Killing Us (Not So) Softly

It’s Donald Chrump’s World. We Just Die In It.

September 18, 2020

The following exchange between the most ignorant, psychotic president in American history and California’s Natural Resources Secretary Wade Crowfoot took place during a discussion on the current California wildfire crisis.

Mr. Know-it-all let’s loose on climate – “Climate? I hardly know it.” 

Chrump continues to run with the indescribable idea that the dozens of horrendous wildfires burning across California, Oregon and Washington are simply a result of a failure to “sweep the forests.” Instead of running with another insane idea, he should consider running with scissors. Next he’ll be insisting that we flood the forests with hydroxychloroquine, or perhaps nuking the fires. Enjoy this actual exchange… 

Wade Crowfoot: “We want to work with you to really recognize the changing climate and what it means to our forests, and actually work together with that science. The science is going to be key. If we ignore that science, and sort of put our head in the sand, and think it’s all about vegetation management, we’re not going to succeed together in protecting California.”

Chrump: “Ok, It'll start getting cooler.* You just watch.”

Wade Crowfoot: “I wish science agreed with you.”

Chrump: “I don't think science knows, actually.”**

Obviously, Chrump would have the daunting task of removing his head from his ass before he could bury it in the sand, though to be honest, wet cement would be much better.

Someone should tell this stable genius, after he purposely aided and abetted in the deaths of many thousands of Americans, and continues to do so to this day, that the vaccine he hopes will save his re-election chances is being developed by, you know – scientists. Actually.

At least it would seem that Chrump knows what month it is, and is able to remember that after summer comes autumn, during which time the warmth of the summer months begin to wane and the transition to winter begins. I do not know exactly how many brain cells making all these difficult calculations requires, but I am fairly certain that this is the limit of Chrump’s mental capacity. I guess we have to take what we can get at this point.

Joe Biden responded to the withered remains of Chrump's very good brain after Chrump insisted that "science doesn't know" about the climate crisis by telling his audience, “Science knows, science knows.” To which Chrump replied, “Who you calling science nose? Harelip!”

But Wait, There’s More…There’s Always More

In other Biden v. Chrump news, the mentally incapacitated, IMPEACHED 45^th president of the United States, who is personally responsible for the deaths of more than 100,000 Americans due to his “response” to the COVID-19 crisis, blamed private citizen Joe Biden for not enacting a national mask mandate.

I wish I had known it was possible for private citizens to enact national mandates, because I have a few ideas myself.

*It is entirely possible he meant “crueler.”
**This is likely a punctuation error. Should have been: “I don’t think. Science knows, actually.”

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 45 more cheating days until the election.

A Poor Excuse For Dr. Seuss

A Little Something You Can Read,
Not Our Usual, Painful Screed.

September 16, 2020

From the folks who brought you Good Night Goon and Donald and the Very, Very Large Uh-Brain, here comes another gem for the little ones who are surely collateral damage of all the angst and trauma resulting from trying to survive these trying times.

Air Force One

We have a toddler-in-chief, who is the personification of a tantrum, so we’re presenting another adorable literary hors d’oeuvre that even Little Donny’s very, very large uh-brain could digest. We don’t really care if he likes it, but we hope you will. Without any further ado, Paying Attention brings you…

 

   Tell me Donald, what will be,
   Do you like democracy?

I do not like democracy,
It’s bad for you, it’s not for me.

   But will you win it fair and square,
   Can you do it? Do you dare?

I will not win it fair and square,
I will not risk it, here or there.

I have to win, God told me so,
Or else it’s off to jail I go.

It’s rigged, it’s fixed, the nerve the gall,
Go fuck yourselves, I hate you all.*

It’s fixed, it’s rigged, why can’t you see,
I know it’s true, it’s rigged by me.

   But don’t you think it’s wrong to cheat,
   You ugly, orange blob of meat?

I always cheat because I have to,
If you were losing, what would you do?

I will cheat to win the House,
I will cheat ‘cause I’m a louse.

I will cheat the ballot box,
I will cheat, my brain is rocks.

I will cheat and foment hate,
I will cheat in every state.

   We've heard you say you'll cheat like heck,
   We've seen you cheat, we know you're dreck.

I cheat, so what, I also lie,
If I told the truth I think I’d die. 

I will cheat, I’ll screw the Blacks,
I'll cheat in my ill-fitting slacks.

I will cheat them thanks to Putin,
I will cheat, there’s no disputin’.

I will cheat with Russian hackers,
I will cheat with wealthy backers.

   But cheating’s not the way to go,
   You lying, hateful so-and-so.

I will cheat, disrupt the mail,
I will cheat them without fail.

 

I will cheat with William Barr,
I will cheat the best by far.

I will cheat by helping COVID,
Then I’ll just say, “Look what I did.”

I will cheat so I can win, then
I will cheat some more again.

I will cheat, to me it’s fun,
I might even use a gun.

I will cheat ‘cause I’m in charge,
My brain is small, my ego large.

   Your ego's large, we know that's true,
   What else the fuck is wrong with you?

I will cheat them through the census,
You’ll get shot if you’re against us.

I will cheat, it’s what I do,
I’m scum, a slob, it’s nothing new.

I will cheat, and here’s advice,
I told my folks to go vote twice.**

If you cheat and vote for me,
I swear I’ll pay your legal fees.

I will cheat, I’ve made that clear,
You can’t stop me. Do you hear?

   We hear you fine, it hurts, you know,
   We're dying, literally, to see you go.

I will cheat, don’t be so fussy,
Or I will grab you by the pussy.

I will cheat November Third,
Sure I’ll cheat. Just take my word.

Cheating is my middle name,
As you know, it starts with “J”.

I will cheat, that is my game,
Cheating Donald is my name.

   But you will lose, with any luck,
   You horrid, filthy…oh look at the time.

*Except of course for all the other racists and whackos who I hear like me very much.
*This is, in case you’re wondering, true and also a felony.

Actual footage of Chrump and children

I. Mangrey regressing. Don’t be a Grump. Dump the Chrump

Completely Foxed Up

No News Is His News

September 12, 2020

At least Nero provided some entertainment, fiddling while Rome burned. Like the band playing as the Titanic began its final journey to the ocean floor. Today, the Titanic of nations, the United States is on fire literally and figuratively, and Chrump is anything but entertaining. He is spending eight hours a day watching the network devoted to stroking his bloated ego. Chrump insisted that everything is fine because he didn’t see anything bad on what is for the most part his own personal network, one that devotes at least eight hours a day to spreading insane lies to make Chrump happy.

What Chrump is doing when he’s not watching TV.

People seemed shocked to learn that a sitting president, particularly one that should have so much on his plate, would have time to watch anything, let alone Fux News for eight hours – probably on an almost daily basis (except when he’s busy golfing). But there had been talk of Chrump’s viewing habits since taking office. Now we have direct confirmation. Straight from the horse’s ass’s mouth. Chrump bragged during a press tantrum about this fact in service to attempting to exonerate himself after audio emerged of him happily lying to the American public about the imminent danger of the then nascent coronavirus. Chrump rattled off host after hyper-partisan host’s names, which to him was proof that he knows what’s going on and said he hadn’t done anything wrong, in fact he getting better every day.

Everything is under control. The virus is going away like magic.

Chrump rushed unidentified, unwelcome federal forces into Oregon when he wanted to look strong by going after Black Lives Matter protesters. Now Oregon is on fire and not only is Chrump ignoring the emergency altogether – except for reminding everyone that he told them to “sweep the floors” of the forests – but the governor of the state has been unsuccessful in reaching the IMPEACHED president because he’s too busy watching his fellow psychos on Fux.

Chrump’s favorite talking airhead – Clown Hannity

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 51 more cheating days until the election.

The Art Of The Death

President Death Meets Bob Woodward

September 11, 2020

“His attention span is like a minus number.”
Anthony Fauci on Chrump

September 11, 2001 - the day the intelligence briefing ignored by George W. Bush more than a month earlier came back to bite him in his dumb ass, leaving more than 3,000 Americans dead, and setting off an illegal-war-based-on-lies that resulted in over 4,000 more dead Americans and global chaos. A fitting day to touch on another dumb ass ignoring warnings and the consequent needless loss of life based on lies.

It is now clearer than ever that IMPEACHED president Chrump is, among his many horrifying character flaws (a long history of sexual assault, racism, anti-Semitism, working for Putin to undermine our elections and national security, a life of lying, cheating and stealing that has continued through his presidency, cozying up to brutal dictators, etc.), now also a mass murderer.  

Spoiler Alert: He doesn’t give a shit about you

Chrump called Bob Woodward of his own accord without warning his aides, apparently for the express purpose of showing just how sick and depraved he is as a person and how terrible he is at his job. Chrump thought he would work his magic on Woodward and this would get him good PR. 

In advance of the release of his new book about Der Furor, “Rage”, Woodward has released recordings of these conversations with the lying sociopath who admitted in private that he knew exactly how deadly the new coronavirus was very early on. Despite knowing this, Chrump insisted in public that the whole thing was just a hoax perpetrated by his detractors. (Interestingly, Chrump thinks detractors are crappy farm equipment.) 

Chrump told Woodward on February 7, “This is deadly stuff.” President Death thought his explanation on March 19 that “I wanted to always play it down,” and that “I still like playing it down, because I don't want to create a panic.” In defending his indefensible actions after America heard his voice saying what it said, Chrump claimed he lied people to death because he was being a “cheerleader for this country” (I assume he meant Russia) and that this was perfectly sufficient to explain away his perfect handling of the virus pandemic, which has now claimed over 190,000 American lives. Great, just what this country needed, another cheerleader in the White House.

  George W. Bush before he lied people to death and
almost destroyed America. Never forget.

Speaking of cheerleaders, recall that Don, Jr. called an aide for John Kasich and asked if Kasich “had any interest in being the most powerful vice president in history?” It was explained that Kasich would be in charge of all foreign and domestic policy in the Chrump administration. When asked what Chrump himself would be doing as president, Chrump the younger and dumber replied, “He’ll be busy making America great again.” Or as it is known in the business - cheerleading. This really happened. Really.

Chrump made damn sure that millions of Americans ignored the preponderance of medical experts who said WEAR A MASK and PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING. Chrump put his own cult followers at deadly risk by telling them not to wear masks and doing things like removing warnings to practice physical distancing at rallies he knew full well he should not have been holding.

Chrump has “joked” about shooting someone on Fifth Avenue in New York and not losing a single vote. He instead decided to lie to all of America in order to kill tens of thousands of voters on both sides of the aisle.

Evidence of Chrump lying to the American public.
Fauci looks like he’d rather be having root canal,
and Birx looks like she’s about to cry and/or puke.
The rest are voluntary hostages.

Considering that approximately half of the American population (give or take) are lawyers, I hope there will be a massive class action suit for all the wrongful deaths directly attributable to the lies and inaction of Donald Judas Chrump, aided and abetted by any other members of his staff who knew what he knew when he knew it, and stood by their man instead of standing by their country and its citizens.

If you need any more proof of just how badly Chrump has handled the virus, Moscow Mitch said Chrump should be applauded.

To this day Chrump continues to ridicule those who would wear a mask. He harassed a reporter at a recent press tantrum to take off their mask. Chrump accused Joe Biden of having psychological issues for wearing a mask. As always, Chrump was talking about himself – except for the wearing a mask part.

By way of excuse, Chrump blamed Woodward for not telling the American people that Chrump was lying about and ignoring the deadly virus, essentially calling out Woodward for not alerting everyone to Chrump’s crime against humanity sooner. Well played ya dumb shit.

According to some studies, Chrump may well be responsible for up to 80 percent of the COVID-19 cases and deaths. And to this day he has no plan to slow the spread of the virus let alone respond to the seasonal spike many say is likely on the horizon. And the Republican’t party sits there on their rich, fat, white asses, drowned out by crickets, making not a single peep, lest they upset Cheer Leader. All Republican’ts are complicit in Chrump’s vicious murder spree and they must not be allowed to hold power for a long time.

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 52 more cheating (and killing) days until Election Day.                  

                                                                                 

Which Side Are You On?

Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa. Better Run, Run, Run, Run Away

September 9, 2020

It is happening here. Right now.

So much outrage is being directed at the “group” known as Antifa. No doubt the Antifa movement has some adherents who are not helping to bolster the critical and peaceful message of Black Lives Matter. Though it is likely that much of the violence is in fact being perpetrated by Chrump supporters – both overt and covert – in order to discredit BLM, some small number of Antifa members are also causing bad trouble.

Side note: Unfortunately, as history has shown, meaningful social change rarely takes hold without some level of violence. Those in power typically don’t give up without a fight. It would be nice if the human species had evolved beyond such primitive interactions, but not yet, and I for one will not be holding my breath waiting for that day to dawn.

Unlike one of their counterparts on the radical right – QAnon – Antifa is not a moronic/monolithic, delusion-based entity. Antifa is a loose affiliation of individuals and small groups bound together, not by a psychotic conspiracy theory, but by a sincere desire to raise awareness of and fight against Fascism in Amerika. Unlike the completely fabricated fantasy of a deep state run by Satanic pedophiles led by Tom Hanks and the Democrats (and not the actual pedophiles like Jeffry Epstein and Donald Chrump), fascism in America draws closer to becoming a reality under Chrump with each passing deranged assault on the Constitution perpetrated by the impeached traitor Chrump.

Despite all the whining and hand wringing over Antifa, it is unlikely that those concern trolls understand or care to understand what Antifa is about. They just need a bogey man on whom to pin their angst and loathing.

Chrumputin

Antifa or Pro-fa

So, the next time someone starts bitching about how horrible Antifa is, tell them you oppose all violence, then ask them if they even know what Antifa stands for, and in the very likely event that they do not, explain it to them. Then ask them if they are pro-fascist. Most likely, hilarity will ensue.

Look familiar?



I. Mangrey reporting. Only 54 more cheating days left until Election Day.

I Just Don't Get It

Getting Testy

September 5, 2020

If Chrump was anything other than a hypocritical, narcissistic conman, he would not allow everyone to be required to get tested for COVID-19 before entering his presence. He constantly exposes his blinkered, Philistine, pig ignorance by whining that testing causes cases and that his people should “slow the testing down please.” Chrump is only talking about slowing down testing of Americans who will not be in his immediate vicinity, not those who might bring the Chrump Virus near him – an old, overweight, unhealthy slob, who could easily die if he had the same medical insurance as too many Americans, and got this virus that bears his name and his responsibility.

Chrump refuses to wear a mask because it will spoil his make-up and clash with his “hair.” The dangerous sheep who follow him support his murder spree and immerse themselves in his death cult. They boo when told they must wear masks in large gatherings. During the Spanish Flu pandemic in 1918 (not 1917, as IMPEACHED president fuckwit refuses to stop saying) they knew, as we know now, that wearing masks in public was a strong and powerful way to impede the progress of a contagious virus.

Americans yearning to breathe free of the Spanish Flu in 1918

Combine this with Chrump’s unrepentant, unrelenting racism – though he remains unwilling to simply admit his disdain for non-white people, preferring to hide behind pathetically transparent dog-whistling – and it is hard to stomach so many Americans still supporting this giant sea-slug in an ill-fitting suit and tie.

For some strange reason Chrump’s minions are offended by black people peaceably assembled to protest being murdered by police across this nation. They seem to think it is an attack on Donald Chrump and them. Guilty conscience much?

Clearly, Chrump does not really believe that “there very fine people…on both sides.” He has had nothing to say about Jacob Blake, who was shot seven times in the back by police, but he expressed grief for the pro-Chrump, armed, outside agitator who came to Kenosha, Wisconsin looking for trouble and found it, ultimately killing two and badly wounding another.

I alone will fix all this peaceful protesting.

There has never been any question that the only people Chrump thinks are very fine are those white people, particularly the violent ones, who support him. Everyone else is either collateral damage or collateral-damage-in-waiting. He recently said he could clean up the unrest in Portland “in about an hour.” Just what America needs – shock-and-awe in our cities. It would not be unwise to imagine Der Furor is referring to dropping a nuclear bomb – a small one, I’m sure – to clear out the evil protestors exercising their First Amendment rights to assemble and perhaps if they’re lucky, to not get murdered by police for being black in America.

It makes me want to ask Chrump supporters a simple question: I see you support Donald Chrump so I’m curious to know which right wing of the Chrumpublican’ts you identify with; with all due respect, are you a racist or a moron?

Fortunately, I am a life-long, card-carrying, unabashed chicken, so I will likely just keep this question to myself. That is unless there is a second Chrump term, when it is entirely possible that heretofore unimagined suicidal tendencies might very well manifest in strange and dangerous ways.

Bob Dylan – Everything Is Broken

I. Mangrey recoiling. Only 58 more cheating days until Election Day.

Thought For The Day

Different Strokes

September 4, 2020

Seemingly out of the blue, Chrump has been denying that he ever had mini-strokes. Speculation raged after an unscheduled visit to Walter Reed Medical Center on a Saturday last November. According to CNN chief medical correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta, a mini-stroke typically means there was a transient decrease in oxygen to the brain. Normally this is a bad thing.

In this case I don’t know what all the fuss was about; it seems painfully obvious that Chrump has had cerebral oxygen deprivation for most of his life. This is one of his best qualities. In all probability there is nothing in there but fast food and Coke…and maybe coke…oh, and a bunch of Adderall. And hairspray fumes. Definitely not oxygen.

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

Broken News

Cancer-in-Chief

September 2, 2020

Donald Chrump is a cancer. A cancer on the office of president. A cancer on the Constitution. A cancer on democracy. A cancer on the United States. A cancer on this entire planet. As it now stands, the Chrump Blastoma, though well past its early stages, is still treatable by non-heroic means. Though an impeachment surgery was performed earlier this year, a McConnell infection in the operating theater caused the operation left too many virulent Chrumpoma cells in the body politic for complete remission and the cancer has continued to rage unchecked. Experts are saying that there is a new, very promising treatment, which will be available on November 3^rd; no sooner, no later.

Chrumpoma: endangering everything everywhere

Unlike the various measures Chrump has put forward to combat the Chrump Virus – ignoring it, waiting for it to magically disappear several months ago, ingesting disinfectants, shining light into the body, hydroxychloroquine, poisonous plant extracts pushed by pillow peddlers, non-existent vaccines, letting hundreds of thousands die – this treatment is real, and if applied in a timely manner will at least put this malignancy into remission. However, if Chrump metastasizes into a second term that will put the “term” into terminal.

I. Mangrey breaking news. Only 61 cheating days until Election Day.

Thought For The Day

The Unkindest Cut

September 1, 2020

Donald Chrump has hurled a most despicable insult at Kamala Harris. Even though no one is surprised that Chrump would behave as a hateful sociopath, this is beyond the pale. Though for once his insult was not as overtly racist or misogynist as usual. So, progress? Nah.

Taking a more subtle yet no less despicable tone, Chrump whined that Harris was less “competent” to be vice president, or the first female president than his daughter/mistress Ivanka. Chrump expressed angst over how Harris has gotten where she is today. As opposed to his marshmallow-brained daughter who is nothing more than just another property gaudily sporting the Chrump name and mostly made in China.

The Lion & The Scam
One is selling democracy, the other hawking beans

Had this ignominious invective been hurled by any less hollow of a vessel, with any less of an unhealthy yearning to impress his little girl, Harris might have justifiably been hurt by it. As it stands, coming from the man with the double-reverse Oedipus complex it verges on amusing, though much closer to nauseating.

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?