January 6, 2021: America Soils Herself

The Whole World's Watching

January 7, 2021

We are now officially a shithole country thanks to Shit-in-chief Donald Trump. Move over Jefferson Davis, move over Osama bin Laden, your hatred of democracy, your attempts to ruin America have been Trumped. The biggest security threat ever. Al Queda? Hah! ISIS? Don’t make me laugh. The 45^th president of the United States has shown himself to be the greatest threat to national security and democracy in more than 150 years.

Trump’s terrorist presidency – and make no mistake, it was always such has finally reached its peak. Once Trump finally, however involuntarily, bumped up against reality, this was the most likely scenario. Donald Trump personally and repeatedly incited this Profa insurrection. Not just a riot, but an insurrection aimed directly at affecting a coup d’état. Thanks to Trump and his thugs blood was spilled, a woman killed in the Capitol building and several others dead at the scene.

Trump’s Red Hats (think Brown Shirts) despise democracy almost as much as they despise black people. Trump finally got the giant crowd he craved. Much bigger than his American Carnage inauguration four years ago.

The National Guard shot four peaceful student protesters to death at Kent State on May 4, 1970. On January 6, 2021 thousands of treasonous, neo-Nazi, Confederate-flag-waving, racist, fascist, armed maniacs took over the U.S. Capitol and only a few dozen arrests resulted. Some capitol police practically ushered the traitors into the Capitol Building; others posed for selfies with the insurgents. It’s great to be white in America. You can’t beat it. With a stick. Especially when you don’t even try. And their beloved leader gave them cover, and lauded them for their sedition. Give me a fucking break. In another of his typical mixed messages, Trump was ultimately forced to pretend he wanted the angry mob he birthed and nurtured for five years to disperse, “Go home. We love you. You’re special.”

IMPEACHED Fake president Donald Trump should be removed under the Second Amendment…I mean the Twenty-fifth Amendment. Immediately. And then tried for sedition and inciting insurrection. Period. Moving forward without cleaning up the past, while a cornerstone of American history, only leads to worse behavior.

Not cleaning up the shame (to put it mildly) of slavery ultimately brought the Civil War. The pardoning of Richard Nixon brought us further erosion of our democracy. Ignoring the war crimes of Bush/Cheney brought us Donald Trump, who acted criminally every day of his presidency, with impunity. He was enabled at every rotten turn by the party that gave him political life. Allowing this swine to escape justice will injure this nation in ways as yet imagined, leaving permanent scars, and could well be fatal to our democracy.

And all the suddenly chastened Republican’ts coming with heart in hand professing to defend democracy, when for four foul years they gestated what we saw in our nation’s capital yesterday. They have no honor, however much they may claim it, no matter how sweet their shame-induced words of umbrage, calm, togetherness and defending democracy. They had four years to protect and defend the Constitution and the people of this nation from this obvious traitor, this malignant narcissist who never wanted the highest office in the land, never took seriously his oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States from all enemies, foreign and domestic, never carried out the duties of his office, and instead worked tirelessly to promote himself, and undermine the interests of this nation. 

This is not about 20/20 hindsight. All that was needed was a little foresight. Everything was on full display from the moment this hate-mongering, inveterate liar oozed down his golden escalator to throw his already filthy hat into the ring. Donald Trump did not change when he entered the White House. He was always exactly what he is now. A criminal and an autocrat. A sniveling coward who riled up people he would just as soon push aside and spit on. And he never for a moment tried to hide it. Give him and us justice. Before it’s too late.

Aiders and abettors like Ted Cruz, Ron Johnson and Josh Hawley, and Rudy Giuliani, who called for called for “trial by combat”, should be dragged away in leg irons and stripped of their offices while they await trial. Nothing less serves democracy.

The only good thing to come from this disgraceful episode is that this and this alone will now be the legacy of Donald J. Trump, the most disgraced president in American history. Trump makes Richard Nixon look like Abraham Lincoln.

Philadelphia 76ers head coach
Doc Rivers asks the obvious question

I. Mangrey.                                                                                                          

                                                                           

Coup, Coup For Cocoa Puffs

Coup, Coup Kachoo

January 6, 2021

While watching the early returns in the Georgia senate runoff elections last night, both Democrats were well ahead two hours after the polls closed. For some reason they did not stop counting the votes. What a bunch of crap. The Democrats were both well ahead, and then somehow, no one knows how, they were not ahead anymore. My guess? Fake votes. Dead people voting. Blind people counting votes. Why keep counting all those votes? Sensing that the Republican’t candidates were going to steal the elections by counting all the votes (a dirty trick they stole from Democrats) I decided to attempt what is commonly referred to as sleep.

After a “good” hour or two in a horizontal, not entirely conscious state, I resumed my vigil. Despite the persistent vote counting it appears that Democrats Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock will emerge victorious, giving Dems control of the Senate. Ostensibly, the only left to do is to say, “FUCK YOU MOSCOW MITCH!” Also, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't very strongly and powerfully looking forward to Chrump's psychotic take on the proceedings. Perhaps another perfect phone call is in order.

A crazy man, who just discovered where his head is

attempts to threaten his way to maintain his grip on America.

We are still in...the Twilight Zone.

Death To America: Republican’t Sedition Edition

Today is the day that Chrumpublicans will show us exactly what they are made of. Not something you really want to see close up. definitely not on a full stomach. Lawmaking is often compared to the process of making sausage. Proudly fighting to destroy the democratic process and free and fair elections, and the peaceful transfer of power, and publicly defecating on the Constitution, as jackals like Ted Cruz and his fellow travelers in the Treason Caucus are planning to do, makes the utterly disgusting process of sausage making seem like baking chocolate chip cookies with the kids.

Despite the fact that just days earlier their dear leader shredded federal and state laws by threatening government officials in order to coerce them to join his criminal conspiracy to defraud Georgia’s election results, more than a dozen Chrumpublican senators and nearly 150 members of the House, will still stand in front of this nation and insist that the American electorate should not have a say in who our next president will be. All because the conman they crowned as their party’s standard bearer, after having called him every name in the book, is a threat to their political futures – something each of them values well beyond the health of the nation and the Constitution they pretend to serve.   

Donald Chrump will not let go of his seemingly infinite number of insane and/or laughable conspiracy theories, his endless criminal activities, and mob boss-like bullying/threatening of election officials across the country. He will hold on like a starving tick on a sleeping dog. Chrump will continue to fight the bad fight to overturn the unassailable vote count that gave the presidency to Joe Biden until the last breath…hopefully, not ours.

They’re trying to steal my country from me. It’s mine, not Sleepy Joe’s.

He didn’t win. I won. I won by a lot. It’s mine, all mine.

Chrump recently overruled the Pentagon’s recalling of the USS Nimitz from the Persian Gulf in an attempt to de-escalate tensions in the region. Instead, Chrump commanded the carrier be turned around in order to re-establish a provocative presence. This, no doubt in case Chrump’s blatantly illegal, bumbling attempts to remain in power continue to fail miserably. Many foreign policy experts worry that once all other treasonous options have been exhausted, Chrump will see no other option but to fabricate a military incident involving Iran.

"War is the health of the state," the radical writer Randolph Bourne said, in the midst of the First World War. Indeed, as the nations of Europe went to war in 1914, the governments flourished, patriotism bloomed, class struggle was stilled, and young men died in frightful numbers on the battlefields-often for a hundred yards of land, a line of trenches.
   from Howard Zinn’s A PEOPLE'S HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES

“War is the health of the State” is a well-known quote by the less well-known Randolph Bourne. War is also a useful device to rally people around a leader. Recall how George Bush II’s popularity soared after he allowed the 9/11 attacks to unfold on his watch. A properly timed war can also be used as an excuse to declare martial law in order to, for example, delay the peaceful transition of power from, let’s say a sitting president to a newly, duly elected, desperately needed replacement. Donald Chrump could not possibly care less about the State or its health. All he can see, when he takes a break from staring at himself in the bathroom mirror to admire his "hair", is NY State Attorney General Letitia James in one side-view mirror and NYC District Attorney Cyrus Vance in the other, and they are gaining on him and his entire crime family. If he is not stopped before it is too late, Donald Chrump would gladly be the death of the State.

I. Mangrey recoiling. Health is the war of the State.

Republican’ts Fly The Coup

White Punks On Dope

January 4, 2021

Donald Chrump’s crime spree against America continues unabated. Like a cop shooting a black man in the back, there seems to be a distinct absence of consequences for this dangerous white man. Yesterday we were treated to another perfect phone call from Der Furor Donald Chrump. This flawless, hour-long attempt to enlist the help of Georgia’s Republican Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, who Chrump has previously cajoled, threatened and slandered for not manipulating Georgia’s legitimate vote totals to simulate a Chrump victory. Washington Post reporter Amy Gardner who ended up with audiotape of the entire perfect phone call, referred to the very beautiful call as a “rambling and at times incoherent conversation.” Rambling and incoherent is Chrump’s brand.

At one point Chrump can be heard laying out his very simple and very beautiful plan, “So look. All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have, because we won the state.” There is also incontrovertible audio evidence of Chrump repeatedly saying, “There’s no way I lost Georgia. There’s no way. We won by hundreds of thousands of votes.” Did I mention that this time we actually have the audiotape? Is it too late to impeach the motherfucker already again? Many people are saying, “Fuck no!”

Make America Great Already!

Tomorrow (hopefully) we will learn much about the fate of this country. The ability of our newly, legitimately and unquestionably elected president to take this country out of the little, blood-stained hands of Donald Chrump is on the line. If Mitch McConnell is allowed to remain in charge of the nation’s legislative agenda, the stench of Chrump will be that much harder to remove, if not impossible for the foreseeable future.

The day after that brings what has always been a simple procedural exercise by Congress. This year it will anything but. January 6, 2021 is the day that Congress will finally verify what the totality of all 50 states and the grossly obsolete Electoral College, not to mention the Supreme Courts of several states and of the United States – on numerous occasions – have already made abundantly and repeatedly clear. Joe Biden’s victory over IMPEACHED Fake president Donald Chrump cannot be denied. Or can it?

Chrump hard at work as his lunatic fringe show their unshakable approval

Absolutely no one should be surprised that so many Republican’ts are willing to throw this country and our democracy under their gas-guzzling, hot air-transporting campaign buses. How can these sniveling shitbags be expected to be loyal to the United States when they were not even able to remain loyal to themselves? How many of these Republican’ts bellowed about how disgraceful, dishonest and unqualified Chrump was…right up until they made him their party’s standard bearer (Hint: all of them). Then, it was not enough to simply stop making honest albeit negative comments about their sociopathic, psychotic, malignantly narcissistic leader.

They did not keep quiet, choosing instead to pretend they never said what they said, and to praise their great and powerful leader to the ends of the Earth, and hopefully their political careers. These Republican’t weasels gave up their country and its Constitution, gave up their integrity – such as it was – and sold for a penny their already rapidly deteriorating souls…to Donald Chrump – pussy-grabbing racist authoritarian, who was never really a Republican’t, just a pathetic television celebrity conman who would just as soon shit on their dinner plates as say hello. Chrump was and remains all those brutal assessments hurled his way, and nothing more.

Lindsey Graham stands up on his hind legs for the man he 

loves and who he once called a “kook” and and a “race-baiting 

xenophobic religious bigot” who was “unfit for office.”

As of now, we have at least 140 Chumpublican members of the House and 12 Senators poised to take their seditious circus act to the final level. Knowing full well that their side-show of denying the clear results of the 2020 election – only in states where Chrump lost, including those where Republican’ts down-ballot won – has neither legal, nor logical, nor mentally sound footing, they are prepared to go down with the shit.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Wake Me When It Starts

Same Shit, Different Year

January 1, 2021

Gazing in the grass is a gas. Can you dig it?

A friend called me this morning to inform me that it was a new year – 2021 he called it. While this may be a technically accurate statement, this year, this era, this super-slow-motion multi-car pile-up, alternatively known as the Chrump presidency, whose final chapter was the objectively horrible 2020, will not be over one nanosecond prior to still not-at-all-certain swearing in of our 46^th president Joe Biden.

At least 140 Republican’t members of the House and one Senator are poised to culminate (hopefully) their treason on January 6^th by ignoring the will of the American people as well as some 60 judges at all levels of the Judicial Branch, many of whom were appointed during the Chrump administration. As we speak, Republican’ts are stamping their little feet and squealing at anyone who is forced to listen about not voting to formalize Biden’s victory over Russian president of America Donald Chrump. They are even suing Mike Pence to force him to…oh, fuck it there’s no point dwelling on the fake details, it’s all bullshit. Unfortunately, bullshit has been the currency of the realm for the past four years. Yes, it was always a currency of the realm, but under Chrump it became the only one.

Chrump is still here, so I’m still paying attention

For his part, Chrump is claiming victory over the virus, though he should be claiming victory for the virus, which continues to wreak havoc at an alarming rate. Having, in his febrile mind defeated the virus, Chrump is turning his inestimable attention to finding a way to start a war with Iran in order to declare martial law. Just like Rudy Giuliani suggested it would be a good idea to keep him on as New York’s mayor after 9/11 even though his term was about to expire, Chrump, if he is successful in starting another illegal Republican’t war before January 20, will suggest (insist?) that he remain in office to oversee his latest crime against America and humanity. He alone can fuck it.

So, I for one, remain at least a bit skeptical that anything will go as planned until they pry the presidency from Chrump’s cold, tiny (and dead if need be) hands on January 20^th. I don’t generally watch these swearing in ceremonies as I am usually too busy swearing at whoever it is putting their hand on some religious text, or in Chrump’s case his bathroom copy of The Art of The Deal, and pledging to support and defend the Constitution of The United States against all enemies foreign and domestic; or in Chrump’s case, against all allies, and only so far as pleases Vladimir Putin.

Soon-to-be-ex-IMPEACHED Fake president Donald Chrump remains toxically obsessed with continuing his treasonous attempt to overturn the irrefutably legitimate 2020 election that made it abundantly clear that Chrump reign of terrible terror will come to a screeching halt at noon on January 20, 2021. He is so preoccupied with staying at a job he never really wanted, never for a moment took or did seriously, and remains to this day, after four years in offense office, historically unfit to perform, that he was unable to focus on golfing away his final weeks as so-called president.

Chrump did not, mind you, return to Washington, DC in order to make sure the country was safe or sound during his dwindling final days of sucking up all the oxygen in every room in America. Fat chance. He returned to the White House he once referred to as “a dump” in order to orchestrate the final throes of his attempted fascist take-over of our federal government. Can you even imagine what Republican’ts would have done if Barack Obama raised this much of a stink had he been defeated at the polls – which he most certainly was not? The Last-Phrase-of-the-Second Amendment fetishists would have been surrounding the White House within minutes.

Chrump is prepared to protect America from democracy at all costs

Sorry to spoil your earliest hours of what you are calling a new year. Maybe I should have waited until I was awake to start weighing just as this year is taking its first breath, but the doctor doesn’t wait to slap the newborn to start her breathing air after emerging from the cozy, safe, watery environment of the uterus.

Hopefully, you won’t read this today.

I. Mangrey.

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part III

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

They say Elba is lovely in January

The End (of The Year) is (Mercifully) Near Here

December 31, 2020

Where Will We Have Gone From Here

Well, here it is. The final installment of what to expect in 2021. Well, theoretically we will soon be rid of Donald Chrump, albeit 48 months too late. Chances are good, if you are reading this, that you are not dead. Hopefully well-stocked with toilet paper, and still COVID-19-free. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, there is still no way to know for sure. Until at least January 6, 2021 – and very possibly until the 21^st – Chrump will keep us guessing, gnashing our teeth, fighting to keep food down, losing sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately prevail despite the unrelenting and seditious efforts of its arch enemy – the Republican’t Party, which is now a wholly-owned subsidiary of Donald Chrump. Hopefully, it will attain the fate of so many of Chrump’s business ventures.

Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor

 

January 21, 2021

Bleaching A Conclusion

The virus is a hoax and drinking bleach will kill it

Thousands of Chrump loyalists, despondent over the fact that their man-baby was tossed out after a single term/tantrum, unable to complete his mission to destroy democracy and America, and to bring racism and discord back to pre-Civil War levels, decide it’s time to show everyone how great Chrump really was, hoping the Radical Left will finally realize what a stupid mistake they made. They drink disinfectant en masse to keep themselves safe from the tyranny of masks and the coronavirus. Most of them die quick, albeit horrible deaths. The survivors claim victory over the virus and Joe Biden.

 

January 25, 2021

The Whiter House

Initially, Chrump intended to tunnel back into the White House, 

but quickly gave up and went golfing

Finally-ex-president Donald Chrump promises to “build a bigger, better, much more beautiful and powerful Whiter House at Mor-on Lago in Florida. I will still be president of most white people. Especially the poorly educated – I love the poorly educated. And the great Betsy Devos made sure there will be millions more of these uneducated people who are smart enough to love Chrump. I won’t have to pretend I never heard of the Proud Boys or David Duke or worry about being impeached or hoaxed by the radical left liberal Antifa lovers. No one can tell me to wear a mask, or not to drink bleach or shine light up my ass, which I was totally joking about before – and everyone knows that, but I’m seriously doing now. Just look how healthy I am. No one has a healthier glow than Chrump. I have the best hair and I’m still the best-looking guy in America, and probably the world, I would say. Sleepy Joe Biden lost this election by a lot and I will not stop until I prove it, whether it be in court or possibly by some sort of Second Amendment thing. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

 

February 25, 2021

Promise Made, Promise Kept

Donald Chrump, desperate for attention since his Twitter following dropped by 90 percent and he can’t even buy time on television, takes a trip to New York City in order to force people to remember he exists. He told radio host Mike Pence, “I was cheated out of a second term and someone is going to pay. I still have some unfinished business. The first thing I’m going to do is walk down Fifth Avenue and shoot someone, maybe a bunch of people. When you’re white they let you do it. Many people still think I’m still president. My new Whiter House is going to be built very soon. I am also planning to build my own wall to stop Mexico from sending us all their criminals and rapists, who are voting against Chrump, even the dead ones. I alone can fix it. These horrible Mexican criminals and rapists are stealing jobs from real American criminals and rapists. Many of these great Americans are good friends of mine and got very strong and powerful pardons from Chrump while he was the greatest president in history.”

“Even those rats on the Supreme Court better look out if they don’t reconsider their very terrible decision to allow the totally illegal Sleepy Joe Biden and that dangerous radical liberal black lady he calls a Vice President to pretend to be president. That is still my job. I pretended to be president for four of the greatest years in America and I will continue to do the job I was greatly elected to do – with the biggest inauguration crowd in the history of the world.”

Armed, dangerous, and stupid: Chrump on Fifth Avenue in NYC

 March 1, 2021

Atlantic City, Tear Down That Eyesore

Atlantic City auctioned off the opportunity to be the one who pushes the button to demolish the now-closed Chrump Plaza Hotel & Casino. The proceeds going to Atlantic City’s Boys & Girls Club. Who will it be? Mike Bloomberg? Nancy Pelosi? George Soros? Barack Obama? Hillary Clinton Mary Trump? Melania? This, we will not divulge, preferring to let you be surprised and pleased when you discover the winning bidder. However, we will let you in on another interesting tidbit for this day.

Many people have offered to pay to dismantle this very
strong, powerful and colossal failure by hand. Others have
decided to simply take matters into their own hands.

Chrump accidentally wanders into Chrump Plaza in Atlantic City moments before it is demolished. normally, such a building is cordoned off well ahead of the demolition, but no one seemed to bother telling Donald not to go it at that time. Perhaps they assumed he would leave in time, perhaps everyone assumed he had left in time, perhaps no one cared.

July 21, 2021

Make America Suffer Again

A frustrated Chrump tries to poke America’s eye out

Chrump reveals his new “Re-president Me” campaign slogan and new hat. “Make America Mine Again. I did such a great job and I got the second biggest amount of votes ever. We have to get me back in the White House – the old one, not the one I’m building so greatly in Florida, or maybe Russia, I haven’t decided yet. And I will be totally self-funding with your money. So keep sending me money so we can have an even greater America than anyone ever thought possible. I alone can do it.” Chrump then led the credulous crowd in a new chant, “MAMA! MAMA! I want my MAMA!”

 

September 24, 2021

No Balls Putz Prize

For finally admitting he lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden, Chrump becomes the first winner of a new prestigious prize. The psychotic, orange narcissist has repeatedly either begged or insisted that he be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Chrump has even claimed on occasion that he won several of them. Instead, Chrump is awarded the No Balls Putz Prize for outstanding cowardice, insanity and hatred. It is surely a distinct honor and well-deserved.

 

December 31, 2021

It is predicted that there will be no more predictions dealing with Donald Chrump. He will be either dead or irrelevant, or both. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Well, that’s it for Paying Attention in 2020 (unless Chrump outdoes himself in the next 24 hours), and all we know about what to expect in 2021 – or at least some of it. For now, sit back and pour yourself a beverage; a nice hot cup of tea, a martini, maybe something from the hemp family. However you roll, make sure you have your Rent-a-Coma on hand, just in case. It’s still flying off the shelves. And, you never know when it might come in handy. For now, let's party like we're all in quarantine.  

From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff, Shay King, and everyone here at Paying Attention:

Sorry, that’s the best we can offer right now

John Oliver says good-bye to 2020

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part II

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

 The End (of The Year) is Near

December 29, 2020

Where We Will Have Gone From Here

It is time to pick up where we laughed off. Hopefully, you are sufficiently soused, fittingly fried, tenuously toasted, or otherwise appropriately altered as 2020 melts away like Greenland’s ice sheet. If you had already started your Rent-A-Coma experience and are not seeing this in a timely manner, welcome back – I hope you are feeling refreshed. In any event, welcome to Part II of our annual three-part series on the way it will be in 2021. Buckle up, good chance of turbulence ahead.

Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak 

 

January 19, 2021

Take Your Carnage And Shove It

After seeing the breadth and scope of the sabotage inflicted on America by outgoing 45^th president, whose name escapes me at the moment, Joe Biden holds a hastily convened press conference. Looking more ashen than usual, the president-elect read a brief statement. 

“My fellow Americans, it is with a heavy heart that I stand before you today. Well, sort of. As everyone knows, I won the presidency by one of the largest percentages in our great nation’s history. I was proud of the campaign I ran and extremely grateful to the more than 80,000,000 Americans who put their faith in my ability to bring America back from the disastrous reign of my predecessor.

I was very much looking forward to taking on this all-but-impossible task because I love this country. However, as I looked over not just the damage the last guy did in the first three years and ten months of his time in office, but what he’s done since I crushed him at the ballot box and the Electoral College, I had to make a big decision. Just when we all thought, or at least hoped it couldn’t get any worse, Donald and his people attempted to destroy what little he had not already ruined in an effort to leave me with almost nothing to work with – something no administration could hope to recover from. It is with this in mind that I relinquish my presidency back to Donald Chrump. Mr. Chrump, I leave it to you to clean up the previously unimaginable shitstorm you created.”

“And I thought actually being president was going to be fun. This could be even better.”

“I look forward to watching Chrump dig his way out of this hell-hole. And, my fellow Americans, make no mistake, I’m not doing this because the ignorant motherfucker I was elected overwhelmingly to replace says I have to prove all of my votes were legitimate – pardon my French. And that's no malarkey. I’m doing this for the sheer entertainment of watching him try to figure out how to undo the shitscape he created in order to fuck with me. Again, French, sorry. Finally, I would say – Donald, go fuck yourself.” Biden had to be assisted off the podium, as it appeared he might collapse from laughing so hysterically.

 

12:00 Noon, January 20, 2021

The Dropout

Chrump recreates the wedding scene from The Graduate at his “Alternative Rally” where he launches his 2024 re-presidenting campaign. Screaming from the assembled crowd at the top of his lungs as Joe Biden takes the oath of office. Rather than screaming ‘Elaine’, he can be heard bellowing “I won! I won! Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up! Everyone knows I’m still the president!” After being ordered to leave the area, and seeming to be unable to drag his bulky mass to safety, Chrump is ultimately escorted kicking and screaming from the National Mall once and for all. As he is being hauled away, he is heard croaking, “Chrump 2024! Four more years! Maybe even eight or twelve! Chrump 2024!”

When you shove him in the paddy wagon, don’t be too nice

 

One Minute past Noon, January 20, 2021

Flee-Bitten

Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance, Jr., who had been busy for several months interviewing numerous players in Donald Chrump’s world of crooked business in order to build a case against the life-long criminal, announces indictments for Donald Chrump and all of his non-Tiffany adult children. Chrump and progeny are detained at the airport as they attempt to flee the country. All are found to be in possession of one-way tickets to Ukraine. No word yet from NY State Attorney General Letitia James, who has been waiting less than patiently to get her subpoenas on the Chrump Crime Family. Oh, and the District of Columbia has some issues with Donald, et al.

That guy who used to be president has some splainin' to do

*************

Go and have a nap or a concussion, maybe some Prozac or a quick round of Rent-A-Coma. There is a good chance Part III is coming soon. Get ready for the end of 2020. We’ve got the Magic 8 Ball in overdrive – we asked again later, survived countless hazy replies, and celebrated a surprising number of “Signs point to yes”. These are not fake predictions.  

Making predictions takes intense preparation and concentration

Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it gets away.

Pardon Parcel

Letting His People Go

December 27, 2020

We interrupt the future to bring you the latest bullshit from the present. Unfortunately, Joe Biden remains president-elect. We still have to survive another 24 days under the current regime before he becomes the real thing. There are no guarantees folks. We are like a classroom full of frightened children desperately fighting to survive a psychotic active shooter firing blindly around the room.

When we last spoke, IMPEACHED Fake Lame-Duck president Donald Chrump threw a hand grenade into the finally-passed COVID-19 relief package needing only his dumbass signature to put badly needed – however insufficient – money into the pockets of real Americans. As usual, Chrump shits all over the place and walks away, fully expecting someone to come along and wipe his dumb ass.

Somebody pooped all over the Constitution

Remember, you can only get a pardon after you have been found guilty. And all these fucking pardons Chrump is doling out, how much is he selling them for in reality? Not all of the slimeballs he is letting off the hook have big bucks, but many do. For others, it is not a stretch to think he just envies murderers – one of the few crimes outside Chrump’s repertoire. He’s probably excited to think he will be able to hire these scum as security for the time he spends out of jail, with the added bonus of holding his pardon over their heads so he won’t have to pay them.

Besides the fact that he’s pardoning war criminals, crooked politicians and Jared Kushner’s dirtbag father, one would be remiss not to wonder what kind of arrangements – financial and otherwise – the self-proclaimed artist-of-the-deal is making for these pardons. Someone should be watching Chrump – at least until he’s behind bars – to see what kind of money floats into his coffers, and from whom.

Among the dozens of pardoned felons can be found each and every fellow Russian colluder – Mike Flynn, Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulos, Roger Stone and a few lesser lights who lied to investigators. Our sources have it on good authority that before he is dragged out of the White House, Chrump will pardon, Benedict Arnold, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray, Sirhan Sirhan, Charles Manson, Osama bin Laden and the coronavirus.

Chrump has some choice words for his party

We have also heard that before he vacates the White House – if he does – Chrump intends to rename the Lincoln Bedroom the Jefferson Davis Suite, replete with Stars and Bars and CSA memorabilia. Since Chrump seems to have plenty of time on his hands, a rapidly deteriorating mind, and limitless power to fuck everything up to his heart’s content for another 24 days, we can expect much more mayhem.

People talk about Joe Biden's mental capacity. He could be dead over a week and still be more mentally and physically fit to be president than Chrump.

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 24 more shitting-our-pants days until Inauguration.

Bringing You The Future Before It's Too Late, Part I

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

The End (of The Year) is Near

December 26, 2020

Where Will We Have Gone From Here

The gang here at Paying Attention is once again poised to try our hand at divining the year to come. With Chrump’s crushing defeat by Joe Biden, and America barely surviving dozens of insane, evidence-free lawsuits tossed, laughed, kicked and generally humiliated out of court, and all efforts to replace Biden-pledged electors with cardboard cutout Chrump lackeys, it is barely possible to discern the present. Certainly hard to believe or stomach it. Many people do not realize that predicting the future is not an exact science. Truth be told, science is not always an exact science. A large swath of America does not even think science is real. In reality – as if that’s still a thing – nobody can predict the future…as if that’s still a thing. Nonetheless, we will put our dubious reputation on the line to tell it like it will be. Our record has been as good as anyone’s since our first foray into Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle back in 2013.

I. Carnac, questioning all the answers that will be given in 2021

Here we are, at the end of 2020, the year many feared might never end. The nascent year commenced with the giddy hope that the impeachment of Donald Chrump would bring sanity back to our lives, deep down we knew that Moscow Mitch’s lackeys would never do what was best for the country. No sooner had Republican’ts summarily dismissed the serious and proven charges against Chrump, but the Lord Almighty visited a plague upon the nation led by a blasphemous conman who had broken at least nine of the Ten Commandments on a fairly regular basis. It was only days later that we learned of a virulent, though fortunately not overly deadly virus taking hold across the globe. Donald Chrump’s response, as it has been to so many things he does not like, was to call it a hoax. It wasn’t. thanks to his inimitable handling of the problem, we now have more than 340,000 dead Americans, with no imminent end to the carnage in sight, despite the arrival of vaccines.

Then we had an election that was much closer than most had hoped, showing just how mired in racism, fascism and Chrumpism this nation is. Perhaps even worse was Chrump’s response – sedition, threats of martial law and a level of abdication of duty above and beyond what we had thought was laziest, least interested president in history. With any luck, and as of this moment, it is anything but certain that the Orange Usurper will vacate the premises in a timely manner, 2021 will in fact bring the end of Chrump’s time as un-president. Right now, it looks pretty unpromising.

In any event, here is what we believe you will see over the next 12 months…

January 6, 2021

Chrump Flunks Out of Electoral College...Again

Despite the fact that Congress has officially certified the Electoral College vote, Chrump and his big top of clown/lawyers are more desperate than ever after the Democrats took control of the Senate by sweeping the two pathetic, grifting Republican’t incumbents under the rug. They finally get the Supreme Court, anxious to do Chrump’s bidding, to look closely at all the ballots Chrump insisted were fake, rigged and illegal. Funny thing; it turns out that 90% of these votes by dead people, fake people, cats, dogs, emus and cheeseburgers were in fact for Chrump.

Thanks to Chrump’s relentless efforts, Biden's lead in the popular vote jumps to 20,000,000 and it turns out that Chrump lost Florida, North Carolina and Texas, giving Biden 388 to Chrump's 150. Chrump continues to insist he won.

Let’s all sing like the turdies do, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet

January 11, 2021

Cold Medalist

Having exhausted most means of fucking things up in order to leave the Biden administration the worst possible mess to clean up, Chrump turned his attention-deficit to just doing random stupid shit before relinquishing his imagined crown. On this day IMPEACHED Lame-duck Fake president Donald Chrump gives the Medal of Freedom to his long-time friend the COVID-19 virus. “Since the very lame and very outdated Constitution and many annoying people say that I can’t give myself the Presidential Medal of Freedom, I decided to do the next best thing and give this special recognition to the most powerful American of last year – the great China virus. I have spoken.” 

Chrump's crowning achievement

Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King bringing you the future before it’s too late.

Go and get a stiff drink and gird your loins folks, we’re just getting started.  It is predicted that Part II will be appearing very soon.

Chrump v. Republican’ts

The Snake Eating Its Tail

December 25, 2020

Donald Chrump is so angry with the Republican’t party for daring to display the slightest modicum of independence, some even having the gall to admit that Chrump was soon to be an ex-president, that he is even willing to claim a desire to do something to help people. Chrump, a master of delusion, assumed that he had complete control over McConnell’s boys, especially after they bailed his sorry ass out after being IMPEACHED.

After months of Democrats passing rescue measures, and Mitch McConnell trying to kill more Americans to pile on top of Chrump’s more than 300,000 personally-sponsored COVID-19 dead bodies, Moscow Mitch finally decided he had to make a deal with the House and pass legislation to delay, if only slightly and very temporarily, the further demise of countless American families teetering on the brink of poverty, starvation and death. Needless to say, McConnell did not do this out of any charitable or altruistic urges. He signed on to this pittance of a relief bill because he saw it was the only way he might hold on to his Senate majority seat. Nonetheless, a deal was finally struck to put another pittance into the pockets of desperate Americans trying to survive the economic side effects of the virus pandemic.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, into the fray that was finally no longer a fray, rides the Orange Knight. Chrump had at this point only one simple task, having ignored the months-long negotiations – to sign the bill into law. He instead pretended to that he did not like the hard-fought legislation, threw a hissy fit and forced an already fed-up nation to see his fake face and listen to his painful voice, and end up, as has so often been the case every time Chrump opens his mouth, in shock.

Crump went in front of the cameras and whined that Congress must, “increase the ridiculously low $600 to $2000 and to send me a suitable bill, or else the next administration will have to deliver a COVID relief package, and maybe that administration will be me.” After threatening to veto the bill, he simply did nothing – the worst possible play. Congress could, and likely would have overridden his sickening veto, but by refusing to either sign or veto, the bill will now just lie there, wasting away just like Chrump himself – a useless pile of words.

In an unmistakable attempt to make Ebenezer Scrooge look like Mother Teresa, the IMPEACHED Fake Lame-Duck president then flew out of Washington, DC to continue avoiding his job at Mor-on Lago, where some believe he will live out the remaining days of his ill-gotten, criminally-drenched, disastrous, single term in office.

They knew he was a snake before they took him in. Well, I sure as hell did.

I. Mangrey reporting. Endeavor to persevere. Happy Holidays…that’s right, I said it.

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life