate strident measures with the president. Given his snowballing dementia, the unrelenting syphilis, combined with his lifelong toxic narcissism and rapacious lust for vengeance, we had no choice. We believe this treatment will now be part of his monthly ‘annual routine physical’. It’s unlikely he’ll notice we added this to his regimen.” Speaking from the “East Wing”, Trump addressed “reporters”

I had stock therapy, or Spock therapy. Something. I don’t know how or where they did it, but I know it wasn’t brain because I was told brain was perfect. Great cognitive. The best any doctor has ever seen. Hundreds, maybe thousands or dozens of excellent doctors, strong, powerful doctors, tears in their eyes, they all said, “Sir, that brain of yours is unbelievable. Then they all started sobbing, ran out of the room, never saw any of them again. A beautiful thing. Like my wonderful tariffs. And my wife, Ivanka. Beautiful lady, tears in her eyes all the time.

December 31, 2026

This Will Have Been The Year That Will Have Been

We are predicting that the year 2026 will come to an abrupt end, at midnight or there abouts. We are simply not stupid enough to even consider predicting how. There is a non-zero percent chance that we will once again be relieved and very fortunate if we manage to wring out another year.

Do I smell smoke?

Out With (ano)The(r) Bad Year, In With The Completely Unpredictable (With The Exception Of Our Predictions) And Potentially Fatal New Year

The only good thing about 2025 is that it ended before our democracy did (technically speaking). And before we did.

In any event, hope for the best, expect the worst. Remain vigilant. Sleep with one eye open. The year 2026 is coming for you and is plotting to kill you if you’re not prepared, perhaps even if you are.

Mel Brooks – Hope For The Best

And this is not a prediction, this is a guarantee: the word of the year will be

Anyway, that’s it for Paying Attention™ in 2025 (unless Trump bombs Venezuela, or Yemen, or Somalia, or Minneapolis, Chicago, Los Angeles, or Canada, or the Remains of the White House) and now we all know what to expect in 2026 – or at least some of it. For now, just enjoy New Year’s Eve, think responsibly, and for now, forget the future ever happened.

Feel free to ignore all predictions except this one from the world’s foremost authority: “If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.” 

From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King, and our research and legal teamS:

Hello 2026, come right in, we’ve been expecting you.

We know what you did next summer.

Don’t let the sun, the moon or any other

proximate celestial body catch you crying

Question For The Day – Insurance Health

What’s No Longer In Your Wallet?

December 30, 2026

Thanks to the Fascist/Trump-addled Congress, health insurance premiums are skyrocketing. This is causing countless Americans to simply stop having health insurance. One thing this will do is cause people to flock to emergency rooms, having nowhere else to go. Many will end up not paying some or all of their bills. All of this will cause health care costs to increase for everyone. Everyone. All of us.

There have been constant articles and news stories confirming all this.

Here’s an example from Dr. Eric Lulluve’s article The 2026 Healthcare Cliff: Why Millions are Bracing for a ‘Rate Shock’:

Since Congress chose to expire the additional premium insurance subsidies — that 8.5% cap vanishes. A self-employed couple in their 60s earning $85,000 could see their premiums jump from roughly $600 a month to over $1,800 a month—essentially a second mortgage.

However, it seems there is another facet to this exploding healthcare/insurance crisis. And no, this is not about Medicare for all – guaranteed medical care provided by the government, via our tax dollars, which are perpetually sabotage by the richest among us barely paying their unfair share.

This is about those wonderful, caring folks who collect our health insurance premiums and then do their best to avoid paying for our health care needs at every turn. But that is a topic for another day.

Today’s Question For The Day:

How long before so many people stop purchasing unaffordable health insurance that it starts effecting the bottom line of insurance companies?

Bonus Question:

How will the poor, put-upon insurance companies regain their ability to suck our wallets dry and rip us off?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

Pic Of The Day – Duck!

Look A Gift Duck In The Mouth   

December 30, 2025

From the late, great Howard The Duck…

Just for the record

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*He’s not really dead, he just smells fowl.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic Of The Day.

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part II

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle 

The End (of The Year) is Near

December 29, 2025

Telling It Like It Will Have Been

It is time to pick up where we laughed off. Hopefully, you have talked yourself into a festive mood as 2025 melts away like the Arctic and if many people have their way, America’s democracy. If you had already started your Rent-A-Coma experience and are not seeing this in a timely manner, welcome back – I hope you are feeling refreshed, or at least blissfully unaware of any of the disastrous depredations that occurred while you were “out.” If you have already decided to just down your ENDITOL, we understand; you will be missed.

It was with great trepidation, constipation and crustacean – no, that can’t be right… that we even forced ourselves to look at the coming year. 2026 promises to be horrifying, angst-ridden, painful and exhausting. And that’s the best-case scenario. Hopefully, it can’t be worse than 2025.

As we watch 2025 dissolve into the American memory abyss, Donald Trump, or as JD Vance described him, “America’s Hitler”, before either 1) doing a 180 and half a 69 or, 2) realizing he kind of dug Hitler after all – continues his American Carnage II: REVENGE OF THE TURDS regime to finish off American democracy.

In any event, welcome to Part II of our annual three-part series on the way it will be in 2026. With any luck the prediction gods will provide something to save the day, if not the year.  

April 15, 2026

Tax Flay

Donald Trump commemorates Tax Day by promising to lower taxes on the richest one percent of Americans. “I promise, on day one of my next term, to lower taxes on the best Americans – the ones with the most money. I am going to lower their taxes by 80% or 200 or maybe 1,000 or even 5,000%. They deserve it. The rest of you, especially those who didn’t vote for me, even though the 2028 re-election of Trump will just be for show, so the fake news will have something to talk about for a few days, before they’re all fired, the rest of you will get a very special Trump tax increase. You’re welcome.”

April 22, 2025

Planet Of The Trumps

Trump picks Earth Day to announce even more drilling, fracking and a number of “controlled oil spills” in Democratic sectors. After outlawing any Earth Day celebrations, Trump orders the removal of all windmills and creates the Department of American Solar Systems Hauled Off Leading to Environmental Suicide, charged with crisscrossing the country to confiscate solar panels and electric vehicles from American citizens.

Trump moves to outlaw the sale of electric cars. “These machines are extremely dangerous. Like the ridiculous electric lawn mower, just to start it you need an IQ of around 200, or 300 or even 1,000 – like mine, which thousands of doctors have said is the best IQ ever. We are also looking into jailing anyone who already owns one of these deadly vehicles. They’re killing the birds just like those horrible windmills.”

I caught up with Der Furor for a quick mano-a-psycho, where else but the golf course. He had this to shout

“The scientists don’t know this, but with my very, very large uh-brain, which is bigger than any brain you have ever seen, and doing great with the cognitive – have I told you that my uncle taught at Princeton – making me the smartest man who ever lived, I have determined that the environment is a hoax. There is no such thing. Never was. God, who is almost as smart and popular as Trump, created all of this from nothing, so obviously everything is nothing, so why worry about it. What do you think of that? Pretty amazing. Now we don’t have to worry about global wokeness. Drill, baby, drill. Burn, baby, burn. Now, watch this drive.”

 

May 1, 2025

It’s Not Easy Being Greenland

Trump claims that Greenland is sending illegal drugs to the United States and orders the Space Force to make plans for an incursion into the Danish territory he has long craved to take for himself. “These Greenlandians are not fooling Trump. Greenland is a huge island in terms of land. All that white stuff coving this country is not actually snow. It is “snow” which is what many cocaine addicts call their drug. That is why I pardoned one of the largest cocaine traffickers in the world, so he could teach me things like this.”

Hello, Mr. Denmark, gimme Greenland and nobody gets hurt

July 4, 2025

Fuck The Fourth

Trump orders January 6 to be a federal holiday as a replacement for July 4^th.

“This is a new very strong and powerful holiday. This will now be the real Independence Day – the Day we almost became independent of the annoying Constitution and all the fake voting that happens when I don’t win. Today we say good-bye to the old, outdated Independence Day. From now on, starting next January 6^th we will be celebrating Trump Day. Now, watch me dance to the new National Anthem – YMCA after I bang this flag like it was my daughter.”

July 21, 2025

Show Me The Drugs

A new cottage industry emerges as a result of Trump’s math-defying drug price reductions. After reducing prescription drug prices by 500%, 1,100% and even 1,300% many perfectly healthy people find ways to require medication. Unsurprisingly, most of those meds are anti-depressants, but the psychological benefits are outweighed by the financial gains.

Also, Trump unveils his new line of spiked catheters.

Nap Time

Go and have a nap or a concussion, maybe some Prozac or a quick round of Rent-A-Coma. There is a good chance Part III is coming soon. 

We’ve got the Magic 8 Ball (who needs AI) on autopilot – we asked again later, survived countless hazy replies, and a surprising number of “Signs point to WTF”. These are not fake predictions.  

Making predictions takes intense preparation and concentration
in order to get oneself in touch with the spirits

Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it gets away.  

Since He Brought It Up

Sorry Charlie

December 28, 2025

At the recent first meeting of his annual TPUSA racist rally after his, according to many, untimely death, it was only natural that the marginal memory of Charlie Kirk, big-headed, small-minded purveyor of puke, be invoked by those desiring to vacuum up his supporters for their own aggrandizement. Exhibit A, the current vice president and desperately-wanting-to-be-lead-ass-kisser of Donald Trump

Oopsie, fucked by facts for the 500^th time

Rest In Place

After the assassination of Charlie Kirk, many people referred to him as a man of faith. I am not one of those, though I do not begrudge anyone their beliefs...except when they try to foist those beliefs on others or on our society writ large. My problem is how can someone be considered a person of faith when their entire life is dedicated to promoting racism, gender discrimination and just generally being a bully and a jerk?

I'm just asking questions.

Well, I was just asking questions, now, I’m making an observation and a statement.

Kirk was a man of filth, not faith from what I was able to see.

Not saying this to be rude or mean, just accurate if you take him at his words…and deeds.

I. Mangrey reporting. It’s a living (not really).

 

  

Secret Word – ONE MILLION

Must Have Been In Their Other Pants

December 27, 2025

Hey, remember when the deadline for releasing all the Epstein Pedo-files, signed into law by the guy who shows up in those files 1,628 times, more than any other person, including Epstein, came and went with only a tiny fraction of the hundreds-of-thousands of documents being released by the deadline – which was eight days ago? Well, you’ll never (i.e., easily) guess what happened next.

In a surprise to no one, the Department of “Justice” For Trump has announced that it suddenly “found” ONE MILLION more Epstein Pedo-files. The odds of that happening were actually one-in-one. ONE MILLION. I wonder how many times BFF Donnie Dirtbag’s name shows up in this batch of ONE MILLION* more fucking Epstein documents.

Don Henley – Inside Job

_______________________________________________
*That’s one, followed by six zeros, as in one fucking hell of a lot of shit. Good luck flushing that down your crappy toilet Donnie.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret Word.
Don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. 

Thought For The Day – Take Him Out

It’s Later Than We Think

December 27, 2025

Donald Trump might be an ignorant, decrepit, dementia-addled, greedy criminal creep. Oh, and a rapist. Actually, he is objectively all of that.

All of that could well be over-ridden by the fact that he is now a cornered beast, foaming at the mouth, filled with a need for vengeance and fueled by hatred, contempt and rage and an utter lack of empathy for anyone who is not him. Other than that he’s not such a bad guy. Just kidding, those are his most endearing.

He needs to be put out of our misery before all is lost. This is not a call to physical violence, we’re not suggesting a walk to the gravel pit with Kristi Noem. We just believe there’s a growing need to put a stop to this cancerous lesion.  

I’m here for you Mr. President, sir. Just say the word. Any word.
Sir? Sir!?

That would most likely mean beating him to a proverbial pulp at the ballot box. Wait, where did you think that was going? Unfortunately, the ballot box is eleven months away and Trump and his toxic team are hard at work making mincemeat out of our electoral system. And obviously, the end of Trump won’t mean the end of stupid but it’s a very good start. In any event, we cannot turn to violence to solve our problems. Right?

There is more than a little hope though that Trump, by virtue of his lifestyle and of course the syphilis finally catching up with him, will live to see his own life end sooner than later. If ever there was a time for thoughts and prayers, even from all you agnostics and atheists out there, this is it.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part I

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

The End (of The Year*) is Near

December 26, 2025

Where Will We Have Gone From Here

Well, here we are once again. Another perfectly bad year shot to hell. This has objectively been one of the worst of all time. One year dies a painful and horrific death, another poised to take its putrid place. The year 2025 will perhaps be worst known for two things. The first being the beginning of a second, and legally speaking (as if that fucking matters anymore), last term for America’s most horrific chief executive.

The second thing that has made 2025 so special is that Trump, running on a platform of rich-getting-richer-poor-getting-poorer, fascists getting fascistier and shit getting shittier, rode in on a tsunami of hate-drenched tstupidity thanks to which American democracy has been constantly kicked in the crotch, had several teeth knocked out, and is currently choking on a bone fragment after RFingK, Jr. outlawed the Heimlich Maneuver.

Once again, much of what will happen next year will swirl around the gold-plated, gazpacho-brained gargoyle currently residing in the Remains of the White House he is reconfiguring to suit his trailer-park-trash sense of style.

Our predictions for 2026 are, as are all predictions, made up out of thin air. This might be why some predictions may seem to be mutually exclusive, and why almost none of it makes much sense (though some of our predictions have not been as far off as you might imagine or, rightfully, assume. Clearly, no one ever knows what might happen in the future, or if there will even be a future. The only thing we do know is Trump cannot live forever. Right?

Not a prediction, just a recurring dream

Save America From Americans

Many people do not realize that predicting the future is not an exact science. Truth be told, science is not always an exact science. A large swath of America does not even think science is real. In reality – as if that’s still a thing – nobody can predict the future…as if that’s still a thing. Nonetheless, we will put our non-existent reputation on the line to tell it like it will be. Our record has been as good as anyone’s since our first foray into Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle back in 2013.

Our goal is to prepare everyone for what might be right around the corner in order to reduce the element of surprise. We wish us luck.

I. Carnac, questioning all the answers that will be given in 2026

Now, Before It’s Too Late, Back To The Future

So, 2025, finally goes the way of all years, good, bad or ugly. At this point, it is all but guaranteed that we will be here to see it end.

In any event, here is what we predict you will see over the next 12 months…

January 6, 2026

Let Them Eat Fake

Trump sees January 6 as a good time to bring the nation together and delivers a “speech” to a divided nation from the Remains of the White House. We have the transcript:

“On the FIFTH anniversary of what almost became the GREATEST DAY IN AMERICAN HISTORY, but was still A VERY GOOD ONE for White House TOURISTS, and all the very fine people who love TRUMP, I have a very special announcement to make. Many of you pathetic losers, I mean patriotic heroes, voted for me because of all the promises I made. Of course, politicians – which I am not, and everyone knows this – always make promises to get your “votes”. How could I have known that even though I am NOT a politician you would treat me like one and believe all the crap I said to get elected. But today, because I am so honest – probably THE MOST HONEST PERSON IN ALL HISTORY – I will tell you that the only promises I will keep are the ones that help the richest people – THE ONLY real Americans. The rest of you are on your own. And though this might make some of you sad, you should really be glad…for me. I’m going to make out like a bandit, or if you prefer, like a conman.

Today I am declaring JANUARY 6^TH to be known from now on as TRUMP INDEPENDENCE DAY. The old so-called Independence Day, whenever that is, will just be a regular day. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

January 30, 2026

Show Me The Movie (Not Really)

The $40,000,000 schlockumentary MELANIA, which audiences the world over are dying to not see is released to critical silence. The film follows some completely uninteresting part of this not-quite-prostitute’s time with the man JD Vance referred to as “America’s Hitler” before becoming his butt-boy/running mate and vice president. From the Worst Lady’s iconic ‘I REALLY DON’T CARE DO YOU’ fascism/fashion statement to her warm and fuzzy holiday message “Who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations”,

to her peerless impression of a very ugly lamp… 

One critic, after previewing the long un-cared-for project, funded by Jeff Bezos’ $40M bribe, offered, “This could very well be the most unimportant, least-seen, poorly made “film” of all time. Don’t’ even waste a second thinking about seeing it. You’ll be glad you didn’t.” Another unfortunate victim of having to view MELANIA exclaimed, “Well, that’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back. All I can say is I look forward to never having to spare another painful moment thinking about What’s-her-name. Though I do have a much better appreciation for the coat she wore saying ‘I REALLY DON’T CARE, DO YOU?’”

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*And possibly everything else, who knows?

And so begins the Paying Attention™ panoply of precarious, predictions for 2026. As always, Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shae King attempt to bring you the future before it’s too late.

Go and get an appropriate attitude adjustment, take a nap, flash yourself with that flashy thing the Men in Black use, and break out the popcorn folks, we’re just getting started. It is predicted that Part II will be appearing very soon.

You won’t want to miss a moment of 2026…or will you