In a desperate
attempt to prove once and for all that people are eating dogs in Springfield,
Ohio Trump and Vantz are threatening to descend on the beleaguered city they
personally put on the map for all the wrong reasons. Those reasons include the
pre-debunked accusation that people from Haitia* are the ones to blame for chowing down on their neighbors' dogs
and cats and ducks, not to mention devastating the goose population in the
local parks.
Springfield’s mayor
has very strongly and powerfully invited the Dyspeptic Duo NOT to darken their
door. Thanks to their entirely made up conspiracy of Haitians eating the dogs,
eating the cats, eating the pets of the people who live there (sounds like Trump does not think Springfield’s Haitians are people), Springfield has had to close
down schools, stores, government buildings. Heckuva job Trumpie. One wonders
whether Trumpand Vantz will
finally STFU about their phony scare tactics when their unbalanced minions
start killing people.
However, one can
stop wondering since Vantz went on the TV and explained that, sure he was
peddling fake news, but if that’s what it takes to make people aware of
whatsits, or hooey, or stuff, then by gum he was gonna shit right out of his
mouth hole to anyone dumb enough to listen.
Lunchtime at the looney
bin
Tune in next time
when Vantz and Trump accuse Democrats of eating babies in the basement of a
pizza parlor in Washington, DC. Oh wait, that was done years ago. Never mind.
But don’t worry, they’ll come up with something.
_____________________________________________ *At a recent Bund rally JD Vantz referred to Haitian people (who he always
knew were definitely not) eating dogs, cats, ducks, geese and various and
sundry pets in Springfield as being from “Haitia.” Who will these soulless scum
be blaming next, the Covfefe-stealing aliens from Nambia?
Who do you know of
that has spent the past nine years at least figuratively fondling (if not
fellating) Vladimir Putin? Who tells everyone he talks to that he “fell in
love” with Kim Jong Un? Who recently used Hungary’s murderous dictator Viktor
Orbán as a character reference during a presidential debate watched by more
than 60 million Americans? I think you know who that person is.
Don & Viktor: Are they in love too?
It is the same
person who incessantly refers to Vice President Kamala Harris as Comrade
Kamala. He calls her a Marxist. And he has no idea what a Marxist is. He calls her a fascist. Does he know what that is? Don't bet on it. One of his bonehead sycophants said it, and his zombies cheer when he says it. He is
like someone who learns a song in a foreign language phonetically, but without
ever knowing what the words mean. Only dumber. Much, much dumber. And more
recently sliding rapidly downhill from dementia (with a side of syphilis). Not
that he was ever all that cogent or sentient.
DarnOld Trump is like a beloved
pet who was left a fortune after its owner’s passing. Except for the part about
being beloved. Such a pet would have managed that fortune less pathetically
than this damaged dipshit. And such a pet would not be running for president in
order to stay out of prison. No other animal is that pathetic.
Someone should tell
Casey’s Fascist/Trump Party foe that his party’s nominee for president is currently sitting on
34 felony convictions – probably would be around double that had he not managed
stall relentlessly and to own enough judges up and down the court system he
keeps whining in the finest Orwellian fashion is rigged against him.
I
guess one man’s 34-count convicted felon (and convicted sexual assaulter and
life-long conman/thief) is another man’s squeaky-clean cult leader.
Ya
gotta love it.
_______________________________________________ *An accusation I am willing to bet is
completely absurd, to say the least.
Is
That A Foot In Your Mouth Or Are You Too Stupid To See Me
September 15, 2024
Sure, the Vantz
is likely to wear the Schmuck Of The Daymantle many times between now and when he reaches
instant, maximum obscurity on November 6th, but he still deserves
his due right now.
The long-time-Trump-hating, woman-dissing,
couch-fucking (okay, not really, but why stop saying it if he’s going to continue
lying about pet-eating Haitians) douchebag from another planet desperately
tried to downplay the 15-megaton kick to the balls laid down by Taylor Swift
immediately following the 10-megaton fat-ass whoopin’ Kamala Harris put on
Dementia Don during the Thrilla in Phila.
Swift flat-out endorsed Harris in full view of
her 280 million fans and anyone else who owns a computer and/or a set eyes
and/or ears.
Vantz went to his safe room at Fux News and swung
for the sewers with the deafest, blindest and absolute dumbest possible
response:
I’m JD Vantz and I approve this dumb fucking message…wait, is
this thing on?
Vantz, after hearing himself talk
That is a direct and staggeringly clueless quote
from a bought-and-paid-for former hedge fund asshole, now bought-and-paid-for
faux senator and historically unpopular running mate of a…wait, what would you
call him…ahh, that’s it, a billionaire celebrity who, I think is fundamentally
disconnected from the interests and the problems of most Americans. Yeah, that’s
the one. Well played JV, Taylor will never recover from that one.
Vantz would have been much better off going on
Fux and yelling, “They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats! They’re
eating the pets!” for a half hour.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.
Fuck yeah.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Cheneys Turn And Face The Strange Ch-Ch-Cheneys
September 13, 2024
Look
Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™
We have mixed
feelings about this one.
Liz Cheney, who lost
her House seat because she turned against Trump after Trump’s attempted coup, has said that she will be
voting for Kamala Harris “because of the danger that Donald Trump poses” to our
democracy. All of us spent many
painful years documenting the disgraceful dirty dealing perpetrated by Dick
Cheney. However, today, following in his daughter Liz’s footsteps, Dick Cheney,
known to many during his time as vice president to George WTF Bush’s
historically horrific (and illegally-obtained) presidency, as Darth Cheney, has
made it known that he too will not only be endorsing Kamala Harris for
president but will in fact be voting for her. The Cheneys have stated
unequivocally that they believe DarnOld Trump to be the biggest threat to the Republic in this nation’s pock-marked
history.
Prior to the
emergence of DarnOld Trump,
Dick Cheney was the biggest-threat-to-American-democracy. Dick Cheney, who once
shot a man in the face while hunting purposely-crippled birds (then hid from authorities
until he sobered up), who outed a critical CIA asset as revenge for her husband
telling the truth about something Cheney was lying about to drag America into
what turned into an illegal invasion and subsequent quagmire of Iraq. And Dick Cheney
faked the need to be in a wheelchair for one day, and one day only – January 20,
2009 – so he could avoid standing while Barack Obama was being sworn in as the
44th president. At least Cheney showed up, unlike Trump who refused
to even show his badly dyed, lying, traitorous face at Biden’s inauguration in
2021.
“In our nation’s 246-year
history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our
Republic than Donald Trump.” Richard “Dick” Cheney, 2022
“As citizens, we each
have a duty to put country above partisanship to defend our Constitution.* That
is why I will be casting my vote for Vice President Kamala Harris.” Richard
“Dick” Cheney, 2024
While finding oneself aligned with the likes
of any Cheney, particularly the elder, is nauseating at best, these endorsements can only
play to the Harris campaign’s advantage. And certainly Liz Cheney, after voting for Trump in 2016 and 2020 and voting with Trump nearly 100% of the time,later became relentless in exposing and
thrashing Trump's January 6, 2021 attack
on our democracy. Cheney the younger was just fine with Trump grabbing women by
the pussy, calling Mexicans rapists and murderers, constantly kowtowing to
Putin, lavishing praise on numerous brutal dictators including “falling in love”
with Kim Jong Un, threatening our allies, betraying national security, trying
to extort Ukraine president Zelinskyy, helping tens of thousands of our fellow
citizens die from COVID-19, repeatedly disrespecting veterans living and
dead, the racism, the fascism and all the rest of Trump’s
happy fucking horseshit.
It took Trump inciting an insurrection and watching with
glee for hours as it festered, to get Liz Cheney’s attention. And her father only
perked up when his daughter was
poised to lose her House seat. As they say, even a blind squirrel can avoid
being a complete douchebag…I mean find an acorn once in a while.
Though the damage done by the elder Cheney’s past perfidies
can neither be undone nor forgiven or recovered from any time soon, perhaps we
can give him a brief pat on the fevered head for finally doing something right
for America…and then go soak our hands in disinfectant, or maybe shine a very
powerful light on them to prevent any lasting contamination.
Dick Cheney’s “boss” George WTF Bush has chosen this
critical moment, which is crying out for courage and speaking truth to
bullshit, to STFU. Not one word from the former worst president in American
history. All I can offer to Dubious George is a quote from none other than Dick
Cheney, “Go fuck yourself.”
__________________________________________ *NOW he tells us! Just figured this out, did he? Who knew there was a line that when crossed would
cause even Dick Cheney to do the right thing?
Perhaps you were
wise enough to avoid watching the Thrilla in Phila. The long anticipated
“debate” between Vice President Kamala Harris and disgraced, twice-impeached
ex-“president” and current 34-count convicted felon and insurrectionist DarnOld
Trump at the Constitution Center in the City of Brotherly
Love.
As the two entered
the stage, Kamala Harris chased down the frightened and confused elderly man to
shake his tiny, sweaty hand. And she introduced herself, saying her name so Trump
might be able to pronounce it for once.
Throughout the
evening, Harris did not take any shit from ex-“president” poopstain. Trump tried his best to appear compos mentis and
spent a good deal of the early going on his best fake behavior. As the night
wore on and Trump’s façade wore out,
his inner rabies-stricken hyena took over. It was a classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Trump and ultimately had Trump as the little insectoid in the final scene
of The Fly. Trump
was clearly on the verge of flinging ketchup and/or feces as he screamed his
hate and ignorance and insane conspiracy theories (which were quickly debunked
by moderators and/or Harris for all to hear).
The candidates – side by snide
The moderators
acquitted themselves much better than anyone expected. Someone finally had the
guts to challenge Psycho Boy on his insane, injurious bullshit. They actually
fact-checked Peach-colored Pinocchio a number of times! On important issues. This
reporter almost fell out of his seat. Fortunately, after Trump won the unpopular vote in 2016, I had
seatbelts installed where I watch the news. There were even times when this
event almost devolved into an actual debate, with the two participants going
toe-to-toe, albeit briefly, without including the moderators.
Trumpers will be
very happy with Drear Leader’s perfidy…I mean performance in the debate. Then again,
they will cheer his every fetid breath, from whichever end it emerges. They will
cheer his every word, however inane, fact-free, or previously non-existent.
“They’re eating the dogs.” DarnOld Trump, September 10, 2024
“Kamala Harris made Trump her bitch.” I. Mangrey, September 11, 2024
As the debate
reached its happy ending, a childless Cat Lady who is well-known to quite a few
eligible voters unequivocally endorsed the Harris/Walz ticket:
Shown holding her cat – Benjamin Button and signed:
“Taylor Swift, Childless Cat Lady”
Unlike Stormy
Daniels, Kamala Harris did not use a copy of Forbes magazine with Trump’s picture on the cover to spank the bad
little boy, but she did figuratively give him the golden shower his so richly
deserved.
After the debate concluded, Deadbeat Don clomped into the Spin Room,
desperate for more attention, and worriedly trying to clean up the latest
soiled diaper (figuratively, and perhaps literally) he foisted upon the public.
The debate
between Kamala Harris and Donald Q. Trump takes place tonight in our nation’s
birthplace, Philadelphia. This will be the first and likely only debate between
the rapey convicted felon and the former prosecutor running to keep him out of
the White House and on track for the big house.
Both candidates have
been busy with debate prep to avoid as much as possible being blindsided by
their opponent. We know that Harris is spending a good deal of time preparing
for Trump’s lies and talking out of his ass instead of answering questions. We know
this because Harris has said as much.
We also know that
DarnOld Trump has been feverishly preparing because he told us he has no need
to prepare. He also made it known that even when he wins the debate bigly,
horrible, fake press will claim that he lost badly. If only.
For their part, most
of the corporate media is busy figuring out how to make Trump the delusional dementia
patient, who is the oldest “person” ever to run for president and cannot
complete either sentence or coherent thought, seem perfectly normal and in no
way completely unfit or too mentally unstable (not to mention owning
34 felony convictions and being a rapey fascist) to hold the nation’s
highest office. It seems they are hell-bent on living up to “the enemy of the
people” epithet that Trump has been tarring them with for so long. Perhaps we
will get lucky this time and they will take the side of the majority of Americans,
instead of trying to sell us a bill of Trumps.
There’s only one way Il Douche can win this
debate*
Unfortunately,
the same rules from the disastrous debate between the felon and Joe Biden
remain in place. Microphones will be muted when the person – or Trump – is not speaking, and the “moderators” will
remain worthless figureheads figurines, posing inane questions and ignoring the
inevitable tsunami of lies and non-sequitur word
salads gushing from Trump’s face sphincter.
Turn on, tune in, stand by
We are
looking forward to Vice President Harris (unfortunately, only figuratively)
kicking Trump’s balls all over the debase stage.
____________________________________________ *And he won't lose any votes. We’d better hope there is a metal detector on site. We know there won’t
be a Mental
Detector™, or they would not allow Trump to enter the venue.
