Frostbite Fools,
Minnesota
May 31, 2013
Factually-challenged
Tea Party Poster-child Michele “constantly-being-hitting-in-the-back-of-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat-eyes”
Bachmannnnn has decided to call it quits after four terms in the House of
Representatives. The Mouth from Minnesota, one of the silliest of a
staggeringly silly cavalcade of 2012 Republican't presidential hopefuls is currently
under psychiatric observation investigation for campaign ethics
violations and is facing her stiffest re-election challenge to date. These, according
to Bachmann, are not the reasons she has decided not to run for a fifth term.
Michele
Bachmann never batted an eye after being whacked in the back of the head…clearly…ever
The Dizzy
Duchess of Dumb has apparently concluded that representing an actual district populated
by real people just wasn't working for her anymore and instead will use her
brain cell to represent the inhabitants of the fantasy world inside her
spacious noggin. "I'm getting the feeling my constituents want actual
facts and as I've shown very clearly during my eight years in Congress and my
God-given run for president, that is just a currency I refuse to deal in. There
is a vast and wonderful world inside my head where our Founding Fathers ended
slavery in the 1700s*, where the Census Bureau leads to internment camps*, where
I can run free at the sight of a reality-based questioner*, where my gay
husband is praised - not ridiculed - for running a clinic where sinners can undergo religious conversion therapy to suppress gay urges*, where hurricanes
are God's way of telling us we need smaller government*. This is the wonderful
world I choose to represent from here on out. I want to be in a place where the
president can be impeached for…well you know, just because. And I know many of
you will be right there with me."
Bachmann plans to "move in" with
fellow political surrealist Sarah Palin who also has a substantial vacancy
between her ears, yet continues to emit unintelligible torrents of words for no
apparent reason. With any luck the two of them will spend the next year or so creating
a Dream-Team ticket for the 2016 Tea Party presidential nomination. I can’t
wait to see them battle it out with intellectually challenged up-and-comers like
Rand Paul, Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz. Should be a regular Donnybrook of Dumbass. The
third rail of these debates will be what many of us know as Reality.
Half
Wit - Will Travel
In other
fantasy I-lands, the eternally wrong, post-traumatic-stress-disordered egomaniac
(emphasis on the maniac) and sore loser John McCain, still pretending he's
president, sneaked into Syria to align himself with the rebels - whoever they
are - recklessly undermining American foreign policy. While real-life president,
Barack Obama attempts to dial back the non-drone-related war machine, taking
time to discern whether any side in the Syrian civil war doesn't hate America, Sarah
Palin's ex-running mate has gone AWOL under the pretense that he serves any useful
purpose whatsoever. McCain insists that we need to be embroiled in another
no-win death match in the Middle East as we inch dangerously close to having no
wars in progress for the first time since George W. Bush illegally invaded Iraq
and turned Afghanistan into a festering quagmire, further inflaming the entire
Arab world's hatred of America.
McCain, who praised Muammar Gaddafi in 2009 is off
making new friends…mostly he's off
Foreign policy genius McCain, who has
been dead wrong nearly 100% of the time over the past dozen or so years, called
for the U.S. Congress to expand ties with Muammar Gaddafi's brutal dictatorship
in 2009, two years before the U.S. helped back forces determined to and
ultimately successful in removing Gaddafi from office, among other things. The secret
Muslim super maverick had a face-to-face meeting with Gaddafi, which he
detailed on his Twitter page at the time with the following message:
Late
evening with Col. Qadhafi at his "ranch" in Libya -- interesting
meeting with an interesting man.
Yes, verrry interesting…but a
murderous dictator stupid.
*all
of these are real
I. Mangrey reporting.
Thanks for listening. Michele
Bachmann and John McCain's eternal silence invited.
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