Cloudy With A Chance Of Side Effects
July 11, 2023
As if
the obnoxious, ubiquitous, often potentially dangerous television
advertisements hawking drugs you never heard of weren’t bad enough. Each
commercial ends with a litany of mind-curdling side effects: Crockloxy may
cause bleeding, headaches, insomnia, cranio-rectal insertion, psychosis,
Republicanism, or global thermonuclear war. Do not take Crockloxy
if
you are pregnant, planning to be pregnant, are likely to be within 50 yards of
someone who is, was or might ever be pregnant, if you plan to operate heavy
machinery, smart phones or refrigerators, or if you are allergic to Crockloxy
(this is one of my favorite warnings – how the fuck would you know you’re
allergic to something you only just found out existed 30 seconds ago?). Do not
take this medication if you have hair, skin, teeth, internal organs, or plan to
live past Wednesday.
Apparently,
these bullshit ads weren’t having sufficient economic impact. They had become
so ubiquitous that people stopped even noticing them. I guess we haven’t been
asking our doctors if these drugs are right for us enough for Big Pharma to rob
us blind (I wonder if there’s a drug for that).
Madison
Avenue must have been getting desperate to attract our attention anew. They have kicked their bullshit up a notch. Now
all these drugs are starting to have their own theme songs and/or dance
routines. These drug ads are starting to have production budgets that rival
many feature films.
Don’t
forget to ask your doctor, or someone who plays one on TV, or maybe some
homeless guy, if Crockloxy is…oh, fuck it, just go out and get you some. What
could it possibly hurt? You too could be singing in the rain, dancing in the
streets…or dead.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
What do you think?
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