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McCain’s Bane, America’s Lady in Hating

August 2, 2014

A number of highly visible Republican’ts have been throwing around the idea of impeaching Obama lately. And not just the ones who have been calling for his ouster since the moment he took his hand off the Bible after being sworn in for his first term. You might not have heard all of these cries since most of them can only be heard by dogs. Boehner is suing the president for…well, essentially for not being a Republican’t. But that’s just not enough for some, so it’s off to Impeachmentland they go. I wish them hell.

Here’s the latest from Our Lady of Perpetual Futility: “I absolutely passionately believe that it is possible. And first, I believe liberals want us to believe that they love hearing this talk of impeachment because they’re going to be able to turn it around for their re-election bids. It’s kind of a reverse psychology thing that they’re playing on us and some people are buying into it. And that’s why I’m going to be even more adamant about explaining why we should impeach.” In case you haven’t already guessed the who uttered this simultaneous assault on language and logic, it was none other than Sarah Palin, who can say less with 100 words than most people can say with none.

The half-term governor of Alaska just won’t STFU. Despite the demonstrable fact that every word leaching out of her lips is worthless, The Mouth That Bored is launching her very own channel on the internets. And the best part is that it’s not free; so you don’t have to worry about accidentally hearing her voice while you’re surfing the web. However, for a mere $9.95 a month you can be a self-righteous subscriber to the Sarah Palin Channel. Go ahead, I dare you. Who needs Netflix for an occasional movie or TV show, when you can watch Nutflix all day, every day…until she up and quits.

It isn’t.

Palin is peddling her “channel” – actually it’s a website – as an alternative to mainstream media, and a place where despondent conservatives can wallow in stupidity posing as fantasy. I guarantee that after watching the Sarah Palin Channel for a half hour, you’ll be wishing Obamacare really did have Death Panels.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the First Amendment. And I support every American’s right to speak their mind in public, even Ms. Palin, even though using the words mind and Palin in the same sentence may in fact be a violation of the First Amendment, or at the very least an insult to intelligent discourse. However, my real concern is the exacerbation of global climate change that will result from the excessive emissions from Palin’s mouth and the consequent spike in hot air, carbon dioxide and, I imagine, methane.

So please try to resist the urge to subscribe to Palin’s channel. I’m sure you can find other ways to relieve yourself of unwanted money and/or delight yourself with random verbiage.

Or perhaps...

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Forget about gold, invest in earplugs.