Making America Grating Again

Springtime For Chrump

Not Chrump’s America
December 9, 2015

Chrump sympathizers - The FEW, The LOUD, The MAROONS -
see him as a fuhrer savior

Donald Chrump whose run for the Republican’t nomination will ultimately be known as the Springtime For Hitler of presidential campaigns (for a number of reasons), is not just winging it as the utter inanity and endless bile of his campaign would suggest. To the casual, albeit nauseated observer, it would seem that he is just making this crap up as he goes along. It’s like he’s taking a dump with his mouth. A recently leaked secret recording of Chrump and his top advisor made almost a year ago reveal his implausible strategy:

Chrump: First let me say that I am really rich and I Donald Chrump am grateful to have someone like you on my team. You are the best, the best. And I don’t say that to just anyone. And that is one beautiful wall there and I know a nice wall when I see one. So what I need from you is a plan. I need a plan. I need to create a campaign platform that is so vile, so hateful and so completely divorced from facts and reality…so ME, that nobody would ever support such a candidate for more than about thirty days. I’m thinking that pretty much every word that comes out of my mouth should be a lie. And I am the best liar you will ever meet. Ever. The best. All I’m really after is a month or so of free, non-stop face time with every camera in the country. What’s our plan?

 

Non-Chrumpians can only look on in horror

Chrump: I think I should first insult Mexicans, then I’m thinking POWs should be next – what a bunch of losers. You never saw me get captured. Then I think I should go after women, Muslims, Syrian refugees – I don’t want them in my country - then a good old fashion Jews and money routine – some of my best friends are Jews, but let’s face it all they care about is money – not like me, I like myself much more than I like money. Then probably the Muslims again – they’re very big right now; not as big as me of course, but lots of people love to hate the Muslims these days. I haven’t decided how or when exactly to go after the gays, but that’s a must. There’s just something wrong with those people. What do you think? Did I tell you how great you look today? I really like what’s happening with that whole hair thing you got going on up there. Did I mention that I’m really rich?

Nothing more than an excuse to remind people of the
late, great Dick Shawn, who also made a great Hitler

Chrump: I want to avoid anything resembling actually addressing any issues, it’s just not my thing, except maybe rounding up Muslims in camps or something like that. That stuff goes over really big, really big. You won’t believe how great this will be - I will be doing an excellent job, better than anyone could ever do. Oh, and I want to seem so despicable that even Dick Cheney - the guy who trashed Iraq and pissed off the world’s Muslims more than just about anyone - will say I went too far. I know we can do this. You are the greatest advisor ever. I gotta say it was a great idea of yours to use a full length mirror for this meeting. Work out the details while I go wipe my ass with hundred dollar bills. I am really rich.

 

 

I. Mangrey digging up the dirt so you can keep your hands clean.

Just so I have this straight: Bernie Sanders is too socialist to be president, but Donald Chrump is not too fascist for the job?

And let us not forget, as Trevor Noah reminded us, Donald Chrump constantly fantasizes about having sex with his daughter.
 

Oh, and this appeared in Atlanta for some reason:

 Mad in USA