Though Not Exactly Upright, They Walk Among Us

Moron Alert

Freedonia

August 23, 2013

Things you need to know about Louisiana Republican'ts: They elected Bobby Jindall governor. They let the Army Corps of Engineers use wads of newspaper to reinforce their levees instead of a rubber material. Strangely enough the newspaper, usually known for its extraordinary capacity to line birdcages, was somehow less than suited for holding back flood waters. Who knew? They say the air is strange at exceedingly high elevations; maybe something happens at exceeding low elevations as well. Some Louisianans are clearly having difficulty engaging the neural network just beneath their hair. You know…morons.

It’s understandable that so many morons are loathe to blame one of their own. When they finally got to see someone just like them rise to the highest office in the land, they must have been as proud and happy as Rep. John Lewis (D-GA, and only surviving speaker from the August 28, 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom) when Barack Obama, America's first white president who is also half black, elected to that same office. Especially since Obama was actually elected by the voters, not the Supreme Court. In any event, these happy morons should probably be cut some slack for sticking up for the first Moron-American to hold the presidency. And hold it he did. For eight years, he held it…hostage. No half-moron this one; half-wit perhaps, but 100% pure, unadulterated Moron. Sure he wasn’t actually elected to the office, but why hold a little thing like that against such an incredible moron. And who among us would disagree that George W. Bush was perhaps the Most Incredible Moron? Now I realize that many of you reading this are not in fact morons yourselves and I will begrudgingly admit that neither am I myself a moron though many's the time I've tried to pass, so maybe it is not for us to judge who ain’t and who ain’t not a moron. And if that’s the case, I suppose maybe none of us is the best judge of who might be Bull Goose Moron. But I’m still willing to go out on a limb and put my money on GW.

The Buried Lead 

According to a Public Policy Polling survey, 29% of Louisiana Republican’ts say that Barack Obama was definitely to blame and 44% think it might be appropriate to blame Barack Obama, elected November 4, 2008 and inaugurated January 20, 2009, (for any of you morons out there) for the poor federal response and clean-up following Hurricane Katrina, which struck New Orleans on August 29, 2005. For those of you who need a little help keeping score out there, 2005 preceded 2009 by several years. Also, it may be important to know that preceded means “came before.” Only 28% of these morons think that maybe George W. Bush (president* from 2000 through 2008) was responsible for the pathetic federal response to Katrina. I can see why they wouldn’t blame President Moron for the lousy federal response, after all it wasn’t his fault that FEMA had been gutted during his presidency. Oh wait, it was in fact precisely his fault that FEMA was gutted during his presidency. My bad. And these are the people most likely to own guns and who just can't wait for a chance to stand their ground.

 But Wait, There's More(on)

While we’re on the subject of morons, the ever-opining-always-staggeringly-wrong Bill Kristol was recently asked if he thought Sarah Palin had a future in politics. Kristol, the most energetic cheerleader for the Clueless Clusterf*&#k from Alaska when most of us were blissfully ignorant of her very existence, reveled in the idea of seeing her as John McCain's running mate. Kristol was certain that this would put the Republican'ts in the White House for sure, so wonderful was his snow-brained savior. So, when asked about Palin's political future, Old Dumb Bill thought the ex-half-term governor would do well to enter the race for Senator from Seward’s Folly. This perennial pea-brain thought it would be great if Palin could, 1) enter the Republican’t primary and stay in it long enough to win, 2) stay in the governor's race long enough to beat the incumbent senator and 3) actually become a senator and maybe just maybe, serve an entire term – it is six years long after all.

Moron or Buffoon? You Make The Call

During his recent appearance on Morning Joke Scarborough's show, when asked about his recent buffoonery Bloody Bill said, “It would be fun to have her in the Senate.” Fun is not the first word that comes to mind when imagining the Twit of the Tundra in the US Senate, though the word does begin with the letter 'f.' Other things Bill Kristol thinks are fun? He couldn't get enough of George W. Bush’s illegal, miserably failed Iraq War and he's pining for a war with Iran in the near future. Bill Kristol is the Emily Litella of political punditry, except he never closes with, "Never mind."

Some of Bill Kristol's Greatest Hits Misses:

          2013 - Kristol said regarding same-sex marriage that it would be "pathetic" for the GOP to liberalize its views in order to "embrace the views of some 26-year-old who doesn't know anything." In the early 90's, he said that 1993 would be the “high water mark” of the gay rights movement, and that it would be “all downhill from there."

          October 2008 - Kristol urged the McCain campaign to run with the Obama/Bill Ayers connection. Less than a week later, Kristol was on TV scolding the GOP for running a “stupid” and “pathetic" campaign because the attacks "haven’t worked" and McCain/Palin is “doing things that don’t work and they keep doing them."

          2007 - "Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now."

          Late 2005 - Kristol made the bold prediction that Nancy Pelosi just ceded the House to the Republicans by endorsing an immediate withdrawal of troops from Iraq. He claimed that her actions would likely prevent a "Speaker Pelosi" from ever happening.

I. Mangrey regurgitating.

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