Somewhere Under The Rainbow
December 29, 2015
The Future Is Almost Here
Through no fault of our own here at Paying Attention; the past is catching up with us and the future continues to intrude where it does not belong. Without effort or intent visions of the coming year intrude, demanding to be committed to conscious memory and shared with the unsuspecting. Enter at your own risk.
I. Carnac
January 1, 2016 12:01
am
The
first of the year’s record breaking 1000 mass shootings in America takes place
in Texas. The shooter, identified as Ted Nugent, one-time mediocre guitar
player and pedophile. Nugent, an NRA board member, while comparing liberals to
foaming, rabid dogs added, “...when he foams at the mouth, you shoot him between the eyes. Any questions? You got to do it. America, you got to cleanse this country. No, I’m not talking about shooting anybody.
I’m talking about dealing with an outrageous condition…” Nugent concluded that liberals want everyone
“bending over and taking it in the ass, and can only be thwarted by great
leaders like Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.” After killing 15 and wounding 42
Nugent is appointed governor of Texas.
February 2, 2016
Make-believe Republican’t presidential
candidate Donald Chrump finally drops out of the race after brutally schlonging
himself at a South Carolina event. Chrump, who has grown increasingly unhinged
every day since announcing his candidacy by calling most Mexicans criminals and
rapists, finally goes a step too far, even in the eyes of the media. No, it has
nothing to do with his misogyny, his overt racism or his Islamophobia, or
calling Iowans stupid, or making shit up and claiming it really happened, or mocking
handicapped people, or calling all Jews “good negotiators.” Chrump is so
out-of-control that he attacks himself at one of his own rallies. Everything is
going smoothly as Chrump ratchets up the hate with brilliant one-liners like,
“So why do the blacks love me so much? Because they think I’m Ben Carson with
attitood and a tan and better hair.” Or, “I promise if elected president that,
despite my enormous respect for Putin – he’s a strong leader, I will never
(wink) kill any reporters, even though I hate them. Oh how I hate them.” Or, “I
am so winning this thing I can’t even believe it myself and I will be sending
Barack Hussein Obama back to Kenya where he was born. And I have the documents
to prove it. I’ve had them for years…right next to my beautiful plan to stop
ISIS. I can’t show you right now, they’re in my other hair.” And finally, “Let
me tell you, I don’t get no respect. But let me just say, now this might not be
politically correct, but you know Hillary just doesn’t have the balls to be
president. And I mean that in a good way. And that Sanders, I heard he’s a Jew
or something – I guess he’ll be outspending me. Maybe I can negotiate with
him.”
Finally, something must have snapped, “When I get my hands
on that orange-wigged asshole, I’m going to bomb the shit out of him. I might
even go after his family. I don’t care if that’s not politically correct to say
that, the blacks don’t care if I do, but I’ll take that jerk out and I will
kill his family. Anyone who can’t beat a loser like Ted Cruz in Iowa doesn’t
deserve to live. I’m fired.” Chrump goes on to throw a temper tantrum saying he was treated unfairly and ultimately starts his own party.
Earlier that same day,
Pennsylvania legend and powerful prognosticator in his own right, Punxsutawney
Phil emerges from his winter nap in Chrump’s hair, sees his shadow and runs
back into the tangled mass, signaling another nine months of electoral
insanity. The American public decides it is the smaller rodent who is ultimately
responsible for Chrump’s sudden downfall and celebrate this, in addition to
Groundhog Day for years to come.
An ISIS-influenced
Muslim shoots up the only remaining Texas abortion clinic – invoking ISIS and
Timothy McVeigh – ultimately detonating his explosive vest and demolishing the
building, killing over a dozen workers, women and children. Ted Cruz, rather
than his usual tarring the killer as a radical Islamic terrorist, hails him as
a God fearing patriot who just could not bear to see any more “babies killed by
doctors doing their job. Now these babies can be born to single drug-addicted
moms, young girls who have been blessed with babies thanks to rape or incest or
whatever, and women of all ages who die during childbirth. The fact that this
person was a Muslim is irrelevant. He was just trying to protect innocent life
by brutally murdering doctors performing legal procedures for desperate women,
and those who happened to be anywhere near them. Today more than ever it is
great to be an American. Ted Cruz 2016!”
June 7, 2016
July 20, 2016
July 23, 2016
Chrump is attacked by
an admirer with a fan. A hatless Chrump is almost strangulated when the plasticized strands
attached to his head attempt to subdue the attacker, accidentally dragging the
candidate into a mass of wires and duct tape. Chrump eventually extricates
himself as supporters do nothing but cheer, assuming
this is just part of his juvenile, buffoonish shtick.
Chrump blames the mainstream media and Obama for his hairbrush with death.
this is just part of his juvenile, buffoonish shtick.
Chrump blames the mainstream media and Obama for his hairbrush with death.
Senate majority
leader Mitch McConnell vows again to repeal Obamacare and make Barack Obama a
one-term president. In a highly anticipated statement on the Capitol steps,
McConnell promised, “I will have this president out of the White House at noon
on January 20th next year. And you can bank on that.” McConnell then
withdrew his head back into his shell and rolled down the Capitol steps, never
to be seen again.
October 31, 2016
Supreme Court
justice and professional racist pumpkin Antonin Scalia finally admits that he
has no idea what the Constitution means, has never actually read it and in
fact, “couldn’t give two shits what those idiots were thinking. I am a Supreme
Court justice and the Constitution means what I say it means. Ain’t that right
Clarence?” As Clarence Thomas simply nods in agreement Scalia swallows his own
oversized head and disappears in a large puff of putrid, toxic smoke. Dozens
within the blast zone are treated at a nearby hospital. There are no other
fatalities.
November 1, 2016
After eight long years of torturous campaign-boarding, as a
result of the Republican’ts trying to make Barack Obama a one-term president,
Americans elect write-in candidate Elizabeth Warren. Unable to decide between
authentic progressive, populist candidate Bernie Sanders and authentically-female,
pseudo-progressive candidate Hillary Clinton, and clearly unwilling to elect
Donald Chrump or any other Chrump-like Republican’t opponent, Warren receives
80% of the popular vote. This is enough to win the Electoral College and
override the Supreme Court. In the middle of her second term the public
spontaneously amends the Constitution and elects Warren to four terms as
president.
Or…
Chrump Party nominee Donald Chrump and his running mate -
Gary Busey (after Ted Nugent became
unavailable and Vladimir Putin backed out at the last minute) eke out a
victory, are sworn in, and within 48 hours the United States is sold to China
for One. Billion. Dollars. The country then declares bankruptcy. The best
bankruptcy ever.
December 31, 2016
Amid much screaming and carrying on the year 2015 will end
at midnight on this day. You heard it here first. Take that Mayans.
The New York
Times had this
to say about Paying Attention:
Why does it always say "No Comments" after every post you make, Mr. Mangrey? You've just made a comment, often quite a long comment, as a matter of fact. And after all that, you're just going to cop out with that old phony "No Comment" crap? Get real, will ya?
ReplyDeleteNo Comment.
ReplyDelete