From The Swift Completion Of Their Pointed Heads
Everywhere, USA
February 15, 2013
The United States Postal Service was explicitly authorized by
the Constitution probably because it democratized the ability of all citizens
to send and receive messages regardless of economic status or geographic
circumstances while ensuring the privacy of said correspondence. Like
everything else in those days it didn’t do much for blacks or Indians but, hey
nobody’s perfect. Benjamin Franklin was America’s first Postmaster General, a
post which became a cabinet-level position in 1792. I like Ben. Maybe that’s
why I like the Postal Service so much.
Personally I think our postal service is one of the most
amazing things going, especially now that even blacks and Indians can use it.
You can send a letter anywhere in the United States for under fifty cents - not
that anyone does, but you could if you wanted to. You can send packages
anywhere in the States for a very reasonable price and they deliver anything
you want right to your door. Sure they do what they do because the Constitution
mandates it, but I’m pretty sure no private concern will ever perform like the
USPS. They would simply tell people who live in inconvenient locales to take a hike…literally
- these people will have to take a hike to get to a place convenient to
whatever greed-based-corporate-blood-sucker oozes in to replace the USPS - to
get their mail if we lose our current delivery system.
USPS couldn’t do anything without asking Congress until 2006.
They couldn’t change the price of stamps, their hours of operation, close post
offices in poorly accessible rural areas or stop delivering mail because of
snow, rain, heat or gloom of night or because it’s Saturday, without Congress
saying so.
Like so many other things in America and throughout the
world, the USPS was put on a path-to-destruction, i.e. privatization during the
George W. Bush outbreak whose Republican’t majority congress caused USPS to
fund its pension seventy-five years into the future. No other business, public
or private has to do anything even vaguely resembling this. No business could
stay afloat under such conditions and strangely enough, the USPS keeps losing
money. Thanks to this misanthropy the USPS is currently $20 billion in debt
instead of having a $1.2 billion surplus, which it would have had if the
deranged Republican’t law hadn’t been passed. Yet the USPS is entirely
self-funded and takes no tax money to operate.
Truth be told, many hugely profitable private businesses
simply trashed their workers’ pensions in the past decade or so, and the only
ones who lost any sleep over it were those very workers. Speaking of workers,
the USPS is one of the largest employers in the country and eliminating
Saturday delivery will eliminate at least 25,000 jobs. The Republican’t
congress in 2006, with no complaint from George W, made the Postal Service live
under impossible conditions while the “president” and his know-nothing congress
put two wars – one of which was illegal – on the nation’s credit card for eight
years and made the country go broke. This asshat wasn’t willing or able to fund
the actions he was taking while he was taking them but he thought it would be
okay to make the Post Office fund pensions for three-quarters-of-a-century.
I think it says something about Americans that so many will
fight tooth and nail for their guns, claiming it’s important to honor the
Constitution, technically only a small section of one Amendment, but throwing a
Constitutionally created and sanctioned, totally awesome and totally
job-creating US Postal Service under the bus - no biggie.
Never content with merely destroying just one time-honored
institution that makes life easier for every American, Tea Brains are pushing
Congress to vote against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act, claiming
it provides too much protection for women. Ya gotta love these big palookas, at
least they say what’s up their asses on their minds. Do any of these
geniuses have wives or girlfriends? If they were legitimate public servants
we’d have a way of shutting their whole thing down. Republican’t State of the
Union rebutter, Marco Rubio voted against reauthorizing VAWA just hours before
delivering his State of the Useless tirade. Please continue Senator.
Lastly, Barack Obama just got one of the most powerful
endorsements for his new cabinet picks he could ever hope for - Dick Cheney. Yes,
Dick Cheney, the man who shot his friend in the face, mistaking him for a
flightless bird, and stole a dead girl’s heart, emerged from his death bed to
spew more bile into the air whose oxygen and nitrogen (and minute amounts of
other gases) he continues to consume and violate for no discernible useful
purpose. Cheney is dead-set against all of Obama’s picks, one can only assume
on grounds that they are not sufficiently filled with greed and loathing.
The Least Popular Political Figure in America (perhaps in
all of American history), Cheney knows quality when he sees it. After all,
following an exhaustive search of his entire bathroom he finally found the
running mate George W. Bush sent him to unearth. Nobody could have anticipated
that person would be right there in Cheney’s mirror. Even more surprising, who
could have guessed that Cheney had a reflection? And speaking of high-quality
appointments, Cheney had the good fortune to serve with the great Donald
Rumsfeld, the unforgettable Secretary of Defense - the job Chuck Hagel wants -
and the ever-misunderestimated Condoleezza Rice as Secretary of State - John
Kerry’s new job. In a recent interview Cheney rattled off answers to a series
of questions, but when asked what his main fault was he paused and looked down
at what I assume was the gun in his lap, finally answering, "my main fault. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my
faults, I guess, would be the answer." Guess again you lying, murderous
reptile.
Needless to say, Cheney’s latest caterwaul was not greeted
as liberating. I think he is in the last throes, if you will, of his
insurgency.
I. Mangrey reporting.
Thanks for listening. Responsible disdain for Cheney invited.
Thanks for listening. Responsible disdain for Cheney invited.
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