Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Punk, The Godfather and A Bumbling Bush

White Gets In Your Eyes

Around the World and into your face
March 16, 2013
Well, there was white smoke at The Vatican, but all we’ve got in Washington, D(ou)C(he) is a White Schmuck, by the name of Paul Ryan. The 2012 losing VP candidate has unleashed his “new” “budget” proposal on an incredibly underwhelmed public. Though it’s not completely white - he did manage to string together a few words, but of course there are no numbers - there’s plenty of smoke and more than a modicum of mirrors in Ryan’s “latest” façade of a budget. It's just a repackaged version of the budget the dress-and-lipstickless version of Sarah Palin waved around during the catastrophic Romney/Ryan campaign to ru(i)n America. America despised his budget last fall and they will continue to loathe it now. The Great White Poop continues to channel the right wing's most beloved psychopath Ayn Rand's hatred of everyone making less than $250K a year, and combined her inimitable charm with the unwavering resoluteness of persona non grata George W. Bush. Can you say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED?
At least Ryan is consistent. He persists in holding to his vicious principals (except when he denounced his biggest political influence, Ayn Rand, during the 2012 campaign), the centerpiece of which is, of course, repealing Obamacare despite the fact that a large majority of the American people just thumbed their collective nose at his Randian rubbish, preferring a foreign-born, America-hating, not-entirely-white, secret Muslim to the Tea Party Darling and his anti-47% running mate. Our dashing young dipshit also seems to have missed the news that the ultra-conservative Supreme Court pronounced Obamacare legal.
Ryan also continues his crusade to kill Medicare and Medicaid, and I quote “...because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.” Most people assume this was merely a Freudian slip, but as we saw with this man who clearly pays more attention to his body than his brain, and his human-etch-a-sketch running mate, they don't like most Americans and they certainly don't like the government helping those making under $250K/yr. The feeling is mutual.
"Ayn Rand wouldn't kick me out of bed."
I'm sure Ryan feels right at home with the Republican'ts in the House of "Representatives" who just unanimously voted down any increase in the minimum wage. Republican'ts, who only remain a majority in the House because of very creative and extraordinarily cynical redistricting, insist that allowing workers to afford food, clothing and shelter all at the same time would increase unemployment when what they're really angry about is that unemployment is steadily declining under our re-elected Kenyan/Muslim/Marxist/socialist president. Hey Boehner, is that a gun barrel in your mouth or are you just glad to see me?
"If I don't get a drink soon, I'm gonna gavel myself to death."
 
In related white smoke - or at least white - news, Antonin Scalia has taken the other eight Supreme Court justices hostage claiming that the new Pope was not properly elected. In a crayon-written note thrown at an anxious S.W.A.T. team stationed outside the Court, Scalia charged, “Once you give a small unelected group the unchallenged power to elect their chosen one to a very prestigious office it’s very hard to change the rules. Just like allowing nig black people to vote without any restrictions, as a form of racial entitlement, your country, or church or what-have-you is doomed. We cannot allow this pro-working-class archbishop, though in his defense he is virulently anti-gay, to take over the Vatican. Especially since there is a perfectly viable Pope emeritus still lurking nearby." Scalia told the press that he will not release his colleagues until he, and he alone, is given the power to name the next Pope or until Clarence Thomas says something intelligent during oral arguments. "Hey I was the guy who named our 43rd president and he did a heck of a job. I'm the guy who understands the Founding Fathers' original intent and it so happens that I also know who Jesus' original intent. All I want is to appoint one damn Pope. And then I can go back to beating down the poor, the blacks, the gays, women and everyone making under $250K a year."
In even more news of the criminally dim and repugnant, Jeb Bush, apparently determined to out flip-flop Willard Romney as he kicks off his 2016 presidential campaign, “My guess is that history will be kind to my brother, the further out you get from this and the more people compare his tenure to what’s going on now. I think history will be kind to George W. Bush.” * The younger Bush continued, "I'm proud to be the son and brother of presidents of the United States. Not many people can say that, and probably nobody would admit it under the current circumstances, but what the hey, at least none of us is my brother Neil or my other brother Marvin, both of whom are felons more or less. In any event, my name is Jeb Washington and I approve this message." **
Which one is the drunk and which one is just Bush being Bush?
 
Stay tuned to this channel for further news of the hapless, helpless, hopeless and horrifying.
*actual quote
**actual fake quote 

I. Mangrey reporting.
Thanks for listening. Reprehensible comment invited.

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