There and Here
January 8, 2016
January 8, 2016
I really hate to bring this up. Nothing would give me more
pleasure than leaving this subject to history’s trash bin where it belongs. Our
great nation, though built on a foundation of genocide, slavery, racism, misogyny,
guns, fear, and guns has worked since its inception on improving much of this.
The genocide of the land’s original inhabitants has slowed tremendously and not
merely because there are hardly any of them left. Our slave labor system has
been thankfully outsourced overseas – with the exception of those poor desperate
souls crawling over our border to work for slave wages and inhuman conditions
right here in America. Women eventually got the right to vote and make two
thirds as much as a man in the same job; someday they might even be allowed to
have control over what they do with their own bodies. I know it sounds crazy,
but a girl’s gotta dream. Many of us are still running around like scared
little mice – afraid of gays, Muslims, black people, brown people, shadows,
science and compromise. We might be scared little mice, but at least we’re
armed to the teeth. And we are willing to shoot before asking any questions
even if it’s our own toddler wandering around the house too late at night.
Oops! Stuff happens. But now a man has emerged from our television sets and
sewage systems to put a halt to all this so called socio-economic progress,
spreading his signature brand Hair-and-Mouth disease like some type of mental
leprosy.
The hair, the mouth, the hot
air
The Art of The Drool
People and pundits continue to say that Chrump is so popular
because he says things no one else will say. There are very good reasons why no
one else will say these things, 1) they tend to be ignorant and hateful, 2)
they show without fail that the candidate has no concept of governance, democracy
or any of the day’s important issues and 3) almost every cubic inch of hot air
escaping from his mouth that is not simply an insult is a bald-faced lie.
Apparently we need more of this in our political discourse.
Mr. Popularity had his goons demand a loyalty oath before
allowing the hoi polloi into his recent pep rally in Vermont. Democracy! Countless
infidels slipped through Chrump’s Wall of Purity and made their presence known
while the candidate was off-gassing. In banishing the heretics out into the
bitter cold Vermont evening, Chrump instructed his thugs to “confiscate (i.e.
steal) their coat”. The media just can’t look away. They love shiny things,
celebrities and tragedy – all great for ratings. Facts and useful information
be damned.
Chrump made his 2008 presidential bid solely on a “Barack
Obama was not born in America and I have proof” platform. His campaign was
exceedingly and mercifully brief. Though the Mythically Coiffed One to this day
has shown absolutely zero evidence to prove his claim. He now says “I don’t
talk about that anymore,” while adding that he may write a “very successful”
book about it in the future. Chrump’s new target for his birther attacks is
rival Republican’t Ted Cruz, who was in actual fact born in Canada and only
renounced his Canadian citizenship in 2014. Unfortunately Cruz is as much a US
citizen as Obama or Chrump.
In other news…
Freedumb Fighters
A bunch of extremely white guys calling
themselves Citizens for Constitutional Freedom, patriot defenders
of a constitution that exists only in their own fevered brains (and possibly
Antonin Scalia’s), remain holed up (except when they go into town to get a bite
to eat) in a federally-owned wildlife sanctuary headquarters in Oregon. One of
the group’s leaders, son of renowned patriot/buffoon/deadbeat Cliven Bundy compared
his completely unhinged and unregulated militia to Rosa Parks, though most
historians insist that Rosa Parks was neither armed, white nor morbidly
ignorant. Bundy’s ragtag file of whiners decided to stand up for people who
have since loudly proclaimed that the Bundy spawn do not speak for them and
should pack up their weapons, their supply of Twinkies and Coors Lite designed
to support their valiant siege, and go away. These brave patriots from La La Land
insist they will not leave until they aren’t there anymore. Did I mention that
these guys are white? One of these brave radical Mormon anti-government terrorists,
Lavoy Fincum is “shown” below:
LaVoy Finicum, strangely enough on his rocker with a shotgun across his lap
News From Earth
California is farting up a storm. Literally.
For almost three months natural gas has been billowing invisibly, but far from
inconsequentially from a well in the San Fernando Valley region of Los Angeles. Governor Jerry Brown
has finally declared a state of emergency. According to CBS News, only 2,200 families have been relocated. Only 2,200 families? Over 6,500
families have applied for help. I don’t know why there’s so much complaining.
The hazardous leak is a full mile away from residential areas. The hole is
belching out the equivalent of 7,000,000 cars every day. By the way, it is
anything but odorless. Nobody knows what caused the rupture. Oh well.
Unfortunately this environmental disaster is problematic for any of you who
happen to live on the planet known as Earth.
Southern California Gas Company, the “responsible” party is installing large mesh screens around the leak site
to try and hinder the oily mist from spraying down on the community. Whew, what
a relief. I guess paper towels don’t work on methane. After only two and
half months, the company is poised to leap into action sometime next week – to
burn off some of the methane. According to SoCal Gas who clearly has no reason
to mislead the public, any meaningful repair is at least two to three months
off. Let me know how that works out.
Mmmmmmm, water
I won’t even get into the year-long poisoning of the water
supply in Flint, Michigan thanks to Republican’t governor Rick Snyder who replaced
the duly elected local government with his hand-picked minions who in turn
decided to find a cheaper albeit browner and more lead-filled source of water
for the good people of Flint. Governor Snyder has made no move to help the
people of Flint obtain potable water now that they cannot use their water for
anything people tend to use water for.
Michael
Moore: “I welcome all to look at the appalling facts of this case, which have
been reported brilliantly here, here, and especially here by the great Rachel Maddow. Thank you, Rachel, for
caring so deeply when the rest of the national television media didn't.”
I. Mangrey reporting. Untarped since 1955.
Mad in USA
No comments:
Post a Comment