News of The Undead

Cheney Watch 2015

April 10, 2015

Because if someone doesn’t keep watch over him, who knows who could be the next one shot in the face and then have to apologize. Do you really think Harry Wittington is the only person Cheney shot in a drunken stupor. Do you really think Dick Cheney has to be drunk to shoot you in the face?

Cheney’s hunting buddy/target Harry Wittington - that's not acne

Even though, as far as we have been told, Cheney hasn’t recently shot anyone he continues to have serious problems with the gaping hole below his nose. In fairness, we cannot simply blame Cheney’s pie hole. There is clearly a poisonous fungus growing in his brain, one which leads poor demented Mr. Cheney to spew noxious filth at every turn. And blame must also go to anyone who puts a microphone anywhere near this sociopath. Here is a recent sample of Cheney’s psychotic treasonous drivel:

“I vacillate between the various theories I’ve heard, but you know, if you had somebody as president who wanted to take America down, who wanted to fundamentally weaken our position in the world and reduce our capacity to influence events, turn our back on our allies and encourage our adversaries, it would look exactly like what Barack Obama’s doing.”

This of course, by most accounts including almost every historian, is an incredibly accurate description of the Bush/Cheney administration. Dick was probably talking into a mirror, but since he casts no reflection it’s hard to for him to tell.

Let’s take this item by item:

- somebody as president who wanted to take America down: How about ignoring all the warnings and allowing the 9/11 attacks on America? Who invaded an uninvolved country (which gave us the historic instability in the Middle East today) while protecting the country that housed and financed the attackers? Did Joe Biden ever out an undercover CIA operative out of revenge for her husband telling the truth about nuclear threats?

- who wanted to fundamentally weaken our position in the world and reduce our capacity to influence events: When was this country ever weaker in the eyes of the world (and over half of its own citizens) than when Cheney and Howdy Doody were in command weakening world stability, the world economy and any trust other countries had in the United States?

- turn our back on our allies and encourage our adversaries: Nobody did this better and more consistently than Bush/Cheney, who legalized torture, wiretapped just about everyone on the planet and helped recruit more terrorists than Osama bin Laden ever could have done on his own.

Cheney’s BFF

Another un-elected president, Gerald Ford flanked by

Chief of Staff Rumsfeld and (left) and his assistant,

Cheney (right) having a good laugh

after pardoning Richard Nixon

We also find our thoughts and stomachs turning to another zombie who can’t keep his maw shut. Let’s take a look back at Donald Rumsfeld’s epic memo to Douglas Feith from 2003. Feith, you will likely not recall, was Rummy’s number three civilian at the Pentagon during Cheney’s War to Free Halliburton in Iraq. Feith was just below Paul Wolfowitz who, among other brilliant assessments of the situation, assured us there was no reason to fear Shiite-Sunni bloodshed after a US invasion; that precise form of bloodshed began long before Cheney’s War, exploded anew the moment we entered Iraq, and shows no signs of anything but escalating. But I digress. According to a Washington Post profile of Feith just before the invasion, he was "disliked by many people who work with him on a daily basis." A March 2003 National Journal article noted that "it is hard to overstate how utterly Feith is reviled in certain circles." In Bob Woodward's Plan of Attack, Gen. Tommy Franks calls Feith "the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth." And this is the guy Rumsfeld turned to when everything started turning to crap in Iraq. Here’s the memo Rumsfeld sent twelve years ago this week:

Memo to "the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth."

Yes, those were the days. And these guys worry about what Obama is doing to America. What a bunch of…Cheneys.

I. Mangrey reporting. Who’s taking down Cheney?

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Unfortunately Most Adults Are Too Stupid To Understand Them

Nine year old Sydney Smoot has concerns about the rapid decline of education in America. The continued dependence on standardized tests simply bolsters corporatized education and damages the hearts and minds of students...apparently of all ages.

Young Sydney Smoot attempts to educate her elders.

Barack Obama Meets With Congress

President Barack Obama holds an impromptu meeting with 

members of the House of Representatives outside the White House

Texas Toast

Cruz In For a Losin’

Lone Star Stain

April 3, 2015

Last time we met I was bemoaning the coming presidential election. It seems very likely that the Republican’ts will throw the hat containing John Ellis “Jeb” Bush into the ring. Or we could have the first official entrant - Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, Jr., who announced his candidacy for the 2016 Republican’t Freak Fest via Twitter. What is it with these Republican’t candidates? Why can’t they use their given names? Remember Willard “Mitt” Romney? Cruz, the Canadian-born Cuban-turned-Texan, who only recently renounced his Canadian citizenship, dazzled a truly captive audience of students (threatened with fines for non-attendance of this mandatory event) at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University during the live version of his official hat-in-the-ring announcement. Ted Cruz - strict creationist, climate science denier, anti-choice pseudo-libertarian. An adult who completely missed the message of Green Eggs and Ham, which he proved while reading it on the Senate floor. I’ve been watching Sen. Cruz for a while. I’m not proud of this fact, just being honest - because I’m not a real journalist. And mildly brain damaged. Even more so since I began watching Cruz. This is why today’s installment comes to you via my good friend T. Doff. T joined the team back in ’13 to help with some heavy lifting of Ted Cruz. I find myself needing a rest, so I’m going to sit back and enjoy this one with you…

I. Mangrey.

How’s that workin’ out for ya?

Just so you know that we are in fact Paying Attention, Ted Cruz has been on our radar for a couple of years, not long after being sworn in for his first term as a Texas senator. Our first report Ted Cruz, Rising Stain appeared on September 24, 2013. We followed that on October 19^th with Cruz Vows To Make Same Mistake Over And Over. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Rafael Cruz, Jr. - Joseph McCarthy look-alike with a voice somewhere between Sean Hannity and fingernails-on-chalkboard. Ted Cruz - the Cheez Whiz of American politics. He looks kind of oily and out-of-place, and though some find his taste appealing-if-unrecognizable as an actual meant-to-be-digested substance, he will ultimately gum up the works and kill the body he claims to nourish.

“Oh shit, I must have left my brain in my other head.” 

By all accounts Cruz is despicable…despicable and brilliant. The most common words used to describe him since his college days? Arrogant and asshole. According to Talking Points Memo’s Josh Marshall who interviewed Cruz’s classmates at Princeton and Harvard, most “described the young Cruz with words like "abrasive," "intense," "strident," "crank," and "arrogant." Four independently offered the word "creepy," with some pointing to Cruz's habit of donning a paisley bathrobe and walking to the opposite end of their dorm's hallway where the female students lived.” Those interviewed described Cruz as a very smart jerk. “Let's call it AASS. A#$hole, Arrogant, Super Smart," according to Marshall. If only he had chosen to use his brilliance for niceness instead of stupid. 

Tea Party darling, Ted Cruz - out of costume

And you can’t talk about Ted without talking about his dad - Rafael Edward Cruz, Sr. Cruz has an almost fanatical devotion to his pastor father. But to paraphrase Art Linkletter, “Dads say the craziest things.” Well, Cruz’s dad certainly does. Try these on for size…

“The Obama administration wants to take our rights to keep and bear arms away from us. They are trying to take our God, and our gun. And if they do that, they can impose a dictatorship upon us.”

“We have to stop acquiescing even to the wording that the liberals use...And so, it’s just like calling homosexuals ‘gays.’ Gay means happy! You know, it’s just to try to dilute it so that it becomes socially acceptable, and if you say anything against homosexual marriage or anything — ‘Oh, you’re not tolerant.’ So we’re supposed to prostitute our principles, on behalf of tolerance. Well, I’ll tell you what: there are absolutes. There are absolutes. Start being biblically correct, instead of politically correct.”

Rafael, Sr., a major cause of global warming

“This man [Obama] does not have the interests of our country. That’s not his agenda. His agenda is to bring us down to a third-world country. This president does not believe in American exceptionalism, and he has said so … If he has his way, he will make us another third-world country...Do you realize this is the only country in the world that was founded on the word of God?”

“The very first day that President Obama was inaugurated, his first act as a president was to rescind that ban on third-trimester abortions. And he’s even carried it further. Now, even if the baby is born alive, they have the right to kill that baby. It is an abomination.”

“Actually, those death panels that Sarah Palin talked about are a part of Obamacare.”

“So Barack Obama said, if the winds shift, I’ll side with the Muslims.”

And you thought Canadians were smart and nice.

Here’s what we said about Ted on October 26, 2013:

The Republican’t blocktivists will proudly stand in the way of anything that benefits the majority of Americans, particularly the poor, who if the Republican’ts get their way will soon make up the majority of Americans. Now that the Tea Party has had a chance to strut its stuff their approval rating is quickly whirling down the toilet. Just recently Tea Party Joker/King Texas "Ted" Cruz was unendorsed by the Houston Chronicle with great vigor, with more vigor in fact than their initial endorsement, which was given with great reservation. 

With a little help, Cruz could go a long way…and I wish he’d start now.

Standing in for I. Mangrey, I’m T. Doff.

The Fog of W, Part 2

And now for the exciting conclusion of W: TF

Just stalling to give you time to miss me

March 24, 2015

From the pen of Ted Rall

Another Bush? What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Jeb is just the next Bush Cartel Dynasty member to step up and take what is rightfully his - whether by popular demand or Supreme Court fiat. Jeb’s grandfather, Prescott Bush helped finance Hitler’s dream of world domination, but sadly for him the Nazi regime was ultimately sent packing. Undeterred, the Bush family - bent on its own brand of world domination* - had to find some new powerful friends. And they did. The Bushes felt right at home with their oil-encrusted kindred spirits in Saudi Arabia - the House of Saud. What an unlucky coincidence that 15 of the 19 hijackers on 911 were Saudis, as was bin Laden (who previously worked for the CIA - as did Saddam Hussein). Exactly zero were Iraqis.

I love the taste of oil in the morning.

Is that what you use to color your beard and mustache?

I didn’t know y’all had oil in this neck of the woods. I never found any.

Jeb Bush recently said that he has little interest in discussing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, which somehow started while his brother was president. The latest Bush to hurl himself onto the national political stage says he plans to run a joyful campaign focused on a positive vision of the future. He would have a difficult time doing any worse than his older brother…but I think he has a shot - he is after all, a Bush. Jeb says that he loves his father and idiot older brother adding, "I actually love my mother too. I hope that's okay," but that he is his own man. Then he announced his foreign policy team of advisors. 19 of the 21 people this independent thinker chose to counsel his independent thinking worked in the administrations of his father and/or brother. I think he meant to say that he is an owned man. Whichever may be the case, Jeb has the same relationship with facts and the English language as big brother George W.

Drunk? Stoned? Stupid? You make the call.

Jeb, in response to a reporter's question about his foreign policy speech said, "I won't talk about the past. I'll talk about the future. If I'm in the process of considering the possibility of running, it's not about re-litigating anything in the past. It's about trying to create a set of ideas and principles that will help us move forward." How nice for him. Baby Bush might not have noticed that this country remains in the midst of ‘re-litigating’ his big brother’s legacy every single day, as the mess brother George and his ventriloquist Cheney created continues to fester and threaten global peace and stability. Viva la Bush!

I remember Obama’s insistence on moving forward after taking over for Bush 43. And that is why we still have our most recent war criminals roaming free and showing up on Sunday morning political talk shows to tell us how we ought to behave.

*or perhaps it was always about dimination: the increasing stupidity of a society and/or interrelated societies as a result of influential morons in leadership positions - as in, the dimination of the United States and subsequently much of the civilized world will be seen as having been inevitable as history looks back on the Grand W. Bunch presidency.

One final nut note…

Jindal: A Sheep at the Wheel

When current presidential aspirant Bobby Jindal was asked to choose the best president since Ronald Reagan he responded, “Well obviously I think Ronald Reagan was the best…If I had to pick between those presidents, I think president [George W.] Bush because he did what I think was the biggest challenge.” Don’t forget, Jindal was a congressman from Louisiana during Bush’s spectacular handling of Hurricane Katrina. You know, when Bush was on one of his countless vacations, ignored Katrina for days and then did a fly-over. and when he finally got around to showing up  Jindal thinks very highly of the man who sat frozen and dumb (unable-to-speak-dumb, not intellectually-challenged-dumb…aw hell, who am I kidding - clearly it was both) after the worst attack on American soil happened ON HIS WATCH, then invaded the wrong country for reasons known only to Dick Cheney, then oversaw the worst financial collapse since the Great Depression and left office with the lowest approval rating since the Black Plague. Yeah that guy was the best president since Reagan. I guess Jindal loves Jeb’s brother as much as Jeb does. I wonder if Bobby J loves Barbara Bush as much as Jeb does…and “I hope that’s okay.”

I. Mangrey reporting. Vey.

UPDATE: Still no word yet whether Jeb will tap Dick Cheney to find him a running mate. Keep your fingers crossed, your powder dry, your head down and don't make any sudden bird noises.