Broken News

Irony Is Dead, But Hypocrisy Is In Perfect Health

October 13, 2022

Irony is dead, and so too may we be. Quack Dr. Oz is running a commercial attacking John Fetterman for pulling a gun on an unarmed black man. Never mind the context according to Fetterman. Shooting unarmed black men, as we all know, is practically part of the Ratpublican platform. In fact, it’s one of the few policies they even acknowledge other than outlawing abortion, contraception and same-sex marriage, destroying the environment, and passing tax cuts for the super-rich every six months.

White guys shooting unarmed black men is practically the raison d être of today’s Ratpublican base.

Is Oz dog-whistling that Fetterman cannot be trusted because the young black man walked away unscathed?

“Did you know there are still black men in Pennsylvania?

I invited one to “my” place for a fun game of hide and seek

Speaking of hypocrisy, Raphael “Ted” Cruz, Josh “Running Man” Hawley and kidnapping racist Ron DuhSantis all like to pretend they did not attend Ivy League colleges, while they spend every waking moment riling up their gullible, dimwitted, self-loathing supporters against East Coast liberal elites.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled hysterics.

Thought For The Day

Who’s For Dinner?

October 12, 2022

In other environmental-ish news, most humans are voracious consumers and ill-treaters of the animals with which we feed ourselves. I certainly am guilty of a lifetime of carnivorous behavior. We have all heard about the brutality of factory farms – not only against the animals, but also those who work there. But they’re another story. Cows, pigs, chickens are all treated horrendously en masse in order for us to stuff our faces. And since very few of us have to witness such brutal treatment and relentless slaughter, we are able to live under the shelter of plausible deniability. Well, it turns out that fish, whether “domesticated” or wild, may be the worst off of all. According to research, humans have fished out 90 percent of all the fish. And it is very likely that fish are not as stupid as we like to think.

How Conscious Can A Fish Be?

Right now, you might be thinking to yourself, wow, maybe vegetarianism or veganism is the way to go. Not so fast big-brained alpha predator. It turns out that plants are people too. Well, maybe not quite, but it seems that they also feel pain, and communicate.

So, I hate to break it to you, but maybe Soylent Green really is the way to go. It’s certainly the only fair thing to do.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

This One Gets An F (Or Two)

It’s The Environment, Stupid

October 9, 2022

I really am trying to calm the fuck down. Seriously. I swear to…whatever. But any time I start to get a moment’s peace, the Earth haters swoop in like the fucking Wicked Witch’s goddam flying monkeys on crack and kill my chill.

Quick aside: I don’t know if this makes things better or worse, but Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson joined her first oral arguments this week in what will in all likelihood result in a stunning and futile gesture to stop he psycho courtmates from taking another vampire-bite out of environmental protections. While it is a wonderful thing that she has a voice on the highest court in the land, it will be a voice in the wilderness for a long, long time given the super stupid (I’m looking at you Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Clowny Barrett), super fascist (that would be you Alito) and supremely gutless (who does that leave…oh yeah, “Chief” Justice Roberts)* majority flagrantly and callously overturning a century of precedent (and millions of years of a planet that is habitable for humans) as they steamroll the Constitution and democracy on their way full-on-fascism in the good old USA.

Those of you who know me and/or spend any time on these virtual pages will not be surprised to hear that far above all other concerns for me, and for everyone here at Paying Attention™, is the environment, and keeping it safe for all our relatives, especially those who cannot speak for themselves – since they never did anything to jeopardize their very existence.

The Bears – Save Me

I was driving home the other day and what do I hear on the radio. I hear that the fucking Supreme(ly fucked up) Court is planning to weaken some more environmental protections. Because there are six fucked up motherfuckers who hate the environment and will bend over, roll over, heel and do absolutely everything to the benefit of rich people and right-wing ranchers, developers, fossil fuel fetishists and general plunderers who don’t give a flying fuck about anything but themselves.

Guess which fuckwits are poised to pull another rug out from a habitable planet

If there is a god, and I am in no way prepared to admit that there might be, I feel it is safe to say that he, she or it, or they (who am I to assume a pronoun) thinks that the human race was either a huge mistake or just a bunch of selfish, mindless, hairless apes who just want to piss all over everything, future be damned. Clearly this pinnacle of creation did a lousy fucking job of stewardship. Some of them even twisted the whole concept from taking care and protecting creation to having dominion, which they then decided meant thoughtless, selfish, absolute control.

Quicker aside: If there is a god, I damn sure hope it’s not the one to whom professional fuckhead Doug Mastriano and abortion financier Herschel Walker are praying to rescue their disgusting, shameless campaigns for Pennsylvania governor and Georgia Senator respectively.

World Party – And God Said…

Maybe whoever (if anyone) made us did so to satisfy some self-esteem issues. Maybe we’re only really here because whoever it was needed someone to run around screaming about her existence and how great and glorious she is (or was). I’m going with her for now since it seems pretty foolish to think a man created everything, but women are the ones who created life from then on. Doesn’t make any fucking sense.

And guess whose profits went through the roof, increasing by 340% between the first and second quarters of 2022. (Hint: it wasn’t me) 

So much for calming the fuck down.

The End is Nye | Official Trailer

Freak out…

I mean, Peace Out.

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*And, of course, all six of them are radical Christians who believe church should trump state (pun unavoidable, but nonetheless nauseating).

I. Mangrey reporting. Hair and planet on fire.                                                                      

                                                                                 

Thought For The Day

Thinking Is Believing

October 8, 2022

You are likely familiar with the concept of citizen’s arrest. Well, guess what – it turns out that as a citizen I can arrest, indict and convict someone just by thinking about it. So I’m sorry, disgraced, twice-impeached, ex-one-term-president and failed insurrection leader Donny Trump – I’m thinking about arresting you. And it’s your own fault. You just won’t shut the fuck up. Why won’t you let America be great again? If you won’t go back to your make-believe board room, your make-believe business and your make-believe billions and leave us the fuck alone, you leave me no choice. I think you guilty.

Something to think about

I Think, Therefore It Is

So, for your many crimes – in and out of office – I think you guilty. Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Mor-on Lardo. Just turn yourself in. I don’t want to have to think this again…but I will.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

BONUS THOUGHT (with thanks to Franz Kafka):

As Donald Trump awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect…

Late Broken News

October 7, 2022, 11:00 PM, Eastern

THIS JUST IN:

Herschel Walker admits to asking same girlfriend to get a second abortion, but still denies paying for her first one. Says he believes he is still very anti-abortion a lot.

Walker’s only true statement on the campaign trail to date: “I’m not that smart.”

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Late Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled head scratching.

Fun Fact/Question For The Day

Refer Sanity

October 7, 2022

Joe Biden announced yesterday that he is pardoning 6500 prisoners in federal prison for simple possession of cannabis. He has requested that governors “pardon simple state marijuana possession offenses. Just as no one should be in a federal prison solely for possessing marijuana, no one should be in a local jail or state prison for that reason, either.” Biden also called on the Attorney General and Secretary of Health and Human Services to review the multi-talented herb’s status as a Schedule One controlled substance.

Biden announces major changes to federal policy on marijuana.
He seemed have a very dry mouth during the announcement.
Coincidence? Is this why he wears sunglasses so much?

Just thought you might be curious.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact/Question For The Day.

Repercussion Discussion

Break The Fucking Glass Already, It's An Emergency

October 6, 2022

Many politicians, political pundits and regular folks just like you worry that if Democrats do things like expand the Extreme Court* or fuck with the filibuster, Ratpublicans will someday exact revenge by doing something horrible. Worse than what they have already done. You mean like nominate, enable, protect and defend a sociopathic, narcissistic life-long conman and racist? You mean like stealing two Supreme Court seats and installing fascist theocrats who promised to overturn decades of rights and precedent, then lied to Congress about their intentions in order to get confirmed, and then did what they swore they wouldn't do?

The supremely unpopular Roberts Court sans makeup

Even if they could do worse than what they have been doing for decades, there is simply no point in worrying what they might do. Ratpublicans will always do the worst possible thing their damaged lizard brains can “think” of. It matters not whether Dems piss them off or kiss their ass. They will always play the victim, embrace hatred, ignorance and greed, and do worse than actual humans would ever imagine. Ratpublicans can never be bested at being the worst.

Former NRA spokesmodel Dana Loesch could not have been clearer in responding to brain-damaged (not that there’s anything wrong with that, as long as that damaged brain does not end up in the Senate) Herschel Walker’s latest perfidy – being outed for paying for an abortion despite his absolutist stance on abortions:

“What I'm about to say is in no means a contradiction or a compromise of a principle. And please keep in mind that I am concerned about one thing, and one thing only at this point. I don't care if Herschel Walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles. I want control of the Senate.”

Just another flaming example of Ratpublican “principles” in a nutshell. Infinity is too small a number to quantify these examples. And they will not stop as long as they have a voice in our politics. And hypocrisy does not begin to describe the immeasurable chasm between what they say to get power and what they do once they steal it.

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* In a recent Marquette Law School poll, 51% of respondents said they either strongly or somewhat favored increasing the number of justices on the Supreme Court, versus 49% who were strongly or somewhat opposed. Expansion was supported by 51% of independents and 72% of Democrats. It was favored by only 27% of Republicans. Go figure. Go fuck themselves.

I. Mangrey reporting. I hold these truths to be self-evident. You?

Broken News

Ginni Take A Hike

October 2, 2022

Hey, remember queen dingbat Ginni Thomas – wife of (In)Justice Clarence Thomas? If not, please let me know the secret to your success. I only bring this up because Mrs. Uncle Thomas just spent some quality time with the January 6 Committee.

Ginni was in constant contact with the likes of Mark Meadows, John Eastman (former law clerk for someone named Clarence Thomas) and other major players in Trump’s coup plot. She also repeatedly contacted several secretaries of state, attempting to persuade them to overturn the legitimate election results. Why on earth would anyone give even half a shit what a nutbag like Ginni Thomas thought about anything. Could it be because her husband would be ruling on events from the bench of the highest court in the land? Or because of her sparkling personality and extraordinary wit and wisdom. I’ll wait while you mull it over.

One wonders if the Thomasses know that their love was illegal in this country for a very long time and could have gotten one or both of them killed in many states once upon a time.

The admitted, and proud of it MAGAt Thomas is suffering under two important delusions, and undoubtedly some number of other lesser delusions. 1) that the 2020 election, despite voluminous evidence to the contrary, was stolen, and 2) that she is the smartest person in the room. Ginni Thomas would not even be the smartest person in the room if she was in solitary confinement.

Thomas also lied to the committee saying that she never shared her treasonous activities concerning the January 6 insurrection with her husband, with whom she is inseparable, according the both Thomases. Ginni also texted Mark Meadows three weeks after the election about “a conversation with her best friend” in the context of agonizing over Biden’s stolen election and it being the “greatest Heist (sic) of our History (sick).”

Thomas waddling into her Jan 6 Committee testimony
beaming like a giddy schoolgirl heading to the prom,
excited to see her dream date, who never showed up

Thomas has not been charged with anything and was only brought in as a witless…I mean witness. She happily testified to the committee that she continues to believe that the 2020 election was stolen. There never was, nor will there ever be any proof that there was any significant fraud by Democrats, though there were numerous examples of Ratpublican voter fraud, criminal interference and, oh yeah the fucking attempted coup.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled happy thoughts.

Marge And In Charge*

Fascists Will Not Replace Us…Hopefully

October 1, 2022

“Christian Nationalism is what America needs.”
Ignorant sociopath Marjorie Taylor Greene,
before congratulating Italy’s new fascist leader

The season of the Jewish High Holidays is upon us. It is a time when Jews the world over take time to reflect, atone and forgive, trying to take a break from the latest resurgence of anti-Semitism across the globe. Just the other day, a member of Congress put all of this to a supreme test. The unfortunate creature known as Marjorie Traitor Greene (I may have the middle name wrong, but it’s the thought that counts) once again made the tragic mistake of opening her mouth for something other than eating or yawning, or even vomiting.

The gun-happy goon from Georgia is the Class Dunce of Congress – she is allowed to stay in the room with the rest of the class, but because of her violent rhetoric and threatening behavior from the moment she took the oath of office which she clearly did not understand, she was banned from being on any committees. Committee assignments are pretty much all that matters while serving in Congress. Being the Congress Dunce has freed up all of Malignant Marge’s time, enabling her to hone her idiotic trolling skills, and to make videos of herself shooting feral hogs from a helicopter.

Fresh off kicking a young anti-gun-death activist who dared challenge the gun-addled grifter’s fealty to guns and mass murder, Ballistic Barbie is a woman who is afraid of cold soup and the associated, albeit imaginary, Gazpacho Police and she cringes at the thought of laboratories full of Peach Tree Dishes. Let’s just say that she is few loose screws short of a full deck of marbles.

Yes, this is an actual campaign ad

Marge and her fellow travelers continue to worship at the feet of an irreligious hate-monger who is the living embodiment of what they believe are the Seven Deadly Sins. A man has never taken confession, accepted Jesus as his personal savior (or anything else), and claims to have never done anything that would require introspection or penance.

Nonetheless, Mentally-Defective Marge was filled with glee at a recent Godless-Trump rally. She told an interviewer

We're seeing a resurgence; it's like a revival. It's really a Christian revival. I want to see the church in America come to life and save this country. Because the church in America is the American people. The Constitution was founded by Christian men.

An Open Letter To A Closed (And Incredibly Small) Mind

Dear Damaged Dipshit:

Ahem there little-brained lady. First of all, you might want to Google “separation of church and state.” Second, the Constitution was not founded, it was written. And yes, you could say it was Christian men, specifically white Christian men, and even more specifically many of whom were white Christian men who owned slaves. And just in case you’re not aware, slaves were actually people, and for some reason I’ll never understand, also Christians. Also, Church? Which church? I’m no Christian Scientist, but it is my understanding that there are quite a few churches in this country (you might also want to Google “Christian denominations”).

You may not be aware of this – since there is so much about which you are so stunningly clueless – but some of us, me included, are not what you might call Christian. Funny thing though, neither was Jesus. Did you know, Marge, that Jesus was himself an unrepentant Jew? As were all his disciples. Of course you didn’t, you poor demented, arrogant little thing. So, next time you decide to open your mouth, either just keep your foot in it, or eat something that requires extensive chewing. Either way, just shut the fuck up.

I. Mangrey

_______________________________________________________
*At least that’s what she thinks

UPDATE:

Not to be mean…okay, probably to be at least a little mean…Greene’s husband of 27 years has filed for divorce, claiming his marriage to the ever more pathic sociopath was “irrevocably broken.” According to court records, Perry Greene did not claim his long-estranged wife was herself irrevocably broken, at least not on the record. So, for Maaaadge at this point, I guess marriage is between one woman. I shudder to think what straw might have broken that camel’s back. Okay, so maybe this ended up a bit meaner than I expected. Just kidding. I wish her the worst.

She’s earned it.

I. Mangrey reporting. Long live schadenfreude.