word from Ed Venture

The Romney Uncertainty Principle

Science Beat

July 5, 2012

By Ed Venture

Updating yesterday's Science Beat post, a minor breakthrough of sorts has just been leaked by one group of scientists hunting for an actual stable position attributable to Willard Romney.  An anonymous source today disclosed that a researcher in Pennsylvania has discovered what is being described as the Romney Uncertainty Principle. 

The Romney Shuffle, as the new uncertainty principle is affectionately known, is analogous to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics, which states that it is impossible to simultaneously determine both the exact position and momentum of a particle. 

The Romney Uncertainty Principle states that it is impossible to know both the current and future positions Romney has or will have on any issue.  The size of the Romney Uncertainty constant depends on the number of possible positions available on any given issue.  Unlike most constant values in mathematical equations, the Romney Uncertainty Binary Equivalence (RUBE) has an infinite number of values.  Even when there appear to be only two possible positions available both cannot be simultaneously determined at any point in time.  As of yet there is no increment of time too small for the Romney Uncertainty Principle to hold true.  All of the available data points to this conclusion. 

If this proves to be the case, it is unlikely that the years of challenging and nauseating work of Allyson Wundarland, as reported yesterday, will bear even the smallest fruit.  What seemed so promising yesterday may have to go the way of Al Gore’s Social Security Lock Box, Japan’s totally safe nuclear reactors and BP’s spotless record on the environment.  Stay tuned for further developments.