Word For The Day

Tourorists

August 15, 2021

The Jan 6 Commission is charged with uncovering how and why an otherwise fun-loving group of innocent tourists in Washington, DC ended up storming the Capitol, smashing doors and windows, defiling Nancy Pelosi's office, stealing government property, using the Halls of Congress as public restroom, tasing, gassing and pommeling police officers, and erecting a gallows outside the Capitol, during what, for all the world (with the frightening exception of Donald Turmp's Ratpublican Party) was an attempted violent take-over of the government of the United States of America (Remember them?). Surely, thousands of Turmp's very fine people would not have been stomping around the Capitol chanting "Hang Mike Pence!" for hours had not there already been a gallows coincidentally handy.

“I’m not saying you should hang Mike Pence for betraying me in favor of that

thing they call the Constitution, but it’s something you might want to think

about as you lovingly march to the Capitol and tear it to shreds. I’m not saying

to build a gallows, but as the great Donald Rumsfeld once said, “Free people

are free to do bad things.”

Why were these pleasant, loving tourists armed with everything except firearms? Why were they demonically searching for Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence? Were they just going to ask for directions to the bathroom? Or the gift shop? What a comedy of errors.

No one would have ever thought to accuse Donald Turmp of aiding anyone but himself (and ultimately, his record remains intact). And no one – not even Moscow Mitch McConnell or Kevin McCarthy, both of whom are on the record and can be seen on video – can deny (without lying through their teeth) that Turmp did aid…and abet the brutally insane terrorist tourists who stormed the Capitol in his name, often wearing or waving his name.

Naturally, Turmp and his cultists in Congress are lying their asses off trying to Orwell the January 6 attempted coup into a lovefest of patriotic tourists, hugging police and blowing kisses everywhere they went, even while they were literally shitting all over the Capitol Building. One imagines that out of consideration for others, these harmless tourists sprayed copious amounts of air freshener afterwards.

Though for a less righteous reason, George W. Bush made up the term “enemy combatant” in order to imprison people sans trial, sometimes a new term is required for unusual circumstances. We must coin a new term at this time to capture something unique: Tourorists.

Fun-loving tourorist following Capitol Police instructions on how
to enter the Capitol if the doors are locked, of if you don’t
know there are doors, or if you are mentally disturbed and in a
hurry to get your insurrection…I’m sorry, I meant tourism, on

Tourorists are loving, peaceful, violent visitors, particularly to, let’s say the Capitol Building, who attempt to capture and/or kill any number of senators and congresspeople, and perhaps a vice president or two, in order to show their patriotism by perpetrating a very caring, very fine, violent overthrow of the United States government, because their cult leader claimed he won an election, which he clearly lost. And because, you know, black people. Tourorists have been known to lovingly bludgeon police officers with American flags, as well as baseball bats, and possibly apple pies, in order to cover all the quintessential American icon bases.

Why would anyone think these tourorists were Turmp supporters?

This has been your Paying Attention Word For The Day.