Definitely Not George Washington

Jail To The Chief

January 18, 2021

“Father, I cannot tell the truth. I did win the election.”

If Trump wants people to shut up about his dalliances with sedition, he should pay each one of us $130,000 – the going Trump rate for shutting up. James Comey says Joe Biden should consider pardoning Trump. I say James Comey should shut the fuck up. Trump has committed the most heinous crime against this nation. Even more heinous than the daily crimes he committed since oozing down his golden escalator to throw his orange “hair” dye-stained hat into the presidential ring. Like overseeing (overlooking?) the deaths of 400,000 Americans thanks in no small part to Trump’s non-handling of the pandemic he insisted for months was a hoax. And now, thanks in very large, strong and powerful part to him, democracy literally fighting – against its own alleged adherents – for its very survival. Hell, he should have been impeached for all his fucking golfing alone.

Trump may want to pardon criminals, traitors and other assorted assholes, but we do not. He needs to be spanked to within an inch of his miserable life. So to speak.

 

Thanks to the continuing presence of the Toxic Orange Gas Cloud engulfing the nation and in particular Washington, DC, and the anticipated return of the racist, fascist, neo-Nazi, neo-Confederate, terrible terrorists who support Trump’s lies and insanity, the National Mall has been closed for several days and will remain off limits to the public during the inauguration of Joe Biden as president, making this the second smallest crowd to view such a momentous event. The smallest of course, being the meagerly attended American Carnage Mistaken Inauguration of Don “Fuck America, What About Me” Trump on January 20, 2017 – a date that will live in infamy.

Not surprisingly, 99% of Democrats believe that Biden won the election. Perhaps more surprisingly 66% of Independents believe the same. Not at all surprisingly, though nauseatingly, only 19% of Republican’ts believe Biden won. Despite another date that will live in infamy – January 6, 2021 – the day Trump incited the take-over of the Capitol, Trump still has (according to a CNN poll) a depressingly-high albeit record low 34% approval rating among the general public, and an 80% approval among Republican’ts – the Other White Meat.

I. Mangrey regretting. I’m a lover, not a fascist, racist moron who wants to Make America White Again.

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

My Big, Beautiful, Very Strong And Powerful New Idea

Citizenship For Dummies...Literally

January 17, 2021

First Course

The tragic terrorist attack of September 11, 2001 may have claimed more lives and been more shocking to America, but the horrific domestic terrorist attack on January 6, 2021 likely did more damage to democracy and the American psyche. 9/11 had the effect of bringing the country together, at least to some degree. Severely unpopular president George W. Bush saw his positive numbers go through the roof. Donald Trump’s incitement of far-right extremists he helped radicalize to attack the Capitol, if not purposely so (hint: it was), was above all else successful at dividing the country as little else ever has. As an occurrence unto itself, the terrorist incursion into the Capitol Building may have been an utterly shocking event, but as a culminating, defining moment in the Trump Era, it was more of an expectation. Much more a question of when than if.

My Big, Beautiful, Very Strong And Powerful New Idea

As part of what will hopefully be the crushingly harsh punishment for their treasonous act of seizing the Capitol Building for the purpose of interfering with the Constitutional duties of Congress, perhaps intending to include kidnapping and murder, each and every one of these treacherous cretins should have their citizenship revoked until such time as they can pass the same test taken by immigrants wishing to acquire American citizenship. Normally, terrorists should not be allowed to ever become American citizens, but since these separatist shitheads are domestic terrorists who, according the United States Constitution, are citizens by birth (one assumes; haven't seen any birth certificates yet), we can cut them some slack.

If you recognize any of these terrorists, 1) what kind of scum do you 
hang around with, and 2) please notify authorities of their identities

Since many of these white-privileged extremists will have plenty of free time on their hands – assuming they can read, which I am not prepared to do – they will have every advantage to study American civics, the Constitution, American history and whatever else is necessary to pass a citizenship test.

I include among these treasonous parasites (one wonders how many of them are living off the largess of the federal government – we know the self-proclaimed Q shaman lives with his mother and worships Trump; no need to wonder about the endless assistance they receive from their white privilege), all the on and off duty police, all those members of Congress and their staff who aided and abetted this seditious shitshow, and particularly their Terrorist-in-chief.

Citizenship Pre-Test For Seditionists:

Question #1: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Question #2: What are you going to do about it? 

Maybe once these racist rubes learn what this country is, what it was, and what it is meant to be about, and perhaps become acquainted with the actual Constitution as opposed to the one they made up in their fevered heads, they will reconsider their need to destroy the very democracy they think they are trying to defend. After that, since obviously none of them are Jews, Muslims or any other non-Jesus-centric belief system, maybe they can take some time and learn what Jesus taught. Maybe they should also learn something about the religion that Jesus and all his apostles practiced throughout their lives.

That is all I have to say about that. For now.

I. Mangrey at your service.

Four More Days! Four More Days!

He Acted So Nice They IMPEACHED His Ass TWICE

January 16, 2021

Ten days ago, imminently-ex-president donald trump, braved the elements for several minutes in order to incite his mentally unstable, woefully ignorant and uncompromisingly racist (and of course anti-Semitic) faithful followers of insane conspiracy theories and a deranged president to descend on the Capitol Building like a plague of giant white locusts on PCP. Something tells me these militias are not particularly well-regulated.

Fearless Leader told the gullible, enraged throng to “fight” and that, “I’ll be right there with you,” which of course was complete bullshit as he immediately sought shelter (probably those damn bone spurs acting up again) and television so he could watch his American carnage in safety.

We need to fix this totally legitimate election. I’ll be right there 

with you, and Mexico will pay for your legal fees.

Before he hid, he planted the idea that Mike Pence was to blame for not doing the right thing. Trump let the psychotic mob know that Pence refused to renege on his oath to the Constitution, and somehow overturn the legitimate electoral victory of Joe Biden. Unsurprisingly no one, especially Trump, knows how that could even have been done. But once Trump gets an idea – no matter how blatantly absurd – stuck in the black hole between his ears, it can never be removed or changed in any way for any reason.  Mindlessly following the wishes of their demented leader, these crazed freaks were literally hoping to hang Pence – and who knows how many others. The very fine person wearing the stupid-fucking-furry-hat-with-horns, who pathetically believed himself a shaman, screamed at police, “We were invited here! We were invited here by the president of the United States.”

One or more of them had built a gallows, complete with noose, and one or more of this quasi-military operation was equipped with plastic handcuffs. And with the help of a newly elected QAnon member of Congress among other insiders who provided directions to specific offices, hoped to track down Nancy Pelosi, James Clyburn and an unknown number of elected officials on whom they intended to inflict mayhem and perhaps murder.

Make no mistake. Trump planted the seeds in 2016. He constantly watered the Tree of Tyranny, which grew into a Tree of Terror. He sent his mob to take over the Capitol, hold Congress hostage, and perhaps kill Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi for kicks so that there could be no final counting of the Electoral College votes, cementing his huuuuge defeat, sending him packing and on the road to justice, a word with which he is not the least familiar. He did this. Under the ever watchful eye of Mitch McConnell and the entire Republican’t Party.

Once the proud boys and girls had been removed from the Capitol after their mayhem had concluded and those authorities who were not busy aiding and abetting the insurrection, they showed their true colors. These brave patriots asshole lunatics and their equally brave enablers/co-conspirators over at Fux News whined about being mistreated. Even better, many of them insisted that the seditious siege had been the work of Antifa – the new bogey-man/scapegoat of the radical right. They tried to shift the blame despite the fact that after the damage to the Capital and our democracy had been done, trump told his troops, “Go home. We love you. You’re very special.”

Fortunately, these traitors are being tracked down one by one – in Florida, Hawai’i, Arkansas, and brought to justice. All, of course, except those whose day jobs are those of Fux News “personalities”, members of Congress, Vice President or the – for lack of a better word – mastermind, donald trump. Despite the cornucopia of video evidence over several months, it took another IMPEACHMENT to attempt to bring Trump to justice. Which of course was summarily ignored by Mitch McConnell, leaving it to others to force trump to pay for other of his many crimes.

I see dead people voting

Despite Trump having a sick sense – he sees dead people voting – he will not prevail either at the ballot box or the Electoral College, not in the courts, not anywhere. Despite asking Georgia Secretary of State (and long-time, inveterate disenfranchiser of black voters) to find 11,780 votes (from dead people?) Trump did not win Georgia. He begged his fellow racist and Trump supporter, “All I need is 11,000 votes. Give me a break.” Maybe Trump should have asked the Georgia voters to give him those votes. Oh wait, he did. And they didn’t.

Four more days! Four more days!

Meanwhile, Fucking Mitch McConnell has hinted that he might not be opposed to Trump’s IMPEACHMENT because it would help “purge Trump from the R**** Party.” Really? Now? Now that his deadly, seditious four years are up? Do you mind if I say “Fuck You Mitch!?” Fuck You Mitch! Regardless, I fervently hope that Trump will leave office with something he never had while in office – conviction. Maybe two. At long last, after more than 28 dog years, we can finally have some degree of confidence that we are witnessing Trump's final days. Unfortunately, this phrase must be qualified by the words "in office."

Enjoy your retirement Don.

I also hear Elba is nice this time of year.

I. Mangrey. I regret that I have but two hands to give the finger for my country.
                                   

                                                                                         

So Much Winning

IMPEACHY Keen

January 14, 2021

Normally I would have celebrated IMPEACHMENT DAY with great fanfare and copious schadenfreude. And yesterday’s IMPEACHMENT of Donny Trump was as juicy and delicious a one as this country has ever seen. Unfortunately, it came buried in so much other slime, insanity, treason and death that it was difficult to muster up the fitting level of scorn, bile and mirth at the appropriate moment. And for that, I apologize to you and to myself.

Incitement of Insurrection: Is that worse than lying about a blowjob?

There are winners and then there are winners. Some win a winning and others win at losing. Donald “Fort Sumpter” Trump won at inciting an insurrection. No one has done it better in at least 160 years. His forces won the Battle of Trump against the United States on January 6 just as he won the November 3 election against Joe Biden and the American people. So much winning.

Trump has also emerged victorious in the IMPEACHMENT competition. Yesterday, Congress returned to the scene of Trump’s crime to impart some measure of justice in the only way put forth by the Constitution, by IMPEACHING Trump for some of the highest crimes in American history. Now, no one has been IMPEACHED as many times as Trump. Or with so much bipartisan support. A record more than 230 years in the making. Take that George Washington – zero impeachments, a quitter who bailed out after just two terms when there weren’t even any limits; said he didn’t want to be a monarch - loser. Suck on it Andrew Johnson – one impeachment. And Dick Nixon – impeachment-adjacent. Bill Clinton, don’t make me laugh. No, seriously. Don’t make me laugh. A bunch of one-shit wonders. Trump slouches alone in the IMPEACHMENT Hall of Infamy.

Loser Nancy Pelosi – you can’t even see her signature taking up an entire page.

What’s the matter Nancy, can’t afford a decent Sharpie?

And what about those crazy Democrats? Dividing the nation by daring to IMPEACH someone for simply wanting to make America something. For innocently urging his unstable cult members to lay siege on the Capitol to shanghai the certification of the winner of the 2020 presidential election, because it was not him. Why would the Democrats want to punish someone who loves America so much he is trying to make two of them.

Trump showed everyone who’s boss by winning a free, no expenses paid exit from Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Western Union. Nobody does it better.

Like Charles Manson and other murderous cult leaders before him, Trump whipped his cult into a homicidal frenzy while managing to keep his own hands clean. Trump mesmerized his army of assholes with promises of reversing the results of an election he falsely insisted had been stolen. He exhorted his armed goons to disrupt the Constitutional duties of Congress, and put a stop to the process of formally certifying what American voters, the Electoral College and courts of every stature and stripe across this nation had already made perfectly clear. Trump also implied the need to take care of Mike Pence who dared – for the first time in his life – put the Constitution and the United States ahead of his own personal interest, and even worse, above the psychotic wishes of the man he obeyed, enabled and abetted so completely for five years, by refusing to break the law by aiding and abetting the theft of the election Joe Biden handily won, in violation of the Constitution of a little thing we like to call the United States.

It is long past time to end the start-to-finish catastrophuck that has been the presidency of Donald Trump – worst president ever…times infinity. Hopefully.

I. M. Peachment.

Don’t miss today’s special feature: I Wish I Had Said That ! (below)

New PAYING ATTENTION Special Feature

Today on: I Wish I Had Said That !

A few choice words from Keith Olbermann:

I wish I had said that.

The Revolution Is Being Televised

The Revolution Is Reality TV

January 13, 2021

As it turned out, the revolution is being televised. Because it was a made-for-tv revolution. Brought on at the behest of a made-from-tv president. And make no mistake, the whole world is watching, and the whole world was appalled on January 6, and the whole world knows exactly who lit the fuse, started the fire and fanned the flames. America’s friends and enemies alike have all called out Donald Trump for inciting, if not demanding a coup d’état. Perhaps most unfortunate of all, there was plenty of dry, seasoned kindling just waiting for a well-placed match.

Close cover before striking and STFU

(not pictured, Sen. Josh Hawley because, who gives a fuck about Josh Hawley)

T’reason Everything Is AFU

Trump has told us since 2015 that he would not accept the results of an election that did not go in his favor. It was much easier for him to work hand-in-iron-fist with Russia the first time and he was able to prevail on the strength of the Constitution he so reviles. Now that reality has smacked him square in his circus-peanut-colored puss, and he fears to his miserable bones that he will wind up on the wrong side of prison bars, he is stopping at nothing to remain in power, despite the clear and blatant desire of the American public, most of whom have long been fed up with all his winning at their expense. But know this, even if Trump had been re-elected, this despicable assault on both the philosophical and physical manifestations of our democracy still would have happened when he was denied a (completely illegal) third term…assuming there was anything left at that point.

This was obviously not the revolution Gil Scott Heron had in mind. That one – more like the peaceful Black Lives Matter response to the brutal murder of George Floyd, et al – was viciously beaten back, though not down, by Trump’s army. An army that was conspicuously absent when crazed white people, aided and abetted by the Pentagon upper echelon recently installed by Trump, stormed the Capitol Building on January 6^th. The army that will hopefully be prepared for what is likely to be part two of the attempted coup signed, sealed and in the process of being delivered in the coming days by all manner of white nationalists, anti-democratic insurgents, domestic terrorists and radicalized Trump loyalists.

Gil Scott Heron

Televised or not, we return you now to the revolution already in progress. Calls are already out for more lunatics with more weapons to invade every state capital as well as Washington, DC in the coming days, particularly it seems on January 17^th. Expect the stupid, deplorable and terrorism to get turned up to eleven. Thankfully, many (surely not nearly enough) of the instigators and perpetrators of the January 6 storming and siege of the Capitol have been identified and arrested. Unfortunately, the ringleader – Donald J. Trump, and his fellow travelers in the House of Representatives and United States Senate, in particular Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley – remain at large, unrepentant and poised to continue providing aid and comfort to the active insurrection.

Sticks and stones and assholes beating you with American flags and shooting you can break your bones, but words can never hurt you…except when they are used to incite psychos with sticks and stones and guns and using the Flag as a weapon to beat you senseless, or to death. Don’t forget, these psychos actually built a gallows, ostensibly for Mike Pence, Pelosi and others.

I guess they didn’t have enough time to build a gas chamber.
Come for the Jews, stay for the blacks.

Just before the storming of the Capital, Trump read his sheep the go-ahead-and-riot act, said he would march with them, which of course he did not, then went to watch the reality show he launched – Asshole Apprentice: Operation Treason – on television. According to some with firsthand knowledge, Trump reveled in the chaos he fomented and could not understand why more of his long-time enablers and co-conspirators were not enjoying the show Trump produced and directed.

They say no man is an island, but Donald trump is an I-land. There is no ‘I’ in team and there is no brain in Trump. Only venom. And racism. And fascism.

I. Mangrey reporting. Maybe his hands aren’t small, maybe there’s just way too much of the rest of him.

Living Color – Cult of Personality

Inaugurations Day

Alternative Acts

January 12, 2021

Message from a very little, ever smaller man:

“To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20^th.”

The world’s sorest loser, disgraced IMPEACHED Fake president Donald Trump will not be attending his successor’s inaugural as he has convinced himself that he won reelection in a landslide. This, despite all evidence electoral, judicial and otherwise to the contrary. Tens of thousands of dead people voted, votes were shredded, voting machines were tampered with, fake votes were trucked in. Trump claimed to know all of this to be true because he heard someone say it, because “that’s what the rumors are”. All, as it turns out, complete and utter bullshit. Nothing it seems will ever convince the emotionally and mentally disabled Trump of anything other than the insane conspiracy theories bouncing around the bone-encased cavity between his artificially-colored ears.

Our sources tell us that Donald will be holding his own inaugural with family and “friends.” Paying Attention has obtained a transcript of Trump’s latest perfect phone call to prospective attendees:

Very, very large uh-brain, best words, perfect phone calls

“Hi everyone, it’s The Donald. As you know, many losers will be watching big loser Sleepy Joe Biden get sworn in to illegally steal my job that I was doing better than anyone. I’m America’s favorite president and there’s no way I could lose to Sleepy. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I won because I had the biggest rallies and everyone voted for me, unless you count all those dead people and fake Georgia people. Just because most of those people who were at my rallies are either dead or in hospitals doesn’t mean I lost. I don’t lose. Biggest winner of all time. Just ask Ivanka, she knows. She knows me very intimately. I’m inviting you to my real inaugural, which I’m doing so that when the truth finally comes out about how rigged and fake the election was, I can get right back to doing the very incredible job I was doing. Such a great job and no one ever said thank you Trump. I do it because I’m such a great American, who loves America so much. No one has humped more flags than Trump. That I can tell you. It will be one of the greatest days America has ever seen. Even better than that great day when all those heroes did what I told them and took over the stupid Capitol. What a great day. Very special people.”

Should be lots of fun. Hopefully all of the loyal followers he just threw under the bus during his latest hostage video will attend with the same enthusiasm they displayed at the Capitol on January 6^th.

I. Mangrey, ever hopeful. They were all made for each other.

Radical Normalcy

Scary Stuff, Folks

January 11, 2021

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I watched Joe Biden take questions from the press. He was respectful, answered every question like a human being, waited in case there were follow-up questions. He didn’t insult even one single reporter, no racially insensitive, snide remarks. Biden didn’t even yell “Lock him up” one time. Sure, in response to a question he said Trump was unfit to serve, but everyone already knew that. He didn’t make up any crazy shit that made me think I was hallucinating. Didn’t tell anyone to drink beach or talk about some of the great murderous dictators he loves. Biden didn’t even have the guts to scream ‘Fake news!” or call reporters enemies of the people. Not even once. What kind of sick game is this guy playing?

Joe Biden: Will his radical normalcy destroy the great America Trump built?

At the end of this horrifying display of normal adult behavior, he forgot to turn and run away abruptly before the damn thing was over like an angry teen who’s just been grounded and sent to their room; he just calmly finished answering the last question, politely said “thank you”, put on his mask and walked away. I was sure it was a joke and he would come back and trash the place. But no. He just left. This is going to be a long four years. I look forward to Donald Trump crashing a few of these malarky-free snooze-fests and showing these losers how it’s supposed to be done.

As if this press conference debacle was not bad enough, where are the idiotic tweets? I haven’t seen one single misspelled rant. Does this even stay up all night watching Fux News? OAN? He probably won’t even be bragging about his crowd or dick size. WTF. Somebody help me out here.

And what’s with his human-looking skin tone? And his suit fits like it was made for him. This guy is a fucking disaster waiting to stop happening.

I. Mangrey

One-Term Blunder

Still Running After All These Years: Trump 2024

January 10, 2021

“When they say the election was stolen, they mean black and brown people voted.”
                                  Kwame Rose, Activist

Despite finally releasing another of his famous hostage-videos, where Trump was forced to read a statement he did not write or believe, showing all the emotion and class of a public toilet seat, acknowledging that some generic new administration will be taking over the reins of government on January 20^th. Two days later, Trump reportedly expressed regret for saying there would be a peaceful transfer of power. Regardless of what happens next, Trump will not go away.

President Gumby sends his mob off to war against America

Trump will always insist that he won the 2020 election and belongs in the White House. He will not relent on disseminating what is either the delusion or outright lie that he was the victim of a rigged, stolen election. No matter what. Everyone who is either not Donald Trump or those drinking Trump Brand KKKool Aid, knows for a fact that Biden won as fair and square as our elections get. Nonetheless, Trump incited his intellectually and democratically-challenged hordes to storm the Capitol, which gladly and very badly did. There will be consequences for them and for the man that spurred them on.

Team Trump – some very swine people

January 6, 2021: Team Trump lays siege to the U.S. Capitol...

and they’re planning to do it again – SOON.

Trump might be removed via the 25^th Amendment if Mike Pence has either balls or brains. Since Pence has neither, tomorrow Trump will become the only president in American history to be IMPEACHED twice, though his enablers in the Senate – led by Mitch McConnell – remain likely to choose treason over country once again. Trump might succumb to increasing demands from all sides for him to resign (very unlikely), or he might resign as the only means of getting a presidential pardon, which most scholars believe he cannot do for himself. He might be embroiled in court battles for the next several years. None of this matters to Trump. He will steamroll on unless or until such time as there are iron bars between this traitor and the country he is intent on using for his own aggrandizement and/or maiming beyond recognition.

Trump will continue to trample democracy, decency, sanity and reality so long as there are millions of white supremacists, neo-fascists, neo-Confederates, neo-Nazis who cherish the last few words of the Second Amendment, do not understand the First and simply want what they want. Who will storm and defile the Capitol Building they profess to be defending against black, brown, Jewish and liberal people. These are Trump’s people though he thinks they are filthy and ignorant. He would never allow them into his over-priced country clubs, but he is happy to take their money, wallow in their adoration, incite them to violence, and then run for cover and when the dust settles, throw them under the bus.

It is unlikely that the remains of the long-complicit Republican’t Party will allow Donald Trump to have anything to do with their desperate attempt to recover from their torrid affair with the Orange Gas Cloud. Donald will have find a new political home, likely a new third party. There is no need to even guess what that party will be called as he mounts his post-insurrection reelection crusade. The Trump 2024 campaign for president will be under the banner of the Trump Party. And all his white supremacist, neo-Nazi, Profa dimwits will be there bowing and scraping, looting and shooting.

Trump’s new campaign lawn sign

Unlike Trump’s pretense of being the “law and order candidate” in 2016, our sources are telling us that he plans to run on “violence, revolution, white power and loving Trump.”

Ace reporter T. Doff was downtown, working hard and doing swell, getting the news before it hit the street. He has obtained secret audiotape of Trump talking to supporters, or possibly to himself; we present an exclusive partial transcript here:

“I don’t care if those people think Biden won. He didn’t win. I won. I won by a very strong and powerful margin. What the hell has Biden ever done? He doesn’t know shit about government. I know more about government than probably anyone in history. Plus, I’m the one who got better shower pressure. I made America so great again. So to hell with the very bad, very weak Democrat Party – I call them the Sleepy Black Lives Matter Party – and the unloyal Republican Party that I tried so hard to make great again. The new Trump Party will take this country back from all the losers. Trump deserves another term to make America even greater. So great no one will ever believe it. And all the great toilets, dishwashers and shower pressure. People will insist Trump gets a third term. I may not accept it because I will be too bored of all the winning. All the greatness. The best greatness ever.”

I. Mangrey endeavoring to persevere. Go home. We hate you. You’re very special.