Did He Mention He's Very Rich?

Chrump Change

On The Camp Pain Trail

August 28, 2015

I’ve been trying to keep my cool, but The Chrump continues to assault and insult everything beyond the perimeter of that hairloaf atop his pulsating skull. If you’ve been watching, and for your sake I hope you haven’t, you’ll notice that he no longer allows his hairloaf out in public. Since it has a mind of its own (unlike the host beneath it) Chrump developed the hat-look. Just as Rick Perry’s glasses-look, which he hoped would fool people into thinking he was smarter than when they last saw him, The Chrump donned a baseball type cap for two reasons: 1) Like Perry’s new façade, Chrump’s would have us believe he has something in common with actual people, that he is a down-to-earth guy who wears baseball hats and knows what’s good for America and 2) That thing on his head reacts very badly to the outdoors. It has less self control than its host. And it’s a danger to him (I’m okay with that) and the general public. One ill-timed stiff wind in the wrong direction and say good-bye to your children, pets, small cars and who-knows-what-else that might get swept up in its orange-y tentacles.

Hair today, goon tomorrow

Despite what people with IQs think, Chrump is racking up some key endorsements. He’s already bagged Ann Coulter and (Korea’s own hair apparent) Kim Jong-un’s BFF Dennis Rodman. Canada’s favorite Cuban son, Ted Cruz can’t stop drooling over him. And that’s not all. America's most popular neo-Nazi website, the Daily Stormer, has officially announced its support and, as if that’s not good enough, he’s won over famed white supremacist and former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke who described the Republican’t frontrunner as untrustworthy, but the "best of the lot," adding, “I’ve said from the beginning I think his campaign is good in the sense that it’s bringing these issues to a discussion which we have to have in America." Duke also noted that Chrump “has really said some incredibly great things recently. So whatever his motivation, I don’t give a damn. I really like the fact that he’s speaking out on this greatest immediate threat to the American people.”

And just what are some of those incredibly great things Chrump has been saying? Mexicans are criminals and rapists? That seems pretty great. How about when he said more really great things about Mexicans like, "These are tough dudes. If I'm elected, they're going to be out of here day one. We're going to get them the hell out of our country. They're going to be out so fast your head will spin." Just keeps getting better. I’ll bet the former Grand Whiz thought Chrump tweeting, “Jeb Bush is crazy, who cares that he speaks Mexican, this is America, English !!" was really great too. When Chrump was asked what he thought about such incredibly great Americans like the KKK and Nazis supporting him he grunted, “Everybody likes me.” Au contraire mon frère, you can put me in the against column. To his credit Chrump, at great political risk, stated for the record, “I’m not a fan of Hitler.” Who knew?

One of many Chrump piñatas on everyone’s shopping list

Chrump, the preposterous, prevaricating, petulant, prima-Donald who would likely name the country after himself if given half a chance, is practically guaranteeing a Democrat in the White House as he inflicts his uncontrollable ego on the national political scene. He is drawing the worst of the worst out from under rocks better left un-turned-over. Chrump will never climb above 50% of Republican’t voters. Just as he is not willing to promise to support some other nominee, no one else (other than Cruz who invited Chrump to join him in an upcoming rally to bomb Iran) would support him should he win the primary. His numbers are only high because there are so many other knuckleheads running. That and the fact that Republican’ts think this is just a reality show and can’t wait to cast their vote for the next American Idiot Idle.

Most of Chrump’s ideas are illegal and hateful and completely lacking in substance. Though most of the time he’s just lying or talking to hear his own voice. Like when he whines about how Fux News, who kissed his ass until their lips chapped, until they dared ask him provocative questions during the first debate, treats him so badly, “I won in every single poll of the debate, I won. I won from Drudge. I won in Time magazine. I won all the -- everybody thought I won the debate. But I certainly had the worst questions, the most unfair questions. And, you know, I like Fox. I like it, but, no, I think they treat me very poorly.” Like when he told us China is kicking America’s ass just before their economy tanked and caused a not-so-minor earthquake on Wall Street, to which Chrump boasted he told us so. What the chrump? Disgusting Donald just wants to be stroked. But, keep your hands away from that thing on top of his head if you know what’s good for you.

The Chrump From the Black Lagoon

Another Bush Makes Words Happen

Trying desperately not to be out-dumbed, J.E.B. threw his hate in the ring:

J.E.B.: Greater enforcement so that you don’t have these “anchor babies,” as they’re described, coming into the country.

Reporter: Do you think the term “anchor baby” is offensive?

J.E.B. - the smart Bush, whatever that means

J.E.B.: No, no...I...if there’s another term I can come up with, I’m happy to hear it...Here’s the deal, what I said was it’s commonly referred to that, that’s what I said, I didn’t use it as my own language." He may have added, “That was not my mouth I was using when I said that, it.” I made up the last little bit, but what the hell difference does it really make at this point?

I. Mangrey. Paying dearly for paying attention.