Words For The Wise

I Have The Best Words

July 20, 2024

Michelle Obama famously liked to say, “When they go low, we go high.” No disrespect to one of our greatest first ladies, a bright, strong and wonderful woman, but her lofty, optimistic motto simply cannot cope with our dystopian present. They went low, we went high, they just went lower. And there is obviously no low lower than which they will not go.

Sorry Mrs. Former First Lady, but it's time to change the narrative. When they go low, we gently kick them in the fucking head until they stop. Naturally, this is meant figuratively...that is, until they pull another Jan 6. There was nothing figurative about that attempted coup. And they are preparing to do it again when Trump gets thumped in November. We can no longer come to the gun fight with Silly Putty.

Speaking of old slogans whose time has passed, who among us is not morbidly sick of the plagiarized, palliative incessantly flung like verbal feces from the mouths of boobs like Donald Trump and his cult of reptilian cretins

Make America Great Again

The whole point of this stale, uncreative, backward-looking phrase is to make weak-minded, frightened white people pine for a mostly mythical past. What is not mythical about that past is women were powerless, racism was the order of the day, and ignorance was a virtue. Sounds pretty great, no? NO! Get that shit outta here.

The Biden campaign should emphasize the future and adopt the following slogan, which I will gladly gift to them.

Besides being a catchy, brilliant slogan,* it has the added benefit of pissing Convicted Felon Donald Trump off so badly, his “hair” might burst into flames:

Hey, it could happen. Trump’s head is basically a Superfund Site

Also, the Biden team should begin running ads with video of Trump literally saying to a gathering of his intellectually vacant horde, “I don’t care about you. I just want your vote. I don’t’ care.” Video of this incredible utterance should begin running on a loop. While Trump has already proven this a thousand times over, his cult mostly remains resolute in their support and their masochism. However, despite any claims that Trump was merely joking – you know, like when he wanted to nuke a hurricane, or have the American public drink disinfectant after he personally let COVID-19 rum rampant, needlessly killing tens of thousands of Americans – some may take this to heart and stop voting for this fuckwitted shitbag.

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*It’s not me saying this. Many people are saying this. People come up to me on the street every day; big strong men, with tears in their eyes, hugging me, kissing the hem of my garment, and saying “Sir, that is quite simply the most brilliant campaign slogan anyone has ever heard, sir.”

I. Mangrey reporting.