Opining
about Democrats, history’s worst ever presidential running mate, who is worth
$8M, said “Absolutely not, they want to wipe out the middle class. The
mom-and-pop, Joe six-pack, us peons.” Not too many peons are sitting on $8M, but plenty of pea-brains are. With any luck, Palin will once again go down in flames…or sludge.
Palin, who quit in
the middle of her term as (gulp) governor of Alaska, was on the ballot last night in the race to finish the term of deceased long-serving Rep. Don Young. No clear winner emerged, but the mavericky word-salad enthusiast managed to make it through the first round. Palin, who was endorsed by Trump, will have a
week or two to work on her own big lie in case she loses as bigly as her
benefactor.
The petulant, exasperating Palin is running
against multi-millionaire Nick Begich III – the choice of the Ratpublican
Party, who have apparently had their fill of the worst VP candidate in the
history of the world – and Mary Peltola the Democrat and Native Alaskan of Yup'ik descent.
Peltola is unsurprisingly pro-choice and pro-Earth, unlike the other two
craptastic candidates. As of this writing, Peltola leads in the vote count as the race likely heads for a run-off.
_______________________________________________________________ *Pictured above: Not the brainless,
vapid shithead of the day Sarah Palin, but rather the great, comedic genius Michael
Palin who is thankfully, no relation. I just couldn’t bring myself to subject
any of us to the image of the horrible, tragic dimwit Palin in question.
This has been your Brainless, Vapid, Shithead
Of The Day. Ugh.
New Jersey denizen Mehmet Oz is for some unknown
reason running for a Senate seat in Pennsylvania. He has lived and voted in northern
New Jersey for several decades. Oz also owns three mansions in Turkey,where he voted as recently as
2018, which he lied about.
Oz is running against life-long Pennsylvanian and
current Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman. Too bad this election couldn't be
what Rudy “About-To-Be-Indicted-In-Georgia” Giuliani on January 6, 2021 called “trial
by combat.”
Meidastouch ad explaining
Oz’s qualifications
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of
The Day. Feh…I mean, meh.
“The president of the
United States has the authority to do what the president has the authority to
do, which is very powerful. The president of the United States calls the shots.
When somebody is president of the United States, the authority is total, and
that’s the way it’s gotta be.” Donald
J. Trump, Apr 14, 2020*
If this was the Paying Attention™ Question For The Day, in response to the above actual quote, the question would be: How would that work for someone who is no longer president?
Attorney
General Merrick Garland announced that he personally approved the searching of
Mor-on-Lago after asking failed, subpoenas failed, and apparently someone in
Trump’s inner circle ratted out the world’s biggest rat. When the FBI searched
Mor-on-Lago they found boxes of top-secret documents along with more boxes of other materials that Trump's lawyers had previously assured authorities were not there.
To Trump, it was just
a bunch of stuff to be stored in an un-secured and then poorly-secured broom
closet in the basement of his resort in Florida – a resort that had already
been infiltrated by at least one Chinese spy years ago. Rumors are
flying that among the boxes of documents are Obama's birth certificate,
Hillary's emails and Trump's elusive tax returns.
I
mean, who in their right mind would leave stuff like that laying around in an
unlocked room? I think Trump deserves more credit. Sure, he's stupid enough to
leave nuclear documents just laying around, but let's be fair. We know Donald
Trump. He took home top secret documents because he was planning to sell our
nuclear secrets...the one's he hadn't already sold or given away while he lived at
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
Mike
Pence, who unlike the man who still holds the business end of Pence’s leash is
still permitted to be on Twitter, tweeted the following shortly after we
learned that the FBI executed a perfect search warrant on Mor-on-Lago:
Pence joined the voices of countless politicians and propagandists who waxed apoplectic without waiting for any facts whatsoever to emerge. All that traitorous noise wasof course before it was learned that the only thing that was truly
unprecedented was Trump’s theft of classified documents, including top secret nuclear documents, on his way out the door
after his crushing defeat at the hands of Joe Biden and a majority of American voters (not just the fake Electoral College).
All
of this begs today’s Question Of The Day:
Will
radical religious hypocrite Mike Pence agree to be Donald Trump’s running mate
in 2024, and will he bring his own custom-made noose this time?
Interesting leash they got there
This has been your Paying Attention™ Question
For The Day.
Apparently, Trump
thought there was a home version of what he believed was just another reality
show. A home version that included extremely sensitive nuclear secrets.
Moving day at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., January 20, 2021; Trump once again breaking the law in broad daylight
For some
strange reason (do the name Hillary
Clinton ring a bell), in 2018 (less than a year into office) Donald Trump signed into
law a bill raising the penalty for mishandling government documents – you know,
like taking them out of the White House illegally and hiding them around an
illegal residence, say at a Florida resort.
Trump signing a law that with any luck will
soon be
coming back to bite him on his dumb ass
In part,
the law upgraded the seriousness of wrongly moving classified material, turning
it from a misdemeanor into a felony – and increasing the maximum sentence –
from one year in prison to five years.
We reached
out to Trumpworld to learn whether or not the ex-president and current indictment
collector believed that time machines were real and had planned to go back in
time to arrest Hillary Clinton under his new law. Trump’s representative could
not be reached for comment.
Just thought you might like to know.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
Trump chose option three. He built a
veritable wall around himself with the Fifth Amendment. The coward’s way.
Usually the guilty coward’s way. Trump invoked the Fifth Amendment against
self-incrimination four-hundred-and-forty times. That’s a shitload of self-incrimination.
Though it was sixty fewer times than his cretinous son Eric. At least Bill Clinton had the balls to lie under oath.
It seems that very stable genius Donald Trump has grown jealous of the candidate he endorsed for Senate from Georgia. As you may know, Herschel Walker who has been living in Texas for the past decade, is currently in a tight race with Raphael Warnock to represent the Peach State. Walker has shown himself to be deranged, dangerous, terrifyingly ignorant and whose stupidity is measured in light years. Never wanting to be outdone, Trump appears to be on track to out-dumb Walker.
The Real Herschel Walker
Raiders Of The Lost Dork
Poor old Donny. He just cannot figure out why his unceasing lawlessness, treason and in the end leading a full-blown insurrection, have garnered such negative attention. After learning the details of the FBI search of Mor-on-Lago, the inevitable whining began. His pathetic statement included the following:
“They even broke into my safe! What is the difference between this and Watergate, where operatives broke into the Democrat National Committee? Here, in reverse, Democrats broke into the home of the 45th President of the United States.”
Fun Fact
Hey, remember when perpetual-national-security-hazard Trump barred American press from his Oval
Office meeting with Russians, but allowed Russian press in? And during that
meeting, when Trump spilled very sensitive national security secrets to the
Russians? Well, do ya punk?
Someone should explain to shit-for-brains that
criminal operatives broke into the DNC headquarters in the Watergate in order
to engage in more illegal activity at the behest of the president. The government
operatives of the FBI legally entered the premises at Mor-on-Lago because a
federal judge ruled there was probable cause that a crime had been committed by
the president. So really, kind of the same thing, Donny Boy. Ratpublicans
behaving badly.
Trump is being backed up by every single Ratpublican in Congress – either by commission or by omission. By speaking out on Trump’s behalf, or by saying nothing.
If these twits…I mean tweets are too hard to read, it’s who-the-fuck’s-who of Ratpublicans throwing America under the bus to protect Trump*
Apparently, these brain-dead fuckwits forgot that current FBI Director Christopher Wray was appointed by their Lard and Savior Donald Trump. Trump himself went after Wray for executing the completely legal, extremely warranted warrant.
The brain-deadliest of them all, Kevin McQarthy, threatened Attorney General Merrick Garland tweeting, “Attorney General Garland: preserve your documents and clear your calendar,” adding a bunch of other shit with which I will not waste your time. I don't remember McQarthy worrying about preserving documents when we learned that Dumb Donald ate documents, shredded documents, burned documents, flushed them down various toilets and absconded with 15 boxes of documents - including many tippy-tippy-top secret documents. Knowing Trump – who just had his first wife buried at his golf course in order to get a tax break – it is best to assume he was planning to sell state secrets to the highest dictator/bidder.
It is well-known that Trump doled out a number top secret tidbits while in office. It is not known whether this was done for money, to show how important he was, because he was hell-bent on destroying America, or because he is too stupid to know what the fuck he was doing.
Naturally, Trump’s throng of traitorous, treacherous cretins are preparing to “lock and load” in order to show who’s boss. Get ready for civil war skirmishes as mobs of blind boneheads, who have no understanding of the law or reality, take out their flaccid, flatulent frustrations. They are angry, in large part, because they are stupid, wrong-headed and irrevocably self-assured. They are preparing to neither stand back or stand by. There will be nothing civil about the coming war.
The Stupid Is Strong In This One
In case anyone think Trump just got stupid (I know no one thinks that, it’s called literary irony), Peter Baker and Susan Glasser, in their new book The Divider: Trump in the White House, 2017-2021 reported on a stunning (stunningly stupid, that is; and also frightening) exchange between Trump and then-chief-of-staff Gen. John Kelly:
Trump: “You fucking generals, why can’t you be like the German generals?” Kelly: “Which generals?” Trump: “The German generals in World War II.” Kelly: “You do know that they tried to kill Hitler three times and almost pulled it off?” Trump: “No, no, no, they were totally loyal to him.”
Yeah, why couldn’t American generals have been more like Hitler’s generals during Trump’s Reich?
Making my little heart skip a beat, in their new book, Baker and Glasser described Trump as “an incurious moron with the IQ of a Big Mac.” I wish I had said that.
Fun Fact #2
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit has ruled that Trump must turn over his tax returns to the House Ways and Means Committee by a vote of 3 to 0. Given the fact that Trump has for eight years refused to let anyone get a look at his taxes, perhaps it is time for a search warrant be issued to get his taxes from the IRS. Wouldn’t it be nice.
____________________________________________________________ *To be fair, who knows how many of them might also be implicated if Trump’s truth sees the light of day.
No More Shopping Days Left Before Resignation
Day(s)
August 9, 2022
If there could be anything better than
impeaching someone like Richard Nixon (once) or Donald Turmp (twice), it would
be indicting someone like Donald Turmp. With Nixon, it was said that the
cover-up was worse than the crime. That might be true. After all, at least
according to Nixon – before everyone learned it was his idea – Watergate was
nothing more than a “third-rate burglary.” In the case of Turmp, there has, at
least not since the bombing of Ft. Sumpter, been anything worse than his
long-planned attempted coup. Sure, the cover-up is a veritable smorgasbord of
crimes, but the planning, inciting and attempted in-person leading of the
assault on the Capitol is tough to beat. However, even as I write this, we are
learning that all kinds of potential evidence was deleted from phones belonging
to members of the Secret Service, the Department of Homeland Security, and the
Department of Defense. It appears that all of these government agencies wiped
their text messages right after Turmp’s attempted coup.
I have heard some say it will be all but
impossible to Lock Him Up. This is due to the requirement for all living
presidents, ex or otherwise, twice-impeached or otherwise, anti-American or
otherwise, guilty as fucking hell of trying to overturn a legitimate election
or otherwise, to have round-the-clock Secret Service protection for life (with
or without parole). This would necessitate incarcerating some number of agents
along with their protectee. However, I have an idea. Let’s round up the SS
agents who deleted their text messages related to January 6 and post them with
the man they protected, and they can all do time together. This is why I get
the big bucks…or would, if I got any bucks at all.
Those Who Don’t Learn From History
Are Doomed To Fuck It Up For The Rest Of Us
Before we regale you – or perhaps gale you for
the first time – with this year’s brand-new verses of the old holiday favorite ‘Twas
The Night Before Resignation, on Day 2 of Resignation Day(s), here are a
few highlights from the ghost of Resignation Day(s) past.
Just a few more hops down
memory lane before the main event:
2013
Pardon me for not forgetting.
Pardon me for not letting it go after all these years. Pardon me for dragging
you into my obsession. I just can’t seem to quit the man who tarnished America,
no easy feat, and then quit rather than face the music. I don’t care if he’s
dead, I still want to impeach Nixon. It’s never too late for justice to be
done. I know it will never happen in this case, but that doesn’t make it right.
Those who do not learn the
lessons of history are doomed. Period. And that’s the way it is. Good night and
have a pleasant tomorrow.
2014
Thanks Ed, that was a treat as
always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for today’s holiday
season…
Once more it’s that season, now
Obama’s the one
New Impeachers are restless, and each has a gun.
They are angry and senseless, and each one is White
No need for good reason, they just want to fight.
So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues
As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs
All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
Keep it up silly Crackers, and to all a good-night!
2016
Tiny
hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest
2017
The
endless lies and insanity assaulting us all, By
Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall. So
I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight, More Impeachment to all,
and to all a good-night!
2018
Impeachment, resigning
once more fill the air,
Now dash away blob with your FAKE orange “hair”,
This Chrump works for Putin, and amplifies hate, He’s racist, he’s fascist; ain’t America great?
Though mostly Chrump’s
tweeting and golfing galore, He’s doing great damage,
let’s show him the door. Fake “hair”, phony
color, his face sphincter speaks, Let’s vote like we mean it and be rid of this freak.
Colluding, conspiring,
with Russia, oh no!
Won’t tell his own people what he said to our foe.
This treasonous cretin makes us all sick and tired,
Let’s pray the next Congress will tell him, “YOU’RE FIRED.”
2019
We heard from The
Mueller, in a manner of speaking
He said there were crimes, he said there was sneaking
He all but said, “Congress, it’s time to impeach,”
He said indicting and punishing was out of his reach.
Still helping the
Russians help him get re-elected, With his treason,
stealing children from their parents and torturing them, denying climate
crisis, treating international allies like dirt and generally threatening
global stability, we all are infected His crimes are
innumerable, his racism steady Impeach The Mother
Fucker Already!
2020
‘Twas the night before Resignation
So we had our
impeachment, if fell with a squish,
We thought he would go down, did not get our wish.
Chrump escaped, abetted by old Moscow Mitch, That dastardly, reptilian son-of-a-bitch.
Only one thing might stop
this walking crime ‘gainst humanity, This shit storm
perpetrated by this terrestrial manatee. A second Chrump term
will kill America, no doubt, So, on November the 3rd,
VOTE HIM THE FUCK OUT!
Before getting on
with this year’s verses, enjoy or scroll past last year’s offering…
‘Twas the night before Resignation (In 2021 it just gets verse)
Twice, there were Turmp crimes, and
all through the House,
There were cries for impeachment, “Get rid of this louse!”*
The crimes were all proved, beyond shadow of doubt,
Witnesses, videos. Throw the bum out.
The country was nestled and nervous
and scared,
Of the mad orange man, with the fake orange “hair.”
He bragged about crowd size and hands and whatever,
He promised to fight and stay president forever.
And despite all the evidence, and
all the convincing,
Still half the country’s all his, the other half wincing.
It was easy to see that this Turmp was a fascist,
Who put any against him on his miles-long blacklist.
They impeached him not once, they impeached
him then twice
The Senate stood by him, we never got to say, “Atsa nice.”
‘Cause he stayed on in office, swore he’d get re-elected,
But the voters said, “Fuck off! Go to hell! You’re rejected!”
The sorest of winners, could not
handle such losing,
So he riled up his MAGAts, to believe his delusing,
Go take over the Capitol, it need not make sense,
And while you are at it, try hanging Mike Pence.
Never cared ‘bout America,
repeatedly treasonous,
One can’t help but wonder just what the reason is,
Always siding with Putin, and threat’ning Ukraine
To get Hunter Biden? This fucker’s insane.
He whined and he moaned and incited
insurrection,
All because he’s psychotic, no one wants his erection.
Turmp still thinks he’s president, or will be reinstated,
His tiny brain and reality are for sure unrelated.
Can the Democrats somehow get
brains, spines and balls,
And stop the Turmp Party from having it all?
They unsuccessfully impeached him not once but twice,
There’s nothing left, but to impeach his ass thrice.
_____________________________________________________________ *Actually, the cries
were “Impeach The Mother Fucker Already!” which didn’t rhyme with house and
would have thrown off the rhythm completely.
As Trump goes kicking and
screaming into that good night, we will continue our appointed rounds, unfazed.
Well, maybe fazed, but undaunted.
So, without further ado, or a
don’t, or a maybe, Paying Attention™ brings you our 2022 installment of the
Resignation Day(s) festivities.
‘Twas the night before indictment,
and all oer the place
America on the precipice of wars civil and race.
When all of a sudden, we heard such a clatter,
When Merrick Garland said finally, “Something’s the matter.”
Though now Turmp is gone, well not
really but sorta
And at least we can’t feel his tiny hand on our aorta,
He is out of high office, the vote saw to that,
But Turmp just won’t accept it, his head is too fat.
He keeps whining and calling to get
the votes changed
Turmp can’t let it go, he’s a fascist, deranged.
He deserves a subpoena, or at least an indictment,
For his scheming and plotting and his violent incitement.
Actual photos of two toilets in which Trump flushed documents
For his eating, burning, shredding
and stealing of documents,
And even mixing some in with his voluminous excrements,
The White House plumber (not Nixon’s) needed always be near.
For Turmp’s flushing of documents, no punishment too severe.
On Rudy, on Hawley, McCarthy and
Gaetz,
On Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and oh how they hates.
They want a White nation of Christians, not Jews,
Their divorce from reality is surely not news.
Two impeachments, one term, there
has not been one worse,
And the cause of such angst, and such torturous verse.
Drag him off by his feet, or his “hair” or whatever,
Let him back in the White House? Oh fuck no! Oh fuck, NEVER!
I imagine having the
same sentiment when Turmp is finally gone
*
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