He Actually Did Have Sex With That Woman

General David "Really Did" Petraeus

March 5, 2015

When you think penis problems in politics one man who leaps to mind is Anthony Weiner. Forget about Anthony Weiner, all he did was take pictures of his penis. Stupid? Yes. Endangering national security? No. Wiener is what is commonly referred to as a putz. He really only hurt himself and his wife. Enter David Petraeus, who rose to the rank of four-star general before becoming director of the CIA. Anthony Weiner was just a narcissistic congressman who dreamed of being mayor of New York City. He lost it all because he tweeted pictures of his pecker. Petraeus and his pecker gave away classified information to his mistress. While he was head of the CIA. 

Forget about Edward Snowden, all he did was try to notify the American public of some very questionable behavior by our government. Snowden is what is commonly referred to as a whistle-blower. Whistle-blowers are supposed to have certain protections. Otherwise everyone would just be following orders - and we all know how that tends to play out. 

Just like John Raines, who helped out J. Edgar Hoover's COINTELPRO and Daniel Ellsberg, who outed the Pentagon Papers, Ed Snowden committed an act of patriotism and has spent almost two years in Russia trying to avoid being tried for crimes against the United States under the Espionage Act. The Espionage Act has been invoked sparingly up until Obama came along. Barack Obama has been brutally harsh on whistle-blowers. Worse than George W. Bush - although two of the cases prosecuted under Obama’s watch were inherited from Bush II.  Maybe Obama’s just trying to look tough in the eyes of those hounding him to stop being black and president at the same time. Maybe he’s just a much bigger asshole than we imagine.

Edward Snowden, thinking about coming home

It appears that what David Petraeus did was much closer to treason than it was to whistle-blowing. The Justice Department claims it does not target legitimate whistleblowers who follow the rules, but cannot "sanction or condone federal employees who knowingly and willfully disclose classified information to the media or others not entitled to receive such information." I’m pretty sure the head of the CIA would be considered a federal employee. And I’m pretty sure his mistress was “not entitled to receive such information.” I wonder how the Commander in Chief will respond to such behavior - especially from the many he appointed CIA director. There was very likely some blowing taking place, but I seriously doubt there was a whistle involved in Petraeus’s case.

Snowden’s transgression was exposing crimes committed against the American people by our government...you know, people like General David Petraeus. Petraeus was finally brought down when his mistress, Paula Broadwell, sent threatening e-mails to a woman she feared threatened her affair with the general.

Petraeus and Broadwell in happier times. Such a cute

couple. I’m sure his wife was happy for them.

David Petraeus, after giving what is described as highly classified information to his mistress, is being allowed to cut a deal to avoid going to trial. He is ready to plead guilty to “unauthorized removal and retention of classified material.” In exchange the government won’t oppose his request to avoid prison, but will spank him with a $40,000 fine. He will not have to hide out in Russia.

During his very brief tenure as head of the CIA, Petraeus gave his mistress personal notebooks from his time as commander of coalition forces in Afghanistan, which “collectively contained classified information regarding the identifies of covert officers, war strategy, intelligence capabilities and mechanisms, diplomatic discussions, quotes and deliberative discussions from high-level National Security Council meetings… and discussions with the president of the United States.” According to the court papers the notebooks also contained “national defense information, including top secret…and code word information” - the kind of stuff someone like Edward Snowden would never have access to - clearly super secret stuff. 

You might also find interesting the fact that Petraeus maintained his security clearance after resigning in disgrace from the CIA. He still has it. Did I mention that Edward Snowden is hiding in Russia for leaking stuff that was mostly unclassified? Apparently, even the fact that Petraeus lied to federal investigators from his Langley office and is the defendant in a federal case has not affected his standing in the military community. And those who are outraged are keeping quiet since Petraeus is purported to have enough dirt on enough highly placed individuals to keep him safe in perpetuity. The general has conceded that he misled FBI investigators; Edward Snowden never lied to anyone. Snowden is reportedly considering returning to the U.S. if he can receive a fair trial. Maybe he can get some pointers on dealing with the American justice system from Petraeus. 

I’m sure the Republican’ts will finally abandon their ridiculous Benghazi/Unicorn hunt and turn their attention to this actual travesty. Or not. At least Snowden won an Oscar…sort of.

I. Mangrey reporting. None of this is classified.