More On Morons

How Many Morons Can Dance On A Pinhead, Continued

The Good Old U S of…I can never remember that last one

July 18, 2014

Before we were so rudely interrupted by the Fourth of July I was trying to determine, in a very scientific manner, how many morons could dance on a pinhead. I only got up to four. If you’re like me, and for your sake I hope that’s not true, you’re probably thinking, “I really wish I wasn’t like him.” You’re probably also thinking, “I can’t believe that only four morons can dance on a pinhead.” In order to be truly scientific about this we need to specify the pinhead. 

Now I could make this very easy and chose as my hypothetical pinhead, let’s say Rush Limbaugh. This time I know what you’re thinking; there’s nothing hypothetical about Rush Limbaugh being a pinhead. But, a pinhead of that size would be too easy, and might skew our results. And then there’s Donald Trump, but even one moron attempting to dance on that pinhead could become irretrievably entangled and never heard from again…not that there’s anything wrong with that. So let’s make it relatively safe and realistic and choose a smaller pinhead - of course by smaller I mean surface area, not actual pinheadedness. So, strictly in the interest of science, though science is like Kryptonite to the subjects at hand, let us continue with our thought (something else that is obviously toxic to the subjects at hand) experiment. We will use as our less hypothetical pinhead one Ann Coulter, who recently opined that, "any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay."

Five?

Perry trying to shoot his mouth off

Governor Rick Perry (R-idiculous), he of the matching hat size and IQ, continues to speak in public. Oops. The details are unimportant…though hilarious, like comparing being homosexual with being an alcoholic. Okay, just this one more: “I’m more Jewish than you think I am. I read the part of the Bible that said the Jews are God’s chosen people.” And I’m part Nepalese because I once looked a map of the world.

Six? Seven?

Bachmann and Palin - still breathing, still talking, still dumb as rocks. 

More?

Countless gun owners like this lovely family…

From the website Americans Against The Tea Party:

A responsible, gun owning Kentucky mom stepped outside, leaving her

5-year-old son alone with his new birthday present — a brand new, shiny loaded .22-cal. rifle — and his 2-year-old sister.

Unfortunately, mom was outside just long enough for her son to fatally shoot his sister, Caroline Sparks, with his new present.

Kentucky State Police Trooper Billy Gregory says that the shooting has been ruled an accident. “It’s just one of those nightmares,” he said, “a quick thing that happens when you turn your back.”

He added that in the area it is not uncommon for parents to give their young children weapons. “In this part of the country, it’s not uncommon for a 5-year-old to have a gun or for a parent to pass one down to their kid,” he said.

The rifle that killed Caroline Sparks is a Crickett single-shot, and has a child safety, according to Cumberland County Coroner Gary White. The company’s web site features three .22-caliber rifle models for children and the slogan, “My first rifle.”

The family, while upset, is happy that little Caroline is in a “better place.”

Well, they got that right. The children’s grandmother said, “It was God’s will. It was her time to go, I guess.” Good guess.

More More?

Here’s a little tidbit I never knew: In November 2000, shortly after Al Gore defeated George W. Bush, and shortly before the Supreme Court appointed Bush president in flagrant contempt of the will of the people, an attorney named John Roberts flew down to Florida to advise Jeb Bush during the “recount.” John Roberts? Now why is that name so familiar? Moron, weasel or Chief-Justice-of-the-Supreme-Court-appointed-by-George-W-Bush? You make the call.

I have a sneaking suspicion that there is simply no way to accurately count the number of morons that can dance on a pinhead. And I haven’t even touched on Fux News and its audience, the entire Tea Party, the Republican’t leadership in Congress (the Democrats have been there, but at the moment they are the generally cooler heads, though not prevailing), anyone listening to Dick Cheney, John McCain, Bill Kristol or any of the other Major Morons who told us what a walk-in-the-park the Iraq War would be, Eric Cantor, the guy who just beat Eric Cantor, climate change deniers, or South Carolina. There just aren’t enough electrons in the known universe to do justice to all these Tiny (brained) Dancers. So I leave it up to you to keep on keepin’ track.

I leave you with this video about some brilliant satirists showing those stupid environmentalists who’s boss:

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. I think we’re going to need a bigger pinhead.