(EVERYTHING IS) Broken News

 

SPECIAL PAYING ATTENTION™ LATE EDITION

January 6, 2025

Here Comes The (F)Elon Administration

You might have noticed the complete absence of crazed and disgruntled Harris supporters storming the Capitol today as a deeply divided, half-brain-dead and overly deplorable nation awaits the swearing-in of and unhinged swearing by the 47^th and most toxic, hateful, anti-democratic, sexist, convicted and ignorant president. Who incited seditious conspiracy – aka treason – to overthrow our newly and duly elected government in 2020. Because he lost.

How the worm has turned. Four years after the Insurrection Heard ‘Round the World, the man who incited it has been certified as the next president of the country he tried to steal. The Lord works in mysterious, some would say dangerously stupid, ways.

Vice President Kamala Harris, who had infinitely more reason to obstruct the certification of ’rump's fatal victory than Mike Pence ever had to obstruct the landslide victory of Joe Biden in 2020, and who did not need to phone everyone in Washington, DC to find out if maybe she could stand in the way of her constitutionally-mandated duty, took her place and presided over the certification of the Electoral College votes. Nowhere near the bottom of the list of reasons Harris might have done otherwise was the requirement that she carry out this solemn – only once ever coming close to being in jeopardy – duty while standing very near God’s special little rabid weasel Mike Johnson. Now that’s what I call patriotism.

The ghost of January 6, 2021 and its stench still linger

Like any significant injury, the events of Jan 6 did not simply end once the assault on the Capitol and democracy was quelled. There are scars. We have yet to stop the internal bleeding. And now the wound is being re-infected. Or maybe it is more like in the movies when the villain pushes his finger into the bullet wound he just inflected on the hero.

And now, the convicted felon/unrelenting con-man/lame-duck-president-elect faces sentencing in New York for his 34 felony convictions just 10 days before being inaugurated. And 77 million of our fellow citizens voted to give this piece of human excrement an encore. Bravo.

And, lest we forget, this psychotic sausage-for-brains scumbag has vowed, once back in office, to pardon all of his cult members who carried out his attempted coup which resulted in one of their own winding up dead, as did several law enforcement officers, with 140 of them injured. Democracy dies in Trump.

Reminding Us How It’s Done

You probably did not see Kamala Harris egging on a mentally deficient, heavily armed and dangerously violent angry mob of sociopathic crybabies unable to process the idea of losing an election – something at least 50% of all candidates in all elections throughout all of history everywhere on the planet have experienced – to fight, fight, fight in the most un-American way possible. You probably did not see this, even if you were watching very closely (maybe even hoping), because it did not happen. This is in part because Harris is not a demented, entitled, decrepit old white guy who cares for no one but himself and has not shred one of scruples, honesty, empathy or real hair, and all the social conscience of a rabid badger strapped to a hungry coyote.

Maybe you found yourself wondering, does no one realize what day this is? There was no one planting pipe bombs around Washington, DC. No tourorists beating law enforcement officers with American flag poles, or Confederate Battle Flags, or bats or bear spray or tasers. No one (including members of Congress) attempted to stop the ritual certification of the Electoral College count. No one shitting on the walls or Nancy Pelosi’s desk or trying to capture and/or kill the vice president or various members of Congress. No one smashing windows or screaming like an idiot in the House chamber while wearing headgear harking back to Fred Flintstone’s Buffalo Lodge.

Yabba dabba doofus. Can you tell which one is the cartoon character?*

Despite a bitter campaign fueled by billionaires, one of whom now owns the incoming president, disinformation and unfathomable stupidity, those of us on the losing this time side play by a different set of rules, i.e., rules. We do not throw years-long tantrums. We do not incite fact-free insurrection. We do not lie incessantly about easily and repeatedly provable realities.

Hopefully, we also do not tuck our tails between our legs and mope after the stunning, unbelievable, painful and perhaps fatal twist of fate that has a horribly failed businessman and president, known to be a racist, a fascist, a rapist and a 34-count convicted felon (not to mention the countless crimes that never made it to court) and Russian stooge once again weaseled his way back into the White House.

No friends, there was today, as almost always – with one monstrous exception – a peaceful transfer of power after an election, disastrous or otherwise.

Epilogue

This date should be remembered as a sickening assault on this nation, like the bombing of Pearl Harbor and the attacks on 9/11. More importantly, it should retain a place as a blot on this nation's history for all of history like the bombing of Fort Sumpter and that of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Pearl Harbor and 9/11, in whatever way we may have provoked, were outside jobs. But Fort Sumpter, Oklahoma City and the January 6, 2021 violent assault on our nation's Capitol were all perpetrated by domestic terrorists – Trump’s terrorists. The latter three events being incited, instigated and enabled by the then-sitting president, who is about to subject us to his second act. 

It is exceedingly rare that the sequel measures up to the original, so keep a vomit bag handy – this promises to be sickening.

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*Sorry, that was a trick question. Both are cartoon characters. But only one of them knows it.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled fear and loathing.