January 4, 2024
Well, we did it
folks. Defying all odds, any remnants of intelligence and all attachments to
sanity, we have successfully navigated the calendar and stepped into the Year
of Our Discontent – 2025.
On January 1st
one of Elmo Musk’s iconic idiotic Cybertrucks (the ugly trucklings
that have had five recalls in less than a year) exploded outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas.
If this incident had not resulted in one dead (the bomber) and several injured, it would
simply be hilarious. Please feel free to chuckle after a moment of silence for
the suicidal victim of Musk’s Folly. Outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas.
At first, many
people were saying that this was a metaphor for coming distractions. Others blamed
Jewish space lasers.
It was then
discovered that this was a purposeful attack. Naturally, right wing trolls and
morons – like Donald Trump – immediately blamed illegals crossing our southern
border, just as they did with the dirtbag who drove through a crowd in New
Orleans earlier that day.
Well, guess
what-the-fuck. Both terrorists were American citizens, both military. One appears
to have been radicalized by ISIS, the other by Trump .
The Cybertruck
bomber was an active-duty Green Beret who according to his uncle, “was a 100
percent patriot.” You know, like Benedict Arnold. His uncle added, “He used to
have all patriotic stuff on Facebook, he was 100 percent loving the country. He
loved Trump, and he was always a very, very patriotic soldier, a patriotic
American.” USA, USA, USA.
For his part, the
suicide bummer left behind a note praising Trump and calling for the removal of all Democrats
from the government. He will not be missed. But he is already forgotten.
Welcome 2025. Don’t
look up.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled happy thoughts.
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