A Positively Unique Day

Donald Chrump v. Walter Reed

October 3, 2020

The day before we were told that Donald Chrump had tested positive for his pet virus, he told a live, mostly maskless, non-socially-distant audience, “For years, you had a president who apologized for America. Now you have a president who is standing up for America and standing up for the great people of Minnesota. But if we don’t win, I’m never calling you great again.” You are never calling them great again? Verrrrrrry interesting, but stupid.

Hours before allegedly testing positive for COVID-19, Chump once again lied to a virtual audience that “end of the pandemic is in sight.” We may never know if he already knew he had been infected when he shared his latest lie. We do know that Chrump is responsible for the deaths of three times as many people as the number of people who helped him carry Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania in 2016.

“Everything is under control.”

Many people are saying that it is important for Chrump to show he is still physically capable of managing the chain of command because, if an adversary learns that the chain of command has been jeopardized, they may try to take advantage. Huh? The chain of command in this country, particularly the very tippy, tippy top of the command chain has been the weakest link by far, since January 20, 2017. The possibility of that historically weak link being removed, temporarily or otherwise, should put the world on notice that America might be better off that we’ve been in years.

The problem is that Chrump has been running his White House operation like he has run his business throughout his life – beside it being mostly into the ground – mostly by himself. Chrump never trusted anyone enough, so he tended to do everything himself, because, you know, he knows more about everything than anyone.* Ergo, there is really not much federal government infrastructure; mostly a bunch of sickophants installed without congressional approval as acting-whatevers, i.e., temps. And, given Chrump’s hiring track record, staggeringly unqualified for whatever post they hold.

*COVID Donny sure knew how to catch the Chrump virus. He has worked harder than anyone, with the exception of a few college students with single-digit IQs who had COVID parties meant to infect groups of people, to get infected. Wouldn’t wear a mask, wouldn’t stay the fuck away from people. The real surprise is that it took so long. It is after all, his virus.

All of this assumes that Chrump’s illness is not an October surprise hoax. We’ll have to wait and see.

I. Mangrey reporting. I’ve got blisters on my fingers.

Chrump Is Really Quite A Bit Ch allenging

On The Rude Again

October 2, 2020

Most people on both sides of the aisle are singing in unison that Donald Chrump behaved like a rabid, racist raccoon during the first presidential debate and has only lessened his chances of holding on to his ill-gotten office as a result. While the unshakable, uneducated, unhinged faithful cannot be swayed, actual sentient humans all saw the same thing – a desperate lunatic bully flailing wildly, unable to do anything other than fan the flames of racism and hatred, and further lay bare his fascist agenda.

The day after Chrump’s dismal performance, more like a caged monkey flinging feces in order to show the righteous indignation of being put on display, he intended to do a victory lap by holding another COVID rally, this time in Minnesota. Chrump, who desperately craves being on display – in fact it is the only thing other than pretending to be rich that he cares about (except maybe Ivanka) – was anything but righteous as he splattered his verbal feces in the faces of tens of millions of Americans who tuned in to watch a debate between two men running for the highest office in the land, but were instead made party to a painful display of a man-child who is supposed to be president, devolving before their very eyes and now damaged ears.

Apparently, Chrump’s beautiful, very strong and powerful debate performance did not have the desired effect of catapulting him to victory. The crowd in Minnesota was the smallest he has seen in some time. In fact, here seems to have been a shift in tone among those coming to see the IMPEACHED president ramble insanely on the campaign trail.

With any luck this trend will continue and Chrump will go down in flames – figuratively, of course – though given the amount of hair spray and pancake make-up surrounding his empty cranium, he could go up like the Hindenburg at any moment.

In Testing Positive News…

Now we hear that the IMPEACHED president of half of America and his equally despicable wife have both tested positive for COVID-19. Lucky for him, he’s been hording all those ventilators. Hopefully, Chrump will be under quarantine for a month or so. In fact, the whole worst family should be locked away until it is deemed safe for them to slither among us again. And then will have plenty of free time to think about what a bad boy he has been. I wish him and his virus a long and happy relationship.

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 31 more cheating, coughing and wheezing days until the election.

Biden vs. The Master Baiter

Clash At The Cleveland Clinic

September 30, 2020

Sorry for the delay in getting this to press, but it took much longer to regain consciousness and then be able to hear myself think, after being subjected, albeit voluntarily, to the first "debate" between Joe Biden and a very angry cartoon blob. Anyone who managed to get through this without ingesting copious amounts of disinfectant, should consider themselves very strong and powerful, and very lucky (for the time being at least).

After CNN’s Jake Tapper weighed in describing Chrump’s performance as a “hot mess inside a dumpster fire, inside a trainwreck,” his colleague Dana Bash, apologetically unable to avoid unusually coarse language, called the unseemly spectacle “a shitshow.”

The Emperor Has No Brains

Chrump’s almost completely disintegrated brain was on full display, completely unable to control his basest urges, at one point talking about himself he said, “Before I came here, I was a private business people.” Unable to physically stalk his opponent as he did with Hillary Clinton, Chrump instead verbally pummeled Biden throughout the evening’s festivities. If anyone was worried about Biden’s ability to mentally and physically match the younger Chrump, the IMPEACHED president did everything possible to make Biden look in command of the moment, and himself looking alternately like a harpooned walrus, lashing out in desperation before succumbing to the inevitable.

Joe Biden did well to brave the storm of stupid, the layer upon layer of lies, the tsunami of tantrums, incessant interruptions, perpetual petulance, incalculable insolence, rampant racism and ballistic belligerence of an opponent who did not come to debate, but to smash a folding chair over Biden’s head in order to win a professional wrestling entertainment match.

Actual screen shots from last night's debate

Chris Wallace had to repeatedly demand that The Orange Mouth shut. But it could not shut, as Biden occasionally pointed out, and everyone – including the possible life on Mars – was able to hear for themselves as the evening raged on.

Meanwhile, Chrump could be seen saying, “Excuse me,” in the middle of a sentence with no one but the voices in his head interrupting him, apparently screaming, “Shut the fuck up you moron, do you have any idea what the hell you’re talking about?” At one point an exasperated Biden simply said, “Will you shut up, man?” The implied answer was, “No way” as Chrump just kept yammering away. 

                           

Pundits bemoan the fact that both candidates interrupted each other. Only one of them was repeatedly demanded by the battered moderator to stop bellowing over both his opponent and the moderator. The other, Joe Biden, had to interrupt at times just to get a word in edgewise.

The Orange Gas Cloud did manage to keep his relationship with the Klan, neo-Nazis and white supremacists intact, while urging his supporters to break the law (again) by “urging my supporters to go into the polls and watch very carefully. Because that's what has to happen. I am urging them to do it.” Chrump later had to apologize for what his mouth said, “I have no control over what my mouth does. We’ve hardly ever met in fact. It may do more things. I don’t know. It’s not my problem. I don’t take responsibility for anything. We’ll have to see what happens.”

A desperate, unstable and monumentally malignant Chrump made sure that many more people will be singing this song…

I. Mangrey repulsed. Only 33 more cheating, lying and psychotic ranting days left until Election Day.

Fraught For The Day

Who Chrump Wanted “Working” Directly Under Him

September 29, 2020

Via Alternet:

More accurate headline: Chrump wanted to tap daughter Ivanka

Rick Gates was a deputy campaign manager, working directly alongside convicted felon Paul Manafort. Gates pleaded guilty to conspiracy against the United States and making false statements during the investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election. You know, the one where Russia worked hand-in-hand with the Chrump campaign to defraud the American people out of a legitimate election, leaving us in the oddly undersized hands of a psychologically unstable, malignant narcissist who more recently decided to try his little hand at mass murder. America First.

2016 RNC – Chrump contemplating his running mate

Gates, the latest entry into the get-Chrump-the-fuck-out-of-here book tsunami (though apparently Gates’ book is pro-Chrump), reported that as the Chrump team mulled a running mate, the thing at the top of the ticket mused, “I think it should be Ivanka. What about Ivanka as my VP?...She's bright, she's smart, she's beautiful, and the people would love her.” Wow. Bright and smart. Unlike Chrump himself, who is dim and stupid. And despite claiming he spent $70,000 on “hair” infrastructure maintenance during his previous reality show stint, remains anything but beautiful.

This has been your Paying Attention Fraught For The Day.

You're welcome.

What has you fraught for the day?

This Justice? No Peace!

Miscarriage Abortion Of Justice

September 28, 2020

When Justice and self-imagined Constitution whisperer Antonin Scalia shuffled off his mortal coil, President Barack Obama – certainly no fan of Scalia’s interpretation of the law – attempted to fulfill his constitutional duty by appointing someone to replace Scalia on the Supreme Court. As the saying goes, “Elections have consequences.” Hopefully, so does stealing Supreme Court seats.

Obama did not attempt to replace the ultra-conservative hunting buddy of war criminal Dick Cheney with Scalia’s ideological opposite in order to drastically shift the balance of power in the Supreme Court. No, Obama, still having not learned his lesson, made a thoughtful, collegial nomination in a futile attempt to sow consensus. Somehow, he forgot about Mitch McConnell’s stranglehold on the Legislative Branch.

Not only did Obama select a well-respected jurist, he chose Merrick Garland. Garland had a history of fairness, adherence to the law and not his own personal opinions, and an almost unheard-of level of bipartisan support. Also, Garland was 63 years old at the time, which would have made him one of the oldest nominees since the days of Nixon. Yet another display of reasonableness from Obama – assuring his nominee would not be on the Court for a very long time. Thanks Obama.

Merrick Garland, whose seat on the Supreme Court
was stolen by Mitch McConnell and Republican’ts

As everyone who cares to pay attention knows, Obama’s pick was not even afforded the courtesy of sitting down with senators to discuss his nomination. That nomination never saw the light of day. As Mitch McConnell later gleefully admitted, “One of my proudest moments was when I looked Barack Obama in the eye, and I said, 'Mr. President, you will not fill the Supreme Court vacancy.’”

McConnell and the Republican’ts just plain stole that Supreme Court seat. Not satisfied being a total shithead, Ted Cruz went one step further squealing that even if Hillary Clinton became the next president, Republican’ts would never allow her to fill Scalia’s vacant seat. Even revered maverick John McCain said at the time, “I promise you that we will be united against any Supreme Court nominee that Hillary Clinton, if she were president, would put up.” This is not love of country, it’s more like sexual abuse.

In the few minutes that passed after the untimely death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, once McConnell was able to stop drooling over her passing, he announced that he would happily approve IMPEACHED president Chrump’s replacement nominee. Despite the fact that there were less than eight weeks before the next election to replace a president who was not elected by a majority of the electorate and has been, throughout his despicable tenure, the least popular president in modern history. And of course, despite the fact that McConnell insisted that Barack Obama should not be able to nominate a Justice eight months before an election.

Simply irreplaceable

Republican’ts’ pick to replace one of the most accomplished jurists ever to be nominated to the high court and one of this nation’s great liberal Supreme Court justices is the polar opposite of Ginsburg in every respect.

Amy Coney Barrett is a member of People of Praise, a charismatic covenant community that has been criticized by former members for being a religious cult. The church practices, including speaking in tongues and faith healing. One of its most notable features is the submissive role played by women.

Barrett, a favorite of religious conservatives, is anti-choice, anti-immigrant, and is herself an ideological and religious zealot, with a mere three years of experience on the bench. The 48-year-old clerked for Scalia and was appointed to the lower court by Chrump. During Barrett’s confirmation hearing for the 7^th Circuit Court, Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA) – referring to the nominee’s religious fanaticism’s presence in her court opinions – told Barrett, “The dogma lives loudly within you.”

Like her mentor Scalia, Barrett is a delusional “original intent” fetishist, i.e. one who is convinced that 1) the Constitution was designed as an unchanging unchangeable document (despite Thomas Jefferson’s admonitions to the contrary), and 2) they are able to know the minds of the Founding Fathers many of whom disagreed with each other and often with themselves. As Ali Velshi recently noted, “If you’re entirely a constitutional originalist and a textualist, there wouldn’t actually be a woman on the Supreme Court; there wouldn’t even be women who vote.”

Barrett will surely be reversing progress from the bench with fellow rabid anti-civil rights, anti-voting, anti-economic and social justice, anti-environment, anti-progress justices Thomas, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh for the next two generations unless God plucks her from this world before she can do too much damage. That, or Democrats take the White House and Senate and add four more seats on the Court.

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 35 more cheating days until the election.

World Fascism Entertainment

Chrump First, America Last

September 26, 2020

IMPEACHED president Donald Chrump still “thinks” and acts as though his milieu is a mix of reality TV and pro wrestling. To Chrump these fictions are real-life events. But his “presidency” is just a show. Though he is beating America over the head with a folding chair, Chrump’s presidency is the hoax he keeps caterwauling about. Chrump believes he is pitting the good guy against the bad guys as they do in the World Wrestling Entertainment “matches.” And he is the only good guy.

Chrump is worried that all the cheating he and his Republican’t enablers and his Russian benefactor Putin will still not be enough to defeat democracy and Joe Biden. He is getting more desperate and despotic by the minute.

A reporter asked Chrump: “Will you commit to making sure there is a peaceful transfer of power after the election?”

    WARNING: ACTUAL FASCIST QUOTE…

Chrump: “Well, we’re going to have to see what happens. I’ve been complaining very strongly about the ballots, and the ballots are a disaster. Get rid of the ballots, and you’ll have a very peaceful — there won’t be a transfer, frankly, there’ll be a continuation. The ballots are out of control.”

Don’t get me wrong, he is without a doubt driving this ship of state into the dark waters of fascism. Intentional or otherwise (it’s getting hard to tell with someone who struggles to pronounce his own name – “Donald Prump,” and who waxed moronic to his minions about going to “Nars”), this sociopathic narcissist only has one setting, which is “Fuck you.” 

Prump does not believe in democracy. He is a paranoid, germophobic, malignant narcissist who believes he knows more about everything than everyone else, their proven expertise be damned. Chrump knows who should be president; the American electorate – who it cannot be noted often enough, rejected him outright in 2016 – to him, is a hoax.

Chrump threatened to disavow the election results in 2016, unless he won and he is doing the same thing now. He is a sociopath. And he is an autocrat wannabe.

Il Douche’s henchblob Bill Barr, turning the fascist up to eleven, called Porland, Seattle and New York City “anarchist jurisdictions” and entertained revoking federal funding. Barr has been busy casting aspersions – to put it mildly – on the veracity of our election process and the First Amendment right of American citizens to express their, let’s call it displeasure, with the Hoax President.

Chrump’s Turnkey General Bill Barr –
testifying under oath that he has no teeth

Madison Square Garden 1939 – before NYC was an anarchist jurisdiction,
presumably a preferable environment to Bill Barr

“This is not an election between Donald Trump and Joe Biden; this is an election between Donald Trump and democracy. And democracy must win.”
                              Bernie Sanders 9/24/20

IMPEACHED president and aspiring fascist Donald Chrump had the nerve to show his surprisingly-masked face to pay his disrespects beside Ginsburg’s casket as she laid in repose outside the Supreme Court where she served for 27 years. He was greeted fittingly with loud and sustained jeers and chants of “Vote him out!” and “Honor her wish!”, referring to the Justice’s final wish: “My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed.” Chrump and his complicit wife quickly turned tail and left the scene of the crime.

Epilogue?

As I write this, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg lies in state – the first woman and the first Jewish person to be afforded this honor – at our nation’s Capital. As horrible as this year 2020 has been, with the sabotaged impeachment, the scourge of the Chrump Virus, the deaths of so many more black lives – perhaps most notably George Floyd – at the hands of police, the massive wildfires on the West Coast, the death of one of the greatest Americans in our country's history – John Lewis, and now the untimely passing of another special trail-blazer and American icon – Ruth Bader Ginsburg, hopefully the next to lie in state in a flag-draped coffin will not be Democracy itself.

Buckle up folks, we’re coming in for a crash landing.

I. Mangrey reviling. Fascism in America – it’s not just hyperbole anymore.

Found on the internets:

Taking Debate

Hollywood Squares/Zoom Debate

September 24, 2020

“Democracy is not a state, it’s an act.”
Excerpted from John Lewis’ final words

Seeing as we already have a second-rate TV reality show personality in the White House, it should not surprise anyone that the 2020 presidential debates would include a game-show-themed debate. In truth, it was not so much a decision as a requirement since the reigning champion Donald Chrump literally threatened to hold his breath until Joe Biden’s team agreed to his demands. Personally, I think it would have been much easier and better to call Chrump’s bluff.

Chrump would not be able to hold his breath very long because that would require him to shut the fuck up, and he cannot go more than 30 seconds without hearing the sound of his own voice, which to most sentient humans makes fingernails screeching across a chalkboard seem like Brahms’ Lullaby.

 In case you need a calming interlude before proceeding

The man who can barely make it through a whole – albeit barely intelligible – sentence without sniffing like a coke addict, would be gasping for air after about five seconds and end up writhing around on the floor like a hooked blowfish on a boat deck. In any event, it would be well worth a try. If Chrump took his threat all the way, November 3^rd would be much simpler.

Maybe a plastic bag would help

Originally, Chrump floated the idea of an Apprentice-themed debate where Chrump proposed going “head-to-head with not only Joe Biden, but Kanye West, Meatloaf, Charlie Sheen, and Frederick Douglass. It would get the best ratings of all time and we could do it outside to protect from the China Virus hoax, maybe do it at Yo Semite or the Grand Bunyan.”

Given the continuing death march of the Chrump virus, it was determined that there would be no live audience. The only people who will be in the studio will be the two participants and one moderator. Everyone else will be available via Zoom. In keeping with the Zoom format, the debate will be held – per Chrump’s demands – in the style of Hollywood Squares. The winner of the debate will be the one who wins the best two-out-of-three Tic-Tac-Toe marathons.

Somehow, my name came up to moderate this shitshow and though I would gladly have paid to get in on this circus, it turned out they were offering me a hefty paycheck, and given the prolonged disappearance of funds thanks to Donald Chrump’s Super Stupid Pandemic Extravaganza, I thought it best to take the money and run. Not to mention the chance to rub elbows with some greats from the news and comedy world, and be within spitting distance of a few asshats I’ve been wanting to spit on for quite some time – and what better time to try out my aim on something smaller than my television. Perhaps a nice cream pie placed just so. Or who knows, maybe I’m positive and asymptomatic, possibly killing two birds with one loogie.

Leaked photos from an early rehearsal

Chrump claims he wants more debates than previously agreed. Who would have guessed that Chrump would want to flaunt agreed-upon rules? I’m guessing almost everyone. Der Furor is feeling good about himself after repeatedly bringing up the minimal mental competency test he thinks he aced almost two years ago. Chrump has convinced himself that he is more cognitively intact than Joe Biden, though thousands of mental health experts warn that Chrump has the mental acumen of a sea slug, or perhaps a bucket of gravel.

The current incumbent, hot on the heels of a tsunami of tell-all books, including his niece Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough, where she describes her uncle as racist and delusional – and those are his better traits. We also have Bob Woodward’s latest – Rage – the product of interview with countless insiders and no less than 18 unsolicited phone calls from Der Furor himself to Woodward, where Chrump happily admits to knowing how bad the coronavirus was going to be while simultaneously telling the public it was a hoax designed to denigrate his tremendous – some say best ever – presidency. In closing his book, Woodward did something he has never done, opine on his subject. Woodward’s final words in Rage: “Trump is the wrong man for the job.”

Paying Attention editor Ed Venture is currently hard at work on his own Chrump tome Profiles in Discourage: Donald Chrump’s Mission to Rip Apart America By Starting Civil War II and Issuing Executive Orders Banning Future Elections Paving the Way For A President-For-Life Who Will Appoint White People to Congress and Will Himself Replace the Supreme Court with Ivanka, Sean Hannity and the My Pillow Guy…

I recently spoke with Ed through a heavily locked door and in between impossibly loud typing noises, his gut-wrenching moans and deafening screams to see how his project was coming along. “Get the fuck away from me before I burn this whole place to the ground. I’m only half way through the title and a case of Absolut and my feet and my tongue are asleep. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. At this point I’m just hoping to survive long enough to vote and if I can keep typing until November 3^rd, I might actually make it.” I decided not to press the issue, wished him well and got out of there as fast as I could.

Only time will tell if America wishes to carry on its Great Experiment with democracy, or has decided enough is enough and throws caution and intelligence to the wind by keeping the mentally and socially defective Donald Jezebel Chrump permanently in the White House.

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 39 more cheating days until the election. Be sure to bring your attorney with you when you vote.

I Ain't Drunk, I'm Just Drinkin'

What I Learned From COVID-19

September 20, 2020

You wouldn’t know it by watching the fake news, but something great has come out of all this phony coronavirus nonsense. And you’ll never guess where I found the only good thing that has happened in 2020 so far.

Breakfast of non-Chrumpians

Many people go to the gym to maintain the level of physical fitness they desire. Since November 2016, I have found that the best place for me to maintain the level of physical and mental fitness I desire is a place that serves alcohol. Both of these lifestyle options became off limits once Chrump decided it would Be Best for America to go into a tailspin with the coronavirus he knew full well would kill hundreds of thousands of us, especially once he decided to not only keep us in the dark, but to ensure as many Americans as possible would die as a result of him telling people to do the exact opposite of what all the experts were advising.

Nonetheless, I found a little place that followed Chrump’s advice and ignored all safety measures, including staying open when everyone else was closed. I was desperate, what can I say. But I learned something new the other day during my morning constitutional.

Even though my local drinking and virus acquisition establishments were supposed to be closed, the owner of a little place called Whitey’s is a proud MAGAt who refused to have his precious rights to kill and be killed curtailed and continued to let people in the back door all day, every day. In fact, since everyone else has been obeying the law, he’s been open more during COVID Days than he was before. I had never gone in before due to the neon likeness of Chrump scowling out from the otherwise filthy façade. It was there that I saw something I could hardly believe, though it really was no surprise.

There’s a new drink that Whitey told me was taking parts of America by storm. He said it’s called the “MAGAtini.” There’s nothing like it out there and it is surely a drink whose time has come. The MAGAtini is one part Clorox bleach (don’t settle for the cheap stuff), one part Lysol, one part hydroxychloroquine, two parts Chrump Kool Aid and just a pinch of Oleandrin. Deeelish. It’s the perfect drink for anyone who thinks the COVID pandemic is a hoax, or anyone who believes anything that oozes out of Chrump’s face sphincter.

Too bad bars are closed on Election Day

Depending on the time of day, toss in an olive, a cocktail onion, a chicken wing, or better yet, the choking hazard of your choice. Many people are saying it not only cures COVID-19, but it also will make you a stable genius. Just as I noticed my glass was empty, three obvious maskless Chrumpers ambled in and ordered up a round of MAGAtinis, which was my cue to get the hell out of there. I can’t stand the sight of stupid.

I. Mangrey researching. Only 43 more cheating days left until the election.

Albert Collins - I Ain't Drunk

Thought For The Night

A Sad And Dark Day For America

September 18, 2020

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, one of the greatest Supreme Court justices in this nation’s history, has left us after finally succumbing to pancreatic cancer. Ginsburg was only the second female justice appointed to the Court and the first Jewish woman to serve. She was one of the most accomplished and capable candidates for the Court and a life-long tireless champion for the rights of the underdog and for the Constitution of the United States. And a champion, period.

Ginsburg’s accomplishments around civil liberties, minority rights and women’s rights prior to earning her seat on the highest court are too many to mention, and well known to many. Her work on the Supreme Court was incomparable.

No one on either side of the philosophical divide can fill the discarded shoes of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

May she rest in peace and power. 

R.I.P. RGB