Weave Us The Fuck Alone
January 21, 2025
Get ready for drooling dumpster-fire Donny Trump’s four-year-long relentless
stream-of-unconsciousness as he unleashes his second season of The Dyspepsis. Il
Douche is surely hurtling us toward a black hole in history. If his recent pre-inauguration
press tantrum is any indication, late-night comedians will have a field day,
while the rest of us attend our own funerals.
Take this compassionately brief sample of Trump’s recent Mor-on-Lago
word potpourri:
Even in areas that have so much water, you don't know what
to do.
It's called rain. It comes down from – comes down from
heaven.
And they want to do – no water comes out of the shower.
It goes drip, drip, drip.*
Yes, it goes drip, drip, drip. Like the faux-pearls-made-from-swine
dribbling from the face sphincter of Mr. Helter Skelter Head. You can’t make
this stuff up kids…well, you could, but why bother. Trump just keeps handing them out like
razor-blade-filled apples from your neighborhood serial killer at Halloween.
The only thing that doesn’t drip, drip, drip from Trump is
the projectile lying. That firehose-strength emesis could end up drowning us
all.
So, according to Trump, the Stock Market was on a tear because everyone on Wall
Street was looking forward to him getting reelected. You know, because his
first time around he trashed the place, and Biden came in and put the nation into
rehab to save it from itself before we hit rock-bottom. He did so successfully,
by every single account, by every single account, except of course Trump and his Kool-Aid
sots. Oddly enough, since election day the market has been
on a steady downturn. Somehow Don is not claiming credit for this one.
And how would this fantasy even work? One can only conclude that Don believes the thought of him ruining the country again was a delightfully wonderful dream on Wall Street, but as most of us are all too aware, the reality of such is a heart-stopping, soul-crushing nightmare. Just wait until all the deplorable assholes and morons start to feel the burn they brought upon themselves and all of us.
Don is however claiming total and absolute credit for the recent Israel/Hamas ceasefire
and hostage return. You know, because the very thought of Don returning to the
White House made Israel and Hamas want to make Biden look good by agreeing to
the plan Biden has been proposing and working on for months.
Diaper Don also said he would end the war in Ukraine before
he was sworn in. This was obviously total bullshit.
Maybe he is developing a concept of a plan. Probably not. He's such a kidder.
And, we’re off and ruining. Rock-bottom here we come.
Schadenfreude has never been so painful.
Il Douche is bound to whip his cult members into a coma from
behind his Hannibal Lecturn over the next four years.
Just Signing Orders
Don, who later said God saved his life at the first
assassination attempt, refused to place his hand on the Bible – maybe because
it wasn’t one of his fake, made-in-China bibles – during his swearing-in. He
was probably in a hurry to start the hard work of ending America.
Unsurprisingly,
pathetically, the first order Don signed was to raise
flags to full-staff despite the tradition of keeping them at half-staff in
honor/memoriam of a recently deceased president.
Later, Don signed two – count ‘em two – executive orders regarding
the United States withdrawing from the Paris Climate Accord. A big old fuck-you
to everyone’s progeny. More on this in our next post.
Then Don – the same guy who pressured the Afghan government to release 5,000
Taliban fighters from prison, including senior officers – signed pardons for
1500 Jan 6 defendants (the Trump Taliban, if you will) and commutations for 14 more traitors to America/Trump cult members, many of
whom committed violent acts against Capitol Police, and hoped to do harm to
members of Congress, and “hang Mike Pence” all in service to their lard and master’s obsession with overturning a
free and fair election that did not go his way. Because Don is a big, blubbering
full-diapered baby-man.
In case you’re keeping score, that would be a
34-count-convicted-felon, who incited an attempted coup against the government
of the United States, just four years ago, who was just sworn in as president
of the same government he tried to overthrow, pardoning more than 1500 criminals who
were found guilty of doing his traitorous bidding. The Felon-in-chief was hoping to
instead go after all those who defended our nation, but Joe Biden beat him to
the punch by pre-emptively pardoning police officers, members of Congress and members of Biden’s own family in
order to protect them from Baby Don’s revenge porn crusade. USA! USA! USA!
Yesterday was quite a day. He said he would be a “dictator on day one” and he is off to a goon start. Oh Brother, where art thou? We’re in a tight spot.
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*Actual quote.
I. Mangrey reporting. Take solace where and when you may.
Paying Attention – AI-free since 2012.
