It's The Cognitive, Stupid

He’s Got The Whole Cognitive In His Head

January 14, 2026

There is one thing I can imagine is true: doctors insist that Dementia J. Trump keep taking cognitive tests. After all, whatever their political leanings, and you can bet that anyone who is allowed within 100 yards of Der Leader is a MAGAt, they still have to live in this country and would likely prefer it not be run by a guy who doesn’t have two viable brain cells to rub together.

I’ve got all the cognitives

Merca had a little scam 
Its face was white as snow
So it covered up with orange paint
Wherever it would go
It put its name on everything
No place was off its limits
It got applause from cultish fans
Who all were fucking dimwits 

Speaking of dimwits...

How many pathetic losers do you know who
wear a lapel pin with their own likeness

This fucking doofus, drowning in dementia, cannot stop “bragging” about how great he is at “acing” his weekly cognitive tests. The fact that their mental patient keeps insisting he got 100% right every time, even though no one is asking, like everything else he spews at us, must be assumed to be a lie unless proven otherwise. The clueless blood clot in the aorta of our democracy felt the need to say this:

And I did something no other president's ever done. I took cognitive tests. Because I know that, and by the way, not easy. You get to those last questions, those last 10, 15 questions, nobody on that stand could answer probably any of them. And I got them. I aced them. And no other president's taking a cog. (sic)

Dear Dumbass Donald:

There is a very good reason why no other president has taken even one single cognitive test, you idiot. There’s an even better reason why no other president takes repeated cognitive tests. You can fool your brain-dead followers – most of whom probably would not ace the cognitive test – any day of the week, but you can’t fool those of us who would easily pass the test, but have never needed to take one. If you knew what was good for you, or anything the least bit useful for that matter, you would shut the fuck up about your fucking cognitive tests.

Thank you for your lack of attention to this matter.

For the record, Jimmy Kimmel took the very same test as King Cog. Most people on whatever ‘stand’ he was talking about could ace that test if they didn’t have significant brain damage or whatever it is the Donny is carrying around in that fluid-filled skull of his.

I. Mangrey reporting. You’re probably wondering why I’m here. And so am I. So am I.