Friday, May 31, 2013

Bachmann Bows Out, McCain Flexes His Bowels In Syria

Lady And The Grump 

Frostbite Fools, Minnesota
May 31, 2013 

Factually-challenged Tea Party Poster-child Michele “constantly-being-hitting-in-the-back-of-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat-eyes” Bachmannnnn has decided to call it quits after four terms in the House of Representatives. The Mouth from Minnesota, one of the silliest of a staggeringly silly cavalcade of 2012 Republican't presidential hopefuls is currently under psychiatric observation investigation for campaign ethics violations and is facing her stiffest re-election challenge to date. These, according to Bachmann, are not the reasons she has decided not to run for a fifth term.
Michele Bachmann never batted an eye after being whacked in the back of the head…clearly…ever

The Dizzy Duchess of Dumb has apparently concluded that representing an actual district populated by real people just wasn't working for her anymore and instead will use her brain cell to represent the inhabitants of the fantasy world inside her spacious noggin. "I'm getting the feeling my constituents want actual facts and as I've shown very clearly during my eight years in Congress and my God-given run for president, that is just a currency I refuse to deal in. There is a vast and wonderful world inside my head where our Founding Fathers ended slavery in the 1700s*, where the Census Bureau leads to internment camps*, where I can run free at the sight of a reality-based questioner*, where my gay husband is praised - not ridiculed - for running a clinic where sinners can undergo religious conversion therapy to suppress gay urges*, where hurricanes are God's way of telling us we need smaller government*. This is the wonderful world I choose to represent from here on out. I want to be in a place where the president can be impeached for…well you know, just because. And I know many of you will be right there with me."
Bachmann plans to "move in" with fellow political surrealist Sarah Palin who also has a substantial vacancy between her ears, yet continues to emit unintelligible torrents of words for no apparent reason. With any luck the two of them will spend the next year or so creating a Dream-Team ticket for the 2016 Tea Party presidential nomination. I can’t wait to see them battle it out with intellectually challenged up-and-comers like Rand Paul, Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz. Should be a regular Donnybrook of Dumbass. The third rail of these debates will be what many of us know as Reality.
Half Wit - Will Travel
In other fantasy I-lands, the eternally wrong, post-traumatic-stress-disordered egomaniac (emphasis on the maniac) and sore loser John McCain, still pretending he's president, sneaked into Syria to align himself with the rebels - whoever they are - recklessly undermining American foreign policy. While real-life president, Barack Obama attempts to dial back the non-drone-related war machine, taking time to discern whether any side in the Syrian civil war doesn't hate America, Sarah Palin's ex-running mate has gone AWOL under the pretense that he serves any useful purpose whatsoever. McCain insists that we need to be embroiled in another no-win death match in the Middle East as we inch dangerously close to having no wars in progress for the first time since George W. Bush illegally invaded Iraq and turned Afghanistan into a festering quagmire, further inflaming the entire Arab world's hatred of America.
McCain, who praised Muammar Gaddafi in 2009 is off making new friends…mostly he's off

Foreign policy genius McCain, who has been dead wrong nearly 100% of the time over the past dozen or so years, called for the U.S. Congress to expand ties with Muammar Gaddafi's brutal dictatorship in 2009, two years before the U.S. helped back forces determined to and ultimately successful in removing Gaddafi from office, among other things. The secret Muslim super maverick had a face-to-face meeting with Gaddafi, which he detailed on his Twitter page at the time with the following message:

Late evening with Col. Qadhafi at his "ranch" in Libya -- interesting meeting with an interesting man.  

Yes, verrry interesting…but a murderous dictator stupid.

*all of these are real 

I. Mangrey reporting.
Thanks for listening. Michele Bachmann and John McCain's eternal silence invited.

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