Minority Opinion

Frack You

Deep In The (Artificial) Heart of Texas

February 23, 2014

It’s not like I think they shouldn’t be allowed to marry or have basic human rights or anything like that, but I have to admit there is a minority group that really gets my dander up. I know, tolerance and acceptance and respect should be afforded every minority, no matter how small or how much they might annoy me. But these guys, and they are mostly guys, white guys in fact, just don’t make me feel socially conscious. Their behavior shows utter disrespect for the Bible and the teachings of Jesus. Yet they callously flaunt their flamboyant lifestyles and demean anyone who doesn’t belong to their group. They continually demand more and more of what they want and unendingly disregard the needs and feelings of others who don't live like they do. 

Hopefully you know what ‘fracking’ is. Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, involves the introduction of water, mixed with sand and highly toxic chemicals, into sub-surface rock. The deadly mixture is injected into the ground at very high pressure to facilitate the removal of more toxic substances for the purpose of burning to suit our massive energy needs and to facilitate the end of human life on this planet.

Of course there’s big money to be made by the already-too-rich-to-care by the socially irresponsible, environmentally fatal, wanton extraction of the finite resources we know we should stop using. But it’s always difficult talking sense to an addict. Maybe you have heard of or seen some of the results of fracking: the insane waste of water to squeeze out a few gallons of oil or natural gas, the carcinogenic chemicals released into the environment causing cancer, infertility and birth defects, the exponential increase in earthquakes, people holding lighters to the water coming from their taps and watching the water burst into flame. It probably hasn’t happened to you…yet.

This very special minority doesn’t want to ever have to experience such inconveniences first-hand. Just like they would never let their sons and daughters fight the wars they insist our country fights, they don’t want this fracking happening where they can see it. These are the 1%. Take, for example, Tea Party overlord and self-serving simp Dick Armey. This Dick is the lead plaintiff in a lawsuit against allowing a water tower meant to supply water for fracking, which he and his co-plaintiff’s all support with the utmost vigor and greed. They just don’t support doing it anywhere near them. 

The suit has been joined by Exxon Mobile CEO Rex Tillerson. The plaintiffs contend that the project would create "a noise nuisance and traffic hazards." Noise Nuisance and traffic hazards as we all know are very bothersome and obvious whereas silly things like cancer, birth defects and infertility could take years before they happen to anyone and are very hard to prove scientifically. That is, assuming one believes in science for anything other than extracting, selling and burning fossil fuels. The site of the proposed 15-story tower is adjacent to Tillerson's 83-acre horse ranch and not far from an 18-acre homestead. What if he found the noise bothersome? What if a traffic hazard caused his Bentley to be scratched? Wouldn’t that be just too terrible? How could we live with ourselves if such a dreadful thing occurred?

So yes, I admit that I harbor ill will toward these upstanding job creators. Without them how would we manage to sustain so much abject poverty? How would we eradicate the Middle Class? Who would carry on the important work of trashing the environment? I know I'm being selfish by pointing a finger at them in broad daylight. Maybe I just have an unnatural attachment to the planet I live on.

I say: Let them eat cake…yellow cake…from Niger.

In Other News

The National Science Foundation surveyed more than 2,200 people in the United States and found that 26% think the Sun revolves around the Earth.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible billionaires invited.