Chrump continues his stunning and futile
attempts to hide from Robert Mueller’s everlasting gobstopper investigation
behind his big, beautiful, invisible wall of steel slats, or unicorns, or marshmallows
or whatever.His wall is a hoax, a fake,
a joke – just like Chrump himself.Chrump’s
very, very imaginary uh-wall will not impede the real walls closing in on him,
his collusion-soaked campaign to hand America over to Vladimir Putin, and his
criminal family.
Desperately seeking to turn the
spotlight away from his impending indictment and all the excitement over the
116th Congress taking over, Der Furor decided to flex his awful
orifice in the Oval Office in prime time.Chrump managed to keep himself focused long enough to read some words
someone put in front of him, trying desperately to foment fear and loathing
within his ignorant racist base, and whip up support (and campaign donations)
for his wall-or-nothing shutdown.
Chrump distresses the nation from the
Oval Office
Chrump may not look like a rug (after
all, he is anything but flat), but he lies like one, and he looks like he has
one covering his empty head.Last night
the lies flowed from Chrump’s face sphincter like so much toxic waste from any
number of chemical manufacturers into the ocean of public opinion.His believers believe it all.His detractors – the majority of Americans –
know better.Nevertheless, he
persists.Like a tick.He will continue to suck the precious bodily
fluids from his victims, until he explodes.Like all good ticks, he leaves behind poisons, some of which can
debilitate or even kill.Personally, I
can already feel the sickness coursing through my brain.Your mileage may vary.
After his nap, worn out from all that
reading for nine minutes, Chrump ran straight to Fux News and told his BFF Sean
Hannity, “I have the best shutdowns ever. This is my third one already and in a day or
so I’ll have the record, the longest shutdown ever.Is this great or what?Nobody knows more about shutdowns than
me.All the people who are not getting
paid because of my big, beautiful shutdown are very happy.They’re selling things they never really
needed, to get money – like their cars, furniture and some I hear are unloading
some extra children.Who needs all those
kids?After all, they cost a lot of
money.And what do they give in
return?Unless there’s a really hot
daughter involved, who really cares?I
would have sold Eric, and probably Don, Jr. if I needed the money.No big deal.Everyone loves what I’m doing – making America so great again – and I’m
more popular than ever.Believe me, I
know.Nobody knows how popular I am
better than me.”
After his nationally televised
tantrum, Chrump met with Republican leaders – who are finally growing somewhat
weary with their dear leader – and then held a private tantrum with Schumer and
Pelosi.Pelosi responded in the negative
when asked if she would give Chrump his wall money after he agreed to reopen
the government.Little Donny Douchebag
reportedly slammed the table and stormed out of the room, immediately running
to his toilet to tweet:
One of the most awesome lies to emerge from last night’s
Oval Office tantrum was Chrump saying the wall would pay for itself.It is clear that Mexico will not pay, and it
is clear that the American public does not want to pay for it, so Chrumpo the
Magnificent assured us that the wall would pay for itself.Apparently, the wall is either going to leave
home and get a job, or is going to become a national park/monument, thereby
bringing in billions of dollars in tourist money.Or maybe the wall will get a few billion
dollars from its father.
The very low IQ Donald Chrump continues his desperate
attempt to figure out how he can safely cave on his promise of a big, beautiful
concrete wall that, according to Der Furor, “maybe someday they’re gonna call
it the Chrump Wall.Maybe.”A wall that most Americans – even more than
the number who never wanted Chrump, let alone his fake wall – do not want.A wall that most experts say is
unnecessary.Now he is yammering about
steel slats.One would be excused for
thinking that Donny just likes the sound of the word steel, since that is how
he made most of his money.One might
also be excused for thinking that he is unaware that there are two words that
sound the same, but are spelled differently.
The best* part is, the whole wall idea came from Chrump’s babysitters.It was clear early on that the Orange Gas
Cloud was simply too stupid to remember what he was supposed to talk
about.They came up with the idea of the
word “wall” to help him remember to talk about stopping immigrants – like his
grandfather and some of his wives, one of whom very likely entered this country
illegally.Hey, remember when candidate
Chrump promised to provide documentation explaining exactly how Melanie – or
whatever her name is – entered the United States?Never happened.Maybe she is under some sort of mythical
audit and cannot release such sensitive information.
Chrump’s advisors knew that their boy wonder loved to brag
about what a great builder he was.They,
as he, were willing to ignore the fact that he rarely bothered to pay the
actual builders once he got his name plastered on the shell of each of his
crappy, made-in-China edifices.
One week after Chrump’s American Carnage inauguration,
Chrump tried to threaten then-Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto over the one
idea Chrump was able to remember from his horrendous campaign.His, as former Mexican President Vicente Fox
called it, “fucking wall.”Chrump told Peña
Nieto, “From an economic issue, it is the least important thing we were talking
about.Psychologically, it means
something.”Chrump added, “The fact is
we are both in a little bit of a political bind, because I have to have Mexico
pay for the wall – I have to. If you are
going to say that Mexico is not going to pay for the wall, then I do not want
to meet with you guys anymore because I cannot live with that.”
That was then, this is now.Chrump is still fixated on this one thing.
_________________________________
*Best, as in horribly tragic, depressing and pathetic.
Chrumpty Dumpty
wanted a wall,
Chrumpty Dumpty didn’t really want a wall, he just wanted to win over the
racist Tea Party wing of the hateful Republican’t party, after all
All the king’s assholes, most of them
men -
white men who hate poor people, women, non-white men and democracy,
will never come close to making America great again.
Chrumpty Dumpty says, “Build the Wall.
And who’s gonna pay for it? Nobody. Once the wall is built I will just tell
them they did a lousy job and not pay them. It works every time, except when I
settle, which I never do, except most of the time.”
I. Mangrey waiting for the Orange Gas Cloud to spew from the
Oval Office.Feh.
I am not a big Pelosi fan, but I have no doubt that she is
one tough customer.I must admit to
being impressed watching her interact with El Chrumpo.I look forward to watching her (with any
luck, literally) grab him by his shriveled little balls.To paraphrase candidate Donald Chrump, “When
you’re Speaker of the House, they let you do it.You can do anything.”Chrump is a coward and a weakling (and those
are his best traits) and has no idea how to deal with a woman, other than
grabbing them by the whatever.Pelosi
will screw him every which way, including Sunday, and Donny will not be able to
throw $130K at her to keep her quiet.And
Pelosi will not throw $5B at Chrump so he can build his giant penis…I mean,
wall – or however he is trying to brand it today.
It is no surprise that talk of impeachment is
escalating.After all, Donald Chrump is
not only still qresident, but he is still Donald Fucking Chrump.Every second of every day, more and more
people find this intolerable.There are
very few remedies for cutting a presidency short. One is the 25th Amendment – added after
JFK’s shortened tenure.The other is the
only one sanctioned by the founders – impeachment. Natural causes led to the early exit of
several presidents. Abraham Lincoln,
James A. Garfield, William McKinley, and John F. Kennedy each had his time in
office shortened by somewhat less natural means.Although, in today’s America, nothing is more
natural than being shot to death.
Rub
it on, rub it in, rub him out
Freshman Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) recounted a conversation
with her son.“When your son looks at
you and says, Mama, look, you won, bullies don't win, and I said baby, they
don't, because we are going to go in there and impeach the motherfucker.
For his part, Chrump simply cannot understand what the
problem is.The problem is, Chrump
simply cannot understand…well, anything.Yale Psychiatry Professor Bandy X. Lee, who has long argued that Trump’s
behavior is pathological, had this to say about our deranged “leader”, “but even the president has the right to
treatment by law, and the nature of mental pathology is that the sicker one is,
the less likely one is to recognize that anything is wrong and will avoid
testing and treatment at all cost.”
Not only that, but Mr. potty-mouth was simply aghast at
Tlaib’s tone (I kid you not), “I thought her comments were disgraceful. This is
a person that I don’t know. I assume she’s new.I think she dishonored herself, and I think she dishonored her family…I thought
it was highly disrespectful to the United States of America.”Puleeeeeze.
Meanwhile…
Thanks to the Chrump Shutdown many federal workers are on
day 14 without pay. Ironically, hundreds
of senior Chrump political appointees are poised to receive annual raises of
about $10,000 a year. These raises are
set to take effect today, unless legislation stops it.Need some more irony?The shutdown short-circuited a continuance of
the 2013 pay freeze, thereby allowing the pay hike for cabinet secretaries,
deputy secretaries, top administrators and even Vice Enabler Mike Pence.Heroic homunculus Pence bravely offered to
forego his pay raise during the shutdown.I assume he will still collect his old paycheck without batting a barely
pigmented eyelid.Some 800,000 other
federal employees are not afforded such an option.
Chrump invited Democrats to another wall-or-nothing tantrum,
where, according to Chuck Schumer, he said he would “keep the government closed
for a very long period of time – months or even years,” if he does not get his
precious wall.Later, Chrump proudly
admitted to saying that, adding, “I’m very proud…I don’t call it a
shutdown.”One assumes he is giving
himself an A+
for his powerful shutdown performance.
And Finally…
Chrump opened yesterday’s tantrum with Congressional leaders
with a 15-minute profanity-laced tirade. The Tiny-brained-wiper-of-other-people’s-bottoms-in-chief
said he prefers not to call it a shutdown, he wants to call it a “strike”.I will keep my profanities to a minimum, and I
prefer not to call him a president, I want to call him a schmuck. What a senseless waste of human life.
Donald Chrump,
fresh off his holiday home-alone adventure, summoned Democratic congressional
leaders to the Situation Room (presumably to show he was super serious) to
repeat his pathetic, ridiculous demand for $5B for his ridiculous, pathetic
cement wall.Democrats explained their
plan to at least temporarily fund the government, including border security.
WTF This is not photoshopped.
Just pathetic little Donny at his fake summit earlier this week.
With his “menacing” poster intended to intimidate Democrats?
It did not work.WTF
During the
negotiations, Schumer repeatedly asked Chrump why he opposed that approach. Unsurprisingly, the Orange Gas Cloud had no
answer.Eventually, after Schumer asked the
Child-in-chief a third time why he would not accept the offer, Chrump finally responded,
“I would look foolish if I did that.”
Really? This is what you worry will make you look
foolish? I know you have a mirror. Have you seen your
"hair"? Have you heard a single word you've said over the past
two years? Have you ever had a chance to read any of your tweets?
What happened to your very, very large uh-brain? Are your brain spurs are
acting up again? Did it ooze out while you were sleeping again?
Does This “Hair” Make Me Look
Stupid?
But seriously, you’re suddenly worried about looking
foolish? Do you even know what 'foolish' means? Did you know
there's a picture of you in the dictionary next to the word? Of course
not, that would involve reading something other than one of your tweets.But, there is a picture of you there, so it
might be worth checking out. Maybe Ivanka can sit on your lap and read it
to you.
In the inimitable words of Dick Cheney, “Go fuck yourself.”
He told us he was a great businessman.The best.He told us over and over and over what a great deal maker he was.And how rich he was.And smart?Don’t get me started.That, like
Chrump, is a no-brainer.
He did not talk about his unique ability to bankrupt
casinos.He did mention that he was “the
king of debt.”As if that was an attribute.Another great example of how unfit this yahoo
is for anything, and apparently just one more reason for millions of idiots to
vote for him for the highest office in the land.Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
“After I won, obviously, I didn’t do business (one of his almost
8,000 lies).In theory I could run my
business perfectly (another lie) and then run the country perfectly (blatant
lie). There's never been a case like this (that’s for fucking sure).” November 22, 2016
“But when I run for
President, that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to do business.I was doing a lot of different things when I
was running [several of them even legal].” November 29, 2018
The Godless Un-father makes
America an offer he doesn’t understand
Analysts
report that many farmers were already producing beyond demand before Chrump
escalated the trade war with China. The
rate of bankruptcies among farms is rising steeply in the upper Midwest due to
falling revenues from corn, soybeans, milk and other products. Mark Miedtke, president of Citizens State Bank
in Hayfield, MN said, "We’re waiting for the tariff problem to go away.”The tariff problem can be summed up in two
words: Donald Chrump.So, I guess we are
all waiting for the tariff problem to go away.Chrump’s tariff tantrum has exacerbated an already bad situation.I guess you have to go with your strengths.
Chrump predictably fired off a series
of reckless tweets berating and threatening General Motors after they announced
layoffs and plant closings late in 2018. The company's stock lurched downward by more
than two percent in response to Chrump’s idiotic, irresponsible, electronic
brain farts.
No one knows for certain how many
times Chrump whined about his big, beautiful wall meant to keep all the Mexican
criminals, rapists and small children from entering the United States.There is even less certainty regarding how
many times he and his mindless minions chanted that Mexico would pay for the
wall.One now must assume that by
Mexico, Chrump meant the American tax payers.Does he also think all Americans are criminals and rapists?Chrump’s latest effort to get Mexico to pay
for the wall was to shut down the federal government.As part of this ingenious plan, Chrump
threatened to shut down our southern border.CBSNews estimated that closing the border would cost up to $1B a day.All this because Prezident No-Brainer wanted
$5B to fund the wall-that-hardly-anyone-wants-that-Mexico-is-going-to-pay-for.
“Are these wall swatches beautiful or what?”
Many people are saying that Chrump
thought he was shutting down the Mexican
government.“If they don’t pay for the
wall, I will shut the government down.As president of the world, I can do many things that most people don’t
know about.No one knows more about
these things than Chrump.It is time to
pay for this very important wall – which I am now referring to as ‘love
curtains’, by the way – before it’s too late.We are making a lot of money on this shutdown…I know I am.”When Chrump realized he was shutting down the
U.S. government he said, “Well, most of the federal workers who are affected by
this excellent shutdown are either Mexicans or Democrats anyway, so what’s the
big deal anyway?Besides, none of this
is my fault anyway, so why should it bother me?” Der Furor, as he makes clear every few
minutes, does not believe in climate change because he “can’t see it.”A recent government (of which Republican’ts
control all three branches) report said that climate change will cost the U.S.
economy hundreds of billions of dollars by the end of the century, damaging
everything from human health to infrastructure and agricultural production.And, no one is better at losing billions of
dollars than the self-proclaimed King of Debt, Donald Chrump.Not to be bullied by a bunch of scientists
and facts, the Chrump White House dismissed the (Republican’t majority
Congress’) congressionally mandated reported as inaccurate.
No Parking
In a fitting metaphor, our nation’s
national parks are coming to mirror the Chrump administration.Thanks to the Chrump shutdown, human feces,
overflowing garbage, illegal off-roading and other damaging behavior in fragile
areas are beginning to devastate some of America’s iconic national parks, as Chrump's wall-or-nothing shutdown did not bother to close the greatly understaffed parks. As if the damage inflicted by Chrump’s disgraced,
scandal-soaked now-ex-Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, was not horrific enough.
Needless to say, and therefore
necessary to repeat over and over to Chrump supporters, addressing the global
climate crisis is a win-win for business, workers and the American
economy.So, no surprise Chrump is dead
set against doing anything.
By the way, if the Democrats are smart,
they will immediately rebrand “climate change” as “climate crisis.”Republican’ts
learned that renaming things – like replacing “estate tax” with “death tax” –
changed the public perception.Unlike Republican’t
attempts at conning the public with fake wording, ‘climate crisis’ has the
possible advantage of being more accurate.It is time to turn the tables and try to make it easier for all the
stupid Americans to take this seriously.
“Whose house is this house?Where did it come from? Who gets to keep it? No one knows.”
For some reason, our fake prezident has stopped talking about
the Stock Market.Could the reason be
that we just had the worst December since the Great Depression?Maybe that is what Chrump meant by making
America Great Again – another Great Depression – the greatest.If anyone can do it, Chrump is the guy.He already has most Americans greatly
depressed.There is no doubt he can do
the same for the American economy.
Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and
Piffle
The End (of The Year)
is Near
Up the river with half a paddle
December 30, 2018
Where Will We Have
Gone From Here
Well, here it is. The final installment of what to expect in
2019. With any luck, this will not be
the last year we get to see. There’s no
way to know for sure. Chrump will keep us guessing, gnashing our teeth,
fighting to keep food down, losing sleep and fighting with all we have to keep
America from being Chrump again.
Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor
July 21, 2019
Executive Disorder
Der Furor, hoping to get in his last licks before being
carted off to prison, cranks out a slew of maniacal and idiotic executive
orders, many of which he clearly wrote all by himself* – he is such a big,
smart boy after all – demonstrated his monumental ignorance of…well
everything…but, in this case how laws are written and interpreted.In what some are considering an accident
Chrump inadvertently deports his latest wife, Melania.
Chrump passes out after making
his very large signature
on a bill banning all foreign-born Americans from remaining
in the United States; all his ex-cabinet members stood by like idiots
In another clumsily executed order, Chrump accidentally
impeaches himself.New, acting White
House counsel Lindsey Graham (Chrump’s only remaining supporter other than Mike
Pence) quickly dispatches a telegram in an attempt to explain the inexplicable.
* The “You
Can’t Impeach the Greatest President of All Time”, “Re-naming the White House,
Chrump Castle”, “Build Wall or Congress Goes to Jail”, “Fake News is No News,
Going After Great Presidents is Illegal” Acts, to name a few.
September 24, 2019– Happy Impeachment Day
Democrats tried very hard to avoid bringing charges of
impeachment against un-prezident Donald J. Chrump.They worked hard to finally get universal
health care over the hump.They fought
tooth and nail to get funding for infrastructure and voting security.Ultimately, the continuing crime wave coming
out of the White House made it necessary for Congress to launch several hundred
investigations into the Chrump Crime Family, Chrump’s extensive, hostage-like
relationship with Russia, repeated episodes of obstruction of justice, endless
displays of mental illness, and a variety of miscellaneous infractions and
felonies.They subsequently had no choice
but to bring two dozen articles of impeachment against the most criminal person
ever to hold the office of President of the United States.Predictably, Chrump bragged.
The impeachment process is not a quick one.Vegas odds had Chrump, as usual, caving to
the pressure and leaving in the middle of the night before the process can get
off the ground.It turns out the
odds-makers had it right.Soon after the
stench of impeachment became overwhelming, the Gingerhead Man disappeared.All he left behind was the skeletal remains
of the United States and another stupid tweet.
A passerby caught this photo with his infrared camera:
It will be interesting to see if the Secret Service protects
now ex-prezident Chrump.Ex-presidents
enjoy Secret Service protection for 10 years after leaving office.But, not necessarily if they are impeached or
resign.While Chrump was able to avoid
actual impeachment by sneaking away, he will still face criminal charges for
almost a dozen felonies.
September 24, 2019
Caught In a Trap
Chrump is eventually found hiding in a specially designed
sand trap at Mor-on Lago – not unlike the “spider hole” in which Saddam Hussein
hid from American forces who eventually apprehended him.
“I wasn’t hiding, I was looking
for crooked Hillary’s emails.”
Chrump’s few remaining loyalists were spotted not far from
Chrump’s cherished Florida resort planning to get Chrump re-elected in 2020 or
2024.
October 31, 2019
Lady’s Choice
Ex-two-time-Speaker of the
House, and now-President Nancy Pelosi
tries not to laugh so hard she pees herself as she assumes her new position
Interim President Nancy Pelosi, refuses to pardon either
Donald Chrump or Mike Pence for crimes against the Constitution and the
American people.“Gerald Ford claimed he
wanted to help the nation heal by pardoning Richard Nixon.This horrible mistake did nothing of the
sort.While it is in my power, as third
in line for the presidency after the removal from office of both Donald Chrump
and is unrelenting, unrepentant enabler Mike Pence, and having now assumed the
office of President, to pardon whomever I so choose, I will not pardon these
two.This I promise to the American
people.I have much more important and
better things to do with my limited time in office, especially since I will not
seek a full term of my own.I am
satisfied with seeing these two criminals safely tucked away in our nation’s
history – a history they tried diligently to put to rest.Our nation needs a fresh start, a giant
enema, and a serious smack upside the head, as we attempt to recover from the disastrous
Chrump years, few though they were.”
The People’s Prison
November 13, 2019
Fare(un)well
Chrump, apparently having forgotten that he is only still in
the White House awaiting sentencing, sinks into a deep depression thinking he
has lost re-election and refuses to leave the bathroom for several weeks.Despite repeated attempts to draw the
un-prezident out, Chrump simply screams profanities every time anyone on the
outside tries to communicate with him.Fortunately, he is unaware that his Twitter account has been suspended
and he spends his time moving his bowels and rage tweeting.Ultimately, his hunger gets the better of him
and he is finally convinced that the election is not until next year.Upon exiting his refuge, he is handcuffed and
frog-marched into a padded vehicle to face a judge and the music.His farewell address is shown in its entirety
below:
“My
hands are so large that I can fit my head through this opening.”
November 30, 2019
Bucket Lust
Chrump, having slept through Thanksgiving, awakens from his
slumber and pardons several buckets of chicken.As soon as the cameras depart, Chrump inhales all three buckets.“This sure beats the hell out of swallowing
those live turkeys from last year.The
feathers were pretty annoying, but I definitely should have ripped their beaks
off first.That won’t happen again, this
I can tell you.I should have pardoned
four buckets.Go get me some Big Macs,
I’m still hungry. And brig me a bunch of
diet Cokes; these buckets are making me thirsty.”
I hereby pardon these buckets
of chicken, but not
anyone who lays a non-prezidential finger on them
December 25, 2019
Proceed at Your Own
Risk
Pedestrian crossing signals throughout the country
simultaneously ignored all those little old ladies (who are much more like me
than I care to admit), parents with small children, and everyone else trying
not to lose life and/or limb while negotiating an intersection.The usually reliable, if not always timely
walk/don’t walk signals all suddenly started flashing what can only be
interpreted as a hearty salute the current White House occupant.
Upon further investigation, even more rigorous than the
entire hour they spent looking into Brent Kavanaugh, the FBI found no evidence
of untoward interference of any kind, and simply chalked it up to one of the
very rare signs from God that she still gives a flying fig about
humankind.The incident was officially
classified as a Christmas miracle.There
is no truth to the rumor that George Hayduke was spotted near computers in the
Federal Traffic Center.
______________________
You might have noticed that we did not predict Chrump on the
brink of declaring war on South Korea, Canada and Mexico, threatening to kiss
Putin’s ass (Chrump later claimed he obviously meant ‘kick’), the Great
Depression-like crash of the Stock Market, the tanking of the economy, and
Chrump’s big beautiful marshmallow border wall.We felt it unnecessary to tackle the low-hanging fruit.Everyone (except Chrump) knows these things
are coming, since the Republicants have been doing everything they can to
ensure these long-overdue events.
Well, that’s it for Paying Attention in 2018 (unless
something super crazy happens in the next 24 hours), and all we know about what
to expect in 2018. For now, sit back and pour yourself a beverage; a nice hot
cup of tea, a martini, maybe a hemlock smoothie.However you roll, make sure you have your
Rent-a-Coma on hand. It’s flying off the shelves. And, now that you know what’s
going to happen for the next 12 months, why put up with it when you can go into
hibernation until the time is right?
From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey,
T. Doff, Shay King, and everyone here at Paying Attention:
He just does not realize it yet.The only question is whether he leaves before
or after his head explodes…that, and whether or not he can tell the difference
when it does.
This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.
Predictions, Prophecies,
Prognostications, Projections and Piffle
The End (of The Year) is Near
Here, There and
Everywhere
December 28.5, 2018 Where We Will Have
Gone From Here
Hopefully, you are sufficiently soused, fittingly fried,
tenuously toasted, or otherwise appropriately altered as 2018 melts away like the
planet’s last remaining vital Arctic ice. If you had already started your Rent-A-Coma program and are not seeing this in
a timely manner, welcome back – I hope you are feeling refreshed. In any event, welcome to Part II of our
thee-part series on the way it will be in 2019. Buckle up.
Eenie
meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak
March 1, 2019
Happy Mueller’s Day
A new American holiday is on the books.Today is the day that Robert Mueller finally
gave up on digging up more dirt on the Chrump Crime Family and associates.According to Mueller, “I know there is much
more filth and slime under an as yet undetermined number of rocks, but my team
and I just cannot take it anymore.I
have more than enough on the Chrumps to – how do they say it – lock them up, I
believe is the phrase.I can put these
maggots away for so long, they might still be in jail when America starts
dealing with global climate change and racism.It does not matter to me that Mr. Chrump impeached himself; that just
gets him out of office.I want to make
sure he is off the streets permanently.I have never seen such blatant disregard for social norms, the law, the
Constitution and basic human decency in all my life.And I have spent several decades living and
working in Washington, DC.Hopefully,
our long national nightmare is over.I
know mine is.”
While Mueller made it clear that Chrump and his family were nothing
but a bunch of large-scale-petty criminals/felons who deserve jail time, they
were nowhere near smart enough to scam a presidential election on their own.It turns out there was another slime-ball
involved in securing Russian and Saudi assistance.It seems odd that this individual, who
claimed it was God’s will that he become president, would feel the need to take
out an insurance policy in case God changed her mind.In a stunning turn of events, the Mueller
investigation report makes it clear that the mastermind behind getting Chrump
elected was none other than Mike Pence.It turns out that Pence hadcompromising
information on Paul Manafort, and put pressure on Chrump’s then-campaign
manager to convince the small-handed, tiny-brained Republican’t nominee to
choose the soon-to-be-ex-governor of Indiana as his running mate.Ergo, both Chrump and Pence will be
celebrating next Mueller’s Day in a different government housing venue.
March 10, 2019
Picture This
Weekly movie night with Sean Hannity and Vladimir Putin has
become a mainstay in the West Wing over the past year.Hannity of course, basically lives in the
White House (spending most of his time up Chrumps accommodating ass), while
Putin remains constrained to joining via Skype most weeks.Though many people assume Putin’s infrequent
on-site film festivities are a result of security issues, it turns out that
Putin is simply repulsed by Chrump’s eating habits, his reprehensible personal
hygiene, and his insistence on not only wearing his unwashed robe, but doing so
with nothing underneath, and all the inconvenient, intolerable exposures that
inevitably result.
Oh to be a sightless fly on the
wall…
April 22, 2019
Earthless Day
Chrump blames climate change on the media and science.The Orange Gas Cloud notably blamed the
devastating wild fires in California last November on forest management
practices – the lack of raking leaves, to be specific.While there may be some blame to be assigned to
management (other than Chrump’s raking bullshit), it is interesting that, while
the fires were still burning and destroying homes and lives, this was not
considered too soon to talk about forest management.Yet, when the daily mass shooting occurs, the
Second Amendment fetishists scream bloody murder (Ironic, no?) that it is too
soon to talk about stricter gun laws. Chrump tweeted,
Momentarily bored with Twitter, Chrump attempts his first
and only Instagram post:
“I am the Earth. The Earth is
me.Shut up and eat some cake.”
May 1, 2019
Glorious RBG
Ruth Bader Ginsburg breaks several ribs – some of them hers,
in a brutal, long overdue thrashing of Donald Chrump after Petulant Chrump
lashed out at RBG on Twitter:
You couldn’t’ take Pelosi, you
think you can take me?
Ginsburg later apologized, “I should probably not have
clobbered such a defenseless, mentally disabled individual.I have stood up for the rights of the less
fortunate my whole life.I should have
been more sensitive in realizing that Mr. Chrump is not in control of his faculties.I don’t’ even think he has any
faculties.Perhaps I should have smashed
his phone and broken a few fingers, instead of knocking him out.I promise to do better next time.As for me, I’ve broken ribs before – it’s no
big deal, unless the shape you’re in is that of giant puss-wart.”
Go and have a nap
or a concussion, maybe some Prozac. There
is a good chance Part III is coming soon.Get ready for the end of 2019. We’ve
got the Magic 8 Ball in overdrive – we asked again later, survived countless
hazy replies, and celebrated a surprising number of “Signs point to yes”.These
are not fake predictions.
Ed Venture, I.
Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it gets
away.
