Words For The Wise

I Have The Best Words

July 20, 2024

Michelle Obama famously liked to say, “When they go low, we go high.” No disrespect to one of our greatest first ladies, a bright, strong and wonderful woman, but her lofty, optimistic motto simply cannot cope with our dystopian present. They went low, we went high, they just went lower. And there is obviously no low lower than which they will not go.

Sorry Mrs. Former First Lady, but it's time to change the narrative. When they go low, we gently kick them in the fucking head until they stop. Naturally, this is meant figuratively...that is, until they pull another Jan 6. There was nothing figurative about that attempted coup. And they are preparing to do it again when Trump gets thumped in November. We can no longer come to the gun fight with Silly Putty.

Speaking of old slogans whose time has passed, who among us is not morbidly sick of the plagiarized, palliative incessantly flung like verbal feces from the mouths of boobs like Donald Trump and his cult of reptilian cretins

Make America Great Again

The whole point of this stale, uncreative, backward-looking phrase is to make weak-minded, frightened white people pine for a mostly mythical past. What is not mythical about that past is women were powerless, racism was the order of the day, and ignorance was a virtue. Sounds pretty great, no? NO! Get that shit outta here.

The Biden campaign should emphasize the future and adopt the following slogan, which I will gladly gift to them.

Besides being a catchy, brilliant slogan,* it has the added benefit of pissing Convicted Felon Donald Trump off so badly, his “hair” might burst into flames:

Hey, it could happen. Trump’s head is basically a Superfund Site

Also, the Biden team should begin running ads with video of Trump literally saying to a gathering of his intellectually vacant horde, “I don’t care about you. I just want your vote. I don’t’ care.” Video of this incredible utterance should begin running on a loop. While Trump has already proven this a thousand times over, his cult mostly remains resolute in their support and their masochism. However, despite any claims that Trump was merely joking – you know, like when he wanted to nuke a hurricane, or have the American public drink disinfectant after he personally let COVID-19 rum rampant, needlessly killing tens of thousands of Americans – some may take this to heart and stop voting for this fuckwitted shitbag.

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*It’s not me saying this. Many people are saying this. People come up to me on the street every day; big strong men, with tears in their eyes, hugging me, kissing the hem of my garment, and saying “Sir, that is quite simply the most brilliant campaign slogan anyone has ever heard, sir.”

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thought For The Evening – Hair Today, Gun Tomorrow

Sharper Than A Speeding Bullet

July 19, 2024

Trump has his ear redacted is because it turns out that when the bullet whizzed by his head it caused his plasticized “hair” to cut his ear. Not a bullet wound. Not a shard of something. Not a paper cut. A “hair” cut.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Evening.

Thought For The Day – Unconventional Unthinking

The Assholes Formerly Known As Republicans

July 19, 2024

The F/TNC (Fascist/Trump National Convention) is happening, despite all logic, just days after an attempted assassination of the party’s presumptive dictator…I mean, candidate. It is difficult to imagine a larger quantity of dim bulbs. One would be excused for mistaking the entire hall for a giant box of hammers.

This gaggle of anti-government goons is poised to formally nominate demented, deranged, disgraced, twice-impeached, 34-count-convicted felon, rapist and failed insurrection leader as their nominee. USA! USA!

The presumptive nominee entered with the most conspicuous, what appears to be bulletproof shield over the tiny wound he sustained when another radical right-wing nutjob tried to blow a hole in Trump’s empty cranium, but only managed to kill one and critically wound two fellow felon supporters. You know that under any other circumstances the morbidly vain Don would want the bandage to be invisible – remember, this is the same guy who refused to wear a COVID mask because he didn’t like the way it looked.

Trump did not get one of Musk's trucks,
but he is getting $180M of Elon's dollars

Now Trump looks like they strapped one of Elon Musk’s oft-recalled Cybertrucks over what is basically a paper cut on his ear.* Perhaps most surprising, Trump’s newly announced VP pick – the former Trump hater (who called Trump “America’s Hitler” among other choice things) J.D. Vance – was not also sporting a similar over-sized ear cast, but many other attendees were proudly showing off their stupid by encasing their own ears is some kind of bandage-esque blob. You might remember that these are the same people who, like their brainless leader, threw perpetual hissy-fits over wearing masks to minimize the spread of a very deadly, highly contagious virus. You might remember, but they do not.

Tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms

The otherwise long-invisible Melania Trump did manage to crawl out from under her rock to provide proof-of-life by making an appearance alongside her cheating felon of a husband. Melania was MIA throughout the Stormy Daniels trial and generally refuses to be seen in public with our without the alleged father of her child. We have not been able to verify the exact monetary compensation she was given for this very rare public appearance.

Meanwhile, in Floridaland, Trump-appointed ersatz judge Aileen Cannon has finally attempted to assassinate the otherwise slam-dunk stolen classified documents case against the caught-red-handed classified document thief. Citing the anti-democratic, fringe opinion of Hitler fanboy Harlan Crow’s wholly owned Supreme Court destroyer Clarence Thomas, Cannon decided that the office of Special Prosecutor suddenly did not exist.

Completely legitimate Special Prosecutor Jack Smith is insisting to differ (Smith don’t beg), appealing this absurd ruling from one of the most incompetent, laughable members of the federal judiciary.

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*There remains no proof whatsoever that any bullet made contact with the MAGA Martyr’s ear. None. Zero. Not even a fake report claiming such.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

Picture Of The Day

Not A Thousand Words, But Worth It   

July 18, 2024

I’m really tired of riding around in this handbasket and I’m a bit worried about where it’s heading

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Picture Of The Day.

Broken News – What A Bunch Of Bullet

Questions, Questions, Questions, Plaguing The Minds Of Today’s Youth

July 17, 2024

Many people like failed Trump-veep wannabe Tim Scott - in his convention screech that made Kimberly Gilfoyle cringe - have been praising God for sparing the singularly unholy life of Donald Trump from what appeared to be an assassination attempt in the great state (commonwealth, actually) of Pennsylvania. Many other people, likely many more than those in the previous camp, are saying this proves there is no God. To each her own I suppose.

The widow of the actual Trump-related fatality was not contacted by Trump and refused to take a call from actual human, and current president Joe Biden who hoped to convey the condolences of a traumatized nation.

Was That Ketchup?

Just for the record, and despite continued misleading statements in the media, Trump was not shot in the ear. He was struck (somehow) in the ear by a piece of his teleprompter. That is, unless he was wounded by Arlen Specter's magic bullet - the one that killed JFK, danced around inside Texas Gov. John Connally and the limo for a while before passing through Connally’s wrist.

There have been no reports regarding the extent of Trump’s extremely minor injury. All we know is his ear is now in a secret, undisclosed location, though the crack forensics team here at Paying Attention™, while scrutinizing photographic evidence, have come to the conclusion that the injury looks like a very bad paper cut. Maybe someday the public will be honored with some sort of truthful accounting of the situation. We’re not holding our breath. Let’s be clear though, the blood that is not on Trump's ear is on his hands. He has been begging for and inciting violence for nearly a decade now.

Say What?

It is also entirely possible that the shooter was radicalized by now-Trump running mate J.D. Vance who in 2022 posited that Trump might be “America's Hitler.” (actual quote) As we learn more about Mr. Vance, it becomes clear that he now sees that as a complement.

A few words from Keith Olbermann

On my TV, many talking heads keep asking how the Secret Service allowed a 20-year-old, registered Republican (their word, not mine), White male* armed with an assault rifle to reach the isolated high ground with a clear line of sight, that enabled him to fire off half a dozen shots allegedly aimed at Trump. Why didn’t the authorities have that well-known weak spot in the security net occupied themselves? Maybe instead of asking how the attempt was allowed to manifest, people should be asking why. It's not me saying this, I'm just asking questions.

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*Who according to neighbors, had Trump signs on the front lawn of the house he lived in.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled nervous breakdown.

Paying Attention™ Secret Word

Say The Secret Word And Win The Election

July 16, 2024

Several years ago – for obvious reasons – the good folks here at Paying Attention™ bejeweled the marketplace with a groundbreaking product, which has saved countless hearts, minds and probably lives in the face of the devastating Trump presidency. You have likely made it a staple in your medicine cabinet during these trying times. It is the one, the only Rent-A-Coma.

Americans have a special ability to be intellectually comatose amnesiacs. The memory duration of the average American can only be measured by specialized equipment typically used by quantum physicists who measure minute timespans of subatomic particles.

The latest mouth-monkey to flog the Biden “Debate” Debacle was NBC’s Lester Holt, who taking a urine-stained page out of George Stephanopoulos’s disgrace-drenched “interview” with Joe Biden, again spent an inordinate amount of time rehashing the otherwise long-forgotten episode. Biden smacked the ex-journalist around, once again trying to put the past in the past.

Too many Democrats are also piling on and clutching pearls. There’s no easy way to knock sense into the media, but if all these whining, wimpy Democrats would just shut the fuck up about Biden’s admittedly horrible one-night-fall, Americans would have no choice, based on their genetic makeup, but to forget about it. Stop fucking reminding everyone about it every fucking day and get behind the guy who beat Trump like an artificially red-headed (some nauseating shade of orange actually) stepchild. That is Joseph R. Biden. 

The idea of trying to leap onto a new horse at full gallop so near the end of an election cycle is likely to result in serious injury and the end of democracy in America. And you can bet there won’t be enough Rent-A-Coma to get any of us through the nuclear political winter Trump will bring down our heads.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret Word.

Thought For The Day – Aw Shoot

Cloudy With A Chance Of Showers…Of Bullets

July 14, 2024, Late Morning Edition

Rep. Mike Collins (R-GA) – land of Marjorie Taylor Greene

Since a number of Ratpublican lawmakers and other Trump fellow travelers immediately began blaming either Joe Biden for putting a hit on Trump, or blaming violent rhetoric from the Biden camp, I guess it’s only fair to posit that this was all done for political theater, or maybe it was someone who believed that Trump wasn’t fascist enough for their taste. Why not run with that until proven otherwise?

Trump veep wannabe J.D. Vance lied with absolutely zero evidence that Biden was to blame for accurately labeling Trump an authoritarian fascist. For the record, the shooter was a registered Ratpublican and Second Amendment fetishist.

This was posted by Trump right before this Bund rally began…

Hmmmm, did Trump know what was going to happen?

Either way, I will now be forever haunted by the sight of Trump being helped to his feet and safely whisked away by the SS.

Obviously, it’s too soon to talk about doing something about assault weapons on our streets and sniper positions, so we won’t go there. And we will absolutely not call Donald Trump a fat pig. Repeat, we will not call Donald Trump a fat pig.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day. 

Thought For The Day – God Hates (Some) Flags

America Is Flagging

le 14 juillet, 2024

Happy Bastille Day. Back in the day, France helped make the victory of the United States in the Revolutionary War possible. Our revolution in turn inspired theirs. But, it was just a week ago that two adversarial left parties put aside their differences and crushed the renegade fascist party in a snap election called by French president Emmanuel Macron after the fascists make an unexpectedly good showing in the first round of national elections. Vive la France!

Back home, in the good old US of A, we are watching the Fascist/Trump Party attempt to lie their way into making this country a dictatorship.

I didn’t want to do this, but I had to fly my beautiful, very powerful distress flag

I had no choice but to do this because one of my neighbors has been displaying a “Death to America” banner. Here’s what it looks like:

Sure, it’s stupidly left over from the election Trump already lost, not the one he’s in the process of losing. Maybe the guy doesn’t know the year number changes every so often, even when things don’t go the way you want.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

UPDATE

Yes we know that Trump was injured last night at one of his Bund rallies, most likely by a wayward bone spur fragment during what appeared to be an assassination attempt – either by a far right extremist angry at Trump for backing away from Project 2025 or by a disgruntled tail wagging a rabid dog. Do the name Timothy McVeigh ring a bell? Anyway, this piece was ready post before whatever happened happened, so that took precedence.

How long before we see t-shirts featuring Trump and his bloodied ear? 

I will only add that I have never been anywhere near Pennsylvania.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Stop Burying The Lede…And Our Democracy

Yeah, Biden’s Old. What’s Your Excuse?

July 13, 2024

With all the incessant convulsing over Joe Biden’s spate of gaffs recently, two things come to mind. One, Biden has forever been known as a “gaff machine.” Two, watching everyone else who parades across my TV screen more closely, it is apparent that everyone drops words, speaks the wrong name, loses their place while reading the teleprompter, etc. So really, WTFF

“I am a gaffe machine, but my God, what a wonderful thing compared to a guy who can't tell the truth.”
                                Joseph R. Biden, 2018

As President Biden (who everyone, I mean everyone, knows beat Trump in 2020 like a badly soiled rug) ended his hour-long, very well-handled press conference Thursday night, easily handling complex questions (that reporters had to read from their own notes) on varied topics with cogent answers, one more question came his way…during overtime. 

Even though the announcement that the presser was over was being made, in true Biden fashion, the president did not walk away, which he could have and should have done. Instead, he fielded the question and scored a TKO with his (uncharacteristically) succinct tranquillizer-dart of an answer

Reporter: Earlier you misspoke, in your opening answer, and referred to Vice President Harris as vice president Trump. Right now [ex-]president Trump is using that to mock your age and your memory. How do you combat that criticism from tonight?”

Biden: (smiling) Listen to him.

If Joe had been holding the mic, he would have righteously dropped it and then crushed it under his heel like the glass at the conclusion of a Jewish wedding.

Trump could not have answered one of the questions Biden parried with anything even resembling facts or useful information. Trump would not have handled an overtime question with even a shred of aplomb, certainly not without go racist, misogynist, fascist or just plain fucking asshole. And probably all of that.

If you want to know what a deteriorating old man in rapid mental decline looks/sounds/smells like, just take Joe Biden’s advice. Trump’s gaffs and pure, unrivalled ignorance and stupidity are incalculable. Not to mention the blatant, unrelenting lies and stories of Hannibal Lecter and getting electrocuted in order to avoid being eaten by a shark.

All the presumably well-meaning democrats and others who are incessantly calling for one of the most accomplished presidents in our nation’s history are really not doing anyone any favors. I understand the concerns. Everything is on the line. Everything. 

This would not be just changing horses in mid-stream. This would be changing from a horse to a unicorn. Naturally, Biden cannot win if his allies keep screaming that he cannot win. So, who the fuck can win? No one knows. No one. That’s no joke. Biden has already done it once, and if everyone would just get behind him up instead kicking him in the nuts every five minutes, he just might save our sorry asses. I, like many if not most Americans don’t care if Biden is in perfect shape, braindead or totally dead or anything else. All I need to know is he is not Donald Fascist Fucking Trump.

Better than Trump no matter what

Donald Trump: Not Your Average Joke

I am no political expert, never worked on any campaigns, but I do have a suggestion. Why doesn’t everyone who is so busy beating up on old man Biden spend their time reminding everyone that

     Trump is virtually the same age
     Trump is the one who repeatedly fell asleep in public (at his trial)
     Trump misspeaks every 30 seconds
     Trump is infinitely more cognitively damaged
     Trump was found liable for sexual assault
     Trump was indicted for election interference in Georgia
     Trump was indicted for his role in the January 6 attempted coup
     Trump is a 34-time convicted felon
     Trump proudly helped overturn Roe v. Wade
     Trump incited an insurrection/attempted coup
     Trump said he wanted to “terminate the Constitution”
     Trump stole classified documents
     Trump is vehicle for the Christo-fascist Project 2025
      Trump fawns over dictators and thinks democracy is for losers

Plenty more where that came from.

Compare that with Joe Biden’s record. Remind people of all of this at every opportunity. Leave Joe alone!

I. Mangrey reporting. How’s my driving?