Making (Up) Money
May 25, 2025
This
is your lucky day.
Get
in on the ground floor. A special offer for you, the loyal Paying Attention™ sucker
reader. As much as we value our unimpeachable integrity, times are tight and we
gotta do what we gotta do to survive. Any day now we will start running out of
precious commodities like toilet paper, Spam, string cheese, and everything
made in China (which is just about everything). The prices of the few things that
remain available are predicted to skyrocket. Also, the supply chain is poised
to be disrupted, leaving us with, if I may coin a phrase, grocery store shelves
resembling the COVID Times.
But
this is about us, not you. And we need your money. And we need it more than you
do because we are us and you are not. Not that we don’t appreciate you, just
that we would appreciate you all the more if you would stop being so selfish
and find it in your wallets to get in on this great deal.
On
the heels of President Hungry Hippo-crit’s
Give-Me-A-Million-Bucks-And-Then-Come-To-My-Gold-Plated-Roach-Motel-To-Lick-My-Balls
gala at Mor-on-Lago, it is clear that something has to change here at Paying
Attention™.
A
recent article in Rolling Stone reported that the main regret (other than not
completely destroying democracy) of his first term was that “he was wrong to
leave a ton of money on the table as president.” Don felt bad about on occasion
being persuaded “to side with government ethicists who cautioned him from
obliterating the line between public good and private gain.”
Clearly,
this convicted felon is not going to make this same mistake twice, as evidenced
by is billion-dollar-suck-up-bash, attended by those who bought the largest
quantity of Don’s personal griftcoin. The mostly anonymous – some in masks –
attendees were mostly foreign money…I mean people, looking to own a majority
share in Trump – not the coin, but the president – is all the proof we need of that – not to
mention the literally countless other examples of
all-the-proof-we-need-of-that.
Don’s
spokesmodel claimed that her boss was doing his private money-making during his
time as a private citizen, and not in his “capacity” as “president”. Unlike
most, well, all, private citizens this pile of poop in a suit spoke to his
adoring psychophants, in what critics called “an orgy of corruption” from
behind the presidential seal. All of the $394 million of blood-money raised
went right into Trump’s undeserving pockets.
Well
friends, the team at Paying Attention™ is not going to make the mistake that
#45 made. We are prepared to do whatever it takes to cash in while there’s
still something left over after Il Douche rakes the rest of it in.
Fuck
Dogecoin, which has fElon MusKKK’s stench all over it. Fuck Shitcoin or Trumpcoin
or whatever the fuck Don is calling his own private non-existent fake money
product. And so what if this fantasy
financial free-for-all is already a massive accelerator of climate crisis.
Announcing
the Paying Attention™’s new big, beautiful griftocurrency BITCHCOIN.
Yes,
we are jumping into the fake money market. If it’s good enough for the
president of the United States, who during his first attempt at destroying this
nation said of cryptocurrency, “Bitcoin, it just seems like a scam. I don't
like it because it's another currency competing against the dollar. It’s
potentially a disaster waiting to happen. They may be fake. Who knows what they
are? I think it’s a very dangerous thing.” Now that Donny Dollar is himself
competing against the American dollar, cryptocurrency is apparently just fine.
This could be me!
So
why should good people like us…well me, get left out in the fake money cold?
Sure, griftocurrency doesn’t actually exist in the real world, but the real
world is now a figment of the imaginations of Baby Boomers. But just because
BITCHCOIN doesn’t exist doesn’t mean you can’t drop a few hundred, thousand, or
even a million real bucks into the market. We practically guarantee that you
will make double, triple or maybe even 1000 times your money back.*
Get
yours now, while non-existent supplies last. You don’t want to be without
toilet paper and BITCHCOIN. Well, do ya punk?
____________________________________________-
*Eventually. There’s no actual timeframe, and
you could just as easily (probably more likely) lose every penny when the fake
market self-destructs, but don’t fret because your loss is our gain. Pretty
cool, right?
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
