Broken News – What A Bunch Of Bullet

Questions, Questions, Questions, Plaguing The Minds Of Today’s Youth

July 17, 2024

Many people like failed Trump-veep wannabe Tim Scott - in his convention screech that made Kimberly Gilfoyle cringe - have been praising God for sparing the singularly unholy life of Donald Trump from what appeared to be an assassination attempt in the great state (commonwealth, actually) of Pennsylvania. Many other people, likely many more than those in the previous camp, are saying this proves there is no God. To each her own I suppose.

The widow of the actual Trump-related fatality was not contacted by Trump and refused to take a call from actual human, and current president Joe Biden who hoped to convey the condolences of a traumatized nation.

Was That Ketchup?

Just for the record, and despite continued misleading statements in the media, Trump was not shot in the ear. He was struck (somehow) in the ear by a piece of his teleprompter. That is, unless he was wounded by Arlen Specter's magic bullet - the one that killed JFK, danced around inside Texas Gov. John Connally and the limo for a while before passing through Connally’s wrist.

There have been no reports regarding the extent of Trump’s extremely minor injury. All we know is his ear is now in a secret, undisclosed location, though the crack forensics team here at Paying Attention™, while scrutinizing photographic evidence, have come to the conclusion that the injury looks like a very bad paper cut. Maybe someday the public will be honored with some sort of truthful accounting of the situation. We’re not holding our breath. Let’s be clear though, the blood that is not on Trump's ear is on his hands. He has been begging for and inciting violence for nearly a decade now.

Say What?

It is also entirely possible that the shooter was radicalized by now-Trump running mate J.D. Vance who in 2022 posited that Trump might be “America's Hitler.” (actual quote) As we learn more about Mr. Vance, it becomes clear that he now sees that as a complement.

A few words from Keith Olbermann

On my TV, many talking heads keep asking how the Secret Service allowed a 20-year-old, registered Republican (their word, not mine), White male* armed with an assault rifle to reach the isolated high ground with a clear line of sight, that enabled him to fire off half a dozen shots allegedly aimed at Trump. Why didn’t the authorities have that well-known weak spot in the security net occupied themselves? Maybe instead of asking how the attempt was allowed to manifest, people should be asking why. It's not me saying this, I'm just asking questions.

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*Who according to neighbors, had Trump signs on the front lawn of the house he lived in.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled nervous breakdown.