The Debate at the end of the Universe

The Talking Dreads

Las Vegas
December 16, 2015

The Republican’ts had another debate show, this time in Nevada. The topic was the Republican’t version of security: Who to kill. When and where to kill them. How much to kill them. Who will kill them the best? Here is a partial transcript:

The Opening Act

Santorum, Huckabee, Pataki: Waaaaaaaaahhhh

Graham: I miss George W. Bush. He blowed things up real good. I’m very macho.

 

The Main Event

Chrump: I am the best.

Bush: Are not.

Chrump: Am too.

Cruz: You might be. Please don’t hurt me. I think you are terrific. Now I am just going to filibuster while Wolf keeps telling me my time is up and that I agreed to the rules. I can talk and talk and talk and ignore everything that is going on around me. I think my time in the Senate shows this very clearly. And I’m much smarter than Rubio.

Rubio: Hey how come he gets to talk so much? He said my name that means I get to talk now.

Kasich: I just want to say that I am still in the race. We must take out Assad. “Frankly it’s time we punched the Russians in the nose.”

Bush: No we shouldn’t.

Christie: Should too. And I’m going to shoot down a Russian plane by firing laser beams out of my ass.

Chrump: Are not.

Paul: I think my hair is on fire.

Fiorina: Is not.

Cruz: I wanna kill. Kill. Kill. I want to see blood, and veins in my teeth. “Bomb them until the sand glows.” Whatever the hell that means.

Christie: I will negotiate with dead people. I hate Obama.

Chrump: No you don’t. You hugged him.

Christie: Did not. He got too close and the gravitational pull resulting from my enormous mass caused him to crash into me. I’m like a black hole.

Carson: Gravity is only a theory. The stars are just grain. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Fiorina: I have many new lies to tell. I can make stuff up as well as anyone on this stage.

Rubio: No, it’s my turn to talk. I never get to talk. Who do you think I am? Kasich?

Kasich: Hey, I’m standing right here.

Chrump: I will build a great wall and I will get the Mexican rapists to pay for it. I’m doing great in the polls. Ban the Muslims. I love nukes.

Wolf Blitzer: I would like to thank you gentlemen and Ms. Fiorina – are you still here Carly? Anyway thanks to you all and thanks to our live audience for not killing each other. This has been very informative and let me be the first to congratulate the Democratic candidate, whoever it is.

And now here it is, your moment of liberal media…

Bernie Sanders has no super PAC, no mainstream media coverage, and few chances to publicly debate his opponent(s) thanks to the Democratic party machine. According to recent (and less recent) polls, Sanders does better among Dems than Chrump does against Repubs and there are more registered Dems than Repubs nationwide. Bernie does as well or better than Clinton against the top four Republican’t candidates.

Bernie Sanders is not going away any time soon

I. Mangrey reporting. My brain hurts.