Trick or Treason

Votegra - America's First and Only Election Drug

Midterm Election Special Report/Advertisement

October 29, 2014 

Votegra is celebrating its ninth year as America’s number one medication for the nation’s febrile electorate. As with every election held since Votegra burst onto the scene in 2005, we bring you the best of what the Twenty-first Century has to offer to perk up our flaccid democracy. Hey it’s always worth a try. We survived the as yet unabated genocide of our homeland’s original peoples. We survived “knowing” that our great nation was built on the backs of African slaves, whose progeny we continue to harass, belittle and gun down in the streets, even after electing our first white president who is also black. We survived a devastating civil war, though some of us continue to fight it a century and a half later. We survived a president who ran the country according to the sage advice of a secret astrologer. We survived the leadership of a misunderestimated doofus who repeatedly fell off his bicycle and was almost assassinated by a pretzel. Technically, our survival of this last affront is pending. In any event, another mid-term election is upon us like a cloud of ether engulfing an already dazed and intellectually questionable populace. Please get out and vote if for no other reason than the Republican’ts don’t want you to. We now bring you, in its semi-original form, the very first Votegra ad…

Are you having trouble sustaining an election?

Important information about a powerful drug for a serious condition afflicting hundreds of millions of people the world over, even here in Americaland.

You may already be one of the many who need the most remarkable wonder-drug  of all time - VOTEGRA.  Not just for men. Not just for women. Millions of people all over the world are suffering horribly and don't even know it. Millions more simply pretend that everything is just fine. Others are, as we speak, having their right to vote jeopardized by Republican't corporate backers and their pet government operatives desperate to keep non-Republican't voters from exercising the most basic American right. One human, one vote.

You may actually believe you're healthy and happy and ready to vote in every way. Or you may simply be in denial. Don't let another election go by leaving you feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, powerless, useless, out of step, unamerican or just plain stoopid.  The FDA has waived all safety regulations and precautions - and that's almost a stretch for them since there were no huge sums of money offered. This drug is too important to ignore any longer although, given the current anti-vote environment, VOTEGRA may only be available in Canada and Mexico between now and November 4, 2014.

 Are you suffering from Electile Dysfunction?

Can't get into the booth like you used to? Are you voting blanks? Do you wish you could do it more often and make it mean something? Is your chad just hanging there limp and listless? Is your votecount shockingly lower than you ever would have expected? Do you get the feeling your vote is about to be suppressed? Is your once worthless candidate now just a worthless has-been? Does it seem like you’re just standing in an endless line waiting for your chance to pull the old lever again? Would you like to be able to throw a football through a tire?

VOTEGRA won't just help you keep an election for as long as you want. It may even help you prop up a government of your choosing for years on end. You'll be fighting off those corporate whores with a stick if you know what I mean. And why shouldn't you be - you put the pedal to the metal and made your vote count like you haven't been able to do for years. Who's your daddy now? With VOTEGRA your election will be valid every time. No more just worriedly wishing you had an election - VOTEGRA can make you feel like you could get that lever up and down any time you want to. Don't wait any longer - ask your doctor or senator if VOTEGRA is for you.

 

Electile Dysfunction is no joke; we're voting for quality representation for Pete's sake.  You may have Electile Dysfunction and not even know it. Do something about it before it's too late and you end up with a governor who is already under investigation for numerous felonies, or one that is the same size as the state he manages and shuts down major bridges to spite someone who wouldn’t endorse him, or a senator who claims to carry a gun in case the government doesn’t perform to her liking, a congressman who threatened to throw a reporter off a balcony and who thinks YOU are a lazy moocher sponging off the same government off of which he feels absolutely entitled to sponge. Oops, you waited too long, but at least thanks to term limits George W. Bush has been replaced. But nothing not quite as bad lasts forever. Please don't let Electile Dysfunction wreck our lives again.

Possible side effects of not using VOTEGRA include runny candidates, listless legislators, long lines, spoiled votes, butterfly ballots, purged voter rolls, Diebold, depression, another Depression, Citizens United II (corporations are people and people are not), PATRIOT Act IV, armed repression, cranio-rectal syndrome, un-Occupied Wall Street, Ted Cruz, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, short-circuited recounts, Ayn Rand, another Antonin Scalia, another Clarence Thomas, another Supreme Court-appointed president, Armageddon.

If your election lasts longer than four years contact your arms dealer immediately.

VOTEGRA

Fixing Elections since 2005

brought to you by the 99% non-corporation