Bush Whacked

Kabul Bobbled

August 20, 2021

I’ve got to stay here, but there's no reason why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby until this thing blows over.
                                        Groucho Marx, Horse Feathers (1932)

Hey, remember this fuckin’ dummy…and his evil, fucking ventriloquist?

George W. Bush, who some hoped would be, and by all rights should have been, the worst president for a century of American history, beginning with his controversial “election”, his disgraceful appointment by the (seemingly perpetual) conservative Supreme Court, and his historically disastrous time in office, is back in the news.

The horrific blunder that the Bush team perpetrated in Afghanistan in response to 9/11 is finally coming to something vaguely resembling a conclusion. Current, actually-elected President Joe Biden is the third subsequent president to be saddled with Bush’s Blunder since the Idiot-in-Chief left office, and left this country and in many respects the entire world, much worse off than when he found it. And I do mean found it, since Bush was unaware of anything outside the eliminative end of his digestive tract, where he kept his head for so many years.

As it turned out, Bush II, inarguably near the top of the list of the worst presidents in American history, had his record-breaking ineptitude eclipsed just eight years after relinquishing the post he never earned, never really wanted – other than as a way to work through his daddy issues – and certainly never used to promote niceness instead of evil. The dismal nature of the Bush years, as many of you will unfortunately and unsettlingly recall, was absolutely obliterated by the Orange Gas Cloud, whose single term in office we have recently and just barely survived…more or less.

Bush invaded, then quickly abandoned his 9/11 revenge foray into Afghanistan (should have been Saudi Arabia) after allowing Osama bin Laden escape into Pakistan, in favor of instigating an illegal war in Iraq. All of which caused major upheaval in the region and by extension, the world. Bush’s clean-up crew – the Obama administration – floundered in its attempts to extricate us from Bush’s quagmire, but succeeded in finally tracking down and killing bin Laden.

The next administration succeeded in elevating the selectively-Medieval, radical-fundamentalist Taliban by negotiating the release of some 5000 of their brethren (getting nothing in return), including the man who now leads the country formerly known as Afghanistan – now the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, and many of whom are now directly involved in the take-over of that country. Turmp also offered up a May 2021 withdrawal of American forces from Afghanistan, with – as was the consistent modus operandi of his presidency – no plan whatsoever.

Just six weeks ago, speaking at one of his patently pathetic, pandering pep-rallies, Turmp boasted, “I started the process all the troops are coming back home they couldn’t stop the process. Twenty-one years is enough don’t we think? Twenty-one years. They couldn’t stop the process.” Now Turmp, who also claims that the COVID pandemic was over when he left office, is blaming Biden for pulling out all the troops. Donald, go fuck yourself…I mean, go figure.

Turmp’s secretary of state Mike Pompeo and Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar,

who Turmp helped free from prison and who is now a top Taliban official

Enter Joe Biden, who wanted to end the 20-year nightmare regardless. Biden did well to call it quits, though he clearly could have planned the departure and the safe evacuation of Americans and our thousands of Afghan allies while military support remained in country and viable. Each of those Afghans who provided assistance to the Americans has a price on his or her head, not to mention any woman who served in the Afghan government, or any young girl who dared pursue a modern education. USA, USA, USA.

For his two-bit part, Bush II issued a statement, which read in part, “Laura and I have been watching the tragic events unfolding in Afghanistan with deep sadness. Our hearts are heavy for both the Afghan people who have suffered so much and for the Americans and NATO allies who have sacrificed so much.” Too fucking little and way too fucking late.

Unfortunately, just days before the lightning-fast Taliban take-over of the Afghan capital Kabul, Biden insisted, “The Taliban is not the south – the North Vietnamese army. They're not – they're not remotely comparable in terms of capability. There's going to be no circumstance where you see people being lifted off the roof of an embassy in the – of the United States from Afghanistan. It is not at all comparable.”

Kabul embassy 2021                        Saigon embassy 1975

Comparable or not? You make the call.

Biden deserves some level of heat for the unmitigated, inexcusable sloppiness of the long overdue departure, but let us be clear who deserves the lion’s share of the responsibility/blame. The guy who waltzed us into Afghanistan with his fake cowboy boots, his shit-eating smirk and his murderous cabinet. Forgive? Maybe. Probably not. Forget? No fucking way in hell.

As badly, as it appears to the untrained eye, as Biden screwed up the withdrawal of our troops from Afghanistan, can you imagine how it would have gone if the last guy had somehow managed to attempt following through on his alleged plan to do the same? Can you imagine Turmp even trying to extract even one Afghan who spent the past 20 years assisting and saving the lives of American troops in their country? No, you cannot imagine. And you do not want to try.

We already out-worsted George W. Bush, but if America ever manages to find someone worse than Donald Turmp to hold the highest office in the land, it will be the last throes of what Benjamin Franklin described as “A republic, if you can keep it.”

I. Mangrey remembering.                                                                                                 

                                                                                        

Fuck Joe Manchin, Redux

I Hate To Be Repetitive Again...

August 18, 2021

Though he has not been plastered all over our tv screens in recent days, West Virginia senator Joe Manchin remains a critically important vote in the Democrats’ plans to build back better after the devastating Turmp administration’s attempts to Make America Dead Again. While Manchin has slipped into the shadows for the moment, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a body of scientists convened by the United Nations, has released the newest, most devastating climate report yet. The report is being touted as “terrifying” and “code red for humanity.”

Manchin, speaking to no one in particular, prefers coal to people

According to the NY Times, “We can expect a significant jump in extreme weather over the next 20 or 30 years. Things are unfortunately likely to get worse than they are today.” The Times continued, “Not all is lost, however, and humanity can still prevent the planet from getting even hotter. Doing so would require a coordinated effort among countries to stop adding carbon dioxide to the atmosphere by around 2050, which would entail a rapid shift away from fossil fuels starting immediately, as well as potentially removing vast amounts of carbon from the air.” In other words, it is fucking hopeless. A large swath of Americans won’t even wear a fucking mask to tamp down a rapidly spreading virus. And fucking Joe Manchin won’t let go of coal. Fuck Joe Manchin.

Climate? He’d Rather Burn It.

Sen. Joe Manchin, who is no less important to Joe Biden and the Democrats’ climate agenda, is on record as being opposed to renewable energy and the move away from the deadly menace of fossil fuel consumption. Not only do 97% of today’s climate scientists agree that man-made climate destruction is a threat to most life on Earth, particularly humans (which is only fair, after all) but back in the 1980s, research by other teams of scientists determined that human activity, specifically the wanton extraction and subsequent unbridled burning of the buried remains prehistoric flora and fauna, were not, shall we say, adding to the health of the planet or its unruly inhabitants.

Studies conducted for and by petroleum-pilfering profiteers Exxon and Shell’s own scientists showed that fossil fuel consumption was catastrophically dangerous. These two giants of environmental devastation determined that the best way to handle this chilling and critical research, was to bury it below the crude oil they were hell-bent on poisoning the planet with.

It’s The Capitalism, Stupid

Manchin, who allegedly works for the people of West Virginia and some would say, by extension, the United States of America, and some might even say he has some responsibility to the human race, made nearly $500,000 from one of the most polluting coal power plants in West Virginia last year alone. The Grant Town Power Plant “is still the dirtiest plant operating in West Virginia today.” The decrease in air pollution could potentially prevent 18 deaths, eight heart attacks, and 169 asthma attacks each year, if the plant were shut down. Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Manchin – the senator from Grant Town Power Plant.

Johnny Cash – 16 Tons

Manchin's daughter Heather Bresch, a pharmaceutical CEO, got a $31 million payout when her company, Mylan merged to form Viatris Pharmaceuticals, which then turned around and shut down their plant in Morgantown, West Virginia. Bresch drew outrage during her time as Mylan’s CEO when the company raised the price of its life-saving EpiPen, used by millions to reverse fatal allergic reactions, when they raised the price by 400%. Now, more than 1,400 workers in West Virginia have already been sent packing as their jobs are being relocated (without them of course) overseas to India and Australia.

Joe Manchin: Lifelong Friend Of The Filibuster

Manchin continues his (probably fake) fantasy that he can work with his fellow corporate whores across the aisle. The West Virginia coal addict continues to lie that the filibuster is what forces the two parties to work together. One teensy, weensy little problem – Ratpublicans have no interest in working together, especially when it comes to voting rights. Ratpublicans do not believe in the concept of voting rights, unless it pertains to white, male, landowners; this is the only issue on which Ratpublicans truly are originalists when it comes to the Constitution. They damn sure are working overtime to bring back the 3/5 of a person doctrine in their own, much less overt way, as red state after red state passes law after law designed to minimize the ability of black voters in particular to access the ballot box.

Working “together” with Ratpublicans on voting rights is like having someone with a knife just barely touching your chest, just slightly to the left of center, and in order to work with them, you push yourself, with hopeful vigor, toward the knife’s haft.

So, whatever else might be going on in that petty little head of his, Joe Manchin is just another of the many self-serving bastards “serving” in Congress. Don’t let his calm demeanor and feigned concern fool you. And don’t turn your back on him. And don’t even get me started on Manchin and voting rights.

Thank you…I mean fuck you, Joe Manchin.

I. Mangrey repeating. Again.

Word For The Day

Tourorists

August 15, 2021

The Jan 6 Commission is charged with uncovering how and why an otherwise fun-loving group of innocent tourists in Washington, DC ended up storming the Capitol, smashing doors and windows, defiling Nancy Pelosi's office, stealing government property, using the Halls of Congress as public restroom, tasing, gassing and pommeling police officers, and erecting a gallows outside the Capitol, during what, for all the world (with the frightening exception of Donald Turmp's Ratpublican Party) was an attempted violent take-over of the government of the United States of America (Remember them?). Surely, thousands of Turmp's very fine people would not have been stomping around the Capitol chanting "Hang Mike Pence!" for hours had not there already been a gallows coincidentally handy.

“I’m not saying you should hang Mike Pence for betraying me in favor of that

thing they call the Constitution, but it’s something you might want to think

about as you lovingly march to the Capitol and tear it to shreds. I’m not saying

to build a gallows, but as the great Donald Rumsfeld once said, “Free people

are free to do bad things.”

Why were these pleasant, loving tourists armed with everything except firearms? Why were they demonically searching for Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence? Were they just going to ask for directions to the bathroom? Or the gift shop? What a comedy of errors.

No one would have ever thought to accuse Donald Turmp of aiding anyone but himself (and ultimately, his record remains intact). And no one – not even Moscow Mitch McConnell or Kevin McCarthy, both of whom are on the record and can be seen on video – can deny (without lying through their teeth) that Turmp did aid…and abet the brutally insane terrorist tourists who stormed the Capitol in his name, often wearing or waving his name.

Naturally, Turmp and his cultists in Congress are lying their asses off trying to Orwell the January 6 attempted coup into a lovefest of patriotic tourists, hugging police and blowing kisses everywhere they went, even while they were literally shitting all over the Capitol Building. One imagines that out of consideration for others, these harmless tourists sprayed copious amounts of air freshener afterwards.

Though for a less righteous reason, George W. Bush made up the term “enemy combatant” in order to imprison people sans trial, sometimes a new term is required for unusual circumstances. We must coin a new term at this time to capture something unique: Tourorists.

Fun-loving tourorist following Capitol Police instructions on how
to enter the Capitol if the doors are locked, of if you don’t
know there are doors, or if you are mentally disturbed and in a
hurry to get your insurrection…I’m sorry, I meant tourism, on

Tourorists are loving, peaceful, violent visitors, particularly to, let’s say the Capitol Building, who attempt to capture and/or kill any number of senators and congresspeople, and perhaps a vice president or two, in order to show their patriotism by perpetrating a very caring, very fine, violent overthrow of the United States government, because their cult leader claimed he won an election, which he clearly lost. And because, you know, black people. Tourorists have been known to lovingly bludgeon police officers with American flags, as well as baseball bats, and possibly apple pies, in order to cover all the quintessential American icon bases.

Why would anyone think these tourorists were Turmp supporters?

This has been your Paying Attention Word For The Day.

The Bigger Lie

It’s His Party And They’ll Lie If He Wants To

August 13, 2021

If you have had the painful misfortune of being conscious for any of the past nine months or so, you are no doubt familiar with the phrase “the Big Lie.” This is how much of the reality-based media refers to Donald Turmp’s perpetual insistence that the 2020 election was stolen from him. There is also an amendment to the Big Lie, championed by, among and above others, My Crackhead Guy Mike Lindell. According the crack-damaged purveyor of pathetic pillows, the twice-impeached, disgraced, insurrectionist ex-president will be reinstated as president today (as previously reported here). 

Despite the fact that there is absolutely no mechanism for such a thing to happen, even if there was some overarching reason, which there is not, Lindell has been relentless in his insistence that this will happen…except when he is vehemently denying that he ever said such a thing, which he clearly did, and still does.

In case you missed Messed-Up Mike’s 72-hour marathon evidence bomb, you are in very good company. This company includes yours truly, so I will not be reporting any of the insanity that certainly transpired. You’re welcome.

A recent survey of 1,552 U.S. adults, conducted between July 30 and August 2, found that 66 percent of Republican voters continue to insist that “the election was rigged and stolen from Turmp.” A worryingly low 18 percent believe “Joe Biden won fair and square.” That is a huge majority of the heavily armed, racist, fascist-loving party of Turmp who still believe this big, stupid lie that their standard bearer continues to flog at every opportunity. Side note: nearly 50 percent of these same mental defectives think they may have to resort to “Second Amendment remedies” to keep “their country” from falling into the wrong (i.e., non-white, non-racist, non-fascist) hands.

In a way, Turmp does have a point. The 2020 election was stolen from the Ratpublican-donor-owned voting machines; it was stolen from the years-long Russian attempts to install and then keep Turmp in office; it was stolen from the decades-long gerrymandering that has successfully kept Ratpublicans – who consistently receive significantly fewer overall votes – either in the majority in Congress, or at least with an inappropriately powerful minority. The 2020 election was stolen by the voting electorate, from the corporate overlords who control so much of what passes for governing. If that is stealing then I am Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

But I digress. I really wanted to talk about the much bigger lie.

The big lie is actually the Ratpublican Party as an entity. They made Turmp their nominee; they then tried to normalize his racist, fascist behavior, embracing and enabling Turmp at every turn. When the had the opportunities to get him gone, thanks to the diligence of House Democrats’ two attempt to impeach They have wholeheartedly embraced Turmp’s 2020 election lie; you will almost never see a Ratpublican admit that Joseph Biden is the legitimately elected president of the United States.

They continue to support the big lie that the COVID virus pandemic is not a big deal, and there is no urgency for people to wear masks in public or to get vaccinated.

Don Winslow Films – Letter to Republicans

Ratpublicans remain wholly unwilling to stop lying about the inconvenient truth of the unrelenting climate crisis.

Climate-crisis-enhanced California wildfires are breaking records

More recently, Ratpublicans are lying about their shameless leader’s attempted coup. They say that the historic assault on the Capitol was just a harmless visit from patriotic tourists, nothing to see here. We’re lucky that these patriots did not “visit” the Capitol in planes. Many Ratpublicans are even lying about having originally not lied, when they said publicly that Turmp was unquestionably responsible for inciting his crazed white mob to stop the stealing of the steal. Now of course, we are learning more each day about the concerted effort Turmp was (and continues) making to overthrow the duly elected government of the United States of America.

Turmp’s January 6 message was clear; his marching

orders – and then some – were carried out to the letter. Turmp of course

did not have the guts to show up; that's a carboard cut-out with the crowd.

One of the other big Ratpublican lies, and they are not the only ones who seem willing to perpetuate this feces-infused fallacy, is that they are “the party of Abraham Lincoln.” This is like saying that Christians and Muslims are Jews because they all trace their roots back to the monotheism initiated by Abraham (Cohen, I assume).

I did not die for the sins of those who claim to

be my political descendants. They are lying cads.

And in the unlikely event that we awaken to a second Turmp term tomorrow, it has been nice knowing you.

I. Mangrey truthing.

It’s Bring Your Reality To Work Day

Fascist Is As Fascist Does

August 11, 2021

“Just say the election is corrupt and leave the rest to me and the Republicans in Congress.”*
                        Donald Turmp December 27, 2020, pressuring acting Attorney
                             General Jeffrey Rosen to aid and abet his burgeoning coup attempt

“You guys may not be following the internet the way I do.”*
                            Turmp’s continued attempt to sway Rosen by insisting…
                            wait for it…that he knows more than anyone else

Another perfect phone call as only Turmp can make it

You might by now have forgotten all about the previous White House resident. No doubt you have tried, like Sisyphus, to push the poisonous bulk out of your conscious awareness. Unfortunately, the scars are too deep and too wide, to budge very far. Or, if you are fortunate enough and persistent enough and strong enough to push it some distance toward your goal, you will in time see it roll right back to where it started.

In any event, some things should not be forgotten, lest the possible lessons available also become lost. So it is with the Orange Sickness. The one thing that should, and seems to be on the wane, is Turmp’s malignant influence on the zeitgeist. His blog failed miserably, his Sexual Abuserpalooza tour with Billo Reilley is flopping worse than what was planned for Springtime For Hitler: A Gay Romp With Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden, and the candidates he has backed (with his fat mouth, but none of the funds he has been grifting from his angry, white cult victims, allegedly to help elect pro-Turmp morons), are dropping like flies at a Raid party. For his part, Turmp is back out on the white power rally circuit, testing the waters for raising money for another presidential run, if not in fact for actually running. But wouldn’t that be his third term since he is still president serving his second term? And isn’t that unconstitutional?

Some crowds at recent Turmp rallies have a different feel

Nonetheless, Turmp is doing his best to fight his way back into relevance. And so, we must continue to remind ourselves, however unpleasant and painful, of some of his malfeasance – past and present. So, forgive me this foray back into the dark cloud that has yet to sufficiently dissipate. Lest we forget.

Lock Them Up

As the first wave of COVID patients began to burgeon, Turmp wanted to send them to Guantanamo Bay, “That’s like some kind of resort, right? They’ll love it there. The weather’s beautiful, not as nice a Mor-on Lago, but very good, I hear.” He asked, “Don’t we have an island that we own?”* Adding, “I’m pretty sure we have an island, like one of those surrounded by water, big water, somewhere.”**

They Shoot Black Folks, Don’t They

Turmp also tried to convince the military to shoot peaceful protesters. On multiple occasions inside the White House, Trump reportedly suggested shooting protesters. He also told members of his administration that he wanted the military to “beat the fuck out of” the protesters. When his insane, illegal idea met with displeasure from his human underlings he conceded some ground, “Well, shoot them in the leg — or maybe the foot. That's how you're supposed to handle these people. Crack their skulls!”* adding, “If you won’t do it I’ll do it myself. Nobody will even notice if I shoot somebody. And no one knows more about cracking some skulls than Turmp. I’ve cracked many skulls in my day. Everybody knows that.”**

“How did this weird thing get into my very, very big hands?”

Turmp reportedly wanted to invoke the Insurrection Act on the day of his pathetic Bible-pandering event (as if he has ever opened one), after having the peaceful protesters in Lafayette Park violently cleared for his walk of shame. I guess since he was talked out of invoking the Insurrection Act for peaceful protesters, he decided to lead his own violent insurrection instead. Maybe he just likes the word ‘insurrection.’ He keeps using that word; it does not mean what he thinks it means.

*This one is real.
**Actually, I added this.

I. Mangrey reporting. And making some shit up.

Resignation Day(s) 2021 - Day Two

Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To Regret It

August 9, 2021

As the Sun slowly sets on Resignation Day(s) 2021, we continue our look back at Resignation Day(s) past, before presenting the latest stanzas of the iconic tome ‘Twas The Night Before Resignation. 

Just a few more hops down memory lane before the main event:

2013

Pardon me for not forgetting. Pardon me for not letting it go after all these years. Pardon me for dragging you into my obsession. I just can’t seem to quit the man who tarnished America, no easy feat, and then quit rather than face the music. I don’t care if he’s dead, I still want to impeach Nixon. It’s never too late for justice to be done. I know it will never happen in this case, but that doesn’t make it right.

Those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed. Period. And that’s the way it is. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

2014

Thanks Ed, that was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for today’s holiday season…

Once more it’s that season, now Obama’s the one
New Impeachers are restless, and each has a gun.
They are angry and senseless, and each one is White
No need for good reason, they just want to fight.

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues
As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs
All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
Keep it up silly Crackers, and to all a good-night!

2016

Tiny hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest

2017

The endless lies and insanity assaulting us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall.
So I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

2018

Impeachment, resigning once more fill the air,
Now dash away blob with your FAKE orange “hair”,
This Chrump works for Putin, and amplifies hate,
He’s racist, he’s fascist; ain’t America great? 

Though mostly Chrump’s tweeting and golfing galore,
He’s doing great damage, let’s show him the door.
Fake “hair”, phony color, his face sphincter speaks,
Let’s vote like we mean it and be rid of this freak. 

Colluding, conspiring, with Russia, oh no!
Won’t tell his own people what he said to our foe.
This treasonous cretin makes us all sick and tired,
Let’s pray the next Congress will tell him, “YOU’RE FIRED.” 

2019

We heard from The Mueller, in a manner of speaking
He said there were crimes, he said there was sneaking
He all but said, “Congress, it’s time to impeach,”
He said indicting and punishing was out of his reach.

Still helping the Russians help him get re-elected,
With his treason, stealing children from their parents and torturing them, denying climate crisis, treating international allies like dirt and generally threatening global stability, we all are infected.
His crimes are innumerable, his racism steady
Impeach The Mother Fucker Already!

2020

‘Twas the night before Resignation

So we had our impeachment, if fell with a squish,
We thought he would go down, did not get our wish.
Chrump escaped, abetted by old Moscow Mitch,
That dastardly, reptilian son-of-a-bitch. 

We just can’t get rid of his Chrumpian flu,
More clingy than dog shit stuck to your shoe.
He whines that this virus will just disappear,
He’s trying to kill us is what many fear. 

Like everything else he fucked up, he screams, “It’s a hoax.
Drink bleach, disinfectant,” then we’re told, “These are jokes.”
No bounds to his ignorance, so much he don’t know,
His psychologist niece says he’s a sadist, a psycho. 

He’s pardoning shitheads and maggots who back him,
But he’ll scream “Fuck them up!” if with words you attack him.
Each day he does things that we think are the worst,
But he tops it each time, like it’s fully rehearsed.

It doesn’t seem possible there’s more we can take,
From this narcissist, racist, maniacal fake.
Chrump’s psychopathology has normal folks stressed,
Even Michelle Obama is feeling depressed.

Only one thing might stop this walking crime ‘gainst humanity,
This shit storm perpetrated by this terrestrial manatee.
A second Chrump term will kill America, no doubt,
So, on November the 3^rd, VOTE HIM THE FUCK OUT!

 

August 9, 1974 revisited: Two great tastes that taste great together
Nixon’s very victorious shameful resignation and
Bush’s equally iconic/ironic MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

How could we have known that at the eleventh hour there would be a second, more dire impeachment for Donnie Dearest? Were two impeachments enough? Apparently not, since his onslaught against democracy continues unabated, and with the continued support of a large, loud, armed and dangerous majority of his party. And make no mistake - it is his party. And anyone who dares to step out of line continues to face dire consequences - even Dick Cheney, Jr. 

So, without further ado, or a don’t, or a maybe, Paying Attention brings you our 2021 installment of the Resignation Day(s) festivities.

‘Twas the night before Resignation
(In 2021 it just gets verse)

Twice, there were Turmp crimes, and all through the House,
There were cries for impeachment, “Get rid of this louse!”*
The crimes were all proved, beyond shadow of doubt,
Witnesses, videos. Throw the bum out.

The country was nestled and nervous and scared,
Of the mad orange man, with the fake orange “hair.”
He bragged about crowd size and hands and whatever,
He promised to fight and stay president forever.

And despite all the evidence, and all the convincing,
Still half the country’s all his, the other half wincing.
It was easy to see that this Turmp was a fascist,
Who put any against him on his miles-long blacklist.

They impeached him not once, they impeached him then twice
The Senate stood by him, we never got to say, “Atsa nice.”
‘Cause he stayed on in office, swore he’d get re-elected,
But the voters said, “Fuck off! Go to hell! You’re rejected!”

The sorest of winners, could not handle such losing,
So he riled up his MAGAts, to believe his delusing,
Go take over the Capitol, it need not make sense,
And while you are at it, try hanging Mike Pence.

Never cared ‘bout America, repeatedly treasonous,
One can’t help but wonder just what the reason is,
Always siding with Putin, and threat’ning Ukraine
To get Hunter Biden? This fucker’s insane.

He whined and he moaned and incited insurrection,
All because he’s psychotic, no one wants his erection.
Turmp still thinks he’s president, or will be reinstated,
His tiny brain and reality are for sure unrelated.

Can the Democrats somehow get brains, spines and balls,
And stop the Turmp Party from having it all?
They unsuccessfully impeached him not once but twice,
There’s nothing left, but to impeach his ass thrice.

*Actually, the cries were “Impeach The Mother Fucker Already!” which didn’t rhyme with house and would have thrown off the rhythm completely.

I imagine having the same sentiment when Turmp is finally gone

From all your unimpeachable sources at Paying Attention: Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff, Allison Wundarland, Ann T. Soshal and our intern – Yuno Hoo, we hope you’re enjoying Resignation Day(s) 2021.

Resignation Day(s) 2021 - Day One

Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To Regret It

August 8, 2021

We simply cannot ignore the desire to reminisce, remind and rehash the historic resignation of disgraced president Richard Nixon. We recall with frightening clarity when what would one day become the entire staff at Paying Attention watched Bonnie Raitt stop the August 8, 1974 show at the Temple University Ambler Campus Music Fair to announce with great satisfaction that the murderous, drunken paranoiac Dick Nixon had declared his intention to resign his office, effective at noon on the following day (Hence, the two-day celebration). If not for his cowardly resignation, knowing full well that his hand-picked successor had promised to grant him a full pardon for the crimes of which Nixon was clearly guilty. And if there was any doubt of said guilt, the pardon put an end to any such debate. Innocent people do not get pardons.

As much as we here at Paying Attention love a good impeachment, this is the first time in four years that we have not smelled the acrid though irresistible scent of get-this-fucking-asshole-out-of-here-already as though it were smoldering in the next room. Nonetheless, the incredibly inaptly-named Right Wing is screaming for impeachment, despite the fact that there have been no reasons shown by the actual current president, Joe Biden. Funny thing though, the spray-tanned psychopath who claims he is still president, continues to warrant impeachment as more details of his long-planned coup d'état come to light each and every day.

It might be worth humoring the Orange Turd just for a day or two. Let him be president for a day so we can impeach the mother fucker again already. Turmp has done nothing to glaring the light of impeachment trying to add a more normal coloring to the Orange B (typically only for use in hot dog and sausage casings)-hued blimp, who has done everything but personally filch voting machines or employ his last-phrase-of-the-Second-Amendment “rights” in order to create enough votes to steal the election. Turmp tried to get the Ukraine president to fabricate dirt on Biden’s hapless son Hunter, tried to get DOJ officials to reverse election results, tried to get several governors to do the same, and finally resorted to inciting a bunch of mental mutants to storm the Capitol and maybe hang Mike Pence, just for good measure.

In any event, neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night could stay Paying Attention from the swift completion of our annual celebration of the only two-day American holiday – the resignation and next-day departure of paranoid sociopath Richard M. Nixon. It gives us no pleasure to admit that Nixon’s seemingly horrendous abuse of power has since paled in comparison to the double-dipping douchebag Donald Turmp who tried to, and continues to try to destroy American democracy itself. Two impeachments were not enough to short-circuit Mad King Donald. His filth goes marching on.

Do you know where you were on August 8, 1974?

Those Who Don’t Learn From History Are Doomed To Fuck It Up For The Rest Of Us

Before we regale you – or perhaps gale you for the first time – with this year’s brand-new verses of the old holiday favorite ‘Twas The Night Before Resignation, on Day 2 of Resignation Day(s), here are a few highlights from the ghost of Resignation Day(s) past.

Here is the original long-lost text as presented in 2008…

I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

‘Twas the night before Resignation

‘Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" 

A snippet from 2011…

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Dickie's Such An Asshole

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of Resignation Day(s) 2021.

From all your unimpeachable sources at Paying Attention: Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff, Allison Wundarland, Ann T. Soshal and our intern – Yuno Hoo, we hope you’re enjoying Resignation Day(s) 2021. 

Broken News

Blunt Farce Trauma

August 5, 2021

“It's gonna be 9-0. They're gonna take this election down, and, yes, Donald Trump will be your president. He is your president now.”
                                 Pillow-head Mike Lindell, June 26, 2021

Any day now, self-proclaimed My Pillow Nut, Mike Lindell is going to change the world – just ask him. Actually, do not ask him. Please. Whatever you do, do not ask him. That will only serve to cause him to speak. While Lindell’s claims that he kicked his crack habit may be true, nothing else he says is. And nothing in his current behavior would cause anyone to believe he is clean and sober. Or compos mentis. His pillows, are a few levels below crap. And his claims that he stopped using aside, his brain remains badly damaged from his crack days.

Whatever flotsam and/or jetsam bobbing around in the bony cavity atop his quivering spine, lingers 20,000 leagues south of reality. Clearly, Lindell’s head is filled with the same chunks of whatever-it-is that fill his gawdawful pillows. That, and years of crack residue.

Bum and Bummer 

Very soon, we are told, unassailable evidence, the likes of which no one has ever seen, will be revealed for all to behold; what Lindell describes as “100 percent non-subjective evidence.” Though Mystic Mike has vacillated between insisting that August 13 is the day that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will resign (Or is it that they will be ousted by a 9-0 Supreme Court decision?), and the once and future fascist Donald J. Turmp will be reinstated as president of these here Yoooonited States of Amurka, and saying he never said any such thing. As is so often the case with these nut-cases, there is actual video evidence of Lindell saying exactly what he says he did not say.

Apparently, this baffling barrage of blood-curdling bullshit is due to assault our senses and our intellect on August 10 during what Lindell is calling a “cyber symposium,” which even Fux News has refused to promote, causing the My Pillow Clown to pull all his idiotic advertising.

Be sure to stock up on popcorn, beer, toilet paper and disinfectant in bothered anticipation of Meth-Odd Mike’s gigantic, irrefutable, indestructible announcement coming soon to a loony bin near you.

“Mr. Turmp knows he is still president, because he listens to me.
And I have all the proof right here in my jacket.”

This has been a Special Paying Attention Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled fear and loathing.

(Not) Far From The MAGAning Crowd

More Ron

August 2, 2021

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is hard at work burnishing his presidential bona fides – as he sees them – by trying to be the Turmpiest governor in the land. This, while simultaneously watching for the moment when he can and/or must disentangle himself from his orange guru/benefactor, who DeSantis rode to the Florida governor’s mansion in 2018.

DeSantis, trying to make his child stupid, hateful and racist for a campaign ad

Presently, as the virus surges in Florida, DeSantis is bound and determined to see how many Floridians he can kill, emulating Turmp’s attempts to ignore the original deadly COVID virus and watch Americans die by the hundreds of thousands because he thought it made him look strong. DeSantis has vowed there will be no more lockdowns or other restrictions in his state (of denial). He recently signed an executive order outlawing schools from instituting mask mandates. He is promising parents that their children will not have to suffer the freedom-killing humiliation of having to wear masks to protect themselves from the now rampant Delta Variant of the COVID-19 virus, which has taken the lead in the virus sprint event in the Stupid Olympics, thanks in no small part to the murderous response to the initial virus perpetrated by the guy in the White House before Joe Biden got freely, fairly, and landslidingly elected in the dredges of 2020.

According to the Miami Herald, this past Saturday, July 31, “the state of Florida reported more new COVID-19 cases to the Centers for Disease Control than any previous day in the coronavirus pandemic: 21,683. That’s a 12.1% jump over the previous record, Jan. 7’s 19,334 cases during the worst month of the pandemic.” And they could not have done it without the stunning leadershit of Ron DeSantis.

DeSantis attempting to spell his name for reporters

You can try to educate the Florida Man out of the idiot – DeSantis graduated from Yale and then Harvard Law School – (now I understand why so many Ratpublicans bemoan Ivy League elites*) but it seems you cannot educate the idiot out of this Florida Man.

*Ted Cruz, Justices John Roberts, Antonin Scalia and Neil Gorsuch, Senators Tom Cotton, Pat Toomey and Ted Stevens, and newly minted nutjob Rep. Elise Stefanik, all graduated from Harvard. Prescott, George HW and George W. Bush, Samuel Alito, Brett Kavanaugh, Clarence Thomas and John Ashcroft are all products of Yale.

I. Mangrey reporting.