December 14, 2022
The
only question that remains is: Did Donald Trump steal classified documents from
the United States in order to sell them to the highest bidder, or to commit
even more treason against the country he pretended to lead for four of the
longest years in American history in some other way?
This has been your Paying Attention™ Question
For The Day.
Enough With This Faux Bipartisanshit
December 12, 2022
We should have suspected that the Ratpublican Party wanted nothing to do with America when they chose an elephant as their symbol. While the elephant is a wonderful and intelligent being (two traits which could never be associated with Ratpublicans) there are no elephants found naturally in North America, except for those brought here against their will as slaves (mostly from Africa, ironically enough) to be put on display, mostly for the pleasure of white people.
Yes, the symbol of the Democratic Party is a Jackass, which has some less-than-flattering connotations, but does at least inhabit this land. It is time for Ratpublicans to update their image to something more American, like a weasel, or better yet, an oil spill. Leave the majestic and already-tortured Elephants out of this mess.
Rogue Elephant
Speaking of brain-damaged animals, Marge Trailer Greene was bragging to a room of MAGAts that she and twice-convicted (so far) felon Steve Bannon would have done a more Second Amendment-y, more successful overthrow of the United States government (you know, the one she is currently pretending to be part of) than her peeps perpetrated on Jan 6, if they had been in charge. Heckofa job Margie.
“I got to tell you something, if Steve Bannon and I had
organized that, we would have won. Not to mention, it would’ve been armed.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene,
December 10, 2022
So, next time Marge? I know this plea has been a bit over and much less appropriately used but please, for democracy's sake, “Lock her up.” After a fair trial of course. But don't get too persnickety on the jury-of-her-peers business.
And remember, approximately 27,000,000 of Turmp’s Ratpublicans believe that Joe Biden’s presidency is illegitimate and should be overturned using violence. No self-respecting elephant would be caught anywhere near such pathetic losers. Real elephants are caring and intelligent.
This has been your Paying Attention Thought
For The Day.
Just
Can’t Keep Up With This Shit
December 10, 2022
Not that it’s likely to make any
substantive difference, but Kyrsten Sinema has – one assumes in order to take
the headlines away from Warnock’s victory and the thought of Democrats even
pretending to have a 51-49 Senate majority – renounced her make-believe status
as a Democrat and changed her affiliation to make-believe independent, joining
the likes of Angus King (I-ME) and Bernie Sanders (I-VT).
I don’t imagine either of these thoughtful gentlemen cares to be lumped in with
the ludicrous likes of Sinema (I-Me, Me, Mine).
This should garner Sinema much attention from voters…just
kidding, it’s being wined and dined by mega-lobbyists with bottomless wallets that
the junior joke from Arizona craves.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.
November 9, 2022
With the 2022 midterm election season finally sorted out – though
it was a sickening squeaker, Democrats now have 51 Senate seats (numerically
speaking), and Georgia voters barely discarded an intellectually-challenged,
woman-abusing, baby killer (by his own standards, not mine) over a preacher and
incumbent Senator with a strong record of working with the opposition – we can prepare
to reflect back on just what happened. We can also unfortunately return to a
long-time Paying Attention™
pastime. One we wish we could retire to the dustbin of history, but alas, we
cannot. And so it is time to turn our attention once more to fuckin’* Joe
Manchin.
Despite having that one last implausibly thrilling Senate
race concluded, we will apparently continue to have Joe Fucking Mansion and his
fanatical fossil fucking fuel fetishism foisting its fecal foolishness upon a
very suspecting nation.
But seriously, is there not one even minimally-sane
Ratpublican? Not one who has had enough of the Trumpian racism, sexism, fascism,
lies, hatred and ignorance to turn away and to something constructive? We
cannot let slide Ratpublicans’ part in all the stupidity and stagnation. With
51 Democratic Senate seats (49 real ones), can this country not find one actual
patriot on the other side of the chasm we call an aisle to make either Manchin
or his idiot partner in slime Kyrsten Sinema irrelevant on a few things that
help someone other than the filthy rich? One?
In his latest quest to be America’s biggest asshole (pretty
stiff competition, but Manchin will not be easily denied), the West Virginia
coal-soaked multi-millionaire, who claims to be a friend of the working man –
and the Democratic Party, once again held shut the door on Joe Biden, Democrats
and more hard-working Americans he pretends to care about. Mansion couldn't see
fit to even begrudgingly allow the rail workers seven fucking sick days a year.
Rail workers currently get zero paid sick days – in America. On that day, there
were even six Ratpublicans, including sniveling weasel Marco Rubio and the
hateful, hated Ted Cruz, who voted to okay the deal. There were some gains for
the workers, but apparently seven paid sick days was a railroad trestle too
far.
Hopefully, now that Rafael Warnock has defeated the
brain-dead Herschel Walker twice and for all, maybe 49 Democrats can persuade
the silly-putty-brained Sinema to get on board and finally relegate Mansion to
the coal-dustbin of history once and for all.
The only redeeming quality that can be attributed to Manchin
is that, unlike fellow asshole Kanye West, Manchin has not proclaimed his love
for Hitler and the Nazis…at least not publicly.
_______________________________________________________
*This wonderful and versatile
word is, for today’s performance, playing the part of both adjective and verb.
I. Mangrey reporting.
On This Day In 1980
December 8, 2022
December 8, 1980, another date that will live in infamy. The day legendary musician, songwriter and activist John Lennon was gunned down in front of the The Dakota apartment building in Manhattan. Further proof that, as Mike Love wrote in the Beach Boys’ Student Demonstration Time, “The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for a gun.”
Also happens to be Jim Morrison’s birthday.
WHEW!!!!
December 7, 2022
A Date That Will Live In Famy
It was close, but it wasn’t horrifyingly
stupid.
Rafael Warnock defeats the guy he was running
against.
Georgia dodges a dum-dum bullet.
Georgia Survives Toxic Runoff
Just thought you might like to know.
Now wasn’t that fun?
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
This
Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
December 6, 2022, as the polls in Georgia are
closing
Apparently, there
are people in Georgia (and some of their friends) who are as stupid and
ignorant as we thought they were.
Someone should tell
this yahoo that he and his fellow travelers are the reason “they’re not going
to do anything up in Washington.”
Trying to be polite
here. Really, I am. There are plenty of Democrats in Congress who can be quite
annoying in many ways. But there are many more on the other side of the aisle
(the pro-Trump, pro-Hitler, willing-to-forgive-Nazis side) who are simply
tiny-brained fascist fuckwit clowns who have no intention of getting anything
substantial accomplished. Oh, and they are also incredibly fucking annoying to
boot. If people like Mr. Woodall are unable to discern the difference between
someone like Rafael Warnock and Herschel Walker, maybe we do need some kind of
minimum intellectual competence to qualify for the ability to cast a vote.
Friend of
mock-candidate Herschel Walker, Louisiana’s John Kennedy (no relation to the
Massachusetts Kennedys or mammals in general) had this to add to Walker’s
frightening campaign support
These woke, high IQ
stupid people, they walk around with zip lock bags of kale that they eat to
give them energy. If you want to eat kale, that's up to you. I don't eat kale.
You know why? Because kale tastes to me like I'd rather be fat.
And stupid.
In Related Broken News…
Many pundits keep
asking, “Is there room for white supremacy and fascism in the Republican (their
word, not mine) Party?” Are you fucking kidding me? The real question is, “Is
there room for anyone else anymore?”
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
nail biting.
Walker,
Don’t Run
December 5, 2022
It’s once
again Election Eve in (part of) Americaland. Though it’s only Texas…I mean,
Georgia, much of the nation is watching this race very closely. It is possible
that a win for Democrats – and mammals everywhere – could go a long way toward
Manchin-proofing the Senate.
Ignore
for the moment that the House will be in the hands of a bunch of mental
patients and the fact that Herschel Walker seems to think (and I use the term
wrongly) he is running for a seat in the House, and hopefully take your
pleasure where you can find them.
Here's The Fact:
Someone
should tell wannabe-Senator-Shit-For-Brains that Cassius Clay Changed his name
a few years ago. And then tell him to go back to sucking rocks in Texas, where
he lives.
Good luck Georgia. Good luck to us every one.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest...The Rest Are Busy Shitting It
December 1, 2022
Many people are saying this;
it's not me saying it, though I wouldn't put it past me. They are saying that
as a result of the 2022 election, the inmates will be running the asylum
beginning in January 2023. But it is not just that the inmates will be running
the asylum. These inmates are either off their meds, in the queue for lobotomy,
or have escaped custody and will be permitted to vote in absentia. Fortunately,
just like their dear leader, we can be sure that once they take office, they
will pivot and act professional. Right?
As everyone knows, the only
reason Ratpublicans win most House seats is the vote-suffocating gerrymandering
they have instituted. Though the predicted Red Wave of 2022 turned into a post
nasal drip, there is still much to worry about. That post nasal drip could
easily morph into pneumonia if we are not careful. By some accounts, more than
170 Republicans will be in Congress in 2023 who have either denied or cast
doubts on the legitimacy of Joe Biden’s presidential win in 2020. That is 170
out of a total of 535 in the House and Senate. Out of that 535, only
approximately 270 (as of this writing) are Ratpublicans. So 63% of Ratpublicans
are election liars, who now hold a slim majority in the House and a slim
minority in the Senate.
“We have never studied in
history how much taxes people paid back in the ice ages to warm up the Earth
and melt the ice.”
actual quote from Marjorie Taylor Greene…seriously
Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) is the
prohibitive favorite to take the gavel from Nancy Pelosi. Most historians agree
that we will be bidding farewell to the first woman, and perhaps most
accomplished and consequential Speaker of the House in American history to what
is likely to be the least consequential speakership perpetrated by the least
mentally competent Speaker of all time, that is, until the next Ratpublican
speaker who could very well make Herschel Walker look like Albert Einstein. Remember,
McCarthy raged that when he becomes Speaker of the House, which is now a
distinct and very frightening possibility, he will reinstate dangerous morons
like Taylor Greene and Paul Gosar’s committee assignments, which they lost due
to insane and hateful comments. Won’t that be grand.
McCarthy also promised to
remove Reps. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), Eric Swalwell (D-CA) and Adam Schiff (D-CA)
from their respective committees if he becomes Speaker of the House in January.
For reasons that exist only in the fevered minds of mental defectives like
McCarthy.
Suddenly, the inimitable
(that’s not a complement) Marjorie Taylor Greene has been showing up all over
my tv screen, pretending to act like a serious person. She has somehow escaped
from her peach-tree dish, survived Nancy Pelosi’s gazpacho Police and all the
space lasers the Jews could muster to take her place in the new disproved 118th
Congress under the stewardship of Kevin McCarthy or something like him. Greene
is already laying out her laundry list of failures: investigating Nancy Pelosi
for January 6th, avenge the terrible treatment of January 6
traitors, bringing Anthony Fauci and Hunter Biden to justice, investigating
support for Ukraine, impeaching Merrick Garland, various cabinet members and
possibly Joe Biden…for trying to extort Ukraine and then starting an
insurrection – oh wait, that was the last guy (the one they unflinchingly stood
up for) – I mean for being a Democrat.
Ratpublicans want to defund the
FBI and eliminate the Department of Justice. Rumor has it that they also plan
to appeal the court-martial of Benedict Arnold, demand a recount of the 1860
election (claiming Stephen Douglas had the election stolen), and make
Christianity the official religion of the United States. One can only assume
there will be more Benghazi hearings, a new round of investigations into
Hillary Clinton’s emails and the nomination of Donald Trump for a series of
Nobel Prizes and the Supreme Court, and ultimately a push for sainthood, which
can now be decided by the six Bishops or Cardinals or whatever the majority of
Extreme Court call themselves. Buckle up boys and girls.
As of now Jim “I See Nothing”
Jordan, who has been credibly accused of ignoring sexual abuse at Ohio State
while he was a men’s wrestling coach, and who is obviously about 50 cards short
of a full deck, is poised to become chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.
I have to admit that the
Democrats in Congress have no one who compare to any of the leading…let’s call
them lights, for the sake of argument…on the Ratpublican side. Even the
so-called Do-Nothing 80th Congress (also Ratpublican) actually did
something as far as passing legislation. The 118th Congress will not
only be a real do-nothing Congress; it will become known as The Revenge
Congress. They will have neither time nor inclination to put forth policy,
which is fortunate because anything they might do would be better left undone
anyway. Instead, they will be loser-focused on harassing, haranguing and
hallucinating.
__________________________________________________
*A happy home, where life is
beautiful all the time…for the deranged and dangerous
I. Mangrey reminding.
HIDDEN BONUS TRACK:
