Finally, There’s A Pill For That

April 27, 2021

LIAGRA

Arizona Ratpublicans have hired Cyber Ninjas – a hyper-partisan, pro-Turmp, conspiracy-theory-obsessed company to carry out, in complete secrecy, what Arizona Ratpublicans are calling a fourth audit of the votes in Maricopa Country. The first three, legitimate audits found precisely zero fraudulent activity. No one knows for sure what these secret cyber Ninja nutjobs are doing with these millions of ballots, but we have a very useful suggestion of what they can do with them and where they can put them. And, we can surely find volunteers to help them find the right spot if they have trouble locating it on their own.

ASK YOUR PSYCHIATRIST IF LIAGRA IS RIGHT FOR YOU…
OR JUST ASK ME, YOU PATHETIC PSYCHOPATH

It’s a very big white pill for very small white people – it can go in either end.

And if it makes you feel better, we can hide it in a piece of meat.

Are you having trouble accepting an election?
Is your brain the size of a pea?

Do you believe that if you back a racist, authoritarian conman who gets crushed at the polls it means the election was stolen? First of all, if this is you, go fuck yourself. Also, if your election conspiracy theory lasts more than four months, please consult your psychiatrist. If you cannot be seen immediately, please lock yourself in your mother's basement and STFU until help arrives. You need some serious help.

Do you have an irrational distrust of science and medicine?
Are you tired of drinking disinfectant
and trying to shine a powerful light up your ass?

Good news, while drinking alcohol along with medications like LIAGRA can have deadly side effects, who you gonna believe? A bunch of stupid doctors or a badly colored conman? You don’t need to listen to anyone. You can feel free to wash down your pills with some “plant-based beer.”* Or if you prefer, go right ahead and guzzle down your favorite meat-based beverage. And if you don’t believe in taking pills orally (that means through your mouth), then you can just go ahead and sit on it and rotate.

*Larry Kudlow was the insanely incompetent Director of the National Economic Council for a twice-impeached, twice-defeated-in-the-popular-vote, disgraced president. He recently went on a tirade based on completely fabricated criticism of Joe Biden’s non-existent ban on meat, which ended with, “So get ready. You can throw back a plant-based beer with your grilled Brussels sprouts and wave your American flag.”

A Public service announcement from Paying Attention.