Thursday, July 4, 2013

Summer Rerun

Fourth of July, Fifth of Bourbon

Independence Hell, Philadelphia, PA
July 4, 2013

I. Mangrey, great patriot that he is, will be taking this national day of rest as seriously as he takes anything, and abstaining from all manner of workly pursuits. You know...lazy. As managing editor of this blog-like forum I have taken it upon myself to wade through his Archives of Angst to re-present this piece of crap history from yesteryear. So take a moment out of your festivities and wallow in a bit of quagmires past on this the Fourth of July 2013. From the frackers red glare, the bums bruising our air, here's proof through the night that our flag has a prayer.
 
Remember, those who do not learn from history are doomed. Period.

Ed Venture
 
Intransigence Day 

Wipemyasswiththeconstitution, DC
July 4, 2007

Independence Day couldn’t have come at a better time.  Here, in the course of human events, we stand at the dawning of a brand new day.  Finally all Americans can breathe a sigh of relief that we need no longer be associated with the Albatross that has clung to our necks for over two hundred and thirty years.  We are finally rid of the unbearable burden under which we as a nation have labored so consistently, in the blind belief that it was the essence of our great nation, since this horrific deed first saw the light of day.  Yes, Americans – we are all free from the stultifying restrictions and absurd dreams and notions of the dreaded…Declaration of Independence.  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.  Truths?  Self-evident?  Created equal?  Unalienable rights?  Don’t make me laugh. 

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”  Were those guys kidding with this crap?  Passé baby.  N’est ce pas? 

What a great day in American History this is.  To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.  First we managed to throw off the shackles of fair elections by embracing the first American President to be appointed by the Supreme Court despite the expressed wishes of the majority of American voters.  Thank goodness for that; elections are soooooo messy.  I heard there were people in Florida pulling chads out of their asses for months after that debacle down there.  Soon we were able to thrust off the brutal hindrance of never starting an unprovoked war – what a bunch of losers we had been until that Shining Path into Iraq opened before us, showing the way to a New World Order.  Shortly after that, we managed to stop pretending that we didn’t approve of torturing people, showing the whole world what we’re really made of while simultaneously unfettering ourselves from those quaint, but so pre-9/11 Geneva Accords.  Then this great appointed, shameless and supremely simian administration finished the job that whore Bill Clinton started by gutting the pathetically antiquated writ of Habeas Corpus like Karl Rove would the last known edible fish in the sea.  Throw in a smattering…oh, who’s kidding who…throw in a massive shitload of illegal domestic wiretapping made almost palatable with constant threats of terror around every corner.  Remove the crushing weight of the outdated, unwieldy, godless drivel that is the Constitution of the United States of America and you’ve got the Democracy that Mussolini always dreamed of – the Final Solution, if you will. 

With the Bushney regime’s latest exhibition of freedom loving, the Commuter in Chief made mincemeat of Scooter Libby’s sentence (after being found guilty, by a jury of his peers, on four of five counts of perjury, obstruction of justice and lying to investigators), we can all know that simply being found guilty and losing two appeals, all overseen by Republican appointees, does not mean that the sentence we receive need be served.  I for one have never felt so liberated in all my life, at least not since I was assured by that paragon of virtue, democracy and competence, Donald Rumsfeld, that “free people are free to do bad things.”  I never fully understood how true this was until the great American hero, Scooter, was finally set free after almost coming ever so close to serving one full second of prison time.  Good for Scooter I say.  Hell, it’s not like he shot a man in the face or anything.  L’il Scooter’s been a great American – starting with his great work with the Project For A New American Century; the PNAC was way ahead of the curve by advocating the overthrow of Saddam Hussein back in the Nineties, but Bush 41 wimp extraordinaire wouldn’t go for it.  Scooter emerged from under his rock to become Dick Cheney’s Dick Cheney and did everything his Secret Undisclosed boss asked of him.  Who could possibly quibble with a man like that? 

Some may accuse me of being anti-America.  Go ahead I say, accuse me, indict me, try me, sentence me, laugh at my appeals all the way to the Uber Court.  I know that I shall remain free because my Lord And Master, 20%George is looking out for me.  Though I may wander through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall want for nothing.  Eyes closed, ears plugged, mouth full of amber waves of grain I shall follow aimlessly my Master and Decider, Snorter of Illegal Powders, Flaunter of Undeserved Power, Commuter of Sentences – Ignoramus Maximus.  You may ask, why do I hate my freedoms?  To you I say BRING IT ON.

I. Mangrey reporting
Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

 

No comments:

Post a Comment