The
2016 Republican’t Whores Race
Iowa
Lot
February 6, 2015
As you probably know, Willard Mitt Romney recently
emerged from his mansion, saw his shadow and/or the writing on the wall, and
scurried back into his car elevator, having decided not to run for president
again. Woe is we. I guess we won’t have Mitt Romney to kick around anymore. That
however doesn’t mean that the Republican’ts’ new cavalcade of clowns won’t
delight, amuse and frighten us. To quote John Boehner, “Hell no!”
Live
Free or D’oh
A week before Mitt’s disappearance, Rep. Steven King
hosted the Iowa Freedom Summit for Republican’t 2016 presidential hopefuls. King
insisted that for every child of illegal immigrants “who’s a valedictorian,
there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the
size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the
desert.” This coming from a man with nothing but an over-ripe melon keeping his
ears apart. King is a quote machine: “So we just asked them, under oath, “are
you a vegetarian?” And they confessed they were vegetarians, all of them. Well
there they are with an agenda for our diets…I eat recycled, concentrated,
enhanced vegetables in the form of meat.”
“I didn’t think it’s an irrational comment at all —
I just see it as the situation we’re in.
I have an irrational lust to love the Constitution
and fiscal responsibility and individualism.”
All those with the urge to run, or more likely just
having the runs, were on hand to get out of hand, and show the true
conservatives who is the Bull Goose Loony ready to stop Obama from being a
three-term president. Shhhh, don’t tell them about the term limit thingie, let
them have their fun.
Dr.
Rand “Don’t Vaccinate, Don’t Tell” Paul
Rand
Paul, quoting Bob Einstein, or someone...
In 2009 Rand Paul, having not yet learned how to
properly hide his disdain for things like desegregation, a federal government and
vaccinations said, "The first sort of thing you see
with martial law is mandates, and they’re talking about making it mandatory."
In this instance Paul was referring to vaccines. In late 2014 Paul,
who supported Romney in 2012 weighed in on a third Romney run this way, “When
you do the same thing and expect a different result, it’s sort of what Einstein
said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over
again and expect a different result." Right now I’m trying over and over
to remember just how many times Paul’s father ran for president. I must be
insane.
Dr.
Ben “Think Big, Talk Crazy” Carson
Carson, the first neurosurgeon to separate twins
joined at the head,
can’t
keep his one head together for two minutes.
Dr. Ben Carson, the black Republican’t who isn’t Herman
“Awww Shucky Ducky” Cain, and one of a select few who could give brain surgeons
a bad name, jumped at the chance to take Cain’s seat in the Clown Car. According
to this retired brain surgeon, "You know Obamacare is really, I think, the
worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery." Carson also
told us that Gay marriage caused the downfall of the Roman empire and that Obama
may cancel the 2016 election and declare martial law. Brain surgery may still
loom in Dr. Carson’s future, though this time he won’t be the one holding the
scalpel.
Gov.
Bobby “No-Go Zone” Jindal
Jindal
working his magic on the Gulf Coast.
Louisiana Republican Bobby Jindal says, "If the
Supreme Court were to throw out our law, our [state] constitutional amendment
-- I hope they wouldn't do that -- if they do that, I certainly support Ted
Cruz and others that are talking about making an amendment in the Congress and
D.C., a constitutional amendment to allow states to continue to define
marriage. I think it should be between a man and a woman." Unfortunately
the interviewer didn’t ask Jindal if he felt the same way about slavery.
I’m going to take a break here. I just can’t take any
more at the moment. I imagine you feel the same. I’m going to rest up and then
go out in search of a vaccine to protect my precious bodily fluids from these nut
jobs as they prepare to criss-cross the country bobbing for dollars. I’ll be
back next time with more from Steven King’s Fabulous Freedom Freak Show.
Consider yourselves warned.
I.
Mangrey reporting. All politics is local.
Consider yourselves warned.
Bark!
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