Rest In Peace Prize

Peace Prize Envy 

January 17, 2016

It was in all the papers. Trump was given a participation trophy by the eminently, if not historically corrupt FIFA.* FIFA, attempting to stay out of the bad graces, and upwind of the psychopathic American president gave the giant child with the child-sized hands a consolation, completely made-up FIFA Peace Prize after Baby Donny wouldn’t stop whining about not winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

“We made this just for you, sir. You’re so handsome. And what hair.”

If the hands weren’t so big, this monstrosity could well represent Donald Trump clawing the Earth to death.

International Idiocy

Venezuela’s opposition leader (whatever the fuck that means) Maria Machado would likely have been handed the reins after Trump had Maduro kidnapped and stripped of power, except for one little problem and one huge problem. The huge problem is Trump’s massive ego. The little problem was that Machado won the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize that was, according to Trump – the world’s new King of War – supposed to be his. Machado made a point of “apologizing” and saying that Trump should have won. So, opposition-to-what leader?

Yesterday, Machado met with Baby Don at the Remains of The White House and handed over her Nobel to Donny. Machado is hoping this gets her the Venezuelan presidency. Stay tuned.

Oh yeah, one other thing…

So yeah, Trump now has a Nobel Prize, but it’s not his. One imagines he will change the name on it…because there is something terribly wrong with his uh-brain. But then you already knew that. We don’t know if she also gifted him the $1M cash prize that accompanies the medal. Or if you managed to squeeze in a little under-the-desk time.

When asked to comment, the new Nobel Peace Prize haver said “I’m changing it to the Nobel War Prize, what it always should have been. War is so much better than peace. I know I said I would be the peace president, but as everyone should have known, I was lying. It’s what I do best. I could be lying right now. You would never know. I don’t even know. Who the fuck cares. Next, I'm getting an Oscar – the easy way or the hard way.”  

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* Fédération Internationale de Football Association – isn’t that kind of a redundant name?

I. Mangrey reporting. Oy.