Noem Fries

Bye, Bye Murdery

March 6, 2026

Trump has fired Kristi Noem, who faithfully carried out Trump’s campaign of terror and murder on the streets of America. Before getting fired, she was fried and fricasseed by a parade of Dems on the House Judiciary Committee. She was not fired because agents from her department executed Renee Nicole Good and Alex Pretti, or because she called these two completely innocent American citizens “domestic terrorists” after they were killed. 

It is possible that Noem was removed because (probably among many other things) she lied under oath about Trump approving a $200M ad campaign featuring and promoting herself, OR, because she told the truth about Trump approving the ads and Trump threw her under the bus by lying that he did not approve the expenses. Also, Noem was too often pulling the cameras away from Der Leader. Lucky for Cricket...I mean Kristi, Trump didn't have her taken out to the gravel pit and shot.

The Best And The Blightest 

Noem will be replaced by someone, if this is actually possible, though clearly it seems to be, considerably dumber, yet equally devoid of any pertinent experience other than a seemingly endless supply of Trump ass-kissing. That special someone is Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-OK). Mullin talks as though he has served in the military; he never did. Before soiling the halls of Congress he was a plumber and a mixed martial arts fighter. Mullin challenged Teamsters president Sean O’Brien to fight during a 2023 Senate hearing. Mullin literally popped up out of his seat, believing he had the legal right to assault the witness. The senator has of late been battling with the likes of John Kennedy, Tommy Tuberville, Ron Johnson and Lindsey Graham for dumbest fuck in the United States Senate.

Mullin – squinting because absolutely everything is too bright for him

Presumably, based on the giddy excitement Dumb Donald experienced at receiving the completely made-up-just-for-him FIFA Peace Prize, just weeks before starting World War III – the ultimate in FIFA peace prizing, or what FIFA denizens might refer to as an ‘own goal’ – Donald made up a whole new department for Noem to head up so both of them can paint this as a promotion, as opposed to the unmitigated failure Noem has been. And no, this new, imaginary position is not National Dog Catcher/Killer. It is something called Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas. Whatever. The. Fuck. That. Is.

Rep. Jared Moskowitz*

As Rep. Jared Moskowitz (D-FL) explained, Kristi Noem, who Moskowitz described as the worst secretary of Homeland Security since its inception after 9/11, “literally took the president’s core issue on immigration, which he was polling at sixty percent in September, and got that down to thirty-nine percent. She exceeded all expectations on doing that by having two Americans shot, one in the face and one in the back under her leadership.” Moskowitz went on describing how Noem has destroyed FEMA and perpetrated untold corruption during her tenure.

Surely, Mullin can bring that thirty-nine percent down to single digits in no time.  

Mullin, during a recent press gaggle outside the Capitol, referred to Trump’s war in Iran as a “war”. He insisted it was others, not he, who called it a war. A reporter immediately reminded – or more likely made Mullin aware for the first time – that he had just referred to the war as a “war”. Mullin said it must have been “a misspoke”.

I rest my case.

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*Cricket was Noem’s dog that she bragged about shooting to death for being a dog.
 

I. Mangrey reporting. You're probably wondering why I'm here.